I’m tired of people saying stuff like ‘Hey, look at that ‘uncle’… he looks so gross. I don’t feel like bathing (in the pool) now. I wish he weren’t here.’ & ‘Look at her, she’s half dead. I don’t want to be talking to such an old woman.’ & ‘You know what, I saw this band from Kolkata. They are all ‘uncles’ and they play classic rock.’ & ‘Arrgh! How can you even think of having sex with an old man/woman?’
I have heard a lot of this stuff, believe me. Yes, I’m predisposed to such comments because I like older men and I have relationships with them. But I have a question – How could you be so judgmental/critical/biased about a particular subset of the society? What if it is your uncle/aunt or your father/mother? Even better, what will happen to you yourself when you get older?
In the gay circles at least, it is hypocritical to say something like that. Why? Because we demand the rest of the society accept us for what they consider as weird/abnormal/unnatural. So how on earth can we say something like that to an elderly person? Aren’t we discriminating because of age just like we are being discriminated because of our orientation?
Because of this conundrum, I’m skeptical about telling people about Vinokur’s age. That’s okay compared to taking him out on a party. What kind of comments will people make? More importantly, wouldn’t he get affected by all that? He claims that he can ignore such comments? But can I? Can I stand the insults to someone that I love more than myself?
22 comments:
I don't judge based on the looks (ok I confess, I do!), but I can never imagine myself saying something so harsh. Yeah, old men are not my type, but that doesn't mean I would frown up on a friend of mine getting totally head over heals about a guy who is twice his age. In fact, often I have found that I'm well understood by people who are old and in the same way, I understand them better than most of my similar aged friends. But you know what freaks me out? When old men ask me sexual favours. Being born in the Indian society where I'm told, taught and practiced that we should treat the elders with respect and kindness, I have only those sentiments towards them. I can't in any way see them otherwise.
good thought!
I sooo agree... but not just the gay community, all sorts of people are judgmental of the elderly and its sad because that's everyone's future!
I don’t look down upon older ppl or those involved with ppl twice/thrice their age…and besides age is just a number..u r as young as u feel..its better to spend the rest of ur life with an ‘uncle’ than someone close to ur age who makes a disastrous conversationalist
I completely understand your sentiments... Yes, we're a horrible lot, us humans.
Gay people should learn to be more accepting, no doubt. But being gay doesn't leave them any less human. They're still hypocrites. Humans.
We indians, especially, love being a part of the majority. It's hard enough for us to be a sexual minority, so I can only just understand gay men finding some sort of "escape" in being critical of others who belong to an even smaller minority... such as crossdressers, gender dysphoric, and in your case, Gerontophilia.
And this is yet another thing we have to learn to live with. Life sucks. Totally.
we are all going to be older people -hines
being gay doesn't mean you're predisposed to be nice or accepting. in fact it's the other way round a lot. and since this is a forum where one does not have to lie i hav to admit, it is a little odd( but in a good way), only because you don't see it so much, so you have to look and wonder, whose got what 'hang up," another thing we are all hung up on--finding the thing that made us who we are, even though there is no reason for a hang up to be there. when i see u too i honestly ask okay whose got what incident where in their lives that made this work cause its just so against the grain, in a huge way. I have no doubt that there is genuine lov between u two, but it's too easy to say ohhh people should just get over it cause u know that aint how people are. most people will be a little sensitive to the age difference at first but after hanging out with you guys will just stop seeing the differences . in the end i think the them against us also makes the relationship more interesting and man when i get old and i'm alone, i sure hop i can find a kriss bass--dh
@ Crazy Sam: Well, everybody judges everyone else. I'm just curious about one thing. You mentioned old men asking sexual flavors. But isn't it because of the fact that you aren't attracted to them in the first place that you are not agreeable? I don't think it is due to the social circumstances in India. Am I correct?
@ Chandni: I hope someone would change their opinion after reading this and relating to it.
@ Swats: In my case, this is so true.
@ Unsungpsalm: It's like a defense mechanism then, in your opinion eh?
@ Hines: Hang up, against the grain. Hmm... interesting thought. When Vinokur was here in Mumbai, my friends were so cool with him and I thought was over with him.
Vinokur was smiling when he saw the last few words, Hines!
Some of the things take time to change. We have to learn to deal with or ignore others reactions. And also make sure that others reactions shouldnt affect your life.
It is just not discrimination again old man. Some people discriminate feminine man , bear guys , polygamous people and even monogamous people. I have seen it more among closeted gay people in India. They are afraid to respect themselves because of our hypocritic society is afraid to accept that anything out of common is abnormal.
In western culture most people dont interfere in others personal life. You will have to move and live in a place you dont have to go through this issues daily.
I know many gay gerontophiles like me from south and during my last trip in london I met 4 indians like me. It is easier to live a comfortable life here. And western people who are more use to seeing this differences are acceping. In hypocritic Kerala you have to live in a way how everyone live even if you are different.
You enjoy your life with your closed ones. That is more important.
I am very surprised, pleasantly surprised to see someone out of the closet and being so brave and open about it.
I love your chain of thought. I think you might enjoy my blog titled PSYCHOBABBLE. The post that I wrote a week ago called "Gay and Happy" is one that I wrote to advocate gays. Do pop in and tell me what you think.
i'm quite prejudice as a gay man. I hate the elderly and children. If they can hate me, i can hate them. minorities don't have to be nice to each other, just because their minorities
@ Tapak: I know what you mean. I wish I could migrate to some other place.
@ Solitaire: Well we consider it an opportunity to bear our hearts on our blogs (@ gays). About Psychobabble, I have been there already.
@ Sam: Don't you think it is right to at least voice your judgments against both children and older people?
Everyone has something in their life which others do not find to be "propah".
People always judge you. Fuck them. (Metaphorically f course)
Don't bother about what anyone else says. Just do whateva makes you happy.
I don't get what you mean?
rambws: I'll fuck 'em!
Sam: I think I got confused myself. I meant to say that don't you think it's at least wrong to voice your views on elderly men and children?
Well, me voicing my opinions on the elderly and children s about as right as gay people not being allowed donate blood, because we all automatically have HIV. It's as right as gay marriage not being allowed in Ireland, which is total bullshit because something like 55% of marriages fail here.
So yeah, I'll shop hating the elderly, when the world stops being prejudice.
I'm not holding my breath.
People will be as people are. we can only try to change them for the better. I get that as members of the LGBT community, which is so discriminated against, we should be more considerate about what discrimination we are doing against others. But for some people, that is difficult.
It may be because they are bitter, but also because they just don't understand that their opinions might seem insignificant compared to what they face everyday, but their opinions exists nonetheless and might hurt their subjects.
@ Sam: You are correct when you rationalise your strategy. But what if one of your friend is elderly?
@ Firebolt: Wow, that's a totally fresh approach to why the gays do it. I have never thought that my opinion is insignificant to anybody elses. But I have felt that I have been made to feel bad about the fact in other circles. Especially with my band.
It is both.
@ Crazy: That's starnge. If you were to go by social rules, you can't really be gay either, can you?
I didn't say that the respect and kindness I feel for them is forced by social rules. It is just that I don't feel right when I try to picture them in other ways.
I think it can be equated to the same brand of weirdness that my sister feels when she realizes that I'm gay. What say?
Hmm.. not sure how to respond to that. I have no problem in you dating with an older guy ( or a guy, for that matter) because I think it is totally none of my business. But I would find it disturbing if I'm being forced to date an elderly (or a gal). In the second case, it matters to me because now it is much more of a personal issue. The fact that your sister is feeling disturbed shows she is giving as much importance to your personal life as she is giving to hers.
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