What does one do?

What does one do when the phrase "Happy New Year" sounds even more ludicrous than it has ever sounded? What does one do when despite being convinced about the sheer pointlessness of celebrating the turn of the year, one happens to have memories associated with the event that are attributed to the associated holidays, which coincide with vacations, and the relatively pleasant weather in the subtropical Northern Hemisphere at that time? What does one do when these memories are laced with people who once used to make sense to you—or that it made sense for you to inhabit the same space with them at some time in the past—who still want to make more sense with you when you are absolutely convinced that the sense that they made was more nonsense than anything else? What does one do when those people interact with you while being immersed in the sense of well-being that this phenomenon tends to bring about while one is bereft of such feelings? How does one stop being disappointed and stop disappointing others in these communications? What does one do when ever communication that you engage with is so loaded with the feeling how you fake it feels when reacting with a sense of political correctness and social righteousness? What does one do when, after spending the evening doing something that one thinks they ought to be good at, one is convinced that they aren't really good at what they think they are good at? What does one everything they look at or think about is loaded with memories of feeling of ineptitude and lack of self-worth?
I guess one thinks about make one's loved ones sit at a table and ask leave from them for life—to disappear somewhere and start over.

New Year's Eve party

I was in two minds to attend a New Year’s Eve party. I didn’t want to go to the crowded nonsensical GB party and I didn’t have a date to hang out with. Voila, one of my dear friends (who is also a hot Daddy) gives me a ring and invites me over to a BYOB house party. His apartment is very close to where I live and he had promised me that there will be a lot of Daddies out there. He even ensured that I will have a blind date.

So, with all this high expectation, I went to this party dressed up in a tight fitting beige pants (that my friend Shruta gifted me) and the Bodies exhibition T-shirt (that Vinokur had gifted me). I also sprayed myself with the new perfume that the Frenchman had brought. I brought whiskey with me to the party.

At the party, I met friends and past fuck-buddies, some of them I was very surprised to run into. This included the sculptor and the weird older friend that I have who has many “boyfriends.” The guest included LGBT heavy weights such as Ashok Row Kavi, Sridhar Rangayan, and Vivek Anand (Humsafar Trust). The blind date was charming as well and it was a pleasure be with him all throughout the party.

I made it a point to not get too drunk. That helped me enjoy the party better! All in all, a fabulous jump into the new decade!

Happy New Decade everyone!