Parties are something that most people with at least a shred of extroversion look forward to. Even I, with my combination of introversion and social reclusiveness lurking in the background, look forward to parties as special gatherings where you find may find avenues for conversation that won't be available in a much more intimate setting.
Three weeks back, J had his birthday party at his apartment. There were about 15 people invited to make merry on the occasion. I was, as is usual in such situations, caught in a dilemma as to how long I should spend time with an individual or a group of individuals in conversations. I guess I want to be always on the move, thanks to a a mixture of my overenthusiastic host-itude, interest to explore options, and my hesitation to expose myself in in-depth conversations.
So I took the opportunity to carry around trays of the famous J cheese/onion dip and the assorted chips that go with it. This gave me options to introduce myself to strangers with warm introductions "Hey, would you like to try some of this? This is the dip that you keep hearing about." This would followed by the obligatory "Oh, you are so kind to bring it to us" and "Oh, wow. This is a very nice dip indeed" comments. Perfect social lubrication, if you ask me.
After hanging out with any particular group for a couple of minutes, I found that it's easy to slither out and seek another group and repeat the social rewards and positive reinforcement. Of course, I also used lines like "Can I pour you another drink?" to repeat the exercise of pleasantly detaching myself from conversations and getting these social rewards in return.
At the end of the night, during a conversation with J, I realized that I had hardly spent any time with people who might have wanted to spend more time with me. People from my workplace were all together in a group, which I paid as little/much attention to that I did to other groups.
I don't often feel like I need to meet people (even my friends) and have conversations with them. In fact, many people, including my dearest friends, have expressed their disappointment at how I don't make time for them. However, on occasions such as this, I often am able to assign myself a purpose/role (as a host and a nice guy), and thus am able to lubricate/sugarcoat these otherwise-daunting interactions.
During and after such parties, I am able to convince myself that spending time with these people is fun. This makes me ephemerally wish that I would have a more prolonged interactions with them at the party on other social occasions. But when it comes to executing this, I make myself so busy with other things that I hardly ever get myself involved in such situations.
Welcome to my mind. It's confusing, I agree. But that's how it works.
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
The official birhtday treat
Everybody in my team at the office knows how much I hate celebrating birthdays. They also are acutely aware that I detest the idea of cutting a birthday cake—this is because I don’t like cakes in general, or must I say I have grown used to disliking cakes in general. I’m a fast aging man and I need to take care of what I eat. I guess that’s the reason why I avoid almost all forms of sweet things offered to me—chocolates, pastries, cakes, do’nuts and more.
Coming back to my birthday—as promised, or should I say “as threatened,” my office colleagues didn’t turn up at my apartment on 7th of November (Sunday, yesterday). They might have gotten a hint or two about my social phobia, I guess. Besides, I had lined up a couple of dates on that day. But both of them got canceled—one man turned out to be married and the other one, my last interesting date, who was treating me at his apartment with dinner, had some sudden emergency to attend to.
Either way, my otherwise disappointing birthday was followed by a surprise birthday treat at the office. Yes, considering all my neuroses and likings/dislikes, my lovely office colleagues, especially S, prepared a huge birthday sandwich for me, which included all kinds of things that I love to have in a sandwich: bread, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, eggs, bacon, chicken salami. Here’s a picture of the sandwich and another one with me trying to bite into it.
They didn’t stop it right there. Again being very thoughtful and considering, they gifted me a bagful of frozen meat items that I could use to make food at home. That was such a kind gesture from them! I thank all of them for executing this fantastic idea! The only unfortunate cog in this whole process is that my refrigerator’s freezer is not working properly—so, I had to let S take all the frozen stuff to her home and let her have them cooked for me. Here’s a picture of the handing over ceremony!
All in all, it was a fantastic post-birthday for me at the office! I love my office!
Coming back to my birthday—as promised, or should I say “as threatened,” my office colleagues didn’t turn up at my apartment on 7th of November (Sunday, yesterday). They might have gotten a hint or two about my social phobia, I guess. Besides, I had lined up a couple of dates on that day. But both of them got canceled—one man turned out to be married and the other one, my last interesting date, who was treating me at his apartment with dinner, had some sudden emergency to attend to.
Either way, my otherwise disappointing birthday was followed by a surprise birthday treat at the office. Yes, considering all my neuroses and likings/dislikes, my lovely office colleagues, especially S, prepared a huge birthday sandwich for me, which included all kinds of things that I love to have in a sandwich: bread, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, eggs, bacon, chicken salami. Here’s a picture of the sandwich and another one with me trying to bite into it.
They didn’t stop it right there. Again being very thoughtful and considering, they gifted me a bagful of frozen meat items that I could use to make food at home. That was such a kind gesture from them! I thank all of them for executing this fantastic idea! The only unfortunate cog in this whole process is that my refrigerator’s freezer is not working properly—so, I had to let S take all the frozen stuff to her home and let her have them cooked for me. Here’s a picture of the handing over ceremony!
All in all, it was a fantastic post-birthday for me at the office! I love my office!
The 31st birthday
It is my first ‘single’ birthday in 4 years. Last year this time, I was drowned in depression. I still remember the 6th of November last year. It was Vinokur’s birthday, and I had a gig that night. Before leaving for work, I had manually changed by date of birth on all the social networking sites to May 7th to make sure that I don’t get flooded with the ‘happy birthdays’ — happy was a word that I was averse to then.
This year, I did the same thing to confuse everyone. I was partially succesful. Some of them still remembered and wished me. The others saw that some people are wishing me and joined in. Besides, I am at a much saner state of mind to respond to the word ‘happy’. Also, almost to give me a helping hand, FaceBook has allowed us to ‘like’ others wishes instead of reciprocating to them directly.
Last year at the gig, I remember wearing my b’day gift from Vinokur — the T-shirt that read ‘I my Weiner’. This year, I didn’t receive a gift from him. Instead, I received a Skype call on the 3rd of November. He wanted to wish me for by b’day earlier because he was going to be out of station for a week or so — he is celebrating this year driving up to upstate New York. On Skype video, he looked plump but still managed to retain that wonderful aura combining handsomeness, intelligence, and love.
The fact is that I still love my Weiner.
This year, I did the same thing to confuse everyone. I was partially succesful. Some of them still remembered and wished me. The others saw that some people are wishing me and joined in. Besides, I am at a much saner state of mind to respond to the word ‘happy’. Also, almost to give me a helping hand, FaceBook has allowed us to ‘like’ others wishes instead of reciprocating to them directly.
Last year at the gig, I remember wearing my b’day gift from Vinokur — the T-shirt that read ‘I
The fact is that I still love my Weiner.
The official birthday threat
My colleagues at work, who I dearly love, to whom I express my love in a very obvious, literal manner on a daily basis, have decided to do something that would be the most unwelcome. They are planning to visit me on Sunday, November 7th, on my birthday—something that I really am not prepared for. In all honesty, this act is going to be very annoying if they eventually pull it off.
They want to do this because I don’t let them celebrate my birthday at work—last year’s birthday came on a Saturday when I had an off day and this years’ is of course on a Sunday. I think they are serious about this and they have given me a warning to clean my apartment up so that it is ‘habitable’ by their standards.
My apartment is never really unclean by any standard. Remember that I’m gay. Also, I have had a history of cleanliness and neatness wherever I have lived. Ask my mother and sister if you need some assurance about this fact. Plus, I have a maid who comes in and does whatever little there is to be taken care off.
Sometimes there are some clothes and guitars strewn around my primarily because there is not enough storage space to put them away. But the main problem with my apartment is that it is dusty and warm. Plus, there are cockroaches and lizards which I don’t really have a problem with because they give me company in my loneliness.
I must admit that I have lost some of the motivation to dust the apartment, take care of cobwebs, and make sure that my sub-mammalian comrades are not excessively proliferating. This coincides with a general lack of motivation that is seeping through my life, especially in all facets of my life other than work. This make me worry a lot—will my colleagues make fun of my apartment’s apparent ‘uncleanness’?
So, in the last two weeks leading up to my birthday, I’ll have to be scared and wary of this impending threat. This is not the right way to shower love to a social phobic, bipolar person like me. Would you you please understand and act accordingly?
They want to do this because I don’t let them celebrate my birthday at work—last year’s birthday came on a Saturday when I had an off day and this years’ is of course on a Sunday. I think they are serious about this and they have given me a warning to clean my apartment up so that it is ‘habitable’ by their standards.
My apartment is never really unclean by any standard. Remember that I’m gay. Also, I have had a history of cleanliness and neatness wherever I have lived. Ask my mother and sister if you need some assurance about this fact. Plus, I have a maid who comes in and does whatever little there is to be taken care off.
Sometimes there are some clothes and guitars strewn around my primarily because there is not enough storage space to put them away. But the main problem with my apartment is that it is dusty and warm. Plus, there are cockroaches and lizards which I don’t really have a problem with because they give me company in my loneliness.
I must admit that I have lost some of the motivation to dust the apartment, take care of cobwebs, and make sure that my sub-mammalian comrades are not excessively proliferating. This coincides with a general lack of motivation that is seeping through my life, especially in all facets of my life other than work. This make me worry a lot—will my colleagues make fun of my apartment’s apparent ‘uncleanness’?
So, in the last two weeks leading up to my birthday, I’ll have to be scared and wary of this impending threat. This is not the right way to shower love to a social phobic, bipolar person like me. Would you you please understand and act accordingly?
My friend's birthday party
Today was so hectic that I don't believe what I ended up doing. I was invited to judge a rock-band competition in a nearby college by Tim. I and him were the judges. After this, Shoonyas were performing. This entire thing took about 6 hours of my day during which I was not able to do the co-ordinator functions of Noise Market properly.
This led to an unfortunate confusion which caused the postponement of a big Noise Market meeting. We finally had to meet later on in the evening to discuss out the ways to approach our situation with the record label. The discussion was very good - it almost re-injected life into the band which will start rehearsing this weekend.
But this denied me the opportunity to be with my college mates 30th birhtday party. He had been very good to me over the last couple of months. Inviting me for parties and taking me to movies etc. Because of the meeting, I couldn't attend his birthday party (for which Shoonyas were stated to play - later got cancelled because of lack of some clearance). I feel bad about this. But I guess, life makes us do weird things.
This led to an unfortunate confusion which caused the postponement of a big Noise Market meeting. We finally had to meet later on in the evening to discuss out the ways to approach our situation with the record label. The discussion was very good - it almost re-injected life into the band which will start rehearsing this weekend.
But this denied me the opportunity to be with my college mates 30th birhtday party. He had been very good to me over the last couple of months. Inviting me for parties and taking me to movies etc. Because of the meeting, I couldn't attend his birthday party (for which Shoonyas were stated to play - later got cancelled because of lack of some clearance). I feel bad about this. But I guess, life makes us do weird things.
This time, last year
This time last year, I was at a great restaurant in Bandra having a party with almost the who's-who of my life then. Life was great. Vibrant, full of hopes and expectations. My friends Dr. R., Sandy, E-boi, Xander, Parry, his girlfriend - all took turns to wish Vinokur his birthday.
Tonight, I sit at my computer trying to wonder what really went wrong. I feel like run-down by a train - a train of responsibilities and challenges that I was not able to keep up with.
Today's exam was the worst ever in my life. Apart from being reporting about half an hour late for the exam thanks to a slow wrist watch, I couldn't answer even one question out of the 9 ones with any semblance of quality. I think any of you (non-medicos) would have fared equally with me in this test. Needless to admit, but my confidence and self-esteem, upto the barest of minimums, has been deflated. Anyone, any fucking person in this world can defeat me now.
As expected, the only fun of this month has passed. It was the gig at Not Just Jazz by the Bay - Shoonyas gig, that is. These are a few pics.
Tonight, I sit at my computer trying to wonder what really went wrong. I feel like run-down by a train - a train of responsibilities and challenges that I was not able to keep up with.
Today's exam was the worst ever in my life. Apart from being reporting about half an hour late for the exam thanks to a slow wrist watch, I couldn't answer even one question out of the 9 ones with any semblance of quality. I think any of you (non-medicos) would have fared equally with me in this test. Needless to admit, but my confidence and self-esteem, upto the barest of minimums, has been deflated. Anyone, any fucking person in this world can defeat me now.
As expected, the only fun of this month has passed. It was the gig at Not Just Jazz by the Bay - Shoonyas gig, that is. These are a few pics.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)