An update about Neverlast

Blogging seems so late 2000s these days, at least for me.

Until about 6 years ago, around the time I met J, this blog used to be where I opened my heart out, and let loose all the shit that my brain came up with. I'm not suggesting that the outlet that I had on this blog has somehow been replaced by a man. No, not at all. Yet, I admit that we do have strange conversations. But that's not why I stopped writing here.

Life became packed. Dating someone within the same geographical boundaries means that your social life kinda doubles. Plus music. Gigs, rehearsals, gigs, and more. Plus, ever heard of social media and podcasts?

Yet, a few years ago, when I was visiting my parents in Thiruvananthapuram, I scratched that itch to write again. Write blogs, that is. I had just started exploring Tumblr and I thought, Why not? Tumblr had a nice app which you could easily draft posts in. It was more intuitive for sharing images/gifs. Why not, indeed? That's how Neverlast was born.

Strangely enough [with three heaped scoops of irony], Tumblr became my desirable source of erotica. Anyway, Tumblr, for some fucking reason, does not let you have multiple user accounts on the app. That was a huge dampner to my blogging efforts. Since then, I have linked  my Instagram to Tumblr, and Neverlast gets all my instas, yo.

Coming to the point -- I'm back with my parents. Some slight changes, though. They are in Chennai. My father is in his deathbed. My mother has become even more complaining and talkative than she was before. I'm here helping my sister out to manage my parents. I'm somehow able to meaningfully communicate and spend time with a child (my niece)! But I have become even more averse to talking on the phone to other people (like J) and share what craziness I'm going through.

This means that all day I go through an exquisitely frustrating ordeal of managing chaos, noise, interruptions, while attempting to work from home. This is indeed no fun. I get my shit together once my Mom goes to bed around 10 pm. And today, I have work to finish. So I took a shower to rinse myself off all the frustration. And in the shower, I thought - Why not, indeed?

So I am going to try and microblog on Neverlast once more. You are welcome to check it out.

My sister made everyone proud

My family is somewhat known for academics. Well, I know that holds true for most the Tam-Bram families that you know. Yet, my sister and I have been very good academicians throughout our academic careers. But yet, this news caught be my surprise initially, and pride and happiness immediately after.

Yesterday, my sister texted me stating that she had cleared the IIT-Madras MS entrance.

I'll try to put this in perspective. She is turning 41 this year. She graduated in Civil Engineering 19 years back. Since then she has taken some correspondence courses (e.g., MBA). For the last few years, she has been busy with her kid and her parents in law, who have not been in the pink of their healths.

Of course, I congratulated her and wished her the very best. She responded in a rather nonchalant manner that she may not be able to join because of her commitments to the family.

I feel sad about that, but I very well know that she can't do anything else. She, unlike me, has chosen to put family over everything else, thus, in my opinion, not taking care of herself as much as she should.

Chennai homophobic rally

I just read this post on Orinam.net, which is a bilingual website (Tamil and English) associated with the Chennai-based group for social-support-arts-advocacy called Orinam. Similar to the Change.org petition for retaining Section 377, which has been taken down because of complaints, this is the second evidence of such blatant homophobia/regressive mentality displayed in India.

I'm out to my sister, who lives in Chennai with her family. I can completely relate to her mother-in-law and father-in-law, hardcore, conservative, Hindu Brahmins, teaming up with Christians for just this one purpose.

Sad.

(Sources: Orinam.net, @shrisadasivan, @hiyer)

Bookings done!

Juggling parents, work, music, and the boyfriend, and trying to give them adequate time can be quite a task. Especially, if you don't really know what talk about with your parents when you come home. Yet, in in the middle of all that, after confirmation from Joe (the boyfriend), I have finalized and made all the reservations for the year-end trip to South India.

We start from Mumbai, go to Goa, then to Thiruvananthapuram, then to Chennai, and finally back to Mumbai. Most of the traveling is by train because Joe wants to "experience" how Indians travel. Well, I hope it works out well because "how" Indians travel is not acceptable to most around the world.

Sweetness from Chennai - part 1

Today I received an SMS from my sister. That was probably the sweetest thing that I have heard from her. Ever. You judge the rest.

Good to hear that you are doing well in studies. And I want you to know that I love you in spite of the increasing lack of understanding between us. You'd remain my dear brother even if we don't talk, meet and irrespective of what you become in your life.'

Vinokur needs to get his act together. Finally, he faces stiff competition from India!

Shrink: Part 2

I called the shrink tonight. I was greeted by a very heavy tamil accent in her English which sort of reminded me of my not-so-wonderful times at Chennai. We started with the ‘getting to know Kris’ section where I sort of repeated the conversation with my sister. When the conversation suddenly veered into ‘maybe Kris isn’t gay, he might be confused’, I switched cars; from a docile Maruti 800 to an aggressive Scorpio.

I vehemently, almost violently, made it clear that I indeed am gay. And that I have every right to be proclaiming my gayness. She asked me why I should wear it on my sleeve. I retorted ‘Can’t you and your partner, assuming that you are straight that is, hold hands in a train? Why shouldn't I be able to do that?’

I sort of sensed a sudden ‘taken by surprise’ element in her voice. She said that I could assume that she was straight and proceeded with the conversation. I found myself asking her again if she were actually straight or not. I didn’t get a clear answer because of the faulty Vodafone network.

We finally agreed to cooperate to try and help my sister get comfortable with my sexuality. I asked her if she could help my parents get to that same state. She said that she hardly knew me and she can’t do anything without meeting me. Fair, I thought. Unfair actually, when you think that you would have to travel all the way to Chennai and stay there for a few days to do that.

Come on! I can’t go and stay for a few days in Chennai! Anything more than a few hours in Chennai, is not recommended*,**. So, I directed her to my blog.

Since then, we have been exchanging e-mail regarding my wisdom in selecting an elderly, ailing partner. Needless to say, my vehemence has since then trebled.

(* Based on my personal observation. ** I'm very, very biased.)