COVID and Severe Depression

I have heard a lot many people talk about their experiences with COVID. Now that I have had it for about 10 days, I find myself in the same boat. I don’t feel like how I feel with my usual flu/viral infection.

I feel drained. My nose isn’t blocked but I still feel like it is. Nothing wrong with my throat, which is very unlike the usual. I’m triple-vaccinated. I have been extremely careful.

I must have contracted it at a gig where I think I was the only individual masking and/or attempting social distancing. Imagine that.

I had a tough evening yesterday. I thought I made my worst meal ever. Partially thanks to the partial impairments of my olfactory and gustatory systems.

The noise from the Ganpati processions (if you are not sure about what this means, read this) was loud well past midnight and I failed to catch my first wave of sleep. I tried to watch boring TV shows (Star Trek: The Original Show and the Big Bang Theory) but I couldn’t. Ended up watching an episode of Mr. Robot.

So I woke up shitty. Felt like calling in sick. Instead, I’m trying to motor on. Don’t have too many sick leaves.

I tried to fix an issue with a door handle by myself. Failed at it as well. Eventually, called a carpenter in.

All of this made me want to read something else with my morning coffee. So I started (maybe restarted) Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by Dr. David Burns. Been meaning to read it since my therapist brought it up several years ago.

Took the Burn’s Depression Checklist. And I got 74 (out of 100). That means I have Severe Depression. I’m just 1 point shy of Extreme Depression.

Wow.

But I guess that’s how I have been feeling. Burns talks about a score of 5 or less being normal.

Uncertainties and Inconsistencies

Crossroads everywhere. Career, music, life.

It’s been yet another break. Months have passed and I have been stuck in my shell. Been working on things, as usual, but nothing to showcase.

I am a content creator. I was. Maybe I’m trying to be once again. Content creators are expected to be consistent in content generation and publishing.

At the top of every week, I make a list of things to focus on. I write “Write” and “Blog” like clockwork.

It’s been tough to admit defeat at the end of every week. Like many, I don’t like admitting defeat.

I learned some coding but it has already become just another thing for which I can beat myself up.

Also I finally had COVID. Mild to moderate symptoms. It has been a different experience, and I probably contracted it at a packed gig.

I had one of the most incredible experiences playing at that gig. I have been taking vocal lessons and I have been singing better than ever. Yet I have never felt closer to giving up on music.

Remember my decision to not be active on social media? The thing that musicians and content creators need to be good at to be successful. I continue to not be sensible.

Read a bunch of books. Watched a bunch of shows. I guess that’s what is occupying more of my time.

One TV show reference worth mentioning. Best Quality Vacuum. And I guess I want to pick up and say

“I need a dust filter for a Hoover Max extract pressure pro model 60. Can you help me with that?”