How it all went wrong today

Today has been a bad day. It started off well. I woke up early enough, made coffee, had a quick shower, and headed to the office. Although it was dull and murky, it wasn't raining on my rickshaw ride to work. I had the usual roadside idli breakfast and reached work just before my reporting time. The first hour went really well, when I thought I did well to finish the work on an assignment. Then it all started to go wrong.

First it was the constant barrage of interruptions. Junior editors asking me doubts, the project managers constantly shuffling and changing work, people randomly coming up and stopping by, work-related e-mail and instant messages on your computers. I know multitasking is not efficient, but how the hell do you ask people to stop interrupting you? One could argue that being interrupted is a given in a work environment similar to mine, but I don't think that still doesn't explain why people don't think of ways to establish guidelines to streamline all of this.

And then the personal life interruptions started to mount. Messages and e-mails from my sister and Jay. I simply cannot seem to ask them to stop interrupting me. They probably are having an easy day--well, at least I know that sister was taking a day off to recover from an upper respiratory infection--and they want to share it with. Or so it seems like. I don't want to be rude, but it still does make me stressed and anxious. Usually, my afternoon catnap does wonders. It did today too. But after that, the constant stream of interruptions kept me on edge all evening. How I wish I could just block everything and just do my work.

Then the day became worse. Unnecessary wait for the rickshaw, heavy rain on the way with me getting partially wet, crazy traffic--all of this when I was trying to reach my apartment in time to receive my guitar amplifier from someone that my friend was sending it with. In the middle of all this, there was a playful, teasing Jay, at the other end of a Whatsapp chat. Eventually, I let him know that I would appreciate if he would be a little more understanding and less teasing when things are not working out for me. I don't think he completely understood but there was a temporary relief from the frantic texting.

Then I walked into my building to screaming kids, as usual. I walked into my apartment to find that the maid hasn't come in an done the cleaning. Eventually, I learned that my friend was not going to be able to send the amplifier after all! I was so edgy by this time, that I felt that I need to have dinner and go to bed early. So I dial the restaurant downstairs to only find out that there telephone line is engaged for almost half an hour! In between all this, some more texting with Jay. Eventually I got through to the restaurant and got some dinner.

I tried to read a book for a bit but the most annoying ads in between overs on the cricket broadcast and the screaming kids on the corridor did not let me concentrate. Then I had dinner and I felt slightly better. Jay tried some philosophy on the fucked-up-ness of the world on text. That's probably not what I wanted. Eventually, he asked me if I would like to have a phone conversation. A usual, I refused because I felt that we would have a very edgy conversation. It was hard to make him understand why I must go to bed early.

I watched the last few overs of the test match while sorting out my medications for the next few weeks, putting the cocktail of pills in my monthly pill box. I realized that I was relatively short of one of the six I was on. That means that I have to go get another prescription from the shrink and go to the pharmacy and beg for them to give the drugs to me! Aarrgh! The only other things that I can imagine that could have made this day worse are losing my wallet, getting dumped, and have multiple limbs amputated in a road traffic accident.

I want this day to end. Please.

Withdrawal

The new shrink started tapering my medication off starting last week. This week, I’m slowly starting to experience the side effects. Apart from fluctuations in mood and vulnerability, I am experiencing tremulousness and anxiety. I’m having trouble falling asleep and I have headaches. Last night, I had to have a cognac before I could fall asleep.

Tonight, I have a slight headache and I feel like eating something meaty. But I won’t. I will instead, drink a glass of milk and hope to fall asleep watching the first Euro 2012 semi-final between Portugal and Spain. Wish me luck!

Getting better all the time

The last week has been really good me. Well, except for the fact that I got kicked out of my main band. Otherwise, with the help of the new medication (I suspect whether it could have such an early effect – maybe placebo effect) and early lessons of cognitive therapy, I am feeling all round better. I have a homework – to track my mood throughout the day and find out what triggers my negative moods. This is helping a lot. The people that trigger my bad moods are those who are close to me who have hurt me previously (e.g., parents, Vinokur, and Joe). I should avoid contacting them when I’m feeling vulnerable, I think.

Waking up to chirping birds

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Oversleeping yet again

I fucked up. Yet again thanks to my alarm clock. Yesterday morning, I was supposed to get up at six thirty, take a shower, and head to my office where a bus would have been ready to take us all to a picnic. I was so looking forward to it -- to spend a couple of days with the fun-nest of colleagues that you can expect to find. I had neatly sorted out the different set of clothes and other thinkgs that I needed to bring on my bed and had gone to bed, albeit late in the night, on the couch watching a movie.

My friends must have called me to wake me up a dozen times or something. I didn't wake up. My alarm clock had given up on me once more. This time, more permanently -- the battery case had been broken and there is no possible way to fix it -- and I slept through until after 9 'O Clock, much later than the scheduled departure.

I was so friggin' ashamed that I didn't feel like answering their messages and calls. I went back to sleep. I don't know how I can face them tomorrow. I'm such a jerk! :-( The only good thing to have happened is that I got to spend close to 12 hours yesterday and today to sleep and I would be refreshed for work tomorrow.

But, what's wrong with me? Is it the pills that I'm taking? Is it the increased stress at work? Or am I growing lazier?