In two days, I will be making my debut as a singer/songwriter with a five-song of Ideat Savant (http://myspace.com/ideatsavant) set at the QAM Pride-related event in Carter Road amphitheater. The details of the event can be found at this link. Alongside, both Shor Bazaar (Noise Market) and Cirkles (Shoonyas) will be playing sets. So, it is a very special event for me, where three of my projects perform at the same stage. Apart from us, Alisha Batth & Alisha Pais and the band MH04 will be performing.
The rehearsals have gone pretty well. I hope that the event will be grand success. Wish me luck!
FaceBook event page
http://queeerazaadi.wordpress.com
Showing posts with label shoonyas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shoonyas. Show all posts
Standard Chartered Mumbai Marathon - part 1
Today, I'm on my way to the Standard Chartered Mumbai Marathon, not to run, but to perform with my band Cirkles (Shoonyas) at the TCS stage. In the first class compartment in the fast local to Churchgate, I see dozens of men wearing track suits and official T-shirts of the marathon. Most of them don't seem like athletes, but at least they have the spirit to participate.
The Twitter world is abuzz with celebrities and fellow tweeters tweeting about the marathon. My expecations are on the rise. I hope this will be worth the experience of getting up early in the morning after a physically draining week and an emotionally draining night when India escaped by the skin of their teeth agaist South Africa at Kingsmead, Durban.
I'll update again after the experience. Until then, join me on Twitter!
The Twitter world is abuzz with celebrities and fellow tweeters tweeting about the marathon. My expecations are on the rise. I hope this will be worth the experience of getting up early in the morning after a physically draining week and an emotionally draining night when India escaped by the skin of their teeth agaist South Africa at Kingsmead, Durban.
I'll update again after the experience. Until then, join me on Twitter!
Decision making on a wintry afternoon
On a wintry afternoon
You chose to waste away
Blame it on the rum and coke
Blame it on your better half
Blame it on your entire self
The same wintry afternoon
I chose to work away
Flaming on my jive and jokes
Flaming on my better half
Flaming on my chosen self
This has been going on and on
We chose to shoo away
Wasting on our life and folks
Wasting on less-than-halves
Wasting on, wasting ourselves
I'm sorry, sullen and can't go on
I'm choosing to fly away
Folding up my coat and book
Framing me and my better half
Flying to him, saving myself
You chose to waste away
Blame it on the rum and coke
Blame it on your better half
Blame it on your entire self
The same wintry afternoon
I chose to work away
Flaming on my jive and jokes
Flaming on my better half
Flaming on my chosen self
This has been going on and on
We chose to shoo away
Wasting on our life and folks
Wasting on less-than-halves
Wasting on, wasting ourselves
I'm sorry, sullen and can't go on
I'm choosing to fly away
Folding up my coat and book
Framing me and my better half
Flying to him, saving myself
The curious case of self-flagellation
As I'm resocializing and resocia-gayzing rampantly these days, I am posed one question quite frequently - a little too frequently for my comfort.
'I haven't heard from/seen you in ages! How/where have you been Kris?'
My answer always has been in either of two forms. The rather bland and gentle one goes like this — 'I've been up and down a lot, more down than up. But I'm up now!' The more edgy answer intended to hurtle a jaw or two over a cliff goes like this — 'I have been suffering from clinical depression with suicidal tendencies. Thankfully, my friends (boyfriend in particular) and dear therapist (friend) managed to help me out of it. I'm on medications now — anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, and anti-anxiety drugs. I'm much better now. Thanks! Have you ever considered suicide?'
When I say 'up and down', I mean it. I'm suffering from type 2 bipolar disorder bordering on unipolar depression. If it is indeed unipolar, the times when I surface from the depths of depression (to near normalcy) represent the manic phases of bipolarity. Either way, my phrenus is fluctuant. A status message on my office private messenger summed it up nicely — 'Kris is up and down like a BMC-repaired road'.
This weekend was an uncharacteristically typical up and down one for me. Here’s a recap.
Friday night: It was a mad night at a music awards ceremony where I hung out with friends (read superstars and rock icons), got drunk, hit on a my-type-of-hunk singing legend and gave him my number, then got dared to take off my shirt for a Bollywood/rock diva in exchange for her taking her shirt off (this incident got covered in Bombay Times today), and finally retching and throwing up on my way back in the cab and in my apartment, before crashing.
Saturday morning: Woke up with a hangover and bilious gastritis — it was as if my liver was saying 'Get a life, jerk!' Then, for the first time in a year, I welcomed one of my dear office colleagues to my apartment. She was there to give me company during the shooting of a documentary film about openly gay people — the film title 'Engayging Lives' is derived from Here’s Truly. It was supposed to be shot a month ago and I was one of the main characters in the film; well, until my depression destroyed any possibility of me being a part of it. After starting therapy and somewhat stabilizing on it, I had gotten in touch with the charming girls from Sophiya college and they gave me another chance to be a visual part of the film — I'm doing the background score for the film anyway.
Saturday evening: After that, I had a fantastic gig with Shoonyas when we performed as an opening act for Agnee at VJTI college in Matunga. We did a quite remarkable set that was a crazy mix of rock and Bollywood. Three of my dear colleagues from my workplace were there to make the evening special. I can’t believe the support I get from my office - thanks so much! That, however, was the end of the high.
Then, I was set up for a traumatic and humiliating dinner invitation that I would not like to dwell on — apart from a salad that I tossed together, and a few moments clicking two lovers making out, I felt really horrible. My pills were there in the background but the self-flagellation was severe. This must have triggered my insecurities which led to me having an intense argument with Vinokur, which pushed me to the limits of masochistic depression. I could feel myself conjuring up plots and subplots in my mind, each and every step meant to hurt me a little deeper.
Luckily, thanks to just Vinokur, I was rescued once again and we somehow managed to get me to sleep without more mutual trauma! Sleep seems to be one potent douser of my flames.
Sunday morning: I woke up feeling much better and had a nice, long Skype conversation with Vinokur. Intense multi-tasking ensued and I started feeling like my old self — capable and confident. Moreover, I agreed for a date with a rather mysterious person, which I've been procrastinating for months if not years. A walk down the Juhu beach with him and his dog, and a relaxing conversation over tea later laid the background for an interesting prospect.
Sunday evening: After the date, I went to my first GB meet in months — mainly to meet up with the dear aunt of a friend. During the entire meet, I was keying things on my PDA, not speaking unless being specifically asked to. Later, I invited my favorite aunt to be my date for Valentine's Day! On my way back, a series of incidents including self-deprecatory humor, inability to remember the name of the book that I had read (Ellie Wiesel's 'Night'), and a couple of inflammatory FB threads bared everything in me in under half an hour. I knew I was going down to self-created whiplashes from my delusional world, but couldn't stop myself.
Ironically, an FB chat with one of my erstwhile co-residents from the hospital, during which my friend proved how narrow-minded, conservative and rude Indian society could still be vis-รก-vis homosexuality and a coming out situation. However, I defended valiantly without losing my calm despite my pride being at stake. This chat made me realize that I'm good after all, and that my return to practicing surgery in the myopic and treacherous environment of the hospital would be difficult if not impossible.
It's amazing how masochistic depression can almost whip you down to nothingness. For those who are suffering from the same, or those who know of people who do, please help yourself and others to overcome this!
'I haven't heard from/seen you in ages! How/where have you been Kris?'
My answer always has been in either of two forms. The rather bland and gentle one goes like this — 'I've been up and down a lot, more down than up. But I'm up now!' The more edgy answer intended to hurtle a jaw or two over a cliff goes like this — 'I have been suffering from clinical depression with suicidal tendencies. Thankfully, my friends (boyfriend in particular) and dear therapist (friend) managed to help me out of it. I'm on medications now — anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, and anti-anxiety drugs. I'm much better now. Thanks! Have you ever considered suicide?'
When I say 'up and down', I mean it. I'm suffering from type 2 bipolar disorder bordering on unipolar depression. If it is indeed unipolar, the times when I surface from the depths of depression (to near normalcy) represent the manic phases of bipolarity. Either way, my phrenus is fluctuant. A status message on my office private messenger summed it up nicely — 'Kris is up and down like a BMC-repaired road'.
This weekend was an uncharacteristically typical up and down one for me. Here’s a recap.
Friday night: It was a mad night at a music awards ceremony where I hung out with friends (read superstars and rock icons), got drunk, hit on a my-type-of-hunk singing legend and gave him my number, then got dared to take off my shirt for a Bollywood/rock diva in exchange for her taking her shirt off (this incident got covered in Bombay Times today), and finally retching and throwing up on my way back in the cab and in my apartment, before crashing.
Saturday morning: Woke up with a hangover and bilious gastritis — it was as if my liver was saying 'Get a life, jerk!' Then, for the first time in a year, I welcomed one of my dear office colleagues to my apartment. She was there to give me company during the shooting of a documentary film about openly gay people — the film title 'Engayging Lives' is derived from Here’s Truly. It was supposed to be shot a month ago and I was one of the main characters in the film; well, until my depression destroyed any possibility of me being a part of it. After starting therapy and somewhat stabilizing on it, I had gotten in touch with the charming girls from Sophiya college and they gave me another chance to be a visual part of the film — I'm doing the background score for the film anyway.
Saturday evening: After that, I had a fantastic gig with Shoonyas when we performed as an opening act for Agnee at VJTI college in Matunga. We did a quite remarkable set that was a crazy mix of rock and Bollywood. Three of my dear colleagues from my workplace were there to make the evening special. I can’t believe the support I get from my office - thanks so much! That, however, was the end of the high.
Then, I was set up for a traumatic and humiliating dinner invitation that I would not like to dwell on — apart from a salad that I tossed together, and a few moments clicking two lovers making out, I felt really horrible. My pills were there in the background but the self-flagellation was severe. This must have triggered my insecurities which led to me having an intense argument with Vinokur, which pushed me to the limits of masochistic depression. I could feel myself conjuring up plots and subplots in my mind, each and every step meant to hurt me a little deeper.
Luckily, thanks to just Vinokur, I was rescued once again and we somehow managed to get me to sleep without more mutual trauma! Sleep seems to be one potent douser of my flames.
Sunday morning: I woke up feeling much better and had a nice, long Skype conversation with Vinokur. Intense multi-tasking ensued and I started feeling like my old self — capable and confident. Moreover, I agreed for a date with a rather mysterious person, which I've been procrastinating for months if not years. A walk down the Juhu beach with him and his dog, and a relaxing conversation over tea later laid the background for an interesting prospect.
Sunday evening: After the date, I went to my first GB meet in months — mainly to meet up with the dear aunt of a friend. During the entire meet, I was keying things on my PDA, not speaking unless being specifically asked to. Later, I invited my favorite aunt to be my date for Valentine's Day! On my way back, a series of incidents including self-deprecatory humor, inability to remember the name of the book that I had read (Ellie Wiesel's 'Night'), and a couple of inflammatory FB threads bared everything in me in under half an hour. I knew I was going down to self-created whiplashes from my delusional world, but couldn't stop myself.
Ironically, an FB chat with one of my erstwhile co-residents from the hospital, during which my friend proved how narrow-minded, conservative and rude Indian society could still be vis-รก-vis homosexuality and a coming out situation. However, I defended valiantly without losing my calm despite my pride being at stake. This chat made me realize that I'm good after all, and that my return to practicing surgery in the myopic and treacherous environment of the hospital would be difficult if not impossible.
It's amazing how masochistic depression can almost whip you down to nothingness. For those who are suffering from the same, or those who know of people who do, please help yourself and others to overcome this!
Something relevant
Being a musician, I find it natural to enjoy gigs of other bands. This is what I used to do before I had a band. I have not lost the slightest amount of vigor to be an excited music fan. But things are not the same with my band members I guess. Sometimes I feel it’s a mixture of pride and ego. Other times I feel it’s their innate tendency to be reclusive. I can’t take either as an excuse though, at least for myself.
So, I was at the branch opening of a famous chain of musical instruments retailer playing with Shoonyas. It was a cozy, in-house gig and we had a good performance. Even though the actual ingauration ceremony featured a performance by big-shots like the most famous percussionist drummer from India and the one of the most succesful music composer team from Bollywood, what attracted me was the band which was playing after us.
The band is called ‘Something Relevant’. They are pretty famous and have been around for a few years. They are somewhere between smooth jazz and big band. I had an argument with Rob the other day about the genres and I was startled to hear him ridicule my genre-listation. But anyway, they are very pleasing to the ear with their orchestration of keys, trombone, saxophone and percussions along with the regular mix of guitars, bass, drums and vocals.
But their most interesting aspect is the lyrics. They wrote about stuff like mosquitoes, traffic jams and other mundane things in life in a clever, captivating way and the singing was complimentarliy soulful. I enjoyed them very much; so much so that I was part of the entire group of people jamming with them with all kinds of instruments at the shop. I met with a couple of band members after the gig. They sure seem worthy of a listen. I would recommend them to anyone with a bit of class.
Not Just Bad By The Way
The first gig that we had after my trip to Kerala should have been one that I should have remembered ever so fondly for the rest of my life. But sadly it wasn't. Shoonyas were playing at the same resto-bar at the Marine drive and it was Not Just Bad By The Way (pun intended totally). First of all the name of the venue is far too long. Secondly, it's a little cliched as you might have noticed in some of the pictures that I had posted elsewhere on the internet.
It's just lack of practice. Don't worry, not I nor the band have lost our zing. We would be back with a bang. The only thing that was memorable tonight was this hot looking guy who jived with his friend/spouse for our rendition of Beatles and Doors. I wished I could simply knock down the wonderfully dressed woman and join him. Shucks, I had to play the stuff for the jiving to happen, right?
It was disappointing but these days, I don't let myself get disappointed with musical misadventures. Judging by the kind of skill that I have got, I think I have to expect a lot more of those. In the bottom of my heart, though, I know that I'm talented enough to not repeat the mistakes too many times.
It's just lack of practice. Don't worry, not I nor the band have lost our zing. We would be back with a bang. The only thing that was memorable tonight was this hot looking guy who jived with his friend/spouse for our rendition of Beatles and Doors. I wished I could simply knock down the wonderfully dressed woman and join him. Shucks, I had to play the stuff for the jiving to happen, right?
It was disappointing but these days, I don't let myself get disappointed with musical misadventures. Judging by the kind of skill that I have got, I think I have to expect a lot more of those. In the bottom of my heart, though, I know that I'm talented enough to not repeat the mistakes too many times.
The 12 days of Christmas
I just watched this Indian version of the 12 days of Christmas on You Tube. It was very funny but, it didn't make me laugh all that much. Nothing would, I guess after what transpired in the last few days in my life. When I fell in and out love and relationships, when I finally broke-up with Vinokur. I'm happy and sad at the same time and have been keeping away from this rather public blog so as to get some more time to get used to the enormity of the changes in my life. I guess I have come far enough to blog about it. So, here's MY 12 days* of Christmas.
- Sunday, Dec 14: The guitar class went great. I felt confident while imparting the knowledge that I had. So, too did the jam session with Noise Market. We are in the new-song-writing mode. One of the guys that I found out of the personals sites meets up with me at the Humsafar high and we go on to have a wonderful conversation and then sex. Felt wonderful having sex after a long time!
- Monday, Dec 15: The legal consultations and the band managment is taking a lot of time out of my schedule. One of my new-friends is a lawyer from Australia and we are hitting off big time on the interent - he's literary, articulate, funny and an amazing racounteur. Despite the fact that Shoonyas have two live shows coming up this week, we aren't practicing all that much.
- Tuesday, Dec 16: Ever since I have chosen to use the openness of the relationship that I and Vinokur were having, I have been getting a lot of responses from the personals sites. A few of these men seem to be very interesting. One especially so - A Gujju guy with flim-star (older) looks who wants a relationship is trying to get to me. He changed his ring-tone to a romantic one just for me!
- Wednesday, Dec 17: I go for my first ever job interview - as a content editor at KPO which deals with medical research. I gave the test and am sure that they will call me up for an interview soon. Shoonyas has a very lukewarm gig a Not Just Jazz by the Bay. The crowd has been on the downside after the terror attacks. Although I and Rob battled throat infections, we had fun. (For those interested, check out Facebook/Orkut to see pics).
- Thursday, Dec 18: Shoonyas played at the Ruia Colleg for a Peace concert in commemmoration of the victims of the terror attack. We were interviewed on IBN Lokmat TV channel and our shows were broadcast a couple of days later. It was a awe-inspiring experience. 300 odd Ruia-ites lighting candles when the night was still young. They sang in chorus! My best gig ever!
- Friday, Dec 19: Another day passes by managing the legal wrangles for Noise Market. We are getting closer and closer to the finalisation the addendum to the contract. I have fun at the Birthday party of a GB friend (again, pics on Facebook) by playing guitar and jamming with the crowd. It's amazing that the gang of 'straight' friends from my friend's office were more fun than their fag counterparts. I also meet this wonderful lady at the party who sang like a professional! Incredible experience!
- Saturday, Dec 20: My interview with the KPO goes well. They seem to be a little bothered about the fact that my gigs/concerts might call for more leaves/offs. I meet this Gujju guy and have a wondeful time with him. We have lunch at a hotel and then go for shopping for a set of Kurtha Pajama - I have to attend a wedding reception in the evening - the wedding of a family friend's son. After the shopping, we head of to the Gujju guys apartment make passionate love. To my utmost amazement, he offers to be with me for the wedding reception in the evening. We have the most amazing time in bed after that. I feel dizzy when I'm coming home - is this a future prospect for a relationship? Vinokur has already started feeling the discomfort. I know how it must hurt - but I still confide in him and keep the honesty intact.
- Sunday, Dec 21: I have a busy day with Noise Market pratice and my student. Once I got free, my destination - the Gujju guy. I go over to his place and we talk - we talk for hours. We know we are falling in love with each other - but we can't. The gujju guy makes the most wonderful tasting meal for me and feeds me in a most romantic setting. By midnight, I start feeling that maybe I need to take the decision that I have been holding off from taking all this time - breaking up with Vinokur. The gujju guy says goodbye and says that we won't meet until I'm 'free'. I come home and talk it out with Vinokur. I feel that I'm the most wretched person on the surface of the planet but I manage to say what I said. We decide to call our wonderful relationships quits. It was darn hard, but we do it. Vinokur assures me that he'll be there for me if I need him. I feel relieved, I feel anxious.
- Monday, Dec 22: I talk to Gujju guy about this and he freaks out. He says that he has thought it over and we can't be seeing each other any more - he cites some 'incompatibilities' in personalities as the reason. I feel that I am losing out on another relationship because of my 'near-virtual' relationship. He wants me to patch up with Vinokur and forget about him. I talk to Vinokur about it who seems to be happy to have me back but indicates clearly how humiliated he felt when he was 'dumped' for another person in so little time. We think it over, talk it over. It seesm obvious - our relationship can't go on like this. I will be seeing other people, getting attracted to them and maybe falling in love. If we are still 'lovers', then things are bound to be complicated. Hence, we decide to call it quits once an for all. The wonderful 1 and half year relationship - the most wonderful time in my life comes to an end - I and Vinokur aren't lovers anymore. We won't keep in touch at least until we get readjusted to reality. It hurts, more than you can imagine. But I'm glad we took this decision.
- Tuesday, Dec 23: I am feeling odd but music seems to distract me. I try to get back to the Gujju guy who's hurt that I'm trying to force him to reconsider. He pleads with me to stop. But I'm worried about him because he's alone and he's hypertensive etc. He assures me that I'll get to know if something happens to him. Other than that, my friends are there to help me - especially the Professor. In the evening, I get invited to the in-house party at the sculptor's. I meet a few new older men in there. We have alcohol and I get insanely drunk. I was stupid enough to do that on an empty stomach and as a result I threw up later on in the night. But at least, the first night is over with!
- Wednesday, Dec 24: The third leg of my job-interview is over - still positive. I visit the family-friend's place and share my worries regarding my Mom and Dad planning to visit me in Mumbai. He's my Mom's best friend since childhood and he, unlike my relatives, is more realistic about life. He and I bond (he's a very nice guy, I have felt) and agree to meet more often and to help each other in managing my Mom and Dad when they do visit. By evening, it's the birthday party of Dr. R! I was invited to be the surprise for the party and I travel all the way across Mumbai to celebrate the party her fiance's. Wonderful family, they were. Later on, we have dinner at a restaurant - I start missing Vinokur badly. I want to get away and start crying. I don't get to do that and I am relieved by a longish conversation with the Professor.
- Thursday, Dec 25: It's Christmas day and I get up rather late. Noise Market practice session becomes a memorable one as we work on a classical guitar motif that I had composed the other day. That shaped up to be rather different, more mature sounding pop-rock song. Evening time's the worst - I plan to meet a new guy - he was busy. I ring up the sculptor for a dinner-conversation date. It's just wonderful to talk to him - he used to be counsellor at the Humsafar. We have a wonderful mallu meal at restaurant and then walk back home. I am not quite sure if he was looking forward to having sex. I decide that the next time I'll make the move.
For all those who stood by me through the last year or so - especially people like the Well Wisher in NYC - thanks a lot!
And lastly, Vinokur - I know you will be reading this - hold on my dear! Let's just wade it across this time period. Soon, we'll start talking to each other - as friends - and until then, take care of yourself. Okay? We all love you!
(*The real 12 days of Christmas start on the 25th - I know! But this is MY 12 days of Christmas. Please do forgive!)
My friend's birthday party
Today was so hectic that I don't believe what I ended up doing. I was invited to judge a rock-band competition in a nearby college by Tim. I and him were the judges. After this, Shoonyas were performing. This entire thing took about 6 hours of my day during which I was not able to do the co-ordinator functions of Noise Market properly.
This led to an unfortunate confusion which caused the postponement of a big Noise Market meeting. We finally had to meet later on in the evening to discuss out the ways to approach our situation with the record label. The discussion was very good - it almost re-injected life into the band which will start rehearsing this weekend.
But this denied me the opportunity to be with my college mates 30th birhtday party. He had been very good to me over the last couple of months. Inviting me for parties and taking me to movies etc. Because of the meeting, I couldn't attend his birthday party (for which Shoonyas were stated to play - later got cancelled because of lack of some clearance). I feel bad about this. But I guess, life makes us do weird things.
This led to an unfortunate confusion which caused the postponement of a big Noise Market meeting. We finally had to meet later on in the evening to discuss out the ways to approach our situation with the record label. The discussion was very good - it almost re-injected life into the band which will start rehearsing this weekend.
But this denied me the opportunity to be with my college mates 30th birhtday party. He had been very good to me over the last couple of months. Inviting me for parties and taking me to movies etc. Because of the meeting, I couldn't attend his birthday party (for which Shoonyas were stated to play - later got cancelled because of lack of some clearance). I feel bad about this. But I guess, life makes us do weird things.
This time, last year
This time last year, I was at a great restaurant in Bandra having a party with almost the who's-who of my life then. Life was great. Vibrant, full of hopes and expectations. My friends Dr. R., Sandy, E-boi, Xander, Parry, his girlfriend - all took turns to wish Vinokur his birthday.
Tonight, I sit at my computer trying to wonder what really went wrong. I feel like run-down by a train - a train of responsibilities and challenges that I was not able to keep up with.
Today's exam was the worst ever in my life. Apart from being reporting about half an hour late for the exam thanks to a slow wrist watch, I couldn't answer even one question out of the 9 ones with any semblance of quality. I think any of you (non-medicos) would have fared equally with me in this test. Needless to admit, but my confidence and self-esteem, upto the barest of minimums, has been deflated. Anyone, any fucking person in this world can defeat me now.
As expected, the only fun of this month has passed. It was the gig at Not Just Jazz by the Bay - Shoonyas gig, that is. These are a few pics.
Tonight, I sit at my computer trying to wonder what really went wrong. I feel like run-down by a train - a train of responsibilities and challenges that I was not able to keep up with.
Today's exam was the worst ever in my life. Apart from being reporting about half an hour late for the exam thanks to a slow wrist watch, I couldn't answer even one question out of the 9 ones with any semblance of quality. I think any of you (non-medicos) would have fared equally with me in this test. Needless to admit, but my confidence and self-esteem, upto the barest of minimums, has been deflated. Anyone, any fucking person in this world can defeat me now.
As expected, the only fun of this month has passed. It was the gig at Not Just Jazz by the Bay - Shoonyas gig, that is. These are a few pics.
Another video
This is the second part of the video of the gig with Shoonyas two months back. A little more of the wiggling me is seen.
Shoonyas live - video
Ideat Savant
It's time to look ahead. After a lot of depressing posts about how my life sucks in general, this is a welcome change for me too. This recent resurgence of song-writing and positive comments from you guys and Rob have made me rekindle the idea of forming a band featuring such material. I've always had a plan actually. After the relative success of Noise Market and Shoonyas, I feel more confident.
Another striking fact - after spending a lot of time recording my own material in past few days, I have also starting to realize how much easier it's to make music alone. Your can let your own ideas flourish and not be restricted to any other view point. Of course, this can be a bad thing as well. But in my case, at least until now, I think I'm making better stuff out than when I'm with my bands.
The name that I came up with is 'Ideat Savant'. If you are wondering what it means, I would like to clarify that it's not a spelling mistake. It's a spin off the word idiot savant, a condition of people in Asperger's Syndrome. Vinokur is borderline Asperger's and he uses this term quite frequently in the conversation. But that is already taken up by other bands.
I've just started my own MySpace and Last.fm pages and have uploaded the latest songs as well. I am planning to find some guys or gals who are interested in joining me in this band. I am hoping that this time I'll be succesful. Even if the competition that I'm sending an entry to turns out to be disappointing, I might check these songs out with a record label and pursue this further.
I hope this was some good news after all!
(A mix of my latest recording 'A World Full of Lies is at either of the pages. I'll probably mix it once more before putting it up here.)
Another striking fact - after spending a lot of time recording my own material in past few days, I have also starting to realize how much easier it's to make music alone. Your can let your own ideas flourish and not be restricted to any other view point. Of course, this can be a bad thing as well. But in my case, at least until now, I think I'm making better stuff out than when I'm with my bands.
The name that I came up with is 'Ideat Savant'. If you are wondering what it means, I would like to clarify that it's not a spelling mistake. It's a spin off the word idiot savant, a condition of people in Asperger's Syndrome. Vinokur is borderline Asperger's and he uses this term quite frequently in the conversation. But that is already taken up by other bands.
idiot savant (noun)I wanted something with the same concept. And I searched for words similar to 'idiot' and stumbled upon 'ideat'.
An intellectually disabled person who exhibits extraordinary ability in a highly specialized area, such as mathematics or music.
I`de´at (noun)Obviosuly I want your opinion of what you think of this name.
1.(Metaph.) The actual existence supposed to correspond with an idea; the correlate in real existence to the idea as a thought or existence.
Savant (noun)
1. A learned person; a scholar.
2. An idiot savant.
I've just started my own MySpace and Last.fm pages and have uploaded the latest songs as well. I am planning to find some guys or gals who are interested in joining me in this band. I am hoping that this time I'll be succesful. Even if the competition that I'm sending an entry to turns out to be disappointing, I might check these songs out with a record label and pursue this further.
I hope this was some good news after all!
(A mix of my latest recording 'A World Full of Lies is at either of the pages. I'll probably mix it once more before putting it up here.)
Sources of inspiration
If you thought that I'm going to write a long philosophical post about the various sources that you can get inspired by, I'm sorry. I'm very frustrated to write such a piece. This, despite being inspired by a very curious source which would not be revealed until after you guys have tried guessing it.
To demystify - After getting motivated by the HRC gig and the disussion about 'cover' songs versus original songs, I had a sudden rush of blood to the head yesterday evening. I wanted to write a song for 'Shoonyas'. Something rather dark, which would fit into being a metal/rock song. I wrote a poem in about an hour. The title of the song is from one of our fellow blogger's blog. She was also part of my inspirations but she is not the subject of the poem.
I want you guys to go through the poem and comment about what you thought of it and what you think is my inspiration. If you want clues, you can check out my recent marvelous posts and I'm sure there are hints scattered everywhere. The three people who I have already cross-checked the poem with were practically clueless until I explained it to them.
Okay, okay! But why should I be frustrated? Because I have not been able to write a melody for it yet. I have many ideas, but none seem to fit in with the mood. I'm still trying and I'm hoping to make a breakthrough fairly soon. Until then, you guys can try your luck!
To demystify - After getting motivated by the HRC gig and the disussion about 'cover' songs versus original songs, I had a sudden rush of blood to the head yesterday evening. I wanted to write a song for 'Shoonyas'. Something rather dark, which would fit into being a metal/rock song. I wrote a poem in about an hour. The title of the song is from one of our fellow blogger's blog. She was also part of my inspirations but she is not the subject of the poem.
I want you guys to go through the poem and comment about what you thought of it and what you think is my inspiration. If you want clues, you can check out my recent marvelous posts and I'm sure there are hints scattered everywhere. The three people who I have already cross-checked the poem with were practically clueless until I explained it to them.
Okay, okay! But why should I be frustrated? Because I have not been able to write a melody for it yet. I have many ideas, but none seem to fit in with the mood. I'm still trying and I'm hoping to make a breakthrough fairly soon. Until then, you guys can try your luck!
'Freezing Flames'
As I look into her eyes, I see
The blaze that was bequeathed
The power that emanates, I feel
It is hard to even breathe
I reach forward, it feels so near
Is she the same, the one I loved?
I believe I can belie my fear
But In a moment of fury, she rises
She rises tall over all else
The savior of all that exists
Inside me, I feel so decrepit
Yet I feel so much at ease as
The darkness rages on engulfing even the brightest of stars
The flames of deceit, freeze even the warmest of hearts (but)
The beauty which lies within
Oh it is so transcendent
The fire that rages on within
Enlightens even the most decadent
I dig deep inside, and I ponder
Could it have been any different, or
Is it me? I think, as I floundered (staggered)
I can hardly see through the smoke
Are you holding back, father?
I remember, the lead was too thin
I'm sure, couldn't have reached any farther
I can't, even I don't know why and when
She rises tall over all else
The savior of all that exists
Allow me, I feel so decrepit
I feel I can help you to peace as
The darkness rages on engulfing even the brightest of stars
The flames of deceit, freeze even the warmest of hearts (but)
The beauty which lies within
Oh it is so transcendent
The fire that rages on within
Enlightens even the most decadent
A Reminder - Shoonyas Live!
For those in Mumbai, who have all their evenings barren with nothing on their agenda (the sorry souls), might find this useful. My English rock band Shoonyas are playing tomorrow at D’ultimate in Andheri (W). We will be playing along side a couple of other bands, one being Zero. If we don’t offer you any attraction, at least Zero should.
If you are wondering what we play – well we play acoustic covers of songs by Police, Aerosmith, Duran Duran, Metallica, U2, Oasis, Nirvana, Hoobastank, Nickelback etc. All kinds of people (yes – men (24), women (19), adolescents (12), old people (2), midgets (1) etc) have attended our gigs and felt satisfied (mildly, at least).
The entry is free. We show is scheduled to start at 7.30 pm. Feel free and drop by to enjoy some good music. Plus you could always watch me strike weird mouth positions (and gestures; like this) while attempting to sing (in vain). Just give me a buzz on the blog/e-mail after you decide so that I can prepare myself to meet you. (Add this event to your FaceBook.)
(PS: For your convenience, I have started a gig calendar on the side bar so as to avoid such embarrassing posts.)
If you are wondering what we play – well we play acoustic covers of songs by Police, Aerosmith, Duran Duran, Metallica, U2, Oasis, Nirvana, Hoobastank, Nickelback etc. All kinds of people (yes – men (24), women (19), adolescents (12), old people (2), midgets (1) etc) have attended our gigs and felt satisfied (mildly, at least).
The entry is free. We show is scheduled to start at 7.30 pm. Feel free and drop by to enjoy some good music. Plus you could always watch me strike weird mouth positions (and gestures; like this) while attempting to sing (in vain). Just give me a buzz on the blog/e-mail after you decide so that I can prepare myself to meet you. (Add this event to your FaceBook.)
(PS: For your convenience, I have started a gig calendar on the side bar so as to avoid such embarrassing posts.)
The Disparity
Have you ever felt scared of reality? I am beginning to suspect that I am. It is easier for me to be at my computer chatting with my friends and Vinokur than going out there and being with real friends. Damn, it’s easier for me to be with myself and write on this blog and be with virtual friends too. Is this something that I’m going to get used to as I’m growing old?
I think it’s the levels of stress and hurtful things that I’m avoiding when I’m being with real friends. Real people could hurt you by their vicious comments which are almost always uncalled for. On the internet, people seem to be serene and a lot funnier. Besides, the stream of thought seems to relate too. Obviously you see snidely remarks online as way. But somehow or the other, there is this coating of well-mannered humor in there.
The easiest way to get around to facing the god-forsaken happenings of reality is by using humor. Most people would argue that humor is the best defense mechanism. It helps to get used to it. For me at least, laughing at practical impossibilities is the only way to deal with them, when I can deal with them. Most of the times though, nothing really helps. That’s when I think of getting anti-depressants.
Anyway, in a weird way, the two bands that I play in fit to the analogy between reality and virtual bliss. Of course, they both are ‘real’ bands with living musicians playing ‘real’ instruments. But there is a big difference.
‘Noise Market’ is much bigger and hence more of a pain. Despite the members being funny, it feels more work than pleasure. There is a sort of impending burden when there are scheduled practice sessions or recording session. I fully expect to get hurt and feel bad during sessions with them. Yes, we have a recording label and have cut an album and we are going to be celebrities if things go well. But this professional attitude has definitely taken almost all the ‘fun’ out of being in the band. Since we indulge in original stuff, there is a lot of ego and there are always more arguments and misunderstandings. In short, it feels like real life.
Shoonyas, on the other hand, is almost comical and purposeless. We hardly indulge in regular practice. We don’t have any formed agenda for our future. Of course, there is a lot of talk about how we should become bigger on the scene. But nothing comes out of it. The songs are entirely covers (until now). Hence, work-load is less as well. But it is always fun. Even while goofing up, there are hardly any edgy moments. There is definitely less ego and less pressure.
Tonight, as I type in, my life feels so much better. Why? Maybe because there wasn’t any Noise Market stuff going on - just a fun-filled practice session with Shoonyas.
I think it’s the levels of stress and hurtful things that I’m avoiding when I’m being with real friends. Real people could hurt you by their vicious comments which are almost always uncalled for. On the internet, people seem to be serene and a lot funnier. Besides, the stream of thought seems to relate too. Obviously you see snidely remarks online as way. But somehow or the other, there is this coating of well-mannered humor in there.
The easiest way to get around to facing the god-forsaken happenings of reality is by using humor. Most people would argue that humor is the best defense mechanism. It helps to get used to it. For me at least, laughing at practical impossibilities is the only way to deal with them, when I can deal with them. Most of the times though, nothing really helps. That’s when I think of getting anti-depressants.
Anyway, in a weird way, the two bands that I play in fit to the analogy between reality and virtual bliss. Of course, they both are ‘real’ bands with living musicians playing ‘real’ instruments. But there is a big difference.
‘Noise Market’ is much bigger and hence more of a pain. Despite the members being funny, it feels more work than pleasure. There is a sort of impending burden when there are scheduled practice sessions or recording session. I fully expect to get hurt and feel bad during sessions with them. Yes, we have a recording label and have cut an album and we are going to be celebrities if things go well. But this professional attitude has definitely taken almost all the ‘fun’ out of being in the band. Since we indulge in original stuff, there is a lot of ego and there are always more arguments and misunderstandings. In short, it feels like real life.
Shoonyas, on the other hand, is almost comical and purposeless. We hardly indulge in regular practice. We don’t have any formed agenda for our future. Of course, there is a lot of talk about how we should become bigger on the scene. But nothing comes out of it. The songs are entirely covers (until now). Hence, work-load is less as well. But it is always fun. Even while goofing up, there are hardly any edgy moments. There is definitely less ego and less pressure.
Tonight, as I type in, my life feels so much better. Why? Maybe because there wasn’t any Noise Market stuff going on - just a fun-filled practice session with Shoonyas.
Mucho mejor*
If you don't know what rapid cyclers are, then you can observe me. Yesterday night and today morning I was neck deep in depression. Tonight, I'm back to normalcy. A few darned posts and a lot of blog-commenting in morning set the tone for the day. Since then, I discovered the criminal rodent infestation zone and I managed to clear it.
Believe me folks, cleaning rat-excreta isn't all that cool. It is unfortunate that the rodent chose its abode as the corner at the foot-end of my bed. That's the reason why it stank that bad! Just that gave me the motivation to finish up the rest of my chores and voila, the apartment smells much better now.
In the evening, I went out to pay my Vodafone bills. Much to my surprise, I had a little 'machine trouble' at the kiosk and I was pleasantly reminded of this post by Nikhil.
Tonight was Noise Market's first practice session after the gig. We practiced well for an hour or so and then sat down to dissect our performance at the gig. It was a very productive discussion and we managed to plan our strategy for the coming months. We are focussing on getting slots at colleges (IITs et al) on a national stage. (I would be grateful to anyone who cold help us find the contacts of the organizing persons for these gigs.)
Tomorrow onwards, it's going to Shoonyas practice. Yes, it's been a long time. About 2 months since we played live. But this time, it is going to be special. We are playing along with Zero, the biggest rock band from Mumbai. Unfortunately though, Zero has announced that it is probably going to be their last gig together as they want to go their individual ways.
It is bitter-sweet really. When I came to Mumbai, Zero were one of my inspirations. In the first two years, I could only dream of playing in a band. And now, like an anti-climax to the realization of a dream, I'm going to be playing alongside them at their last gig! I'm proud!
For those interested, you can catch Shoonyas (which of course is a pseudonym) & Zero at D'Ultimate in Andheri (W) on the 22nd of August from 7.30 pm onwards. This is a little snippet about the gig in today's Mumbai Mirror.
(*Translated to English as 'much better' - courtesy Vinokur)
Believe me folks, cleaning rat-excreta isn't all that cool. It is unfortunate that the rodent chose its abode as the corner at the foot-end of my bed. That's the reason why it stank that bad! Just that gave me the motivation to finish up the rest of my chores and voila, the apartment smells much better now.
In the evening, I went out to pay my Vodafone bills. Much to my surprise, I had a little 'machine trouble' at the kiosk and I was pleasantly reminded of this post by Nikhil.
Tonight was Noise Market's first practice session after the gig. We practiced well for an hour or so and then sat down to dissect our performance at the gig. It was a very productive discussion and we managed to plan our strategy for the coming months. We are focussing on getting slots at colleges (IITs et al) on a national stage. (I would be grateful to anyone who cold help us find the contacts of the organizing persons for these gigs.)
Tomorrow onwards, it's going to Shoonyas practice. Yes, it's been a long time. About 2 months since we played live. But this time, it is going to be special. We are playing along with Zero, the biggest rock band from Mumbai. Unfortunately though, Zero has announced that it is probably going to be their last gig together as they want to go their individual ways.
It is bitter-sweet really. When I came to Mumbai, Zero were one of my inspirations. In the first two years, I could only dream of playing in a band. And now, like an anti-climax to the realization of a dream, I'm going to be playing alongside them at their last gig! I'm proud!
For those interested, you can catch Shoonyas (which of course is a pseudonym) & Zero at D'Ultimate in Andheri (W) on the 22nd of August from 7.30 pm onwards. This is a little snippet about the gig in today's Mumbai Mirror.
(*Translated to English as 'much better' - courtesy Vinokur)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)