A fantastic weekend

I have been keeping this from all of you guys. Four weeks back, I met a wonderful guy (guess what, another American!) who lives not too far from Mumbai. Again, it was on SilverDaddies.com chat room #1. Our daily routine since then has been a good conversation on Skype over scotch/beer (for me) and martini/wine (for him) in the evening.

To take it to the next step, Bill and I decided to meet up. Bill came over for the weekend. To celebrate the occasion, and also to learn as much as I can from a liquor aficionado, I replenished my modest liquor cabinet at home – with cognac, gin, vermouth, champagne, and blended scotch. I even bought some martini glasses and champagne flutes.

So, over the two days and nights, we got to know about each other much more intimately than we had been able to. Plus, we were able to enjoy alcohol and Mumbai life just the way they are supposed to be enjoyed. As with Joe, the sleeping arrangement was inadequate, but Bill was able to adjust.

Bill is a compulsory home maker – by that, I mean that he loves interior decoration. It was no surprise when he commented on the fact that my apartment can only be done if we buy everything new from scratch and put some paint on my walls. But again, it’s not MY apartment – I rent it. Plus, I plan to move out next year. Maybe Bill will be able to decorate my new apartment. Who knows?

Single again

Last week, I posted about getting signals from a friend of mine that he wanted to be in a relationship with me. That turned out to be a false alarm after all. Today we talked on Skype and we have come to the conclusion that it's not going to work out because of some major issues.

But we'll remain friends!

So, I'm single again. I don't know if I should be happy or not.

State of Affairs

Am I in a relationship? I would like to consider so. He is far far away and has a busy life. The maximum I can hope is to meet him twice a year when he visits India. But the crux of the matter is this - the kind of feelings that I have for him have not been reciprocated. Neither do I know if they ever will be.

These are the facts. I know for a fact that he’s not into me as I’m into him. I, actually, am almost in love with him, but I’m trying to keep my feelings in check. From what I can make out, I don’t think he has the skills/desire to keep the fire of a long-distance relationship raging on.

We talk to each other regularly – almost on all days. This is by phone – yes, long-distance calls on international calling cards. Our conversations are usually brief and we never get to a point where it gets nice and cozy. I hardly see him on Skype or Yahoo, and when I do, he is usually busy doing some chore or the other. It almost seems as if he doesn’t have time for me.

What do I feel? I feel a tad disappointed. Yet, I realize that I cannot force him to change - to propel his feelings to another level. At the same time, I feel extremely attracted to him and I think that he’s worth the bill. I would like to try to take this as far as I can and put in as much effort as possible. And I hope that we will reach a place where we can both feel happy about each other.

Of course, he will read this post some day or the other. When he does, I want to make it clear to him that this is not emotional blackmail. It’s just an honest assessment of the state of affairs.

Much like a cuckoo

The morning went to plan
Until I get a call from him
Was he changing his plan?
Was it just me, or was it him?

I call him, my heart's in my mouth
Unfortunately, it's not a clear line
I hear his voice, he asks
'Is everything going to plan?'

I breathe a sigh of relief
I told him everything's just fine
I need to have more self-belief
Just to be myself, I'm fine

The morning went well,
The afternoon did too,
When the evening came, well
I was much like a cuckoo

The workday went a little too busy
My workmates were all happy for me
All of the wished me the very best
They wanted to see me happy, after all

At the very end of the day
My boss called me in the cabin
We discussed something important
And we shook hands and parted with a smile

It is my first vacation from work
In two years and a little more
I went back to my desk thinking about it
And my heart was back in my mouth

The morning went well,
The afternoon did too,
When the evening came, well
I was much like a cuckoo

More men from SilverDaddies.com

This is getting repetitive. I have written so many times about meeting fascinating men from SilverDaddies.com. It just doesn’t stop. About three weeks or so back, I got a message from this wonderful man who’s originally from Portugal and currently resides in the United States. We started exchanging e-mails, which primarily consisted of short snippets of conversations ranging from politics to humor, and from flirtations to serious conversation.

I have always believed that you could see the quality of the man through the words that he writes, and this is the perfect case. I had a Skype conversation with him – crazy, hilarious, intelligent, funny, erotic – all at the same time. He’s raging hot (just by the looks) and he’s even hotter on an intelligent conversation/mental level. Such people are so hard to find in Mumbai, I tell you.

Another case – three days back, I met another wonderful man from the US. He’s from Hollywood and works in the movie industry. He is also a musician and has indulged in various projects that included the creation of famous bands such as the Black Eyed Peas. He has led a 100-voice choir which toured Europe during the Berlin Wall demolition. Now, the circumstances in Egypt has led him to reconsider re-releasing the old content with some new material in a DVD!

It’s too bad that all these men that I meet are from abroad (mostly the United States). But I hope that one of them will click and will lead to something more than just online friendship.

Another Jew in the pond

Silverdaddies.com is just amazing! Tonight I met the most handsome, funny, charming, intelligent Jew Daddy in the world. He’ll give Vinokur some serious competition. We talked for a bit on the chat room and then on Yahoo. I think he’s simply lovely. If wishes were horses…

An unhealthy open relationship

I recently blogged about a newly acquired acquaintance whose life story is fascinating and worthy of being converted to a book. We had met each other in one of the networking sites a few months back and have become good friends. In the three months or so that I have known him, I have come to respect him and his lifestyle. He's an older man in an open relationship with a younger guy for around 7 years or so. But it's not just another open relationship.

My friend lives in his own relatively-luxurious apartment, has a regular office job, and has a secure lifestyle. His boyfriend, however, is married with two kids, lives separately in his relatively-poor household with his extended family, and does not have a regular job. My friend loves his younger partner in the same way a two lovers love each other, but his boyfriend probably, in my inference, loves him more like an elder brother. They meet each other over weekends, spend time with each other, and enjoy each other's company.

But that's not the end of the story. My friend is not totally honest to his boyfriend about the fact that he's sleeping around. According to him, it is inferred/implied and does not need to be talked about openly between the two partners. Not only does my friend sleep around (as he did with me a couple of times), he gets emotionally entangled in relationships with other men to whom he is not honest about the fact that he already has a boyfriend/lover.

In a conversation with him late last week, I was shocked to learn that he's currently in "love" with three other men. One of them is traveling all the way from a neighboring country to visit him for 10 days. This is the first time they are meeting. When I asked my friend if he thinks he's not being dishonest and unkind to all parties involved, he nonchalantly said: "It's fine as long as everyone is happy, at least temporarily. When the truth is eventually out, there is an element of pain to be endured, but that is compensated by the happiness gained during the time the relationship progresses until the revelation." He added that such things happen both in straight and gay circles and people take it in their stride.

I argued with him about this whole situation. He's not only "cheating" on his lover by getting into romantic relationship with others, but he's breaking the hearts of those people who's getting into new relationships with. Those people might be young men who might be having their first real emotional relationship, unfortunately however, with my friend. My friend holds all the cards here and he's virtually toying with the lives of others. As things stand now, his latest "lover" has a broken heart (after the revelation of course), which my friend is trying to mend! I am extremely sorry for this young man and I wish I could help him out some way.

But the real question is this -- what do I do with this friend. Do I try and reason with him? Do I try and accept the cruel person that he is and get along with life? Do I break up my ties with him?

How to cope with and avoid online rejection

I recently had a weird experience with a guy. We had initially met a couple of years or so back - of course, online. He was from the same professional background as mine and things looked promising. After exchanging a few e-mails, within a few days a few days of 'meeting each other', we expressed desire to meet each other. He lived in a city which is relatively close to Mumbai.

We had planned that he would give me a visit first. That didn't happen quite as planned and we eventually stopped communicating with each other. One of the reasons why he stopped was because I was in an open relationship with Vinokur then, whereas he wanted a monogamous relationship.

A couple or so months back, he sent me an e-mail to which I responded. We again started communicating with each other rather intensely. This time, however, I made plans to visit him. We took our relationship to the next level by starting phone conversations. Things went smoothly and I booked train tickets to visit and spend a weekend with him.

Everything was going well and to make sure that we 'knew' each other well, I decided to have a web cam chat conversation with him. It was the first time that we were seeing each other live on camera. I thought it went well - at least I 'liked' him. But the experience was certainly not pleasant for him, as it turned out.

After a day of strange incommunicado vis-a-vis my SMSes and phone calls, I got a message which said - 'Kris, I'm sorry but I don't think that we are physically compatible. Please refund your tickets.' It obviously came as a shock to me. I replied thanking him for being honest. But still, I felt bad for being rejected for my appearance. I started wondering if my abundant facial hair had destroyed a blooming relationship. Believe me folks, that's how you start thinking when your self-esteem is low.

To cope with it, my friend gave me this advice - maybe it's that he found me too good looking for him and couldn't quite take the enormity of the package that I had presented. That's a nice and pleasant way to look at it. Yes, it does help me think that way. It also helps to remember how many people love you for what you are and what you look like.

But there is another message in this. Relationships are always initiated on the basis of physical attraction and compatibility. This step is circumnavigated in the online dating process. When you are getting intimate with anyone online, make sure that you do that after confirming your physical attraction/compatibility toward the other (and vice versa) by exchanging pictures/indulging in voice chat. Don't forget this step before you decide to meet up!