You can't imagine how boring it is to seclude yourself to studying everyday. My seclusion has extended a few notches further with me minimising the conversations that I have with friends and going out as less as I can. Hell, it's been four days since I 'talked' to Vinokur. I don't know why I feel like I would do better by staying off contact. Just 10 more days before I can re-calibrate my life.
Anyway, to convert those boring low-productivity afternoons into something meaningful, I've taken up a little side-business. I am trying to figure out some songs and trying to figure why they sound so beautiful and interesting. For someone who doesn't understand music theory, this might sound weird. But this is actually fun.
To make things a little easier to understand, I'm figuring out the little motifs that are found in popular music and trying to figure out why they sound 'good'. Of course, most of music is not intentionally written to sound this way. But those songs we end up liking usually are weirdly interlinked. What do I get out of this? Some harmless, recreational, educative fun. Weird combination of words I suppose. Finally though, I hope to incorporate some of this knowledge into writing songs.
Showing posts with label studies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label studies. Show all posts
Live at Delhi!
News just in! Our record label has just confirmed that Noise Market will be playing live at a yet undisclosed location in Delhi on the 14th of October alongside a couple of other bands from the roster. No further details available. I just wanted to post this for Chandni who has been acting kinda vehement at us not touring Delhi! I'll update you further as and when the fog clears up. Back to my studies 'Fractures of the Wrist'!
(PS: Ramby, UnsungPsalm etc - this goes to you guys too!)
(PS: Ramby, UnsungPsalm etc - this goes to you guys too!)
Change of fortunes
I think I have succesfully battled the trough of my depressing wave. Yes, thanks to Vinokur, Professor X, my sister and all of you, I am finally feeling better. Happier, to be precise. I had a really wonderful day of studies today when I finally found the groove. I hope it isn't too late. Now with a little bit of money in my bank account, it's a good time to go back to the hospital to see some cases. I have talked to my friends and I will start that probably starting this Monday.
Vinokur, on the other hand, is not as improved after the the consequences of reality sunk in. Despite having a great time at the museum with his ex-boyfriend, he felt sad that he won't be enjoying such times with me. It's probably harder for him with his age and frail health. I realize that I should be the stronger one supporting him and should take care of him through this phase. I hope to be strong enough to do that.
He underwent the first of MRIs for his neck and shoulders 2 days back. For a claustrophobic person like him, such a simple test is burdensome. And in his own michievous way of finding a way out, he consumed extra sedative pills to make him groggy. Yesterday, when we were talking to each other, I didn't know what to do. I am and will be unhappy that he is still not taking responsibility of the situation. There are times when I feel that I am the reason why he is getting addicted because I am unable to prevent him from doing so.
The only questions remaining are - how long can I hope to take responsibility? How practical is to hope to take guard of someone health from across the oceans?
Vinokur, on the other hand, is not as improved after the the consequences of reality sunk in. Despite having a great time at the museum with his ex-boyfriend, he felt sad that he won't be enjoying such times with me. It's probably harder for him with his age and frail health. I realize that I should be the stronger one supporting him and should take care of him through this phase. I hope to be strong enough to do that.
He underwent the first of MRIs for his neck and shoulders 2 days back. For a claustrophobic person like him, such a simple test is burdensome. And in his own michievous way of finding a way out, he consumed extra sedative pills to make him groggy. Yesterday, when we were talking to each other, I didn't know what to do. I am and will be unhappy that he is still not taking responsibility of the situation. There are times when I feel that I am the reason why he is getting addicted because I am unable to prevent him from doing so.
The only questions remaining are - how long can I hope to take responsibility? How practical is to hope to take guard of someone health from across the oceans?
Homo-eroticism
Today was a better day for my studies despite a dull, hot afternoon which went to waste thanks to another episode of sleepiness. I'm beginning to wonder if this exaggerated tiredness is due to depression or some nutritional deficiency. It could very well be and I guess I'll have to deal with it until I get the record label money comes in. What made an otherwise drab day were a couple of incidences of homo-eroticism.
I had gone out to buy my Rs. 20 dinner and on my way back I saw a middle aged man wanking his member by a pavement on a busy road in the heart of Andheri. Being a naturally trained voyeur, I was captivated by this 'show'. Initially I thought it was just another act of micturition but I'm sure it was more than that as this probably continued for about 3 minutes or so. I don't want to go into a vivid description but there was visible evidences of pleasure in what he was doing.
Don't drop your jaws. I'm sure everyone has a voyeur hidden inside. It's just that I'm honest enough to admit that I have fun doing this. My interest in it stems from the numerous exposures to the male genital organs in various settings during my childhood. In Kerala, this seems to be a norm; something the society happily accepts without protest. Not just men, but women too. But then, I never had a thing for women.
When I was having my dinner, I was browsing through the TV channels and I stumbled on to a Professional Wrestling show on Star Sports. Yes, I do enjoy Professional wrestling. Again, don't drop your jaws. I know it is all scripted and stuff. But, it has hot men. It's a treat to the gay eyes. Big muscular men with athleticism, power and grace.
Then I dropped my jaw. I saw a wrestler of Indian origin called 'Sonjay Dutt - The Guru'! I'm sure the media in India haven't caught up with the developments of the wrestling world. Judging by the hype that the Great Khali gets - full interviews and features of serious channels like NDTV - such a name should have got some attention.
I had gone out to buy my Rs. 20 dinner and on my way back I saw a middle aged man wanking his member by a pavement on a busy road in the heart of Andheri. Being a naturally trained voyeur, I was captivated by this 'show'. Initially I thought it was just another act of micturition but I'm sure it was more than that as this probably continued for about 3 minutes or so. I don't want to go into a vivid description but there was visible evidences of pleasure in what he was doing.
Don't drop your jaws. I'm sure everyone has a voyeur hidden inside. It's just that I'm honest enough to admit that I have fun doing this. My interest in it stems from the numerous exposures to the male genital organs in various settings during my childhood. In Kerala, this seems to be a norm; something the society happily accepts without protest. Not just men, but women too. But then, I never had a thing for women.
When I was having my dinner, I was browsing through the TV channels and I stumbled on to a Professional Wrestling show on Star Sports. Yes, I do enjoy Professional wrestling. Again, don't drop your jaws. I know it is all scripted and stuff. But, it has hot men. It's a treat to the gay eyes. Big muscular men with athleticism, power and grace.
Then I dropped my jaw. I saw a wrestler of Indian origin called 'Sonjay Dutt - The Guru'! I'm sure the media in India haven't caught up with the developments of the wrestling world. Judging by the hype that the Great Khali gets - full interviews and features of serious channels like NDTV - such a name should have got some attention.
The wrath of the Professor
I had a long lecture on the phone with Professor X yesterday night. He virtually scolded me and asked me to get back to my senses. He drove home the point that I was living in a dream inside my head and I needed to wake up; wake up to realize that Vinokur will probably be never coming to India and that I needed to get to NYC.
For that, I needed to get my act together in India and pass my exams and earn some money. He also pointed out that I have been struggling to live with the tougher decisions that I had made. He suggests that if I can't execute them, maybe I shouldn't be taking them. Medicine Vs. Music, Love Vs. Everything else etc.
Interestingly enough, that helped me. It helped me to realize that I am the one who needed make things happen. To pass exams, to earn some money and to make my endeavors succesful. Today, I could only spend a few hours of studying because of the practice sessions that I had lined up. But I felt I was able to concentrate well. I was able to feel so much more at ease after the scolding from Professor X. I thank him for that. I'm grateful to have such good friends.
Among other interesting things in my life, my article on the movie Rock On got published at Mutiny.in. It took a long time, a couple of weeks actually, for that to happen. But it did. I was feeling rather bad to not have written anything new which is interesting enough to be posted on Mutiny.
For that, I needed to get my act together in India and pass my exams and earn some money. He also pointed out that I have been struggling to live with the tougher decisions that I had made. He suggests that if I can't execute them, maybe I shouldn't be taking them. Medicine Vs. Music, Love Vs. Everything else etc.
Interestingly enough, that helped me. It helped me to realize that I am the one who needed make things happen. To pass exams, to earn some money and to make my endeavors succesful. Today, I could only spend a few hours of studying because of the practice sessions that I had lined up. But I felt I was able to concentrate well. I was able to feel so much more at ease after the scolding from Professor X. I thank him for that. I'm grateful to have such good friends.
Among other interesting things in my life, my article on the movie Rock On got published at Mutiny.in. It took a long time, a couple of weeks actually, for that to happen. But it did. I was feeling rather bad to not have written anything new which is interesting enough to be posted on Mutiny.
To just take a break
Today was a good day for my studies. I got up really early and did put in a lot of hours with my books. But there were many a moments during the entire day when I felt like going out and having some fun. Watch a movie. Hang out at a party or something - two parties were happening; one GB party and another house-party that my friend had invited me for.
I wanted to watch HellBoy 2 desperately and I took up the paper and decided on a show at least twice today before deciding against it. I procrastinated the decision for going to the parties until it was too late to. The reason is simple - even though I have some money with me I feel that I don't have the rights to have fun with borrowed money. I feel guilty of being luxurious. Similarly, I can't think of buying myself anything better than a Rs. 20 meal.
The only way out of this is to 'earn' my own money. And that seems like a long way off!
I wanted to watch HellBoy 2 desperately and I took up the paper and decided on a show at least twice today before deciding against it. I procrastinated the decision for going to the parties until it was too late to. The reason is simple - even though I have some money with me I feel that I don't have the rights to have fun with borrowed money. I feel guilty of being luxurious. Similarly, I can't think of buying myself anything better than a Rs. 20 meal.
The only way out of this is to 'earn' my own money. And that seems like a long way off!
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