The 12 days of Christmas

I just watched this Indian version of the 12 days of Christmas on You Tube. It was very funny but, it didn't make me laugh all that much. Nothing would, I guess after what transpired in the last few days in my life. When I fell in and out love and relationships, when I finally broke-up with Vinokur. I'm happy and sad at the same time and have been keeping away from this rather public blog so as to get some more time to get used to the enormity of the changes in my life. I guess I have come far enough to blog about it. So, here's MY 12 days* of Christmas.

1. Sunday, Dec 14: The guitar class went great. I felt confident while imparting the knowledge that I had. So, too did the jam session with Noise Market. We are in the new-song-writing mode. One of the guys that I found out of the personals sites meets up with me at the Humsafar high and we go on to have a wonderful conversation and then sex. Felt wonderful having sex after a long time!
   
2. Monday, Dec 15: The legal consultations and the band managment is taking a lot of time out of my schedule. One of my new-friends is a lawyer from Australia and we are hitting off big time on the interent - he's literary, articulate, funny and an amazing racounteur. Despite the fact that Shoonyas have two live shows coming up this week, we aren't practicing all that much.
   
3. Tuesday, Dec 16: Ever since I have chosen to use the openness of the relationship that I and Vinokur were having, I have been getting a lot of responses from the personals sites. A few of these men seem to be very interesting. One especially so - A Gujju guy with flim-star (older) looks who wants a relationship is trying to get to me. He changed his ring-tone to a romantic one just for me!
   
4. Wednesday, Dec 17: I go for my first ever job interview - as a content editor at KPO which deals with medical research. I gave the test and am sure that they will call me up for an interview soon. Shoonyas has a very lukewarm gig a Not Just Jazz by the Bay. The crowd has been on the downside after the terror attacks. Although I and Rob battled throat infections, we had fun. (For those interested, check out Facebook/Orkut to see pics).
   
5. Thursday, Dec 18: Shoonyas played at the Ruia Colleg for a Peace concert in commemmoration of the victims of the terror attack. We were interviewed on IBN Lokmat TV channel and our shows were broadcast a couple of days later. It was a awe-inspiring experience. 300 odd Ruia-ites lighting candles when the night was still young. They sang in chorus! My best gig ever!
   
6. Friday, Dec 19: Another day passes by managing the legal wrangles for Noise Market. We are getting closer and closer to the finalisation the addendum to the contract. I have fun at the Birthday party of a GB friend (again, pics on Facebook) by playing guitar and jamming with the crowd. It's amazing that the gang of 'straight' friends from my friend's office were more fun than their fag counterparts. I also meet this wonderful lady at the party who sang like a professional! Incredible experience!
   
7. Saturday, Dec 20: My interview with the KPO goes well. They seem to be a little bothered about the fact that my gigs/concerts might call for more leaves/offs. I meet this Gujju guy and have a wondeful time with him. We have lunch at a hotel and then go for shopping for a set of Kurtha Pajama - I have to attend a wedding reception in the evening - the wedding of a family friend's son. After the shopping, we head of to the Gujju guys apartment make passionate love. To my utmost amazement, he offers to be with me for the wedding reception in the evening. We have the most amazing time in bed after that. I feel dizzy when I'm coming home - is this a future prospect for a relationship? Vinokur has already started feeling the discomfort. I know how it must hurt - but I still confide in him and keep the honesty intact.
   
8. Sunday, Dec 21: I have a busy day with Noise Market pratice and my student. Once I got free, my destination - the Gujju guy. I go over to his place and we talk - we talk for hours. We know we are falling in love with each other - but we can't. The gujju guy makes the most wonderful tasting meal for me and feeds me in a most romantic setting. By midnight, I start feeling that maybe I need to take the decision that I have been holding off from taking all this time - breaking up with Vinokur. The gujju guy says goodbye and says that we won't meet until I'm 'free'. I come home and talk it out with Vinokur. I feel that I'm the most wretched person on the surface of the planet but I manage to say what I said. We decide to call our wonderful relationships quits. It was darn hard, but we do it. Vinokur assures me that he'll be there for me if I need him. I feel relieved, I feel anxious.
   
9. Monday, Dec 22: I talk to Gujju guy about this and he freaks out. He says that he has thought it over and we can't be seeing each other any more - he cites some 'incompatibilities' in personalities as the reason. I feel that I am losing out on another relationship because of my 'near-virtual' relationship. He wants me to patch up with Vinokur and forget about him. I talk to Vinokur about it who seems to be happy to have me back but indicates clearly how humiliated he felt when he was 'dumped' for another person in so little time. We think it over, talk it over. It seesm obvious - our relationship can't go on like this. I will be seeing other people, getting attracted to them and maybe falling in love. If we are still 'lovers', then things are bound to be complicated. Hence, we decide to call it quits once an for all. The wonderful 1 and half year relationship - the most wonderful time in my life comes to an end - I and Vinokur aren't lovers anymore. We won't keep in touch at least until we get readjusted to reality. It hurts, more than you can imagine. But I'm glad we took this decision.
   
10. Tuesday, Dec 23: I am feeling odd but music seems to distract me. I try to get back to the Gujju guy who's hurt that I'm trying to force him to reconsider. He pleads with me to stop. But I'm worried about him because he's alone and he's hypertensive etc. He assures me that I'll get to know if something happens to him. Other than that, my friends are there to help me - especially the Professor. In the evening, I get invited to the in-house party at the sculptor's. I meet a few new older men in there. We have alcohol and I get insanely drunk. I was stupid enough to do that on an empty stomach and as a result I threw up later on in the night. But at least, the first night is over with!
    
11. Wednesday, Dec 24: The third leg of my job-interview is over - still positive. I visit the family-friend's place and share my worries regarding my Mom and Dad planning to visit me in Mumbai. He's my Mom's best friend since childhood and he, unlike my relatives, is more realistic about life. He and I bond (he's a very nice guy, I have felt) and agree to meet more often and to help each other in managing my Mom and Dad when they do visit. By evening, it's the birthday party of Dr. R! I was invited to be the surprise for the party and I travel all the way across Mumbai to celebrate the party her fiance's. Wonderful family, they were. Later on, we have dinner at a restaurant - I start missing Vinokur badly. I want to get away and start crying. I don't get to do that and I am relieved by a longish conversation with the Professor.
    
12. Thursday, Dec 25: It's Christmas day and I get up rather late. Noise Market practice session becomes a memorable one as we work on a classical guitar motif that I had composed the other day. That shaped up to be rather different, more mature sounding pop-rock song. Evening time's the worst - I plan to meet a new guy - he was busy. I ring up the sculptor for a dinner-conversation date. It's just wonderful to talk to him - he used to be counsellor at the Humsafar. We have a wonderful mallu meal at restaurant and then walk back home. I am not quite sure if he was looking forward to having sex. I decide that the next time I'll make the move.

For all those who stood by me through the last year or so - especially people like the Well Wisher in NYC - thanks a lot!

And lastly, Vinokur - I know you will be reading this - hold on my dear! Let's just wade it across this time period. Soon, we'll start talking to each other - as friends - and until then, take care of yourself. Okay? We all love you!

(*The real 12 days of Christmas start on the 25th - I know! But this is MY 12 days of Christmas. Please do forgive!)