I honestly don't remember how I felt a few months back. I think I might not
have felt great, but I had the drive to do things out of what I would consider my
main professional role. I was taking courses, planning trips, writing/recording
songs, and what not. On top of it, I was doing a series of satisfying/rewarding
tasks at work, most of which involved teaching or helping
researchers/scientists draft and fine-tune the textual representations of their
life’s work. With all of this, I was able to keep up with the demands of
rehearsals and gigs of a busy multi-instrumentalist.
On the personal side, I had finally put together bits and pieces of my domiciliary
life and I seemed to be on my way to stitch them together into a dependable
quilt that I could snuggle under when I wanted to. My partner, who was a pillar
through the quilt-making process, and I were getting along okay, having navigated
the tricky 7th year of our relationship without much turmoil. I was
enjoying cooking and learning new recipes. On top of this, I was actively considering
the scope of continuing my academics—hell, if I can help people get their research
perfected, why on Earth can’t I do it on my own? I made some significant strides
on doing research on that as well.
Although I was never too social to begin with, I was still able to maintain
a decent relationship status with my friends (almost entirely virtual—and there
is no shame admitting that in 2019), family, and acquaintances. Social media was
still relevant and useful, at least for sharing memes, practicing on being
clever/funny, and keeping up with how people were framing their thoughts on things.
I don't have to dig too much to find enough evidence to suggest that I was a
highly functioning individual. I might have been juggling a bit too many things
at any point in time, but I don’t think I was messing things up too much. There
were warning signs. The usual, “You got too much on your plate, and you will go
on a tailspin sooner than you know it” type comments from people who cared enough
about me and knew enough about my life was—which works out to a rounded one
person.
Then—sure as honking in Mumbai—things changed.
Not sure exactly when.
Maybe in October. Because that’s when I was officially transitioned to a managerial
role at work, with some limits on the other roles that I was already doing. At
work, there is always too many things to do and too few people to do them. This
equation is a great template for someone like me to divert most of my energy/attention
to doing things—not getting things done, as managers are supposed to do.
There must have been that evening when I thought that there were too many
people craving for my attention. There must have been this one day when I found
myself too exhausted to come back and work on a song. There must have been that
one weekend where all I wanted to do was to sleep. There must have been those two
weekday mornings when I could not fit in therapy. There must have been those
days when whatever I seemed to cook tasted terrible. There must have been those
two weeks where I didn’t want to meet the guy who was helping me with some documentation
stuff. There must have been that month when I didn’t care to finish the last two
weeks of a Coursera course that I have been paying for.
That brings me to me to now. I have stopped meme-ing. I have stopped
interacting with people even on instant messaging and social media. I have not
written something or recorded something in a few months. I have stopped wanting
to meet my band mates for rehearsals. I have stopped working on my personal growth.
I have stopped doing research. I have stopped meeting people, including the handful
that I might have wanted to meet. I have stopped thinking about traveling to
places that I might have wanted to visit purely because of scenic splendor. I
have stopped wanting to be with cat. I have stopped checking for movies to watch.
The only thing I have not stopped is to finish things I have to finish at
work and to do my live musician duties whenever they are called for.
My personal malaise for creativity has given me sufficient room for consuming
others’ – which means that I have series like Better Call Saul and The
Walking Dead under my belt. Probably not the worst things to spend time
doing, but maybe not at the cost of not doing the things I used to care for.
I have never looked forward to being a manager, and I was not too sure how
things would pan out. Going by the simple parameter of how good one is in delegating
tasks and getting work done by others, I guess I’m a terrible manager. And going
by how much torque is on my tailspin, I could bore a hole through solid ground
and never come out. On the positive side, people are at work are aware of my
state and are cooperative to look for ways to fix this. I hope to restart regular
therapy sessions thanks to the insistence of my partner and my work manager.
I still don’t know when I will be back—if I will be back. Until this probable possibility becomes a reality, I’ll
try to pull through another exhausting, creativity-less day at a time.
Showing posts with label gig. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gig. Show all posts
The Whitney Houston Tribute
Today, I got to perform at the Blue Frog with a bunch of extremely talented musicians. It was a great experience, although I was playing something that I don’t generally play – Soul/Pop. It was a fantastic experience and I thank each of them (Caralisa Monteiro, Beven Fonsesca, Ravi Iyer, Sishir Malhotra, Mabel Chan, Agnelo Picardo, Samantha Edwards, and Keshia Braganza).
Damp squib
Saturday was the moment of reckoning. I would know by the end of Saturday if I was really enjoying my life again. I had it all packed up with a brunch date and a gig with Cirkles in the evening.
Then it poured. All sorts of mammals. By the time I woke up, I had almost made up my mind to take a rain-check for the date. To make things less uncomfortable, I texted my date. I didn't get a reply for a few minutes. I was anxious and I called him. He answered my phone and said that it was okay. Phew, close shave. Shades of social phobia manifesting again. This time, there was actual rain.
Then I went back to spending my day watching South Park and sleeping. I dozed off to a wonderful siesta and was determined not to wake up until I had to take shower before starting to the venue. Then, I got a message from my band mate that the gig was canceled due to rain and one of our band mates being unwell.
I was relieved once again. Not needing to exercise your social skill for the second time in the same day felt like a blessing! But I was disappointed at not performing for the gig. I was all excited about this gig and was planning to take two bass guitars to be used for different sets. Well, whatever!
Then it poured. All sorts of mammals. By the time I woke up, I had almost made up my mind to take a rain-check for the date. To make things less uncomfortable, I texted my date. I didn't get a reply for a few minutes. I was anxious and I called him. He answered my phone and said that it was okay. Phew, close shave. Shades of social phobia manifesting again. This time, there was actual rain.
Then I went back to spending my day watching South Park and sleeping. I dozed off to a wonderful siesta and was determined not to wake up until I had to take shower before starting to the venue. Then, I got a message from my band mate that the gig was canceled due to rain and one of our band mates being unwell.
I was relieved once again. Not needing to exercise your social skill for the second time in the same day felt like a blessing! But I was disappointed at not performing for the gig. I was all excited about this gig and was planning to take two bass guitars to be used for different sets. Well, whatever!
The cheeseburger of my life
Performing at the Hard Rock Café Mumbai is a thrilling experience for me. For the first three years of my Mumbai life, I used to be a regular among the audience there. I always used to dream about performing there.
Six years into Mumbai, and three years into professional music here, I have performed several times at the venue. The excitement is not as high as it used to be. But the thrill of consummating my relationship with the Hard Rock Café special cheeseburger lives on.
Every time I'm at the Hard Rock Café, I look forward to having the juiciest burger in town. I believe it is the best in Mumbai. Ah, the perks of being a musician!
Six years into Mumbai, and three years into professional music here, I have performed several times at the venue. The excitement is not as high as it used to be. But the thrill of consummating my relationship with the Hard Rock Café special cheeseburger lives on.
Every time I'm at the Hard Rock Café, I look forward to having the juiciest burger in town. I believe it is the best in Mumbai. Ah, the perks of being a musician!
Evening bandh - IPL
The IPL has started. Their advertisements say that it will be Bharath Bandh for the whole 6 weeks of cricketainment. Although that seems a little far-fetched, IPL has definitely affected my life tremendously.
My evening life has come to a virtual standstill. The only thing that I want to do every evening is to come home and watch the game on the telly. I don’t want to go for rehearsals or even perform at gigs. As you can see, I’m updating my blog after a long gap of two weeks.
My online friends and family also have faced the consequences. Nowadays, I don’t want to chat with my Mom or my friends in the night when the game is on. Apart from the fact that I’ll be missing the action, I’ll be distracted by the match, and I consider it impolite to be distracted while having a one-on-one conversation.
And when it ends, it will leave a big vacuum in my life. I don’t know what to plug the vacuum with.
My evening life has come to a virtual standstill. The only thing that I want to do every evening is to come home and watch the game on the telly. I don’t want to go for rehearsals or even perform at gigs. As you can see, I’m updating my blog after a long gap of two weeks.
My online friends and family also have faced the consequences. Nowadays, I don’t want to chat with my Mom or my friends in the night when the game is on. Apart from the fact that I’ll be missing the action, I’ll be distracted by the match, and I consider it impolite to be distracted while having a one-on-one conversation.
And when it ends, it will leave a big vacuum in my life. I don’t know what to plug the vacuum with.
Social phobia attack
Tonight, I was at the Blue Frog for the launch of the debut album of Dischordian "Feni Farm Riot." Before I went in, I took my pills. Then I had a couple of shot of feni. Then, it struck me. The social phobia that is.
There were a lot of friends and bandmates in the crowd and all of a sudden, I didn't want to be with them. I escaped to a corner in the venue and I couldn't do anything but stare into my Twitter timeline and scroll through the various tweets.
Halfway through the gig, the social phobia was overwhelming. I was wondering how I would say bye to all these people individually. I decided to take off before the gig ended after sending SMSes to all my friends saying that I had an early day at work.
On the way out, I ran into a friend/bandmate who himself suffers from depression. I just said a "hi" and a "bye" in quick succession. Later, in an SMS, I told him that I had an acute attack of social phobia. He replied "It's okay. Take care."
I hope the entire world is as understanding.
There were a lot of friends and bandmates in the crowd and all of a sudden, I didn't want to be with them. I escaped to a corner in the venue and I couldn't do anything but stare into my Twitter timeline and scroll through the various tweets.
Halfway through the gig, the social phobia was overwhelming. I was wondering how I would say bye to all these people individually. I decided to take off before the gig ended after sending SMSes to all my friends saying that I had an early day at work.
On the way out, I ran into a friend/bandmate who himself suffers from depression. I just said a "hi" and a "bye" in quick succession. Later, in an SMS, I told him that I had an acute attack of social phobia. He replied "It's okay. Take care."
I hope the entire world is as understanding.
Saturday night with Cirkles
Saturday nights are meant to be for partying. Well, yesterday it was a party of a different flavor. I performed with Cirkles at the KJ Somaiya College of Engineering at Sion, Mumbai. It was for their annual festival Surge ’11. I was skeptical about how the gig might turn out because we didn’t have a proper sound check – I had gotten to the venue much later than my band mates.
We had about an hour on stage and we had a blast. The lights and pyros were excellent and in sync with our music. I must thank our friendly neighborhood sound and light guy who makes it all possible. The crowd was very encouraging and cheered us all along. What was funny is that there were young men in the crowd who were pointing at me and making provocative gestures at me – they seemed to be gay and enjoying themselves. Now, that’s pretty cool!
Here are a couple of pictures from the gig – courtesy our band groupie! As you can see, L'Oreal is not doing much to my hair!
We had about an hour on stage and we had a blast. The lights and pyros were excellent and in sync with our music. I must thank our friendly neighborhood sound and light guy who makes it all possible. The crowd was very encouraging and cheered us all along. What was funny is that there were young men in the crowd who were pointing at me and making provocative gestures at me – they seemed to be gay and enjoying themselves. Now, that’s pretty cool!
Here are a couple of pictures from the gig – courtesy our band groupie! As you can see, L'Oreal is not doing much to my hair!
The Queer Ink Open-Mic Night
The last time I went for a semi-open mic event, about a year back, I came back disappointed – so much so that I had promised that I would never do it again. But then, three months or so later, I went on to to perform a song on a rooftop party where the choir that I used to sing was performing. I performed ‘Living Your Dream’ and I got a wonderful response. On that day, I had dedicated that song to Sidd Coutto, who was then part of Shor Bazaar.
Tonight, after a whore of a day at work, when I took a train to Bandra station – I was already late – I was not very apprehensive. That must have been because I had performed solo sets a couple of times in the last two weeks. I texted the organizers mentioning that I would be arriving late. To my surprise, and I’m grateful for them, they had put me as the last performer for the event. That made me feel proud!
There was a lot of wonderful talent out there – singers, story writers, poets, comedians – almost everything under the sun, just like different shades of the rainbow! Alisha Batth was there accompanying a friend of hers on the guitar and my friend Georgina Maddox did a couple of wonderful songs. My good friend Deep recited a short story that he had written, and another friend Praful recited a Hindi poem.
Finally, my name was announced. The organizers were kind enough to give me extra time to perform two songs. Despite some sound problems with plugging my guitar on to the mixer, I gave a good performance. I played ‘The Rainbow Song’ and ‘Living Your Dream’ and I was fortunate to get a rousing applause for both the songs, especially ‘Living Your Dream’.
After I wound up, one lady came up to me and told me that she was crying when she was listening ‘Living Your Dream’. That’s such a wonderful thing to hear! I was so happy after the event that on my way back home in the train, I donated Rs. 100 as charity to educate poor school children in the interior of Maharashtra!
I should do this more often!
Thanks to Shobhana S. Kumar from Queer Ink for this wonderful space for queer artists!
Tonight, after a whore of a day at work, when I took a train to Bandra station – I was already late – I was not very apprehensive. That must have been because I had performed solo sets a couple of times in the last two weeks. I texted the organizers mentioning that I would be arriving late. To my surprise, and I’m grateful for them, they had put me as the last performer for the event. That made me feel proud!
There was a lot of wonderful talent out there – singers, story writers, poets, comedians – almost everything under the sun, just like different shades of the rainbow! Alisha Batth was there accompanying a friend of hers on the guitar and my friend Georgina Maddox did a couple of wonderful songs. My good friend Deep recited a short story that he had written, and another friend Praful recited a Hindi poem.
Finally, my name was announced. The organizers were kind enough to give me extra time to perform two songs. Despite some sound problems with plugging my guitar on to the mixer, I gave a good performance. I played ‘The Rainbow Song’ and ‘Living Your Dream’ and I was fortunate to get a rousing applause for both the songs, especially ‘Living Your Dream’.
After I wound up, one lady came up to me and told me that she was crying when she was listening ‘Living Your Dream’. That’s such a wonderful thing to hear! I was so happy after the event that on my way back home in the train, I donated Rs. 100 as charity to educate poor school children in the interior of Maharashtra!
I should do this more often!
Thanks to Shobhana S. Kumar from Queer Ink for this wonderful space for queer artists!
Thursday's gig
In two days, I will be making my debut as a singer/songwriter with a five-song of Ideat Savant (http://myspace.com/ideatsavant) set at the QAM Pride-related event in Carter Road amphitheater. The details of the event can be found at this link. Alongside, both Shor Bazaar (Noise Market) and Cirkles (Shoonyas) will be playing sets. So, it is a very special event for me, where three of my projects perform at the same stage. Apart from us, Alisha Batth & Alisha Pais and the band MH04 will be performing.
The rehearsals have gone pretty well. I hope that the event will be grand success. Wish me luck!
FaceBook event page
http://queeerazaadi.wordpress.com
The rehearsals have gone pretty well. I hope that the event will be grand success. Wish me luck!
FaceBook event page
http://queeerazaadi.wordpress.com
A Friday To Remember (part 2)
(coninued...)
We got back on stage and played a short acoustic set. After that, we invited our friends and a talented bunch of musicians to perform a few songs. They invited our drummer to play with them for four songs and invited me to play drums for the fifth song. I started the song slow and I gave a shoddy performance behind the kit. But it was all mean in fun and I didn't want to take all the negativity forward to my set of three songs, which included 'Torn' by Natalie Imbruglia, 'The Prayer Inside This Song', and 'What I Have Lost'.
I introduced 'The Prayer Inside This Song' as a song written by my ex-boyfriend (Vinokur) in 1968 when after he had a hangover with cocaine. One guy in the crowd jumped out of his seat and asked me 'Your boyfriend?' I nodded. Later, I was introduced to him and he said that he was gay and was happy to see someone from the same 'clan'! The set went okay, I thought - my voice was a little tired after the first set with the band. For a show without a proper soundcheck, I think the performance was good.
Later the band took over once more and we did a five-song finishing set, at the end of which the crowd started requesting for more. For some odd reason, Dr. R and Jay were in a hurry to leave - they didn't even hang around to say a proper goodbye. I went back to my apartment with my date to have a drink and a lovely conversation which was sprinkled with a couple of private (special) performances of my songs. We slept really late. We woke up late and had coffee at home and breakfast at the Mucchawallah Dosawallah. Then I saw him off in a rick.
That capped a wonderful day of ups and downs where I think I succesfully managed all three major facets of my life. I tag this as a #win.
We got back on stage and played a short acoustic set. After that, we invited our friends and a talented bunch of musicians to perform a few songs. They invited our drummer to play with them for four songs and invited me to play drums for the fifth song. I started the song slow and I gave a shoddy performance behind the kit. But it was all mean in fun and I didn't want to take all the negativity forward to my set of three songs, which included 'Torn' by Natalie Imbruglia, 'The Prayer Inside This Song', and 'What I Have Lost'.
I introduced 'The Prayer Inside This Song' as a song written by my ex-boyfriend (Vinokur) in 1968 when after he had a hangover with cocaine. One guy in the crowd jumped out of his seat and asked me 'Your boyfriend?' I nodded. Later, I was introduced to him and he said that he was gay and was happy to see someone from the same 'clan'! The set went okay, I thought - my voice was a little tired after the first set with the band. For a show without a proper soundcheck, I think the performance was good.
Later the band took over once more and we did a five-song finishing set, at the end of which the crowd started requesting for more. For some odd reason, Dr. R and Jay were in a hurry to leave - they didn't even hang around to say a proper goodbye. I went back to my apartment with my date to have a drink and a lovely conversation which was sprinkled with a couple of private (special) performances of my songs. We slept really late. We woke up late and had coffee at home and breakfast at the Mucchawallah Dosawallah. Then I saw him off in a rick.
That capped a wonderful day of ups and downs where I think I succesfully managed all three major facets of my life. I tag this as a #win.
A Friday To Remember (part 1)
Yesterday was a classic day when I was called to combine all three facets of my life - work/music/gay socializing - in a manner which would envy most.
I woke up late, thanks to a late-night rehearsal, which resulted in me taking my pills later than usual. I had a hectic day at work with reviews of trainee assignments and a separate document to edit. At the end of the day, I was called in for an unplanned discussion about a client complaint on an assignment - one of the rare times I fucked up at work - that dragged my eventual departure from office even more.
I was late for soundcheck for my gig at Not Just Jazz By The Bay with Cirkles (Shoonyas). I messaged my bandmates to let them know that I was running late. Ironically enough, I reached the venue the first. I was a little anxious because I was performing a few original compositions of mine (for Ideat Savant). Ideally, I would have liked to soundcheck my set, but the band soundcheck got so delayed than we finished it at 10 pm, just 15 minutes from the starting time.
I was surprised to see my friend and shrink Dr. R and her husband Jay turn up for the event. It had been about a year since I had talked to them and I didn't know when to start. After pleasantries, I consciously tried to avoid the converation drifting to my depression and career choices. I must say that I was relatively succesful.
I was expecting a gay friend of mine, the date from the New Year's Eve party that I had attended to turn up as well. He didn't have company and since my old friends had turned up, I thought of hooking them up with my date. He arrived as were finishing our first song of the day. I beckoned him over and I suggested that he hang out with my friends, which he evntually ended up doing. I don't know if he would be comfortable, but I was hoping he would.
Well, our set-list got a warm response, and we played an electric set really tight to get a rousing applause from the crowd. Unfortunately, our vocalist was struggling with a sore throat, and we took a break after an hour and 15 minutes on stage. The break was rather long, and I took the opportunity to catch up with my friends and the date. We had a nice conversation and I introduced everyone to my bandmates. (continued...)
I woke up late, thanks to a late-night rehearsal, which resulted in me taking my pills later than usual. I had a hectic day at work with reviews of trainee assignments and a separate document to edit. At the end of the day, I was called in for an unplanned discussion about a client complaint on an assignment - one of the rare times I fucked up at work - that dragged my eventual departure from office even more.
I was late for soundcheck for my gig at Not Just Jazz By The Bay with Cirkles (Shoonyas). I messaged my bandmates to let them know that I was running late. Ironically enough, I reached the venue the first. I was a little anxious because I was performing a few original compositions of mine (for Ideat Savant). Ideally, I would have liked to soundcheck my set, but the band soundcheck got so delayed than we finished it at 10 pm, just 15 minutes from the starting time.
I was surprised to see my friend and shrink Dr. R and her husband Jay turn up for the event. It had been about a year since I had talked to them and I didn't know when to start. After pleasantries, I consciously tried to avoid the converation drifting to my depression and career choices. I must say that I was relatively succesful.
I was expecting a gay friend of mine, the date from the New Year's Eve party that I had attended to turn up as well. He didn't have company and since my old friends had turned up, I thought of hooking them up with my date. He arrived as were finishing our first song of the day. I beckoned him over and I suggested that he hang out with my friends, which he evntually ended up doing. I don't know if he would be comfortable, but I was hoping he would.
Well, our set-list got a warm response, and we played an electric set really tight to get a rousing applause from the crowd. Unfortunately, our vocalist was struggling with a sore throat, and we took a break after an hour and 15 minutes on stage. The break was rather long, and I took the opportunity to catch up with my friends and the date. We had a nice conversation and I introduced everyone to my bandmates. (continued...)
Singer/songwriter debut
Well, the Queer Azaadi March this year features a week of queer-related activities leading up the pride march on the 29th of January (Saturday). I have already applied for a half-day leave on that day.
More importantly for me, however, are the dates 27th and 28th, when I'll be performing as a singer/songwriter at two separate venues - at the Carter Road Amphitheater, Bandra and at Cooper Candies, Pali Hilll, Bandra, respectively.
On the 27th, I'll be joined by Rob (on guitar/vocals) and S (on djembe, percussion). The fantastic Alsha Batth will be performing alongside. On the 28th, I'd be performing solo for just a song or two at the Open Mic Night event. Both will be memorable days in my life, where I'll be performing songs that I wrote, songs that are so very personal.
This will the first time that Ideat Savant (my pet music project) songs are being performed live. As a prelude to these two gigs, if things go well, I'll be performing a 3-song set with Rob and S at the Cirkles gig at Not Just Jazz by the bay on the 21st of January. That makes it a total of three singer/songwriter gigs in a week's time! Wish me luck fellows!
Here is the QAM schedule:
More importantly for me, however, are the dates 27th and 28th, when I'll be performing as a singer/songwriter at two separate venues - at the Carter Road Amphitheater, Bandra and at Cooper Candies, Pali Hilll, Bandra, respectively.
On the 27th, I'll be joined by Rob (on guitar/vocals) and S (on djembe, percussion). The fantastic Alsha Batth will be performing alongside. On the 28th, I'd be performing solo for just a song or two at the Open Mic Night event. Both will be memorable days in my life, where I'll be performing songs that I wrote, songs that are so very personal.
This will the first time that Ideat Savant (my pet music project) songs are being performed live. As a prelude to these two gigs, if things go well, I'll be performing a 3-song set with Rob and S at the Cirkles gig at Not Just Jazz by the bay on the 21st of January. That makes it a total of three singer/songwriter gigs in a week's time! Wish me luck fellows!
Here is the QAM schedule:
Standard Chartered Mumbai Marathon - Part 2 - and more
After waiting for nearly three hours, watching some not-so-professional performances from the other bands, we finally got on stage at around 10.45 am. After plugging in and doing a preliminary soundcheck, we started off playing our 'legendary' medley of 'We Will Rock You', 'Pichle Saat Din', 'Saare Jahaan Se Achcha', 'They Don't Really Care About Us'.
Before we could finsh our first (medley) song, the police came over and asked us to stop performing. We had no other option to pack up and leave. That was a total disappointment, and had gotten us mentally tired on a Sunday that was supposed to be rejuvenating. From there, we took the train back to Andheri, checking out the pictures that our friend had clicked.
Rob and I went together to his place to rehearse the songs that I am performing at the Queer Azaadi March-related event on Jan 27th (Thursday) evening at the Carter Road Amphitheater in Bandra. However, our rehearsal was cut short by the Shor Bazaar project to try and make a background score for a B2B movie/video. A lot of time was spent on that and that drove me even further into boredom.
By around 5 pm, we finally managed to complete the draft that we intended to make. But at that point, I was mentally, and perhaps physically, drained. I came back home, checked my e-mail and social networking updates and decided to take a nap. That nap, starting from 6.30 pm, carried me well into the early morning. I woke up at 3.30 am trying to figure out what had happened.
I had to take my pills, I remembered. I did that and spent an hour online catching up with my lovelies, including Bruno, the lovely Franco-Italian professor. After an hour or so, during the time I met another wonderful man from Virginia at SilverDaddies.com, I went to bed hoping that I would wake up in time.
Today showed me how frustrating a musician's life can be. From the highs of the jam with Bad Influence to a 'no show' with Cirkles to a boring backround score making session with Shor Bazaar (Noise Market). That's how a musician's life is - full of ups and downs. Well, that's how life in general is, is it not?
Before we could finsh our first (medley) song, the police came over and asked us to stop performing. We had no other option to pack up and leave. That was a total disappointment, and had gotten us mentally tired on a Sunday that was supposed to be rejuvenating. From there, we took the train back to Andheri, checking out the pictures that our friend had clicked.
Rob and I went together to his place to rehearse the songs that I am performing at the Queer Azaadi March-related event on Jan 27th (Thursday) evening at the Carter Road Amphitheater in Bandra. However, our rehearsal was cut short by the Shor Bazaar project to try and make a background score for a B2B movie/video. A lot of time was spent on that and that drove me even further into boredom.
By around 5 pm, we finally managed to complete the draft that we intended to make. But at that point, I was mentally, and perhaps physically, drained. I came back home, checked my e-mail and social networking updates and decided to take a nap. That nap, starting from 6.30 pm, carried me well into the early morning. I woke up at 3.30 am trying to figure out what had happened.
I had to take my pills, I remembered. I did that and spent an hour online catching up with my lovelies, including Bruno, the lovely Franco-Italian professor. After an hour or so, during the time I met another wonderful man from Virginia at SilverDaddies.com, I went to bed hoping that I would wake up in time.
Today showed me how frustrating a musician's life can be. From the highs of the jam with Bad Influence to a 'no show' with Cirkles to a boring backround score making session with Shor Bazaar (Noise Market). That's how a musician's life is - full of ups and downs. Well, that's how life in general is, is it not?
Standard Chartered Mumbai Marathon - part 1
Today, I'm on my way to the Standard Chartered Mumbai Marathon, not to run, but to perform with my band Cirkles (Shoonyas) at the TCS stage. In the first class compartment in the fast local to Churchgate, I see dozens of men wearing track suits and official T-shirts of the marathon. Most of them don't seem like athletes, but at least they have the spirit to participate.
The Twitter world is abuzz with celebrities and fellow tweeters tweeting about the marathon. My expecations are on the rise. I hope this will be worth the experience of getting up early in the morning after a physically draining week and an emotionally draining night when India escaped by the skin of their teeth agaist South Africa at Kingsmead, Durban.
I'll update again after the experience. Until then, join me on Twitter!
The Twitter world is abuzz with celebrities and fellow tweeters tweeting about the marathon. My expecations are on the rise. I hope this will be worth the experience of getting up early in the morning after a physically draining week and an emotionally draining night when India escaped by the skin of their teeth agaist South Africa at Kingsmead, Durban.
I'll update again after the experience. Until then, join me on Twitter!
Pride lost, experience gained
On Dec 5th, 2010, I realized a dream. I performed at Independence Rock XXV, the biggest and the most iconic rock festival India, which has been called the Woodstock of India. I played alongside rock icons of my generation, the biggest bands, and legends of the music scene. I performed in front of the biggest audience in my life – the final count is up to 6,000, I read somewhere.
There ends the good part of the story, however. I played with the new version of Pralay, founded in the 1990s, which had toured Russia of 6 months then, and which went on to get nominated for a Grammy award in 2003. The difference between the band then and the band now is that, in the past they had a full-time vocalist. After band-member departures, the lead guitarist of the band has taken up charge of the vocals, and as I had already written about, he’s no Dave Mustaine. And I must say, I don’t fancy the vocals of Dave Mustaine.
The audience at Independence Rock had a similar opinion. They booed at us, they threw bottles at us, and they made use leave the stage buried in shame. My friends, each and every one of them, thought that it was a pathetic performance. I had asked them to not judge me on the basis of this performance before hand, but some couldn’t just resist it and had to say “Fuck, why the hell do you play for this band?” I had my one answer – because I wanted to live the dream of playing at I-Rock. The critics didn’t spare us, neither did Twitter users.
From the band’s point of view, Farhad Wadia and Co., who had infamously pushed me out of stage last year when I was covering the event as a photojournalist, denied us a proper soundcheck before the gig, and gave us around 30 minutes to soundcheck and play after the first band Bhayanak Maut had performed. As ironic as it could get, he actually borrowed my acoustic guitar and rehearsed with it backstage. As expected, he didn’t thank me when I went to him to take back my guitar.
At the end of it all, albeit with a loss of pride and self-respect, I managed to perform at I-Rock. This picture will define this moment of my life forever.
*Picture courtesy Suvajeet Dattagupta.
There ends the good part of the story, however. I played with the new version of Pralay, founded in the 1990s, which had toured Russia of 6 months then, and which went on to get nominated for a Grammy award in 2003. The difference between the band then and the band now is that, in the past they had a full-time vocalist. After band-member departures, the lead guitarist of the band has taken up charge of the vocals, and as I had already written about, he’s no Dave Mustaine. And I must say, I don’t fancy the vocals of Dave Mustaine.
The audience at Independence Rock had a similar opinion. They booed at us, they threw bottles at us, and they made use leave the stage buried in shame. My friends, each and every one of them, thought that it was a pathetic performance. I had asked them to not judge me on the basis of this performance before hand, but some couldn’t just resist it and had to say “Fuck, why the hell do you play for this band?” I had my one answer – because I wanted to live the dream of playing at I-Rock. The critics didn’t spare us, neither did Twitter users.
From the band’s point of view, Farhad Wadia and Co., who had infamously pushed me out of stage last year when I was covering the event as a photojournalist, denied us a proper soundcheck before the gig, and gave us around 30 minutes to soundcheck and play after the first band Bhayanak Maut had performed. As ironic as it could get, he actually borrowed my acoustic guitar and rehearsed with it backstage. As expected, he didn’t thank me when I went to him to take back my guitar.
At the end of it all, albeit with a loss of pride and self-respect, I managed to perform at I-Rock. This picture will define this moment of my life forever.
*Picture courtesy Suvajeet Dattagupta.
The biggest gig of my life
As I sit near the jamming pad waiting for my band's turn to rehearse, I get time to breathe and look back at the last week or so. The schedule was/is back-breaking. A three-hour rehearsal everyday for two weeks. Yes, I'm preparing for the biggest gig of my career - not with Shor Bazaar or Cirkles, but with Pralay at Independence Rock XXV.
Pralay is a hard rock act that shot to fame with a nomination for a Grammy in 2004 in the world music category. Since then, the band has undergone many lineup changes. Their lead vocalist has left the band now the vocals are handled by the guitar player who's no Dave Mustaine. They have some of their songs in very Indian sounding scales and modes - D phrygian, for example.
I did a couple of freelancing gigs in 2009 with them. It was a strange experience because the music was unfamiliar and the band was not as tight as one should be. This time around, however, things are much better with a good combination at work in the drum/rhythm section.
We are sharing the stage with the behemoths of the rock/metal scene in Mumbai - Bhayanak Maut, Scribe, Demonic Resurrection, Indus Creed are the other bands. Throw in Axetortion featuring best guitarists from around the country and the rebranded Dinosaurs of Rock, the line-up is pretty intimidating. I hope that we can match up with the big guns and give a decent show.
The event happens this Sunday at Chirtrakoot grounds, just across the road from my apartment. I also happen to be playing alongside my heroes and drummers who have played with Shor Bazaar - Sidd Coutto and Jai Row Kavi - who are playing with the Dinosaurs of Rock and Indus Creed, respectively.
Wish me luck. Wish us luck.
Pralay is a hard rock act that shot to fame with a nomination for a Grammy in 2004 in the world music category. Since then, the band has undergone many lineup changes. Their lead vocalist has left the band now the vocals are handled by the guitar player who's no Dave Mustaine. They have some of their songs in very Indian sounding scales and modes - D phrygian, for example.
I did a couple of freelancing gigs in 2009 with them. It was a strange experience because the music was unfamiliar and the band was not as tight as one should be. This time around, however, things are much better with a good combination at work in the drum/rhythm section.
We are sharing the stage with the behemoths of the rock/metal scene in Mumbai - Bhayanak Maut, Scribe, Demonic Resurrection, Indus Creed are the other bands. Throw in Axetortion featuring best guitarists from around the country and the rebranded Dinosaurs of Rock, the line-up is pretty intimidating. I hope that we can match up with the big guns and give a decent show.
The event happens this Sunday at Chirtrakoot grounds, just across the road from my apartment. I also happen to be playing alongside my heroes and drummers who have played with Shor Bazaar - Sidd Coutto and Jai Row Kavi - who are playing with the Dinosaurs of Rock and Indus Creed, respectively.
Wish me luck. Wish us luck.
Why teenagers should be quarantined until middle age
So, yesterday I was at a posh club downtown to watch my friend's band Airport' perform - (I was at Zenzi Mills for all you bitchy Mumbai-ites). They were supposed to start at 9.30 pm. I, like a turd of bullcrap, thought that they would start on time. I mean, which band starts on time anyway - excepting Shoonyas perhaps, but we play at cheapass pubs which have strict time regulations etc.
As I walk in 15 minutes early, I meet my friends (aka the members of the performing band) who are just coming back from their apartment wearing nice fashionable clothes, with gelled hair and the just-got-out-of-the-shower look. Mind you, I'm wearing out-of-fashion boring cheap jeans and a Levi's faded black tee shirt, and slippers, and I look as tired as an old hooker. I exchange my pleasantries with my friends and we all walk in the pub.
We reach the first tier - the place where the gig will happen - and my friends start tuning their guitars and stuff. I look around and I see a group adolescents looking at me expectantly. WTF? How the fuck does a relatively new and upcoming, albeit talented, band have such a desirable fan base - a bunch of idiotic teenage wannabes who groove to silly disco music, wasting their parents' hard-earned blood turned into testicular sweat/intermammary cleft sweat money!
Then, my friends leave for the outside to catch up with their pre-requisite body nicotine levels while I, like a fool, stay back to play with my PDA. And then I realize - there's a fucking b'day party going on! The teenagers are doing mindless shit - like having a competition to decide who falls down to the floor while all of them start spinning around like tops! Jesus Fucking Christ! Give me a break!
I can't fucking believe my loser-of-the-millenium luck man. What am I?
As I walk in 15 minutes early, I meet my friends (aka the members of the performing band) who are just coming back from their apartment wearing nice fashionable clothes, with gelled hair and the just-got-out-of-the-shower look. Mind you, I'm wearing out-of-fashion boring cheap jeans and a Levi's faded black tee shirt, and slippers, and I look as tired as an old hooker. I exchange my pleasantries with my friends and we all walk in the pub.
We reach the first tier - the place where the gig will happen - and my friends start tuning their guitars and stuff. I look around and I see a group adolescents looking at me expectantly. WTF? How the fuck does a relatively new and upcoming, albeit talented, band have such a desirable fan base - a bunch of idiotic teenage wannabes who groove to silly disco music, wasting their parents' hard-earned blood turned into testicular sweat/intermammary cleft sweat money!
Then, my friends leave for the outside to catch up with their pre-requisite body nicotine levels while I, like a fool, stay back to play with my PDA. And then I realize - there's a fucking b'day party going on! The teenagers are doing mindless shit - like having a competition to decide who falls down to the floor while all of them start spinning around like tops! Jesus Fucking Christ! Give me a break!
I can't fucking believe my loser-of-the-millenium luck man. What am I?
Thank you - I am back
The winter might be wreaking havoc up north and in the West; I too experienced its bite when Shor Bazaar went up to Gulmarg to perform for the New Year's bash arranged by the J&K government to usher in the decade of snow tourism, but the hell-freeze capturing my mind seems to be thawing. It's interesting to note that the pure whiteness and sheer beauty of the virgin snow up on the slopes exists almost symbiotically with the unyielding bitterness of the cold. When I was up there, I wished if my mind were wiped clean off all what's done and those not won, of all the pain and those not gained, of all what's lost and those who caused.
I have survived once more, almost by a miracle thanks to the one and only soul who stood by me all along, albeit half the world away, the two women who took care of me gastronomically, a set of seven musicians in two bands who were generous enough to bear with my thymic chorea (out for which two, you and you, who have helped me the most), and a generous set of friends who have reached out with their heart more than once, so touchingly, and finally, a wonderful set of colleagues who have adjusted to me like how glove adjusts to a surgeon's hand. I must not forget to thank my shrink (Dear. R) who prescribed an SSRI, an anxiolytic, and anantipschyotic that are making me stay mellow and warm.
This year has begun wonderfully well. I have renewed hope. I truly hope that I have turned the biggest corner of my life and am running away from the past! For all of who who have helped me, thank you! I wish you a wonderful and happy new year!
I have survived once more, almost by a miracle thanks to the one and only soul who stood by me all along, albeit half the world away, the two women who took care of me gastronomically, a set of seven musicians in two bands who were generous enough to bear with my thymic chorea (out for which two, you and you, who have helped me the most), and a generous set of friends who have reached out with their heart more than once, so touchingly, and finally, a wonderful set of colleagues who have adjusted to me like how glove adjusts to a surgeon's hand. I must not forget to thank my shrink (Dear. R) who prescribed an SSRI, an anxiolytic, and anantipschyotic that are making me stay mellow and warm.
This year has begun wonderfully well. I have renewed hope. I truly hope that I have turned the biggest corner of my life and am running away from the past! For all of who who have helped me, thank you! I wish you a wonderful and happy new year!
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