Thanks for all of you who tried to help me out! I'm afraid, that is not working out. I'm going through all kinds of feelings right now. I feel insulted, hurt, aimless, indecisive, egotistic and selfish. I acted like an asshole and I left the mixing session in rage after finding out again that there was no point in me trying to tell my band mates what I felt like. All it leads to is more conflicts and less productivity.
I am sure I must have acted like an ass to get the response that I got from my band. I can understand that. But the thing that I fail to understand is why the fuck was I spending my time there in the first place? I could have easily been at home doing something. Maybe even studying. The rest of the band could have easily sat together and done the mixing that had to be done. I act like a depressing thought-block to my band. We don't get anywhere. We just simply waste time and money. The end result is something that the band cannot totally agree with, a lot of built-up frustrations for the members and a lot of mental agony for me. The fact is that I'm weak, but not meek. Despite being the eldest member of the band, I act like a child. I'm hard to convince and I'm very hard to agree with.
Even today, Vinokur gave me his advice. 'Don't try to change things that can't be change. Choose your battles. Just play along if it's not going to help anything.' Everything is so true. Just that I was stupid enough to not see the light. Just the same way that I fail to see the light when my band members suggest anything.
What it resulted in is that I am totally lacking in confidence, self-belief and self-esteem. I think I should turn back to good old 'antidepressants'.
(PS: I'm sure that I'm going to get shouted at for posting this. I think I should start another blog, where I could bare my heart fearlessly.)