Finding a purpose

They say that life’s all about finding a purpose. Something to live for. Something to aspire to. Somewhere to aim at.

I find myself in the mid-dest part of a mid-life lull where I don’t think I know have answers. Not that I claim to always have had answers or that I will have answers moving forward.

But right now, as I type this, I’m in the middle of a week where I just heard yet another reason as to why I won’t be finding some answers.

I find myself at a crossroads without really knowing what I’m doing to earn a living—which is not quite what I was supposed to be doing to earn a living, by the way—is what I’m supposed to be doing.

Sure, everyone has been there or they will be there. No big deal. At least not until they find themselves there.

I know that I want to learn things that I don’t know I want to learn. I know that I want to experience others’ thoughts and feelings and vision in as close a way as possible with the original artistic intent.

With the knowledge that I gain from there, I know I want to write and create art. I know I want to build a legacy with these artistic and creative endeavors.

I suppose I must make it clear that they visions that I have are not restricted to music. As a musician, however, I know that I don’t know if I’m the right performer for the art that I have created thus far.

The idyl of clarity—maybe that’s a bit too far—of a lack of fuzziness. Maybe I’ll have that in a month’s time. Maybe I’ll grow a big enough pair and decide to step away from comforting mediocrity to challenging uncertainty.

Dr. Burns, I’m Hooked Now

Everyone should know Aqua and their song Doctor Jones.

Or should they?

Dr. Burns, specifically Dr. David Burns, the author of the popular book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy would disagree citing multiple reasons.

Things like all-or-none thinking (Everyone should know…)and should statements (should know…) are some of the cognitive distortions that Dr. Burns lists in the book.

I’m making my way slowly through the book and I have to say I’m finding it helpful—helpful to understand what I’m going through with my depression and how severe, and deep-rooted it is.

I scored 74/100 in the Dr. Burns’ checklist. That’s the cusp between Severe (51-75) and Extreme (76-100) (read more here).

I was convinced that my partner J is also suffering from moderate to severe symptoms, but he came in at mild depression scoring 12/100.

I was/am shocked. Happy for him, but shocked that I’m so much further down than I thought I was.

So here’s my little ditty:

Dr. Burns, Dr. Burns
Calling Dr. Burns
Dr. Burns, Dr. Burns
I’m hooked now

Why don’t I invite you to try the book out yourself?

The full list of cognitive distortions is below; read more about it here:

1. All-or-None Thinking
2. Over-generalization
3. Mental filter
4. Discounting the positive
5. Jumping to conclusions
   1. Mind-reading
   2. Fortune-telling
6. Magnification
7. Emotional reasoning
8. “Should” statements
9. Labeling
10. Personalization and blame