Jun 13, 2018
Until about 6 years ago, around the time I met J, this blog used to be where I opened my heart out, and let loose all the shit that my brain came up with. I'm not suggesting that the outlet that I had on this blog has somehow been replaced by a man. No, not at all. Yet, I admit that we do have strange conversations. But that's not why I stopped writing here.
Life became packed. Dating someone within the same geographical boundaries means that your social life kinda doubles. Plus music. Gigs, rehearsals, gigs, and more. Plus, ever heard of social media and podcasts?
Yet, a few years ago, when I was visiting my parents in Thiruvananthapuram, I scratched that itch to write again. Write blogs, that is. I had just started exploring Tumblr and I thought, Why not? Tumblr had a nice app which you could easily draft posts in. It was more intuitive for sharing images/gifs. Why not, indeed? That's how Neverlast was born.
Strangely enough [with three heaped scoops of irony], Tumblr became my desirable source of erotica. Anyway, Tumblr, for some fucking reason, does not let you have multiple user accounts on the app. That was a huge dampner to my blogging efforts. Since then, I have linked my Instagram to Tumblr, and Neverlast gets all my instas, yo.
Coming to the point -- I'm back with my parents. Some slight changes, though. They are in Chennai. My father is in his deathbed. My mother has become even more complaining and talkative than she was before. I'm here helping my sister out to manage my parents. I'm somehow able to meaningfully communicate and spend time with a child (my niece)! But I have become even more averse to talking on the phone to other people (like J) and share what craziness I'm going through.
This means that all day I go through an exquisitely frustrating ordeal of managing chaos, noise, interruptions, while attempting to work from home. This is indeed no fun. I get my shit together once my Mom goes to bed around 10 pm. And today, I have work to finish. So I took a shower to rinse myself off all the frustration. And in the shower, I thought - Why not, indeed?
So I am going to try and microblog on Neverlast once more. You are welcome to check it out.
May 10, 2018
|Blu and I, a week after she was rescued from the mean streets of Colaba.|
Jul 21, 2017
I have been fighting depression for well over a decade and I have had personal and professional setbacks because of it. There have been many a times when I have felt like giving up. But I'm still here fighting, not just for myself but for others in my life who have stood by me.
I have been fortunate to have had the right people and the right intervention at the right stages. These include complex pharmacological interventions, lifestyle modifications, cognitive therapy, behavioral therapy, and self-education. It took a lot of time building courage to accept myself, to share my burden with others, and to eventually sensitize others about mental illnesses. My battles have also given me strength to support others waging theirs, and it is this that now motivates me to carry on fighting my own.
At times such as this when the whole world is in shock and mourning after losing their idols, the best way to grieve is perhaps to simply look around you and accept, acknowledge, and support those fighting mental illnesses without ostracizing them.
May 8, 2017
Feb 25, 2017
Almost three decades ago, my dad, who's a semi-professional mridangam player, gave me some lessons in mridangam, hoping that I would take it up as an instrument. I wasn't particularly interested in mridangam or Carnatic classical then and did not persist with it. Instead, I started tinkering with the Indian flute (inspired partly by my uncle, who wasa professional flautist) because I was more interested in popular music
Two decades ago, I picked up the guitar after being coaxed into it by my sister Vidhya Venkitachalam. Around then, I started jamming with my friend Sumit Pillai on drums, also picking up basic drumming concepts. After a couple of years with the guitar, I bought myself my first bass, starting my journey as a bass player. I have weilded the bass in most gigs since then, but I also have had some opportunities to perform at gigs on the guitar, shakers, and drums.
In the last few months, however, I have had the opportunity of re-exploring my "percussive" side, with several full-length gigs as a cajon/percussion player. I can't believe the kind of fun I have had doing that. Ironically enough, my cajon technique is rather similar to what my dad taught me for my mridangam (especially right hand), and I'm able to generate a rather unique snare sound with this technique. Talk about completing a circle!
At this time, I would like to thank the following people for inspiring/encouraging/helping/supporting me in various stages of my journey as a musician, especially in the context of cajon/percussion playing.
Thank you! <3
- Aarifah Eve Rebello (for letting me "shake" at random gigs)
- Abhishek Dasgupta (for pushing me at improving myself as a musician)
- Anurag Mishra (for encouraging me at gigs)
- Jairaj Joshi (for introducing me to the cajon)
- Pritesh Prabhune (for inspiring me and helping me with concepts and tech)
- Reinhardt Dias (for inspiring me)
- Rohit Chabria (for gig opportunities and letting me use your cajon)
- Roma Kunde (for constantly supporting and encouraging me)
- Shaival Chatwani (for encouraging me)
- Sharanya Natrajan (for gig opportunities and supporting and encouraging me)
- Sumit Pillai (for all the years of jamming)
- Teemeer Chimulkar (for gig opportunities, trusting in me, and supporting/encouraging me)
- Varun Sood (for inspiring me, teaching me, and helping me bounce off ideas)
- Vidhya Venkitachalam (for pushing me to take up guitar)
- Vigneshkumar Venkatraman (for such an incredibly positive attitude and inspiring me)
- Vijayalakshmy Venkitachalam (for marrying my Dad?)
- Vishal Mallu (for inspiring me and lending the cajon)
Sep 22, 2016
(*Edit: Since I published the post, my friend and I had a conversation. She thought that despite the sad story, this was a a good example of unconditional love by an animal, which I would related to because I'm a cat lover; of course, her intent was not to make me feel bad or to trigger traumatic memories. This conversation happened on the book club group chat, and one other member pointed out the perils of feel-good stories: "Always missing the point that not everybody reacts to the same to a scenario." A very valid point, I think.)
Sorry for the essay response, but I had to.
I don't know if you know this, but I have been at the wrong end of cats being mauled. In Kerala, I have always had cats/kittens with me. Some of my dearest cats have died grueling deaths thanks to packs of dogs mauling them. I would be woken up in the middle of a rainy night just to hear the last part of the fight, and I would be so bitter and upset with myself of not having been there to help them. The next day morning, I would have to find their bodies and bury them. Happened to me at least thrice, and I have always had a problem trying to get over this.
In fact last year, there were a couple of nights when I couldn't sleep because I thought Spock (image below; Spock with KiKi), who was a kitten then, was getting mauled by dogs (or other cats) and I have been out searching for him late in the night, after apparently hearing sounds of a cat in distress (which others didn't hear). I eventually found only his mom and his litter mates and would come home and be on the verge of a panic attack and would have had trouble falling asleep. None of the others would "get" my feelings/panic. J would realize that there was something that had triggered me like very few other things do, but was unable to exactly understand the gravity of the situation.
Both of these Spock nights had a happy ending (so to speak) because I would leap out of my bed at dawn and go out to search for him, and I would find him safe and happy somewhere. However, these did trigger a few of my older (PTSD-triggering memories) and have been the focus of a couple of my therapy sessions.
About cats dying in my arms -- yes, I have had a couple of such experiences as well. They were not directly due to mauling, but because of infections because of mauling or abuse. Those are such strong memories, and I think, just like how this story describes it, are life changing.
Unlike the author in the story, I have never really gotten over these in a positive way. What this has made me is to be fiercely protective of the people/animals that I love, which sort of manifests in me being extremely aggressive toward people to mistreat animals. At least people who were at the table at the last Annual Meeting party would remember how I was about to pick a fight with a waiter because he was trying to shoo away a cat that was rubbing up against us under our tables.
In conclusion, I don't know why you specifically tagged me, but it made me revisit a strong/painful series of memories. But it hasn't evoked a panic response yet. So I guess it's all right. :)
Feb 20, 2016
I want to take this opportunity to discuss and raise awareness regarding a grave social issue traumatizing millions of people on a daily basis, both in real life and social media. It is called pop-culture bullying.
Fans/followers of any particular pop-culture phenomenon (hereinafter referred to as superiors) look down on people who haven't had the chance to experience the said phenomenon or those who couldn't care less about such phenomena in general (hereinafter teetered to as losers). In fact, it has been scientifically proven that such superiors make judgements about losers as intellectually barren, worthless souls within moments of encountering them. In addition, the superiors form the me/us vs. they social delineations faster than the well-established biological norm of 180 milliseconds of coming in contact with perceived threats.
One striking aspect of this bullying is that the superiors of one pop-culture phenomenon can be losers of another. This, of course, holds true for losers as well. Previous research findings indicate that the superior:loser ratio for phenomena is generally 1:10,000. Studies also indicate that ratio of the phenomena in which individuals consider themselves as superiors to those in which they are considered as losers by others is approximately 1:10,000. The similarity in the ratios is so uncanny that some researchers have claimed that it may be universal constant similar to the speed of light. Further research is required to confirm/deny this claim.
Readers may identify as victims (losers) for several phenomena without having a friggin' clue about them being the culprits (superiors) in the few phenomena that tickle their brains. It is needless to reiterate that the several million losers (like you) need need support from other losers (like you) to resist the superiors in the respective phenomena. Superiors, on the other hand, must come to grip with the fact that what they consider themselves as superior in is just another pointless, annoying side effect of human evolution, which has resulted in the constant, demotivating struggle that humans have to be in with their relatively primitive bodies/brains.
In conclusion, it may me useful to remember that you are a loser in more aspects that you can possibly comprehend and that losers like you need support from other like-minded losers. Because you are always more of a loser than a superior, all self-identifying superiors need to chill and reflect on how much of a loser they really are on phenomena that they don't have a friggin' clue about.
Be supportive of losers because in all likelihood you are an equally big or bigger loser.