Jan 30, 2008

First ever Noise Market Gig!

Finally, we hit the gig scene. It was a very troubled scene leading upto the final execution. The slot was not confirmed until the last minute. Neither was the remuneration. But we had worked our asses out and it got paid. We played for about half an hour and we rocked! We got the crowd moving the latter part of the gig and they liked our performance.

The best part of everything was that I got a rousing support from my own department with a few of the faculty coming for the show and talking me. I felt really good. Dr. T and Dr. R’s boyfriend also had turned up.

On the negative side of things, I think we had a shoddy sound thanks to the lackadaisical nature of the sound engineer. I tried to get myself doing head-banging etc on stage. But no one else in the band really did anything other than just play.

Jan 27, 2008


I don’t know what has caused this. For the last 3 weeks or so my sleeping has increased to about 12 hours a day when I can sleep that much. I usually sleep early at around 3 AM and get up around 3 pm. This had started after the onset of antidepressants and sleeping medications. Elimination doesn’t seem to affect. I still sleep as much as I used with them.

This means that I can’t find time to study. It seems that my exams are going to come and I’m going to fail. But that’s life I guess.

Jan 26, 2008

Republic day

Today is/was the 58th Republic day of India. India is developing economically. Indian man-power is going around the globe. But the leaders who we elect aren’t doing enough justice to us. People are trying to segregate the ‘janta’ like the British! Talk about Shiv Sena and related parties trying to split Mumbai into the Marathis (Maharashtrians) and non-Marathis (like me).

Most of the people are biased about either. Marathis believe that the non-Marathis have come, colonized and ruined the city in their multifarious, nefarious wasy. Non-marathis like for example Jade (the vocalist of Noice Circles) think that Marathis are rude and unkind and have a megalomaniacal/narcissitic view about themselves whilst the who-is-who of Mumbai features mostly non-Marathis.

Fuck it! I think Marathis are cool! But let me add that us the immigrants add the variety and spark that the city is known for. You wouldn’t want to miss a conversation with a UPite cabbie, shop at a Gujju store or eat at a Shetty (Mangalorean) restaurant when you are in Mumbai. Enjoy it people! Live in peace!

Now, today is the day I took a monthly First Class pass from Churchgate to Malad. I can now travel comfortably (I hope)!

Jan 25, 2008

churchgate - a poem

I've seen a lot of multi-user blogs and stuff. In fact I've been invited for writing in one - Mutiny.in. But this is the FIRST time ever that someone else other than me is contributing material for my blog. Who else could it be but my dear Vinokur writing vicariously about the dangers of cruising in the suburban railway network in Mumbai!

a dependable place for a good old time
is the southernmost station on the western line
where guys hang out in the public loo
and the cops do too
and the cops do too
and so
and so
and so will you

by vinokur

Jan 24, 2008

The list of updates

There are a lot of updates starting from November 7th 2007 to Jan 24th 2008. I’ve posted them in a retrospective and introspective manner so as to not break the continuity of this little blog. I hope my readers have a great time reading. Please send me responses and comments. They really inspire me to write more.

Antidepressants and Soporifics

My life has been very good in my prioritized areas. But it has been tiring and stressful. I have had to travel, stay up late, have an irregular schedule and have emotional crescendo decrescendos with my friends and lover.

All this has resulted in me being anxious about my professional future and my economic stability. Even though my lover tries to allay my own darkest fears, I guess it was wise of me to seek psychiatric help from my good friends. The have prescribed me anti-depressants and soporifics.

I have had a weird time two weeks into them with side-effects like uncomfortable sleep with weird nightmares to inability to achieve orgasms. But I am sticking to them hoping that they would easier for me to face the immediate future. The only cure for this syndrome, as my psychiatrist friends think, is the eventual union between the two lovers from across the continents.

I am really hoping that it would happen at the earliest so that my derailed life can be salvaged.

Jan 20, 2008

Dichotomy of bands

Well, the life of a musician must focus at least sometime on the music that he’s playing, at least in such a fashionable exposition as an online weblog. And I’ve not been doing that enough I presume.

The two bands that I play for are so different in the content and the directions that they are taking.

  • Noise Market: Things couldn’t be better. We recorded a demo CD in about 3 days and mixed and mastered that in a little over a week. We have already worked on about 7 original songs and are working on our cover versions of popular songs. All our covers have our label on it which makes me proud to even admit that we are covering. We are planning to approach the industry fellows and hope to make a profitable income out of it. Our first gig happens to be at my hospital this month end. I am really hoping that all the time that I put into this band sacrificing virtually my entire professional career is going to pay in rich dividends.

  • Shoonyas: It never took off. We’re still dormant on all aspects of ours. We hardly ever jam and there seems to be no bright future, at least immediate. But things look like changing and I might be playing actively in the gigs starting late next month or so.

That was hard enough. Now, lets go back to more interesting stuff. Like, wow did you know that my lover has the biggest… in the whole planet, of… hearts?

Jan 18, 2008

The party at the surgeon's

I should have posted about this three weeks back. But due to before-mentioned reasons, I was unable to. During my apartment search, I had to get in touch with a few people on my G-calling list. One of them, a surgeon by profession, invited me for this party at his apartment.

Since it was the first G party that I was attending after a period of about 2 years, I was excited. Understandably, Vinokur darling was anxious. He has this belief that in the right environment for mating, with alcohol adding as an enzyme, the love chemistry between the members can result in a reaction that could lead to emotional or long-lasting side effects. He considers a G party like the one that I was about to attend was such a party.

But…, give me a break, would ja!

I’m so far committed in this relationship with him that that if I were to metaphorize, this would be what I can come up with.

  • 'Point of No Return' – the point at which the consequence of an action cannot be altered under the laws of physics.
  • 'Point of Inevitability' – the point of time at which there is no way that you can stop yourself from having an orgasm.

I’m past both of this. I’m about 2343 miles after the first one and about 9 months since the second one.

Anyway, I understood his concerns and I had framed an answer for anyone who made advances to me. ‘You must know Mr. _____ that I’m already in committed relationship with my boyfriend. That means NO!’ I also carried a photo of his on my mobile phone so that I could show it to anyone interested.

But I was dressed in the most sophisticated, but casual way and was looking attractive, as judged by the amount of attraction that I got at the party. A couple of persons did hit on me big time. One of them even tried to get a little physical. But I didn’t get ruffled!

I had a nice time though. Meeting new people, making new friends etc. The apartment was the best apartment that I have ever been in. I was wondering how anyone could afford such an apartment at such a posh location in South Mumbai! But I guess, just like how I could, being a surgeon helps.

Two long-term relationships amounting up to 31 years between them helped me raise my expectations about my relationship succeeding to clock up that far! I also happened to meet a trans-generational couple who seemed to seeing each other. I met a couple of good friends; one of them in the jewellery industry who will help me and Vinokur get the rings that I want to exchange with him.

I really think that I should be attending more such parties… well, only if I can keep my lil’ Vinokur comfortable with the prospect of such a ‘dangerous’ environment.

Jan 15, 2008

The real aetiologies of Depression - part 3 - The hospital scene

This couldn’t get worse. I’m being ridiculed and insulted in my hospital for missing out on the academics of the hospital because of all the other things that I have to take care of namely, love and music.

People have so ruled me out of even the chance of doing well in the exams which start in the 5th of May this year. I’m so scared to even go to the hospital and the various clinics because of the pathological fear of getting mistreated.

Jan 11, 2008

The real aetiologies of Depression - part 2 - The Family Scene

Needless to say that I have had tumultuous relationship with my family, things have somehow managed to worsen. As my coming out experiences have always been beneficial, I still firmly root for coming out to my parents sooner than later. Most of my friends agree to this.

I’ve come out to all of my band members in Noise Market and Sandy’s parents, my future landlords have been very supportive. They insist that I should seek for some financial security from my parents after them knowing that I’m not that bad after all. They feel that this has to be achieved through the route of my sister/my uncle who already are aware of my true nature.

At the same time, my sister and my brother-in-law have practically disowned me for being what I’m. They think that me falling in love with a man is an aberration and I’m going to be doomed to move into an apartment and start living with the love of my life. That shatters me. I’m glued together by my wonderful lover, great friends, music and the antidepressants that I have started.

Jan 7, 2008

The real aetiologies of Depression - part 1 - Finances

I have deep dark insecurities. The only person who has bothered to know them so closely and really understands them, is my dear Mr. Vinokur. The deepest and the darkest is my freakish insecurity of people not trusting me for some monetary issues.

For example, I run out of money. I land up on the streets. I ask money to someone that I have helped or will help. They say, despite knowing my situation, that they can’t help it.

Or, someone lends me money and I use it for something that I need, not something that that person intended to lend money for. Even the slightest hint of me misusing the money sends me off on a weird insecure tangent in which I become so defensive that I can’t believe myself.

Now, the actual picture is that I’m really short of money for anything but just make ends meet. I don’t have a stable future as well where I could see myself earning a lot of money to secure myself.

What the fuck do I do? I mean, is this the end of the road for me?

Jan 5, 2008

Searching for Safety

Now that Mr. Vinokur and Mr. Bass have planned to live together in Mumbai, the onus was on me to search for a beautiful little apartment. I have found what I was looking for! And I’m very thankful to my dear friend Sandy’s parents who were very kind to listen to my story and let me and Alan live in a 1 BHK apartment near theirs which they own.

This is a fucking incredibly beautiful apartment is tastefully furnished and located in a quiet locality. But most importantly, I can be secure in an apartment where the landlord understands the situation perfectly.

The actual search for the apartment stretched for a couple of weeks and was a very mixed one with disappointment and surprising revelations. I was so worried after the first week that I had to type in the following message to the Gay Bombay support group seeking help.

Hello friends,

It's been a long time since I participated in the discussions actively. That can be attributed to my hectic schedule in the past few months of life. That includes finding the love of my life online on a personals website as well!

I would like to introduce myself once more. I'm a 28 year old orthopaedic surgeon living in Mumbai for the last 3 years. I have always been an admirer of older men. So it shouldn't be as shocking as it would have been otherwise when I introduce my 64-year-old lover/boyfriend/partner/spouse/husband who is a linguist/photographer from NYC. We are committed to each other and are planning to settle down in Mumbai.

For that, we are looking for a 1 - 2 BHK apartment in a good locale in Mumbai and I've already seen a few. To my dismay, almost all of the housing societies would pose the question 'Are you married? or ‘Are you a bachelor?' before even getting into the details of the apartment.

On the first exposure to such a derogatory remark (in the terms of marriage defining moral righteousness), I was shocked and outraged. But as always, as we’ve all had to do our entire lives, I took it in my stride and have formulated an answer: 'I'm a bachelor. My friend who is sharing the apartment with me is, too. And we can't afford to have two apartments. We've similar interests which would make it convenient for us to be living together.' That has worked sometimes now. Another thing that has worked is to let these housing societies know that I'm a practicing surgeon/doctor. That somehow salvages a lot of respect in these circumstances.

And then, I had a talk with my sister and an uncle, a father-figure, the only two people in my family whom I've come out to about our plans. Both had their views regarding the 'safety' of settling down in India. Would we face ridicule? Would we be ostracized? Would we be asked to vacate should the reality come to the fore? My boyfriend also suggested that families living in the neighborhood would be curt towards us and be scared of letting the children see us together thinking that they might be 'exposed' to immoral issues. To top it all, would somebody tip us off and would we be legally punished under Sec. 377 IPC? Add to that this hyperbolic age difference between the two of us, the chances of us being discriminated vis-√†-vis the 'pedophilia scandal’ which hit the media in a wave of movies like 'Page 3'.

All this has led me to write this letter/request to all of the GB members. I want to ask you for some advice or suggestions regarding a place in Mumbai where we could live. Would anybody know about gay-friendly apartment complexes or dealers/agents who would be gay-friendly? I guess there are at least few gay couples in Mumbai who live together.

I would be grateful to anyone who would like to comment on any aspect of this peculiar problem of ours.

Thanks to all of you for spending your time reading and hopefully, responding to this message.



The whole scene looks brilliant. It seems like I and Alan will be living together in our wonderful new apartment from mid February.