"I’ve outlived my dick" - A Poem - by Willie Nelson

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Worrying about Hurricane Irene

I don’t know why I worry so much. Currently, as Hurricane Irene is sweeping the upper East Coast of the US, I have many friends to worry about. Vinokur, Rob, Dom, Joe – all are in the striking zone of the hurricane. Vinokur and Rob are in Grade C evacuation zones in the NYC, while Dom isn’t.

I hope they all remain safe and the hurricane doesn’t disrupt their lives.

Tailspin

It started out with two conversations yesterday. One with someone I love and another with someone I’m supposed to love. Both tread over my mental minefield seemingly without a care. Whiplashes and big gashes. I was hurt and suddenly had lost faith in everything.

It was plain obvious – no smile, no spark, no positivity. Some I know from far far away tried to pick me up and make me feel better. He succeeded marginally. But what really helped was a a few of hours of sleep, albeit light, in the background of some eclectic music (loud).

I woke up early, almost having forgotten what had happened the previous night. I managed to make a lot of out the precious early morning. Then, went to work. The entire day was exceptionally productive. And on my way back, I tweeted – “ Time to give an extremely productive day an ending that it deserves. Don't you dare to spoil it now!”

No sooner had I reached home, there was an e-mail waiting for me – which broke me down completely. Then there was someone else on Skype who did his bit. And finally, I went to the chat room that I hang out usually, where I received some scathing comments under the pretext of humor. I ran out of the room scared.

I have never felt worse all year. Is this another episode of clinical depression that has been otherwise well managed by my medications? Only time will tell.

The Very Thought Of You

 

A hunk of an Italian-American, on whom I have a big crush on, sent me these lyrics of a Billie Holiday song “The Very Thought Of You” a few minutes before. I am overwhelmed. <3

The very thought of you and I forget to do
The little ordinary things that everyone ought to do
I'm living in a kind of daydream
I'm happy as a king
And foolish though it may seem
To me that's everything

The mere idea of you, the longing here for you
You'll never know how slow the moments go till I'm near to you
I see your face in every flower
Your eyes in stars above
It's just the thought of you
The very thought of you, my love

<instrumental interlude>

The mere idea of you, the longing here for you
You'll never know how slow the moments go till I'm near to you
I see your face in every flower
Your eyes in stars above
It's just the thought of you
The very thought of you, my love