Dating troubles *updated

I have been gearing up to post about relationships for a while. But I needed something juicy to write about. At the same time, I didn’t want to be mean or intrusive to anyone else’s life. Then, I had a talk to one of my friends. He is going to the worst time of his life in his dating life. I honestly wanted to help him and to cheer him up.

I asked if I could blog about it and get some advice from the most brilliant minds (of course, I’m kidding) on the blogosphere. Surprisingly, he said yes. He in fact wanted his name and his blog to be mentioned so that those people who felt sympathetic towards him could mush about in his own blog. But that aside, I suspect that he’s conjuring up devious thoughts and intends to translate the traffic that he would get to become a micro-celebrity like how everyone else (losers like me) is becoming these days. Confused? Check this space tomorrow.

Back to him - Let’s get the facts on the table here. He is a 32 31 year old, sweet looking guy with a trim, but not lithe, body. He’s got a gorgeous smile, wicked sense of humor and a plethora of pop-knowledge to charm anyone in a conversation; someone who would steal the show in a dinner-table conversation. He’s intelligent, educated (ex-Harvard Virginia), successful (believe me honey, all of you must have seen his ideas in the media) and rich (as compared to other losers, again like me). He’s a confident, out of the closet, a celebrity blogger and has readership from at lest 78 countries spread across the globe. All the women who have just woken up the realization of the warm sensation of wetness in their panties, can go to the rest room and change into a fresh one. Sorry gals, this one’s queer.

Amazing resume, is it not? Who wouldn’t want to date this guy? Let me see, women who are into women (Why am I into lesbian bashing these days?) and losers like me who aren’t exactly into young bubbly buns. Even those who have come back to join us after their panties-change, would realize that they can harbor this vulgar desire despite a null chance to consummate their relationship.

So, this Mr. Perfect is finding it hard to find his prey in the dating pool in Mumbai. The people he is attracted to get more attracted to someone else. There is this amazing repetitiveness to this fact. The people who hit on him are generally the kind who belong to the broad category called ‘dumb morons’. Hence, there is no luck on that front as well. Believe me, he has done a lot of real-life hitting on (ie. At parties, treks and picnics) and nothing has led to anything yet. It’s ironic to note that when he came from Bangalore to Mumbai, it was mainly because he thought that Bangalore was such a lousy fuck in general. Mumbai seemed greener and it actually is. Hard luck for him as is evident in his last post on his blog.

So, what do y’all suggest? I suggested online personals and dating near strangers until he stumbled on the one that he’s going to be with for the rest of his life. I know I’m projecting my experience to everyone else’s (hopefully). But I thought it is worth a cheap-shot at least. He is so desperate that he’s planning to move back to Boston by the end of this year if he’s not getting lucky here.

Please pour in with your suggestions, tips and advice to Oprah, Oprah Winfrey show, California Chicago, USA. Also copy it on to the comments section and his blog here.

****UPDATED on Aug 26 at 11.00 pm due to popular request****

Our Mr. Perfect is Vikster (Vikram) and you can get in touch with him through his blog or his e-mail. I have corrected a few errors on the post as well.