A visit

A couple of years back, I was seeing someone. He helped me through my painful breakup with Vinokur. We dated for nearly 6 months, after which he had to leave to pursue his job elsewhere. Well, he was visiting Mumbai as part of a vacation and he was able to find some time to meet up with me.

We met at the airport and the memories started flooding my mind. I brought him home and he took a shower. He dried right in front of me – we were comfortable with each other. After he put on his shorts, I went up to him, we looked into each others eyes, and kissed for a brief second. That was simply beautiful.

Then, we settled in the living room over scotch and beer. We talked about what about our lives – past, present, and future. I even got out my dormant doctor mode to try and help him with some issues that he was facing with his back.

We went out for dinner and then we came back home, talked for some more time. At the stroke of midnight, he left on a Meru Cab to the airport, from where he was flying back to Europe, where he worked.

What an experience! With a former, umm, perhaps a lover! Beautiful.

Wonderful Vinokur

Today, received this beautiful note from Vinokur, my ex-boyfriend. Needless to say, he made me happy like no other man has ever has, or perhaps can.

I think my ex, Kris, who lives in Mumbai, loved me more than any lover I've ever had. In fact, I think he still does. He's a wonderful person and I suspect you'd agree. Although he's a Hindu by birth and was named for Lord Krishna, he's an atheist now. He's a very fine rock musician.

Thank you, Vinokur!

Middle age reality

Is being in your middle age supposed to be like this? It seems to be a time when all you seemingly do in your life is worry, and when everything you do seems like a chore. Those fun things — going to a movie, reading a book, catching up with friends, taking photos and sharing them — everything becomes tasks that you wished you didn’t have to do. Even hobbies — especially if you have made them into an unfulfilling unforgiving profession — aren’t enjoyable.

Probably, it is a phase of life where the amount of hope dwindles, and the amount of expectation, from your friends, society, and you yourself, overwhelms you. In addition, it’s when you tend to make lists of things to do and tasks to accomplish and check a majority of the items off because of lack of time and money. You also would wish to overcome insurmountable barriers because you see others achieving them with ease.

Your life seems stuck at a place which is unpleasant to you, yet not unbearable, and you do things to please others — others who you care for, or who you don’t, who are often at a much happier place in life. You see childish foolish folks around you everywhere you look, who seem to be happy, much too happy for what they deserve, and you wish for a moment as to why you couldn’t be so innocent and naïve.

To add to this, almost everything that you end up doing had to be done because if you don’t, something bad will happen as a consequence to you and to others, who often, almost coincidentally, seem to forget life is not a one way street. Everything seems to be stuck at an unfortunate point in your life, and its easy to find fault every relationship that you have had — be it friend, family, lover, and those with the other people in your head.

Even if I had a time machine, I probably can’t use it to good effect — I hate my past, I dislike my present, and I’m scared about my future.

Love Pact

Two people in love like no other
Must realize that not much further
They will fall out of love for each other
That's no shame, it's quite natural

To ease the pain, my fellow lovers
Won't you listen to me, and consider
To make a pact, preamble, for each other
For when there ain't love, for the other

Put it down, when you still love each other
Your words will be kind and gentle, no bother
A play, a poem, some prose, oh whatever
To try and make it last forever

And act it out, without each other
When you have time sans the other
Because all that matters are the words, my lovers
And I know you love each other, like no other