Cousin’s wedding in Kerala

I don’t quite remember why I agreed to it, but I did. Oh yeah, my uncle was threatening (in a friendly manner, of course) that if I don’t make it, there would be drastic consequences. Anyway, I had agreed to attend my cousin’s wedding in Kozhikkode, and had dirt-cheap JetLite tickets purchased three months back.

The to flight was eventless. But then onward, everything was chaotic. Nobody knew how far the wedding hall was from the airport. I finally hired a cab and set out on my own and found the hall. There, I was greeted by all sorts of faces from my past – which I have been trying to hide from, I must admit.

The reception of my relatives, in general was really, good. All of them were happy (or pretended to be) and did not ask too much. A couple of questions about marriage popped up here and there, but I was able to tackle them with humor. After all, I had to keep my word to my parents – they didn’t want me coming out to my extended family.

The only memorable, rather scary, instance was when an uncle took me to the side and started asking me questions like “Are you the old Kris?” “Are you hiding behind a veil” “Are these questions causing you discomfort?” “When will you come back to us?” Then it dawned on me that he was on FaceBook and had seen most of my pictures with Joe.

I guess he knew that I was gay but was shocked and was not very well read about homosexuality.

Of course I met with my Mom and Dad, sister and BIL, and my BIL’s Mom and Dad. I also met all the uncles and aunts that I like and those I don’t like too much. So it was a mixed bag. Some of the cousins that I knew as very small had grown into adolescents and shit. That’s like scary.

Well, apart from that, I spiked up my wedding gift to my cousin (a relatively expensive Bvlgari grooming kit + condoms + lube), and hung out with Ray over beer and beef fry. That was nostalgic. We even rang up some of our old ‘fuckbuddies’.

Gerontophobia

I’m tired of people saying stuff like ‘Hey, look at that ‘uncle’… he looks so gross. I don’t feel like bathing (in the pool) now. I wish he weren’t here.’ & ‘Look at her, she’s half dead. I don’t want to be talking to such an old woman.’ & ‘You know what, I saw this band from Kolkata. They are all ‘uncles’ and they play classic rock.’ & ‘Arrgh! How can you even think of having sex with an old man/woman?’

I have heard a lot of this stuff, believe me. Yes, I’m predisposed to such comments because I like older men and I have relationships with them. But I have a question – How could you be so judgmental/critical/biased about a particular subset of the society? What if it is your uncle/aunt or your father/mother? Even better, what will happen to you yourself when you get older?

In the gay circles at least, it is hypocritical to say something like that. Why? Because we demand the rest of the society accept us for what they consider as weird/abnormal/unnatural. So how on earth can we say something like that to an elderly person? Aren’t we discriminating because of age just like we are being discriminated because of our orientation?

Because of this conundrum, I’m skeptical about telling people about Vinokur’s age. That’s okay compared to taking him out on a party. What kind of comments will people make? More importantly, wouldn’t he get affected by all that? He claims that he can ignore such comments? But can I? Can I stand the insults to someone that I love more than myself?