I have deep dark insecurities. The only person who has bothered to know them so closely and really understands them, is my dear Mr. Vinokur. The deepest and the darkest is my freakish insecurity of people not trusting me for some monetary issues.
For example, I run out of money. I land up on the streets. I ask money to someone that I have helped or will help. They say, despite knowing my situation, that they can’t help it.
Or, someone lends me money and I use it for something that I need, not something that that person intended to lend money for. Even the slightest hint of me misusing the money sends me off on a weird insecure tangent in which I become so defensive that I can’t believe myself.
Now, the actual picture is that I’m really short of money for anything but just make ends meet. I don’t have a stable future as well where I could see myself earning a lot of money to secure myself.
What the fuck do I do? I mean, is this the end of the road for me?
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