A new job, a new beginning

I’m starting a new job tomorrow. It is a very weird feeling to be saying that word ‘job’ itself as I am used to the phrase ‘working in a hospital’ ever since I became an adult. A vast majority of my friends and well-wishers think that it’s a bad move that I’m making – giving away my medical career and jumping into something new. I can relate with all of them. How I wish I could carry on what I did. If only it could also allow me some time and space to work at my music!

I am starting work as an Academic Editor in the Medicine and Biosciences department of a Knowledge Processing Outsourcing (KPO) organization. I’m looking forward to starting to work there. Why? Mainly because it will let me do what I love doing – being at the keyboard and working on text documents, editing them and making them readable and attractive. Apart from that aspect, this job would give me the financial stability that I have been looking forward to.

To all my friends who don’t want to see me put to waste my 13 years of medical training, all I have to say is this. I understand the risk that I’m taking. But my aim in life is to achieve what I want and to be happy. And I think you have to make a few sacrifices for achieving that. This is a humongous sacrifice and I might regret it in the future. That’s when I’m going to need all of you – my friends. Please stand by me.

Let’s analyze my future

After my recent attainment of the masters degree in surgery, I felt a part of me getting invigorated to search for options to continue my medical career. For the first week or so, when I met and talked with people, I put forth the idea of looking for jobs in hospitals. People like my sister, my uncle and my parents took that as the definitive sign of me ‘coming back on track’, I felt.

My own research, which consisted of consulting my colleagues, seniors and professors had convinced me that there was no hope of finding a hospital job that would give me liberty to rehearse and perform music the way I wanted to. The recession had wreaked havoc on the economy and the job market and finding a nice job, at least as per the opinion from many people outside the medical field, was very difficult.

Mr. Bach, because of his brash, outspoken nature, is the only person who ridicules my attempt to build a career in music with a significant enough force to put me in doubt. Even though I’m not comfortable with people being so in-your-face, he has somehow helped me realize that I need to make a deadline after which I would have to return whole-heartedly to surgery. Before he left for the States, he made me agree to setting the end of this year (or my birthday) this reassessment.

If I don’t make any significant progress/success with my band(s) by then, I would have to go back to working as a surgeon in a hospital irrespective of whether that would make me unable to play at gigs. This way, I just lose a year. That is a reasonable period of ‘sabbatical’ after which I should technically be left unscathed. I must thank Mr. Bach for making me do this. Thank you Mr. Bach!

Boxing day

I got up very early today; at 3.30 AM. I don't exactly know why. I guess I felt vacant. Soon, I was chatting to my lawyer friend (Mac) from down under. I recorded the couple of pieces of music that I had running in my mind yesterday night. During this process, I and Mac had an interesting discussion about how to make one of the progressions that I had recorded better. It's fun to discuss such issues with someone who is knowledgeable about music.

I had the final interview scheduled in the morning but that was postponed to tomorrow. I dozed for an hour or so after I got this news. In the afternoon, I went out to shop - determined to cook something. Despite the fact that my refrigerator was not working properly, I decided to buy a few essential vegetable items so that I can make simple stuff. I came back home and made some rice and heated up a Dal fry preparation that I picked up from the supermarket. It was a wholesome meal.

The afternoon went with me discussing more legal issues with Mac. We were about to commit one legal blunder. Thanks to Mac, that seems to have been avoided. Right at the time when I was getting to the shower to get fresh before the classical guitar recital that I was planning to attend, I got the information that we had a gig at Not Just Jazz by the Bay tomorrow night! That was a pleasant surprise mainly because the money which was due for playing a Saturday night gig.

Because of the same reason, I was unable to hang out with the sculptor and one of his friends in the night (we were supposed to go out on a date and sleep with each other etc.). Instead, after a quick drink of whisky, I came back home to practice with Shoonyas. The practice went okay. But soon enough, I suddenly started missing Vinokur once again. It's really a pain to know that he's just one click away. But I'm not logging on Skype. I feel it's too early to start talking to each other.

Instead, I'll try to sleep - hoping that tomorrow's gig will keep be occupied until late night.

The 12 days of Christmas

I just watched this Indian version of the 12 days of Christmas on You Tube. It was very funny but, it didn't make me laugh all that much. Nothing would, I guess after what transpired in the last few days in my life. When I fell in and out love and relationships, when I finally broke-up with Vinokur. I'm happy and sad at the same time and have been keeping away from this rather public blog so as to get some more time to get used to the enormity of the changes in my life. I guess I have come far enough to blog about it. So, here's MY 12 days* of Christmas.

1. Sunday, Dec 14: The guitar class went great. I felt confident while imparting the knowledge that I had. So, too did the jam session with Noise Market. We are in the new-song-writing mode. One of the guys that I found out of the personals sites meets up with me at the Humsafar high and we go on to have a wonderful conversation and then sex. Felt wonderful having sex after a long time!
   
2. Monday, Dec 15: The legal consultations and the band managment is taking a lot of time out of my schedule. One of my new-friends is a lawyer from Australia and we are hitting off big time on the interent - he's literary, articulate, funny and an amazing racounteur. Despite the fact that Shoonyas have two live shows coming up this week, we aren't practicing all that much.
   
3. Tuesday, Dec 16: Ever since I have chosen to use the openness of the relationship that I and Vinokur were having, I have been getting a lot of responses from the personals sites. A few of these men seem to be very interesting. One especially so - A Gujju guy with flim-star (older) looks who wants a relationship is trying to get to me. He changed his ring-tone to a romantic one just for me!
   
4. Wednesday, Dec 17: I go for my first ever job interview - as a content editor at KPO which deals with medical research. I gave the test and am sure that they will call me up for an interview soon. Shoonyas has a very lukewarm gig a Not Just Jazz by the Bay. The crowd has been on the downside after the terror attacks. Although I and Rob battled throat infections, we had fun. (For those interested, check out Facebook/Orkut to see pics).
   
5. Thursday, Dec 18: Shoonyas played at the Ruia Colleg for a Peace concert in commemmoration of the victims of the terror attack. We were interviewed on IBN Lokmat TV channel and our shows were broadcast a couple of days later. It was a awe-inspiring experience. 300 odd Ruia-ites lighting candles when the night was still young. They sang in chorus! My best gig ever!
   
6. Friday, Dec 19: Another day passes by managing the legal wrangles for Noise Market. We are getting closer and closer to the finalisation the addendum to the contract. I have fun at the Birthday party of a GB friend (again, pics on Facebook) by playing guitar and jamming with the crowd. It's amazing that the gang of 'straight' friends from my friend's office were more fun than their fag counterparts. I also meet this wonderful lady at the party who sang like a professional! Incredible experience!
   
7. Saturday, Dec 20: My interview with the KPO goes well. They seem to be a little bothered about the fact that my gigs/concerts might call for more leaves/offs. I meet this Gujju guy and have a wondeful time with him. We have lunch at a hotel and then go for shopping for a set of Kurtha Pajama - I have to attend a wedding reception in the evening - the wedding of a family friend's son. After the shopping, we head of to the Gujju guys apartment make passionate love. To my utmost amazement, he offers to be with me for the wedding reception in the evening. We have the most amazing time in bed after that. I feel dizzy when I'm coming home - is this a future prospect for a relationship? Vinokur has already started feeling the discomfort. I know how it must hurt - but I still confide in him and keep the honesty intact.
   
8. Sunday, Dec 21: I have a busy day with Noise Market pratice and my student. Once I got free, my destination - the Gujju guy. I go over to his place and we talk - we talk for hours. We know we are falling in love with each other - but we can't. The gujju guy makes the most wonderful tasting meal for me and feeds me in a most romantic setting. By midnight, I start feeling that maybe I need to take the decision that I have been holding off from taking all this time - breaking up with Vinokur. The gujju guy says goodbye and says that we won't meet until I'm 'free'. I come home and talk it out with Vinokur. I feel that I'm the most wretched person on the surface of the planet but I manage to say what I said. We decide to call our wonderful relationships quits. It was darn hard, but we do it. Vinokur assures me that he'll be there for me if I need him. I feel relieved, I feel anxious.
   
9. Monday, Dec 22: I talk to Gujju guy about this and he freaks out. He says that he has thought it over and we can't be seeing each other any more - he cites some 'incompatibilities' in personalities as the reason. I feel that I am losing out on another relationship because of my 'near-virtual' relationship. He wants me to patch up with Vinokur and forget about him. I talk to Vinokur about it who seems to be happy to have me back but indicates clearly how humiliated he felt when he was 'dumped' for another person in so little time. We think it over, talk it over. It seesm obvious - our relationship can't go on like this. I will be seeing other people, getting attracted to them and maybe falling in love. If we are still 'lovers', then things are bound to be complicated. Hence, we decide to call it quits once an for all. The wonderful 1 and half year relationship - the most wonderful time in my life comes to an end - I and Vinokur aren't lovers anymore. We won't keep in touch at least until we get readjusted to reality. It hurts, more than you can imagine. But I'm glad we took this decision.
   
10. Tuesday, Dec 23: I am feeling odd but music seems to distract me. I try to get back to the Gujju guy who's hurt that I'm trying to force him to reconsider. He pleads with me to stop. But I'm worried about him because he's alone and he's hypertensive etc. He assures me that I'll get to know if something happens to him. Other than that, my friends are there to help me - especially the Professor. In the evening, I get invited to the in-house party at the sculptor's. I meet a few new older men in there. We have alcohol and I get insanely drunk. I was stupid enough to do that on an empty stomach and as a result I threw up later on in the night. But at least, the first night is over with!
    
11. Wednesday, Dec 24: The third leg of my job-interview is over - still positive. I visit the family-friend's place and share my worries regarding my Mom and Dad planning to visit me in Mumbai. He's my Mom's best friend since childhood and he, unlike my relatives, is more realistic about life. He and I bond (he's a very nice guy, I have felt) and agree to meet more often and to help each other in managing my Mom and Dad when they do visit. By evening, it's the birthday party of Dr. R! I was invited to be the surprise for the party and I travel all the way across Mumbai to celebrate the party her fiance's. Wonderful family, they were. Later on, we have dinner at a restaurant - I start missing Vinokur badly. I want to get away and start crying. I don't get to do that and I am relieved by a longish conversation with the Professor.
    
12. Thursday, Dec 25: It's Christmas day and I get up rather late. Noise Market practice session becomes a memorable one as we work on a classical guitar motif that I had composed the other day. That shaped up to be rather different, more mature sounding pop-rock song. Evening time's the worst - I plan to meet a new guy - he was busy. I ring up the sculptor for a dinner-conversation date. It's just wonderful to talk to him - he used to be counsellor at the Humsafar. We have a wonderful mallu meal at restaurant and then walk back home. I am not quite sure if he was looking forward to having sex. I decide that the next time I'll make the move.

For all those who stood by me through the last year or so - especially people like the Well Wisher in NYC - thanks a lot!

And lastly, Vinokur - I know you will be reading this - hold on my dear! Let's just wade it across this time period. Soon, we'll start talking to each other - as friends - and until then, take care of yourself. Okay? We all love you!

(*The real 12 days of Christmas start on the 25th - I know! But this is MY 12 days of Christmas. Please do forgive!)

A new article

I wanted to write something on the way the media has fucked up the coverage on the terror attacks. I procrastinated long and hard, had an online debate with the Professor and decided to finally write something. The efforts (with some typos - I'm sorry) can be seen here.

It's coinicidental that my sister told me today that a job at writing for a magazine or something might be good for me. She thinks that I write well and I might be gifted in it.

The hunt becomes complex

It's really not funny when you think about the situation that I am in. I have spent the best part of my adult life working in hospitals while harboring a passion for something which could be labelled as nothing more than a hobby in our nation. Actually, music was never a hobby in my life and I have come to realize that it has possessed me more than anything else ever has.

When you start thinking about finding a job which will keep you involved with music with a touch of creativity so that your passion for writing and performing music can be sustatined along with it, it becomes far more complex. Especially because all you have been doing in your life has been attending to patients and their complaints in outpatient departments, wards and operation theatres.

Preparing a curriculum vitae, for example, becomes tough. I have been going through a few resumes of my friends to see what has been written in them and I have found that they seem to have had projects and assignments in their multiple jobs which they could elaborate upon; things like leadership, organizational capability, communication skills, team work and all that. Technically, I too have had experiences in this - while managing patients in the hospital. When it comes to sprucing up my resume, its considerably harder.

That exactly is what I along with my friends are doing for the last couple of days. When this rather innovative CV is completed, I'm hoping to apply for jobs which will utilise my skills at creative writing as well. Music and creative writing - the combination sounds good, doesn't it? But where? At a publication like Rolling Stone magazine? At a record label where I could prepare write ups for bands? At a life-style section in a newspaper writing about the up and coming gigs?

The right CV can take you places, I have heard. But am I a little too optimistic?

The first interview

Using a hastily prepared but decent looking resume, I went for my first ever job interview at a distinguished private hospital yesterday. It felt a little weird being in formals and putting on a show like an earnest fresher surgeon especially because my longish hair had been ruffled from it's preset position by the wet look look gel that I use due to the breeze during the transit from the apartment to the hospital.

I must clarify that I did not feel like I was faking the entire thing. A part of me still feels like a surgeon who can start working and perhaps make my way up. I would obviously feel much better if I had a tag of a full-time job working in a hospital. But the downpoint (in this position as well as most that are on offer in the private hospitals) is that I would have to work more than 100 hours a day with 24 hour shifts every alternate day. This would mean that I will have to forfeit my entire other life.

I'm disappointed to realize that I can't probably do 'work' in the field that I have graduated in while continuing my ambitious efforts in music. This has led me to the conclusion that such a heavy round the clock job at a hospital would have to a last resort. Right now, with a E-boi and Jay (from Noise Market) I'm trying to prepare a CV with which I will try to hunt for jobs in the music and creative fields. The next step will be something like a call-center job.

Today I am going to speak to a big music instrument vendor to see if I can get a job in one of their shops. Such a job has the advantage of giving me a lot of time with guitars even during work and probably meet a lot of industry persons. I am planning to start tutoring guitar soon probably at home too. It will be funny to try an explain everything to my parents as to why a surgeon should work in a shop and sell guitars. Ironic, it is.

Job hunt

I've been very busy these days despite the exams being over. I suppose I am rather 'off' the boil with the blogging scene now that I have been away for a long period now. The terrorist attacks sort of kept be busy at home. They sort of prevented me from going downtown to do the things that I most loved doing - watching movies and hanging out.

Now that I have given the exams, I have the liberty to actually search for job hunts. This involves a lot of time at the job portals and creating your own resume etc. I have never done that. Doctors in India usually don't do that I suppose. Anyway, I have started hunting for both medical and non-medical jobs. I really want to go and something related to music which would give me the flexibility to pursue my music career as well.

But tomorrow, I have an interview - my first ever at a hospital. I've prepared a make-shift resume and gotten it printed out. I am sure I don't have decent enough outfit to wear but I guess I'll have to learn to live with what I have. Lets see what the hunt has in store for me as the treasure.

Of whores and jobs

I have been getting the kindest and warmest comments to many of my rather depressing posts. I must make it clear that I'm grateful to all of you and your comments really help me re-orient myself in taking the best decisions. But more importantly, my sister and my brother in law, to both of who I've been rather critical in this blog, have helped me out with some money. My sister also talked me out of trying to get a job until my exam gets over in late November. So, at this point of time, I'm not job hunting. I'll pursue that after my exams.

I'm sure you people are dying to know what happened during the time that I thought about 'whoring'. I had pinged about 15 or 20 different men in Mumbai in my hunt for Sugar Daddies. In amongst them, I got very interesting responses. First of all, only about 8 or nine replied out of which, 2 have already become my friends as they were very surprised that I was selling out my body. I have met one of these guys on GB meets. There is also this amazingly handome man who gives free massage. I might take this option up in the future to enjoy a massage vice versa.

More importantly though, very funny things took place in the exchange with one of the two who were interested in being a Sugar Daddy. The profile name of the guy (I'm not outing this guy and his name sounds like sodomist23) was itself funny. He replied to my first message saying 'Yes.' We exchanged messages and he expressed his intense desire to meet him. All this happened in the span of the day and by evening he wanted to meet up with me at my place. I said that we needed to know each other before meeting. He asked me for my mobile number. I told him that I don't give phone numbers to strangers unless I get to know a person more. That made him furious and he signed off saying 'you are nt courageous... you r wasting my time... don't evr msg me again... bye'.

One of the other guys who could have been a sugar Daddy for me said that he didn't like my beard and that the moment I got it off, I can approach him again. The third guy who responded with a yes to my 'Are you a SugarDaddy' messages hasn't responded to my detailed reply. Another person turned out to be a kind soul and asked me to not sell myself out and face my situation with courage. He also offered his time to talk over a coffee or something if I felt like it.

What I infer from this experience is pretty clear. People really start judging at the time you start selling your ass. Most people don't even want to talk to you if you start asking for money. They would not be willing to listen to your story. At the same time, the people who are interested in this 'whore-call' are usually those who are superficial that they can't let it evolve gradually. They expect me to be a whore and comply to their demands like a slave.

The job hunt series didn't really go well. I have not gotten responses for the few jobs that I did apply for. I have gotten a billion more options to check out thanks to my readers here on the blog. But I have shelved that option until the next important academic landmark in my life. I'll post later on in the day of some very interesting developments on the music front.

Hope It's Over - mix

Yesterday night, I couldn't sleep well. Was worrying a lot about what's going to happen to me. After getting up, I logged on to MonsterIndia.com, created a profile for me there and submitted for a couple of job applications. Side by side, I've also started checking out options for getting Sugar Daddies. If I'm in a mood later on in the day, I'll probably look up jobs in music stores, radio stations, music channels etc. You can keep on giving suggestions so that I can at least have food and internet - I need to have internet to maintain contact with Vinokur.

Since I'm feeling slightly better after a couple of 'Dads' responded to my messages on a personals site, I'll bother to post in the song that I recorded yesterday. It's the second in line of at least four that I'm going to send in for the competition. It's called 'Hope It's Over'. I had posted a shabby acoustic version earlier. It's a full fledged electric version. Once again, I would put in a disclaimer - Don't worry too much about the vocal track. It needs some work. But I don't have better mics and saner mind to do it now. Lyrics are attached below. In a weird way, this song kinda sums up my present state of mind as well.

Hope It's Over

Hope It's Over (lyrics)

When did I stop being, what I used to be
Where did I start falling, you weren't looking
What did I start chasing, it feels so long
Whom did I leave stranded, I fell so hard, I felt so low

Was it you, was it me, who knows

When did I stop listening, it was deafening
Where did I stop looking, what lies ahead
What did I start wishing, wish I'd be there now
Whom did I try faking, I tried so hard, I felt so lone

Was it you, was it me, who knows
Was it you, was it me, who knows

The hope that is left, is it too heavy to confess
The hope that is left, it's so easy to forget

Was it you, was it me, who knows
Was it you, was it me, is it over?

Is it over? Yes it is.

(PS: This was originally written after a phone conversation with my sister which I've blogged about. She is a silent reader on this blog. When we talked yesterday, she said she liked the 'words' of the Rainbow Song, but not the tune. I hope she likes the tune of this at least.)