Crushes: Ian Holm

So, as I mentioned earlier, I watched “Alien” last Sunday. The most attractive and sumptuous character was “Ash,” the android. Played by Ian Holm, it maintains the streak of the Androids in the Alien series of movies (including Prometheus) being the most attractive male specimen on display.

Here’s is more recent picture of Ian Holm from Wikipedia. As you can see, he’s as cute as ever!

Crushes: Tommy Lee Jones

I need say nothing more than request you to watch the scene from MIB 2 where Agent Kay was being led into the MIB headquarters by Agent Jay. Agent Kay is wearing postman’s shorts and we get a shot of him walking from his back. *Slurp*

Why are older Americans so handsome?

Crushes: William Shatner

Starting today, I will bring you celebrities who I have a crush on. Don’t be surprised, most will be movie stars from Australia, US, or UK who are really old now. They would most probably have had three or four wives. But they are still red hot in my book.

William Shatner. Or the incredibly sexy James T. Kirk, the captain of USS Enterprise, from Star Trek. Swoon!

(Picture courtesy: Wikipedia, TopNews)

Old crush, a new beginning?

I met someone this weekend, someone who I have “known” for eight years now, someone who has always been interested in me, someone who asked me again if I was interested.

Back in 2004, when we initially met online, I had no idea about relationships and love. Eight years from then, I felt I have grown so much and I know so much more about the intricacies of the heart.

It was such a pleasure to catch up. And the conversation seamlessly went into furthering our friendship. We are very attracted to each other and he’s planning to visit me early next year.

I don’t know what to say, but I’m very excited about it all. I want everyone to keep their appendages crossed. I think a year and almost-half without having anyone in your life is long enough to be “single.”

The most ironic thing is that he looks like Vinokur and has the same nick name! :-O At least that’s what my friends and family told me when I showed them his photo.

More suspense

This morning, the wonderful man that I am hopefully going to meet up with called me on Skype. He said that he couldn’t find a direct flight to Mumbai. I wasn’t quite disappointed when I heard this primarily because I was staring at his handsome face. Then a brainwave struck me. I suggested that he fly to Delhi and catch a flight to Mumbai. He said he hadn’t thought of that before. He said he’ll look into it and let me know by tomorrow morning.

All day at work, my brain was churning over about how to make this work. Then it struck me – why can’t I fly to Delhi and meet him there. Soon, I was looking up tickets to Mumbai–Delhi to-and-fro flights online and I found some really cheap fares. I was so excited that I had to call him. I did, and he answered –for the first time in a couple of weeks. I informed him about the developments. He sounded cheerful and asked me to forward the information about the flight tickets.

I forwarded the information in an e-mail and I haven’t heard back from him except for the acknowledgment of his receipt of the e-mail. The excitement/suspense is killing me. That was very evident in the office when I told my friends about what might happen. I’m so dying to wake up tomorrow morning to his call on Skype informing him about his arrival to Mumbai. More crossed appendages please!

The wait maybe over soon

A few weeks back, I had written a song about a wonderful man that I had met online. I sent the song to this funny guy who commented that he liked it but wanted more instrumentation in the song. Anyway, I thought these two lines were the weakest lines in that song.

Wishing that us and this would be real, really soon
Wishing that it would be, sooner than soon

Apparently they aren’t. He made me really happy today morning on Skype. He said that he might visit me in a couple of weeks in Mumbai. I have every paired appendage in my body crossed hoping that this would happen. Please cross yours with me. I have already applied for leave expecting his arrival and our first meeting.

In a year's time, he said

You eased into my life that day
When you joked about me getting hit by a car and dying
I wasn't quite sure of it then
But I made sure I didn't get hit

You eased into my life that day
When we went on and on entertaining each other with our wit
I wasn't quite sure of it then
And we made sure we didn't fall in love

You eased out of my life the next day
Saying that I had the chance once and I'd failed to grab it
I wasn't sure what I had missed
I am not sure about it now either

You eased back into my life today
Saying you were unwell and had a terrible period of ill health
I wasn't sure how bad it was
And you gave me vague answers

You eased back into my life today
We joked about for quite awhile until I had to say goodbye to you
I wasn't sure if he'd be my mate
And you wished me well in my endeavor

You'd eased back into my life today
When we decided playfully that in a year's time, if we both were single, we would take it up again
I am not sure if we were joking about it
I won't be until the coming Jan 30th

Waiting for you

Winter afternoon, as time slowly passes by
Whisper in my ear, your face flashes past
Within me a feeling of pleasure, it persists
Without you this feeling would never exist

Hold me in your arms, kiss me with your charms
Feel me with your hands, give me all you have

Wanting for this moment to stay forever and long
Waiting for your lips to push me down strong
Wishing that us and this would be real, really soon
Waiting, if only it would be sooner than soon

Hold me in your arms, kiss me with your charms
Feel me with your hands, give me all you have

Free me, feed me, kiss me, kill me

You may not be what I had in my mind
You may have come up from behind
You have always been far from being kind
You have always been that, I don’t mind

Feel me inside out, it your only chance
Drown me down and out, it’s a fat chance
Feel my breath, it’s not happenstance, you
Drowned me in your charm, as per plan

Free me, feed me, kiss me, kill me
Free me, feed me, cuss me, kill me

The Daddy's WindSong Wednesday's experience

I wrote about the entire experience on the Noise Market blog and you can read it by clicking here. Having said that, I must admit that I couldn't have been myself because I was writing on behalf of the entire band. So here's the juicy bit.

This was, by far, the first experience of being a rock-star in a Page 3 gig. People from the music industry, film industry, VJs, ex-VJs, actors, former Miss Indias etc and we played in front of them. Even better, they loved it! The only regret - I wished I was having someone to be with as a date. There were a few hot, hot men in there too! But then, I was out on a professional assignment and I couldn't really grab anyones balls!

If you are wondering about the title which happens to be the name of the event we played for, think no further. This is the ultimate proof of the power of mature-er men over all cross-sections of the society. This post, and practically the entire blog, has been dedicated to this Daddy, who happens to be red hot, for his amazing balls... for coming out with the concept of the event. Okay, okay! Not just that! But still!

Don't take everything literally folks!

Not Just Bad By The Way

The first gig that we had after my trip to Kerala should have been one that I should have remembered ever so fondly for the rest of my life. But sadly it wasn't. Shoonyas were playing at the same resto-bar at the Marine drive and it was Not Just Bad By The Way (pun intended totally). First of all the name of the venue is far too long. Secondly, it's a little cliched as you might have noticed in some of the pictures that I had posted elsewhere on the internet.

It's just lack of practice. Don't worry, not I nor the band have lost our zing. We would be back with a bang. The only thing that was memorable tonight was this hot looking guy who jived with his friend/spouse for our rendition of Beatles and Doors. I wished I could simply knock down the wonderfully dressed woman and join him. Shucks, I had to play the stuff for the jiving to happen, right?

It was disappointing but these days, I don't let myself get disappointed with musical misadventures. Judging by the kind of skill that I have got, I think I have to expect a lot more of those. In the bottom of my heart, though, I know that I'm talented enough to not repeat the mistakes too many times.

The green eyed beauty

I'm sorry I didn't do this post earlier. I was too tired and sleepy to do this yesterday itself. For some reason or the other, I woke up very early around 4.30 am. I did my chores and worked on a song a little before having a rehearsal session with Noise Market.

Soon after that, I left for the much awaited GB brunch which costume party was themed Madonna meets Munnabhai. When I came to Mumbai 3 and half years back, a GB Brunch was the first GB event that I had gone to. It was a very liberating experience then as I was ushered into the world of open gay social life. I had gone with a good friend of mine who also happens to be a red-hot-shot surgeon.

This time around, the event was boring. There were hardly 50 men attending. The various events which took place were based on the theme. The music was drab too because of the shabby speaker system. The only fun game was a contest to put the maximum number of condoms on a brinjal held as a dick. Ironically, I and my partner (for the event) won the event with 7 and a half condoms!

The food was delicious. More so because of the mere fact that I have not been eating anything decent for the past 2 months or so. I had lots of chicken & fish and biriyani. That itself made the event worthwhile for the entry charge. But the real treat was this middle aged balding man with green eyes. I was so ogling at him that I wished I could hit on him. Thankfully, one of my other doctor friends was his friend and I was introduced to him. But I couldn't talk to him much. He had to leave and so did I.

I came back home kinda disappointed that the brunch wasn't as exciting as I had thought it could be. I was so tired and sleepy that I came and sent Vinokur a message stating the obvious and that I was going to sleep. I was hoping to get back up early to catch him before his sleeptime. But that didn't happen. I slept for a cool 13 hours and woke up at around 10 in the morning!

Pink

She was combing her hair, staring at her rather prolific curls at the mirror. She had tried to straighten them out over the past few months but had to give up the idea altogether. She remembered the time when she was not so sure about her looks. That had changed so dramatically after Manoj entered her life about a year back and she had fallen in love for the first time. ‘Maybe, I’m beautiful after all.’ she thought.

The ring of the phone was greeted with gleeful surprise.

‘Hello!’

‘Hey, how are you my sweet lady! Oh, I have been missing you!’

‘I’ve been missing you too. How are you? Everything going okay?’

‘Yes, everything fine. Lately, there have been some activity at a border post a bit north. But nothing here. Don’t worry.’

‘Oh, how can I not worry? I want to spend my life with you and you are out there shooting at terrorists! I have seen so many news stories in the channels about new attacks. I’m scared Manu, I really am!’

‘Come on honey… you know it’s my job. I can’t leave that. And I’m proud doing that. Don’t worry, I’ll be coming back to you intact. Just keep yourself pretty enough to surprise me.’

‘Oh, I will. I love you Manu… I love you!’

‘I love you too, honey. Talking about love, I’m getting some bad dreams lately. I dreamed of somebody coming and stealing you from my life…’

‘Aww, come on! You know I will all be yours. I love you and I mean it. Nothing could ever come between us. Don’t you worry about it, honey! I love you, remember!’

‘Okay, honey. I trust you. I have to hang up now and go back to work. I’ll call you tomorrow okay?’

‘Do remember to call me. I get scared if you don’t. Even a slight delay scares me.’

‘No, I will. I promise. Let me say goodbye. Love you!’

‘I love you too. Good bye.’

As she put back the receiver on the cradle, she was amused by the childish foolishness of Manoj. How could something threaten their relationship which was built in stone? She wanted to laugh it off.

---

She was at her office washing her lunch box. She turned on the faucet even more so that none could hear her gentle sobs. The last two days were unimaginably wild. She had run into her college mate at the mall the day before. Samuel seemed to have lost a lot of weight and gained a couple of decades of wisdom. He had initiated it, and one thing had led to another and they ended up in making love in his bedroom.

She had woken up earlier than usual to an intense headache. It must have been the extra drink that she had yesterday night at the pub. She looked over and saw his lithe body sprawled over the other side of the bed covered with the luscious fabric. He was everything that she had wanted but he was just a year too late. He had a day job and had an apartment in the nearby neighborhood.

She woke him up and told him about Manoj. He took it well. He said that it was okay and they could just be friends. They could just keep the relationship right there; stagnate it and not let it advance. She had felt guilty and hopeful at the same time. As she left the apartment, he had given her a light kiss on her lips…

‘Is everything alright?’ her colleague asked as he went past to the pantry.

‘Yes, I’m okay. Thanks!’

---

‘Hey, how are you?’

‘I’m okay. It is getting very cold here though. How are you?’

‘Well, I am okay. I wanted to know if you were alright?’

‘I’m fine. Is everything alright?’

‘Well….’

‘What’s wrong? Is your mother okay?’

‘She’s fine. It’s not that. It’s something else…’

‘What is it, Pooja?’

‘Well, I don’t know how to say this… I love you, more than ever… but I have a crush on someone else?’

‘Wha… ‘

‘Are you alright? I’m sorry honey. It was so fast that it hit me before I realized it. Are you okay? I’m sorry…’

…

‘Yes, I’m okay. A little scared.’

‘Come on, don’t get scared. You know nothing could stop us. You have my word for it.’

‘Who is it?’

‘It’s Samuel… my friend from college... the guy who I had a crush on while I was in my second year. We had gotten high and ended up sleeping with each other. But don’t worry. We have talked about it. We are not seeing each other any more. I’m sorry… I’m really sorry Manu. I love you!’

…

‘Are you alright? Was I mean? Did I hurt you?’

(sobs)

‘I love you, you know that!’

‘I … love you too… but I’m… scared.’

‘Please Manoj, forgive me. I have wronged. I need another chance.’

…

‘I’ll call you back!’ and he hung up.

---

He didn’t call her back. And there was no way that she could reach him. A few days letter, she received a letter from him.

‘Dear Pooja,

I respect your honesty and sincerity and our love. I love you and hence, I want you to be happier. I'm far away and my work commitments prevent me from being with you. I think that I should allow you to live your life with Samuel, who should be able to be with you and give you the physical company that you need. I want to end our relationship in a dignified manner. I’m sorry that you can’t take part in this decision. I wanted it that way, so as to ensure your happiness.

I will love you forever. Be happy.

Yours

Manoj.’

---

Samuel was reading the newspaper when he saw something familiar. It was the advertisement that had made him buy that lovely pink saree for Pooja. ‘I must tell Pooja to wear that saree more often.’ he thought as he dialed her number. It took 10 rings before someone picked it up. 

‘Hey Pooja, how are you?’

...

*static*

‘Hello? Pooja?’

*static*

‘Who… is speaking?’

‘Hello, hello… may I speak to Pooja please?’

…

‘Sorry sir, I’m inspector Ramesh speaking. We got this phone from the river-side yesterday night. It probably is the phone of the woman whose body we found yesterday night ...’

Random updates

I do realize that the frequency of updates of my blog per day are sometimes more than the number of times Britney Spears checks in and out of rehab per week. I also know that it isn't funny. The Britney Spears part at least. Come on, she's also a human being. We can't make her the butt of jokes always. Only on select occasions like this scene when Leonidus kicks her into the Spartan Pit of Death. That is funny! Digression over.

To save me the blushes of having to post posts (1 , 2) about posts, I have added a new widget titled (as cornily as ever) 'Recently Engayged'. Geez, I do hope you don't get tired of my sleazy word play. Digression over.

The actual Random Updates:

• My fellow band mates have done some tweaking of the template etc for the Noise Market blog. I would like my esteemed blog audience to take a look there, and post comments about updates here. Honestly, I didn't like it. And I want to make sure that I'm not the only weirded out one. Be candid please.
  
  
• For those who want to check out some more pictures of the Queer Azaadi pride march last Saturday in Mumbai Check out these - Albums 1, 2 and 3. If there are generous souls out there, please spread the message around.
  
  
• My girlfriend May recently joined one of the most reputed hospitals in India as a resident of Clinical Haematology. It is really cool. It was her ambition for a long time. But the really cool part isn't that. She gets Wi-Fi all around the campus. Yesterday I saw her Facebooking and G-chatting while she sat at the OPD. After she finished her patients that is. Ain't that cute?
  
  
• I managed to detect the onset of attraction towards another man and nipped it right in the bud. Yes fellows, that's how it is done. I confessed both to this new guy from Bangalore and Vinokur yesterday and all have agreed to keep things in check. The actual culprit is a photograph on his Facebook profile which triggered the feeling. And this is what he said "Thankfully, we are both bottoms! And far enough from each other to keep it platonic!" In another message, he added "Am into hard core stuff. So you are pretty safe!"
  
  
• Yesterday night, was a bloody homicide in my apartment. Well, maybe not technically. It happened while I was sleeping. The blood is splattered all over the floor. I didn't call the police. Instead, I picked the corpse up, put it in a plastic bag and dumped it. Nice and easy. Totally professional. Now, I'm mopping the stains up. :)
  
  
• For those who actually started shaking in dread, the rat's dead.

Who is Miss Adela Quested? The investigatory report

[Why are we talking about Miss Adela Quested? Because he/she/it started commenting on my blog a couple of days back and has indicated his/her/it's desire for me, Kris Bass, in multifarious, nefarious ways. Here goes.]

Let's start from the name. Vinokur gave me the first hint that he remembered it as a character from the book 'A Passage to India'. Miss Adele Quested is the British Woman in the book who guided on a visit to the Marabar caves by the bearded Dr. Aziz, an idealistic, youngish Indian man who has befriended some English people. In there, gets confused and disoriented and apparently runs out accusing Dr. Aziz of assaulting her in the cave. Here's a still from the movie of the same title.

 

I don't know if this is a metaphor or analogy. I can see the smimilarities between me and Dr. Aziz. I'm bearded and I too am a Doctor. I'm youngish (28) and idealistic (maybe) and I have befriend English folk (not exactly, Vinokur is a darned American. But still he speaks English.) Since no one is sure about the sex of the character here, I'm going to refer to it as 'it'. Does 'it' adopt the aforementioned nick to drive in the point about lusting towards a bearded doctor? Perhaps. Let's carry on.

The first intended metaphor is drawn between Kris Bass and Jason Patric in 1987 horror/comedy The Lost Boys (IMDB). Jason acts the role of Michael, the elder of the two brothers who becomes a vampire after drinking blood mistaking it for wine. I'm not sure if I actually look as cute as him or that I am a vampire.

 

Then comes 'I haven't seen this much cuteness and naivete as the War of 1912.' This is by far the toughest of all the references. Here is the link to the Time magazine article. I guess we will need it itself to explain this analogy.

Throwing out Pet Shop Boys CDs comes up next. Well, I can sort of relate to that as I am so cute and sexy that Pet Shop boys are of no match to me. That's a wonderful compliment as even I love Pet Shop Boys.

It goes on to claim that it's the Darkman (Wiki) (from the 1990 film titled 'Darkman' - IMDB). The character is a scientist who after being attacked, turns into half-crazed, masked vigilante, known as Darkman who decides to get revenge on the criminals. This is interesting as I'm sure he is talking about taking on FlyGye as is evident from the interaction between the two.

 

Then it goes on to compare ourselves to the characters from the movie 'Weekend at the Barnies' (IMDB). It is compared to Andrew McCarthy who plays the character of a young employee in an insurance company whose Boss Bernie Lomax (to which I'm compared to - Shocking!) is involved in fraud of stealing money. In the final parts of the movie Andrew McCarthy uses the dead Bernie Lomax's body so as thugs can't kill him. Now, this is scary. I feel that the Darkman is after me!

 

Immediately though, it corrects itself by saying that it is more comparable to Ducky, an exchange student, with Chinky looks, in the movie 'Sixteen Candles' (IMDB) who in a alternate ends, wins the cute girl protagonist Molly Ringwald in the movie. Here I'm confused whether it is referring to its looks or the characters. Does it mean that it will win me over from Vinokur at the end of it all, perhaps in an alternate world? The plot thickens. Here is a clip from the movie where you can see how dorky Ducky, acted by Geddie Watanabe is.

 

Just to give the bait, it addst the twist of Malluhood, Kerala, incest in the reference of Arundhati Roy's 'The God of Small Things'. Although this led to me admitting the fact that I haven't read the book, I was able to get a review of the book which will give you an idea as to what it means. And it did hit me at one of my weakest points: incest!

To add the bollywood twist to the story, it compares me to the apparently blind Rakhee in this video. A point to note here is that it has taken care to confuse us with immediately giving us the alter-idea of it being tall, dark and handsome like Amitabh Bacchan after the dorky impression of Ducky. It has also acknowledged that I can sing and the fact that it likes my singing.

Then comes this analogy where it compares itself to Rachel Ward in the movie 'Thorn Birds' (IMDB). In this movie, Rachel Ward's character lusts for the priest in the family. After early setbacks, they reunite with tragic consequence for both. Scary as well.

 

Shift to even gorier analogies - to Linda Blair in the movie 'Exorcist' (IMDB). It claims that it feels like the character Regan MacNeil who has unnatural powers. The famous lines 'It burns. It burns.' are quoted and it compares burning to the feeling that my beard does to it. This really sounded interesting. Well, until I saw a picture of the Linda from the movie. Here it is. :O

 

Time for another Bollywood twist. Here, it compares itself to Rekha in the movie 'Silsila' (IMDB) who has to separate from Amitabh Bacchan who has to marry another woman because of commitments. But finally, Rekha unites with Amitabh. It got really confusing here. First of all, I was Amitabh here. Elsewhere, it was Amitabh. Secondly, it compared Vinokur to Jaya Bhaduri (then, now Jaya Bacchan). Now Vinokur is bald, has a beard and has balls and stuff. How could this analogy work?

Then we get to see the inner-happening of it's mind when he confronts Fly by comparing alleging that Fly likes movies like 'Birdcage' (1996, gay comedy, 6.5/10 at IMDB) and 'Juno' (2007, comedy, 8/10 at IMDB). A scathing attack, one would presume. The reader is led to believe that this person could very well be a self-possessed witch or something like that.

This is when I intervened. I was overawed by all these references, almost all of which I had no clue about. I requested it to give me some time to understand all the analogies.

It responded by analogies ranging from apartheid politics (Winnie Mandela using a machete to cut a message in the dirt about it's infatuation) to pop culture (Lil Wayne's song 'Lollipop' (video) with direct usage of it's lyrics). We understand its frustration in its apparent resignation at wooing me by comparing its efforts to the likes of Cyndi Lauper and her works (Girls Just Want to Have Fun - video).

We also were able to see the glimpse of it's mind where it longed for love and care. It can't stand unrequited love. When I asked for permission for a detailed post about it, it's used metaphors and allegory, it responded rather despondently that it's efforts were not a publicity stunt but true love. Still, it gave its evil intent out by comparing myself to Rosemary Woodhouse from the horror novel 'Rosemary's Baby' (1967) by Ira Levin. We are led to believe that it curses my fate to be similar to Rosemary's whose husband signed a contract with the Devil to be able to impregnate her with Devil sperm in exchange of a successful career. But it urged me to go on and do what I wanted.

Despite all these analogies, we are confused. What does it look like? Is it a he or a she? Confusing. I put my data through the supercomputers at the 'Indian Society of Character Identification'. The results that came were astounding. It could be either this, this, or one of these.

But it's still cloudy, isn't it? It called for more detailed analysis of the clues that it left. And yes, I did find incriminating evidence of at least its sex. It is actually a male as evidenced by this line 'Listen you may have to move that score to the male side ;)'. To confirm it I searched methodically for all my frequented blogs for further evidence.

And finally, I found this comment on Pepe's blog. 'As you requested - blog address - from Quested as requested.' This was the blog that I was linked to from Vikster's blog yesterday. It was hilarious. And I had left a comment on it. I smelt victory. I went to the blog to check out the blogger's profile. But there wasn't one. The name was 'Joy Division'.

I went and checked for replies to my comments. Yes, there was one. From someone called 'ben' who sounded so much like Miss Quested - 'anything for you kris bass, I'm a sucker for laughs. Consider it an early Christmas -- check back tomorrow and there will be more funny.' It's a shame that Ben's profile is not public.

The closest that we can come to identifying this person is this. He's a male. He's called Ben. And maybe, just maybe, he looks like this. Even this is fine. I hope not this.

What do I feel about this 'dude' after all this research? I feel curious. I feel like knowing him more.

It's weird, but I do it again!

Lazy Friday morning. I am woken up again by the pseudo-janitors of the building knocking on my door. I get up in my underwear, the weird checkered cheap trunks that I decided to wear, saunter up to the door, open the door and say with a sheepish smile, as I've been for the past four days, 'Hey, no trash today.' They nod understandingly. I close the door and in a superhuman effort star slumping to the bed at an impossible angle curving across a small dividing wall. In even superer-human effort I catch myself mid-slump and remember that I get the newspaper from the door when I had opened. I open the door again and I catch the janitors smiling endearingly at me. One of them seemed to have been eyeing my crotch. But he ain't hot, so I don't pursue it. I pick up the paper and close the door again. I start to realize that they realize that I'm actually a guy without anything much to do in life.

The perennial coffee mug is filled with coffee and pushed into the microwave oven. I turn on the TV and whilst watching CNN-IBN I start going through the Bombay Times. Now does anybody believe in god and stuff? Check it out, out of no logical reason whatever, I was reading Bombay Times on a Friday morning. God is there and she's smiling broadly on humanity! I took out the cup of coffee start sipping coffee and am caught mid-sip by the inviting combo of movies; Hancock, The Dark Night and Kung Fu Panda. The movie mania kicks right in. I feel the urge to watch a lot of movies and I frantically search for the timings. As in the last time, I decide to go for a cheap show in a nearby multiplex to start the proceedings.

I hurry up, take a shower and rush to Fun Republic, the nearest multiplex. A fat and ugly man behind the glass counter tells me in a fake Indian accent 'Sir, we have cancelled the show. There aren't any people to watch it.' I get irate. I start arguing with the guy reasoning that it was not fair and that they shouldn't advertise timings on the newspaper if they were to cancel shows. It gets pointless when the ugly and fat guy starts bickering and I start pushing the points about how disparately money is distributed in the world. I walk out of the multiplex irritated thinking that maybe I should go to the library instead.

Let's get the facts straight. I had 44 rupees on the wallet excepting change for the bus trips. I had another 101 Rs. in my bank account and a credit card to buy tickets with. I have breakfast a roadside dhabba just at my bus-stop where a ruggedly beautiful Tamil couple served wayfarers with tasty dosas and chutney/sambar combo. I spend 17 rupees there. I get on a bus and head to the railway station where I get into a Churchgate bound slow train.

There I get spunky again. I go through the timings again, this time eyeing the sequence at Sterling multiplex. I find the three movies slotted one after the other and I start loving myself once again. I decide to sleep through the journey listening to wonderful songs by Angels and Airwaves &The Raconteurs. I walk up the beautiful roads in South Mumbai and reach the multiplex. I’m flummoxed for the second time in the day as I find out that the timings given on the newspaper are different from the actual ones. I quickly decide to watch three movies once again. But this was at the risk of watching a corny Hindi movie between the two Hollywood blockbusters.

I pay for the tickets with my credit card. I’m happy once again. I walk into the cafeteria and I need something to drink. I give into a medium serving of Fountain Pepsi which made me lighter by 35 Rs. I start reading wiki articles on the first movie ‘The Dark Knight’. I’m thrilled to note that the plot is complex and that the movie is critically acclaimed. Bravo and I virtually pat by back.

• The Dark Knight – 3 – 3.5 stars (only!): You know, I must admit that I was never as much a fan of Batman as compared to the Marvel group of super humans. I don’t know why but the movie showered me with reasons. So, the movie is fast paced with great screen play and brilliant action sequences. Heath Ledger’s performance is brilliant. The story line is also complex. So why didn’t I like the movie?
  
  
  
  First of all, The Batman character in the movie is dumb; he’s got this unnaturally monotonic mock-husky-baritone voice which deprives it of any emotional variability. He’s got a fucken suit which prevents him to turn his neck around. Now, for those who are really new to fighting and stuff, even in the Kingdom Animalia, one of the primary requirements is neck movement. Why would such a super-intelligent super-hero make a suit which forced him to be having a severe spondylotic cervical spine? Isn’t that dumb or what? The coolest thing about the movie is that they admit that it’s a dumb thing and try and improve the suit during the course of the movie.
  
  Another thing that I noticed; Batman doesn’t have guns with him almost in the entire movie. Yet, he manages to outfight militia and gangs with loads of guns and bullets firing against them. Can’t people get more logical? Does it really take a huge toll on the grey matter?
  
  The legendary Heath Ledger’s role in the movie is an Oscar-worthy performance. That’s one more reason why Batman and the co-characters in the movie look so stupid and inept. I mean it’s almost like mix-mis-match of a five-star movie when ‘the Clown’ is in da house baby and a 2 star action flick when he’s not around.
  
  I bought a coffee and a pair of samosas in the interval. That cost me 55 Rupees.
  
  
• Kismet Konnection - 2 stars: When you start of badly, you don’t really hope that things would get better. So it didn’t. I wanted to watch the movie not just as filler. Vidya Balan, the heroine in the movie, was quoted to be one of JD’s favorite actresses on the radio show that we had. Besides, she was spotted walking in on of the aisles by JD’s side (about 2 meters of air separating them with Balan didn’t acknowledging JD’s presence in her environs) in the studio the other day.
  
  
  
  
  I don’t think I need to substantiate why the movie was bad. Bad characters, bad actors, bad screen play, bad songs … the list is endless. But there is something that I noticed after carefully listening to the audience in the movie.
  
  
  • Vidya Balan had a bigger biceps than Shahid Kapoor. That’s no mean fact. If you walk across any street in Mumbai, you will see Shahid Kapoor holding the brassy muscular hunk pose where he displays his arm muscles.
    
  • Shahid Kapoor had more cleavage that Vidya Balan. That’s also no mean feat thinking that Shahid Kapoor is just an average hunk and Vidya Balan is hot middle aged territory.
    
  • Vidya Balan and Shahid Kapoor were exchanging wardrobes. I mean, you must see the movie to realize this.
  
  I have to admit that Vidya Balan is overweight (I’m going really easy on words here). You know, I thought after seeing her Airtel ads with Madhavan that she had a charming smile and a warm personality on screen. Yes she has these qualities. But only in 57 seconds in the entire 2 hour long movie. You know, I think that she should opt for roles like ‘The average next door middle aged single/married woman who has an affair with an adolescent or two.’
  
  Shahid Kapoor in my mind should stick to ‘Jab We Met’. He could also use a hair cut and gain some height by undergoing some Ilizarov external fixators. It would be even better if he could get role with those. We could easily eliminate the fixators from screens and the pain provided by them would add a trifle of expressions on his placid face.
  
  
• Hancock - 3.5 stars: Will Smith's funny one liners, sarcastic screen play and the concept are interesting in this movie. I think this movie is underrated. The concept of gods/angels/superheroes being amongst us leading a normal life is enthralling. If only they could come up with a better reason why they can't mate! This movie could have done much better if it had left the superwoman tale untold! Not to mention the dreary last 15 minutes of action.
  
  
  
  The most interesting part of the movie wasn't the movie. But I had this huge crush of a handsome older man who was watching the movie along with his ailing wife. He was so fucking charming that I couldn't but think about him through the entire second half of the movie. I need to post about him in a separate post.
  
  I grabbed a burger during the interval of the movie which cost me 35 Rs.

I was just left with one rupee in my account and change for the bus trips after this misadventure. Very, very reassuring!

After this movie mania and a kind a broken heart, I returned home to Vinokur to tell him all about the crush. This is the best part of our relationship. We can be so open with each other about our crushes and emotions!

I love my Vinokur!