Six Months

It's been a long six months. Six months since the last time I wrote here. Six months since I thought things had changed. They indeed have. The world is not what it used to be. I'm not what I used to be.

COVID-19 is here to stay. It has changed the world. It's been almost four months since lock-down was first imposed in India and in Mumbai. We are still working from home. Possibly forever in some way or the other. Walking around without a mask, commuting for leisure, going to the movies, performing and watching live music, dining out, and vacations/travel all seem so unattainable. Maybe we'll never go back to how things used to be. I don't think my plans to pursue higher education will ever materialize. I don't think I will be able to move out of Mumbai/India.

J has stayed over at my place most of these four months of lock-down. It started as a regular weekend stay over at my place. Then came the lock-downs. Initially, we both struggled to come to grip with sharing spaces with someone else, with both having lived by ourselves alone most of our adult lives. It took a while for us to settle into a routine. The routine itself was fun, sans the arguments and stress. We watched a lot of good stuff, the best among which was the sensational TV drama The Wire. He had so many wonderful meals. On most days, we had tea on the balcony with the backdrop of a cleaner, quieter, and greener Mumbai. During these months, J did help me put together a lot of things that have improved my workflow, both for editing/writing related work and for music.

Work-from-home just means more actual work hours than ever before. At work, I'm working on creating a course for junior editors. This means that I never feel I have done enough. This coupled with the fact that I am trying to put in a solid 3 to 4 hours of music or related work most days and have almost 2 hours of cleaning housekeeping to do every day, I am sleeping less and I'm more stressed and wound up than I have ever been before. Maybe it is the stress of having lived together with someone for so long after so long. No matter how much ever I seem to be doing better, I just seem to get more an more unhappy and unsatisfied with what I do. As my friend put it, I will never ever be happy. I'll always figure out more things to worry about and feel unhappy about.

I got back to some of the Berklee courses for music production that I have been meaning to finish. I have also invested in some good quality gear for my home studio. Finally, I am learning more (from better quality sources) regarding music writing and production. All of this means that I am writing better music than ever, and I'm getting better at production and mixing. Hell, I'm even getting better at singing. And yet there is no certainty in when I'll be able to release the music that I have been writing. Just before lock-down, things looked promising. My close friends who I write and perform with for a project had finalized on a producer/engineer, who was excited to be working with us. We were expecting to cut several EPs starting in May 2020. Considering the way things have turned out, nothing is certain. Maybe this is how things will be. Or maybe I need to figure out getting even better and release some music of my own. All-in-one and DIY.

It's been over a year since my Mom passed. Two years since my father did. I thought their passing would make things more straightforward in a very selfish kinda way. I won't have to worry about them falling ill or needing to reschedule things to be with them. That sounds so wrong, and yet so right. Even though I winced while I typed this in, I long for a clear path (the home run) to my immediate goals, and I thought not having the added responsibility of taking care of my ailing parents would make things easier. It might have but I don't feel it one bit. Life seems to be more challenging than it has ever been.

My sister started writing for fun. Not a book or a blog, but simply writing to express herself. It started with a piece that she was expected to write for a college reunion. She did the drafting and I did a substantive edit on it. It was fun for me to read her thoughts expressed in the way that only she could, especially because they were vivid memories from my childhood and adolescence back in Kerala. These days, I don't get to talk to her much, and the occasional communications that we have are around these micro-journal entries that she shares with me, often in Malayalam.

I have been working on text generated by two of my travel mates and close friends. Blummer is writing an autobiography, and the couple of chapters that I have had the pleasure to read were such windows to his remarkable life! Mickles3 has sought my help in putting together a chapter for a scholarly publication. Both of these, along with the experience that I had with my sister, make me want to start writing again. Maybe I need to aim higher than a blog. Maybe a book or two? Maybe.

Along with that...

• I have fallen in love with fountain pens all over again.
• I feel inspired to write Bowie/Depeche Mode type music.
• Blu(menthal) is just gorgeous but is an arsheole.
• I'm not young anymore.
• I want my sister/friends to know that I want a do-not-resuscitate order if I get severe COVID-19.
• I want to read books, but where do I find time?

Random Updates: 21st of Jan

Here's another set of random updates about the who's who in my life

• Vinokur: He and I are still keeping in touch as the best friends. Like me, he is searching for love, but in Manhattan. His profile picture and the text (that I kinda wrote for him) is getting him a lot of attention, quite deservedly so. But he has not yet found anyone substantial enough to go out for a date. Health-wise, he is doing much much better. The tremors are going down, the sparkle is back in the eye and the agility of the mind is as good as it has ever been! (Love ya, Vinokur!)
  
• My Sister: She's going on well with the prospect of relocating to the US because of her hubby's job situation. Funny, because the US is worst affected by recession and the job scene is very bad there. Ironically, she's going to go away from India and finally going to find some freedom in the US. I'm so relieved and happy for her. Long live recession!
  Ray: He's getting busy with his wedding plans amongst other things. I had a brief rendezvous with him on my way home. As usual, I found myself talking more than I listen. I'm very happy for him that he has found someone who he will be happy with. The only major worry for me is that I might not be able to take leave and be there with him for his wedding in late March!
• May: She's very busy with her stint as a resident in hematology. I hope she decides to take this up as the subject of her specialization. On the downside, her Dad is not doing all that well with Chronic Renal Failure. I felt that I need to visit him and her wonderful Mom someday when I have the time and money. I wish to offer her and her family support in whichever way that I possibly can.
• Chuck: He is busy practicing his Orthopaedic surgical skills at a hospital in the northern wilderness of Kerala. There is a slight possibility that his family, his brother actually, might be interested in buying the house that I grew up in, thus supplementing the fast-depleted bank accounts of my Mom and Dad. If not them, someone else - it has to happen soon. I don't want my Mom and Dad to suffer from shortage of funds at this stage in their lives.
• Noise Market: I haven't blogged anything about us recently, have I? Well, that's because there is nothing happening other than the dreary monotony of the promises from the record label with the never-ending series of dates on which they will pay the studio, us etc. We have finally agreed on an addendum to the contract - thanks to couple of lawyer friends that I stumbled on through this blog/internet! I hope things will soon start to happen - even if they do, I'll be starting my job next month!
• Mr. Bach: He's back in the Snakes spending depressing days in the cold and harsh winter. He's planning a return trip to India soon.

Random updates

• Songs: I'm almost done with the five songs! Just a few hours of work and I'll be through! The last two songs are the electric version of 'Freezing Flames' and the re-recording of one of my old songs 'Living Your Dream'. I'm sure at least the latter is worth waiting for!
  
• Studies: Obviously, they been affected by the recordings. But it's getting over and I'm glad! Now, I can read almost the entire day except for practice. That should relieve at least a few of the blog readers including my sister.
  
• Ray: My (gay/bi) friend Ray was planning to get married to a woman, if you remember. I have consciously not bothered to talk to him about the matter in the last weeks. Seems no further plans have been drawn. Instead, he is kinda looking forward to meeting up with new people for a platonic sexual relationship.
  
• May: She is making me proud by already getting one of her research papers published in a medical journal. I still remember that it was one of her dreams to publish as many research papers as she could. I'm so happy for her!
  
• Vinokur: He is giving me the scares again by getting oversedated frequently. Twice in the last three days he's been so sedated that he reminded me of the time he was in Mumbai. After a day of heavy scolding coaxing, I have convinced him to talk to his shrink and get his sedatives tapered down.
  
• Record Label: It seems that they are going down with Lehmann Brothers, Merryl Lynch etc. Their promised dates of paying us the money were for this month were the 15th and the 24th. I have lost all trust in them! No hopes on ever getting paid! :(

Pinching myself

It's almost dawn here in India. It is the 'latest' I've ever been up to do anything like this for a long long time. I realized it when Vinokur said that it's time for him to go to bed. Anyway, since it is such an ungainly hour to write & edit some of the detailed posts that are in the pipe line, I'd like to keep my post short and sweet.

I've been totally bewildered by the responses that I got for the Vinokur photograph post. Thank you. I and Vinokur both feel honored and privileged to be the subject of adulation and adoration. This unreasonable increase in viewership has also manifested in this.

Engayging Life has been declared the best General blog and the best overall blog at a blog-review site called Linq.in. I have no clue as to how this might have happened. My nefarious self suspected a big hoax and needed a virtual 'pinch' (refer to this link) to confirm this.

This winds up an incredible day for me; a day in which I saw my own life on the silver screen in the movie Rock On, in which I got a few positive responses to my latest song, in which we got confirmation of a full night slot at the Hard Rock Cafe in Mumbai, in which we were given new hopes by the record label, in which I spent a wonderful night with my friends over wine. I'll post about all these shortly after I catch up on some well deserved snooze. Love ya 'll!

Random updates

• What are the odds of a 28 year old graduate getting malnourished in a metropolis? Not too high. But the scary fact is that I might very well be. It has been over a week since I had some ‘sabji’. I have been eating dosas, noodles, home-made rice soup and coffee. And in this period, I have had two eggs, a piece of chicken and half a carton of milk. No wonder, why I felt rather tired and giddy yesterday at the gig.
• 
  AV’s insomnia is worsening. The sedatives that were prescribed to him have seemingly lost their effect and he was prescribed a new medication. This time it’s an antidepressant, one which is not regularly prescribed for inducing sleep. Naturally, I’m worried to death. Nowadays, he spends almost 20 hours of day in bed. The other four is the time he spends with me. I’m trying to make him do something by asking my friends to ask him out. And guess what, he says ‘no’ to every such invites!
• 
  They say adversity is the most inspiring stimulus for an artist. It surely does seem to be for me. In the last week or so, I have been able to construct a few chord progressions and melodies. It came at the right time for me as I was really wondering if I had lost the art altogether. The only problem that is left is that I should try and write a few lines for these tunes. I really suck at poetry.
• 
  My good friend May committed something sinful last week. She had this crush on this rather successful, geeky guy from the states. She had stumbled on to him on his Facebook profile. Since then both of them had been chatting and exchanging messages occasionally. Without even thinking twice, she put across the question ‘Are you interested in me for a relationship’ clothed in a not-so-elaborate conversation across text chat. The guy, understandably so, was a little confused and conveyed that he didn’t think so. She’s sad. Oh I wish she had waited and played along the rules. What do you guys think? I say you should never propose over text-chat!

Random updates

I do realize that the frequency of updates of my blog per day are sometimes more than the number of times Britney Spears checks in and out of rehab per week. I also know that it isn't funny. The Britney Spears part at least. Come on, she's also a human being. We can't make her the butt of jokes always. Only on select occasions like this scene when Leonidus kicks her into the Spartan Pit of Death. That is funny! Digression over.

To save me the blushes of having to post posts (1 , 2) about posts, I have added a new widget titled (as cornily as ever) 'Recently Engayged'. Geez, I do hope you don't get tired of my sleazy word play. Digression over.

The actual Random Updates:

• My fellow band mates have done some tweaking of the template etc for the Noise Market blog. I would like my esteemed blog audience to take a look there, and post comments about updates here. Honestly, I didn't like it. And I want to make sure that I'm not the only weirded out one. Be candid please.
  
  
• For those who want to check out some more pictures of the Queer Azaadi pride march last Saturday in Mumbai Check out these - Albums 1, 2 and 3. If there are generous souls out there, please spread the message around.
  
  
• My girlfriend May recently joined one of the most reputed hospitals in India as a resident of Clinical Haematology. It is really cool. It was her ambition for a long time. But the really cool part isn't that. She gets Wi-Fi all around the campus. Yesterday I saw her Facebooking and G-chatting while she sat at the OPD. After she finished her patients that is. Ain't that cute?
  
  
• I managed to detect the onset of attraction towards another man and nipped it right in the bud. Yes fellows, that's how it is done. I confessed both to this new guy from Bangalore and Vinokur yesterday and all have agreed to keep things in check. The actual culprit is a photograph on his Facebook profile which triggered the feeling. And this is what he said "Thankfully, we are both bottoms! And far enough from each other to keep it platonic!" In another message, he added "Am into hard core stuff. So you are pretty safe!"
  
  
• Yesterday night, was a bloody homicide in my apartment. Well, maybe not technically. It happened while I was sleeping. The blood is splattered all over the floor. I didn't call the police. Instead, I picked the corpse up, put it in a plastic bag and dumped it. Nice and easy. Totally professional. Now, I'm mopping the stains up. :)
  
  
• For those who actually started shaking in dread, the rat's dead.

Updates

I've been blogging rather helter-skelter in the last few hours... filling up the voids left behind due to business and tiredness. Since I posted them in their chronological order, it might be difficult for you to find the stream (especially if you are using a reader) of posts. Ergo, I've compiled the list of updates here. :)

• Aug 18 - The Trans-atlantic wave of depression
  
• Aug 18 - Cross-linking
  
• Aug 17 - Rat-a-hatee
  
• Aug 17 - Brilliante Blog Award - winner
  
• Aug 16 - The gig report
  
• Aug 16 - The Queer Azadi pride - a report
  
• Aug 16 - The aftermath
• Aug 16 - Two polls : the results