The Costume Party

Today I did something totally cool. A Costume Party!

Today was T.'s Christmas meets New Year's Costume Party. She had invited the whole of the Psychiatry Department and just me from outside. To start thing off, I didn't have even the faintest of ideas as to what to wear. As soon as I got free in the late afternoon, I started asking around for options. I had the option of going as a 60's Rocker or a new age Rocker. For the former I need formal shoes, tuxedos or jackets and broad rimmed rectangular spectacles. The second option was easier but I wanted something weird. I was thinking of wearing a jeans, shirt and a sweater etc.

For more options I borrowed a half sweater from one of my colleagues and went to my anaesthetist friends' rooms to check out shirts, tuxedoes etc. Finally I decided to head out to shopping to the big mall downtown with my anaesthetist friend SB. Oh boy, did we shop! We went in Pantaloons and I bought a size 40 awesome shirt (check the photo at the end of the post) and a couple of breathtaking full-sleeve T-shirts by the UMM (Underground Music Movement) company! I thoroughly enjoyed shopping and I'm proud to own three fucking cool looking clothes!

Then I came back and got ready for the party. Everyone was wearing things like dhotis, pajamas and sarees etc. I went with a costume as below. Check the photograph... That's T. by the way standing right beside me with a Chinese waitress costume. I wore my faded light brown slip - ons, a black slightly bleached jean pair, the awesome blue shirt and my awesome jacket as a tuxedo. I thought I looked nice in that. Now it's upto the world to judge.

 

The party was a mixed bag. I felt out of place at time because of the fact that I'm the only one out of the Psycho(iatrist) group. But still T. compensated for it. Besides, the food was awesome and I had a couple of drinks. Finally I ended up playing some songs on the guitar for the crowd who seemed to appreciate it. Mind you, my throat was way too fucked. Yet, I tried to sing how much ever that I could.

All in all, a great night!

The day when I put my life to risk

The occupational hazard of this profession that I'm embracing is huge. Today, I had to single-handedly manage a major case who was HBsAg +ve. The patient was an old case of fracture and the blood loss was considerable. Even though, I wore protective clothing, I came into direct contact with the patient's blood on at least 2 occasions. I hope that doesn't get me infected.

Manohar gets a treat

My cat, whom I refer to as Manohar Kadam (with pun intended at the whole set of Marathi public that I work with), got a lovely treat today. I was just hanging out for an errand at the road behind the hospital when I saw this pet shop which seemed to have a whole bunch of interesting pet thingies.

I went in to check if it had things for cats. First the guy at the shop denied having any. I still fooled around to check if something was available. After 10 minutes of engrossing searching, I found a packed snack and three toys for Mr. Kadam.

The snack is made of Tuna and is pre-processed. Just need to open it up and lay it on his bowl for munching. The toys have catnip stuffed inside cotton/wooly material. One is a catnip-mouse and the other two are catnip-balls.

He's already crazy about the catnip mouse. The balls are meant for 'fetch' games at the lawn outside the hostel.

Junior screwed my holiday

My colleague had taken a holiday for the Christmas weekend and I was left alone to manage my two irresponsible juniors. That spoilt every plan that I had planned to go out. But what I ended up ultimately doing was to start jamming in my room with my electric guitar and bass guitar. We bought a cheap cable as well from the nearby music store. Hoping to progress a lot mor with the band soon.

Happy Feet

To make up for the sadness surrounding the occassion, I and S. went for the movie 'Happy Feet'. For a standard Pixar movie, it was a let down. Animation was beyond comparison to anything else that Pixar had made ever. But the screenplay and the story were not as good as those before.

But we had a nice time. Tomorrow is a holiday. I hope to do something interesting?

Band Breakup?

Tonight, we met at Xander's apartment for a jam session. Apart from yesterday's dinner confusion, nothing was wrong. But as usual, Xander was drinking and not really interested in serious jamming. We tried many songs but not even one could reach anywhere.

We even tried the latest song that we were working on so enthusiastically last weekend called 'Severity'. Finally, Xander went away with his glass of rum and soda to the living room to lay down.

This got S.' so pissed (I really don't understand what was the abrupt trigger was) that he said he wanted to leave immediately. He also said to me and Parry (Xander was busy) that there is no future to the band like this. This was around 3 AM.

I tried to make him stay back. But it dawned on me as well that even I was feeling immense frustration regarding the lack of realization of our goals as a band because of the lackadaisical attitude of Xander.

So I also started out with him. I wanted to talk with him about the band and the dream. Finally I ended up driving half way across Mumbai to drop him at his home. During the ride S.' said that he's not going to come for any more jam sessions until Xander changes his whole attitude.

He also said that I can also join in his new band as a bassist as their bassist just left town. That was so relieving. It seems so promsising as well.

But I'm unhappy as a whole. I wanted the band to work with Xander. He's the talent-house, someone who can propel us into mainstream international rock stardom.

Dinner Mess

S. and family had come back to town a week before. I had been bragging S. about a delicious home-cooked dinner for some time now. Suddenly, that is, yesterday night, S. called me up and said that me, Xander and Parry were invited for a dinner at S.' apartment.

The plan was for us to go together to S.' apartment in a cab. I got a couple of missed calls from Xander and Parry (both taking an off from work, for boozing and gaming) at around 6 pm when I was struggling to awaken from my sleep after a heavy emergency yesterday.

I returned their call at 6.30 pm and told them that I would take until around 8 pm at least before I got free. This was according the plan that Xander had planned yesterday evening. Since both of them were free and ready to start, and since my hospital is practically on the way to S.' apartment, I asked them to come pick me up in a cab.

As usual, Xander had problems with this idea. He wanted me to come home before I started. I requested them a couple of times more in the next hour or so to do it. But still they refused.

Finally, I got free by around 9 pm. I called Xander. He didn't pick up. Then I called Parry. Parry was hanging out with someone (pro'lly his GF) at a mall nearby the apartment. He said that he suddenly was called to join work at 11.30 pm and there was no way he could make it for the dinner. Besides, he told me that Xander was sleeping probably at the apartment as he was also not answering his calls.

I requested Parry to try to at least to turn up. Parry said he'll try. He said he'll go wake up Xander and then start to S.' apartment. I asked them if they could pick me up on the way in the highway? Parry said, it will be difficult.

So, I decided to go by train alone. I thought, fuck.. ltet them come in their own time. I don't want to go in late for a family men with two drunk men.

I got in a cab to get me to the suburban station. It took me fooken 15 minutes to travel hardly a kilometre. In the cab, I get a call from Xander. He asks me where I was. I said I was in a cab going to railway station. He asked me why I didn't call him up. I said I called him but he didn't pick up. I disagreed with me and asked me 'Doc, how can you decide on going alone when we had plans to go together?' I said, you didn't get ready soon enough. He just hung up

Obviously, only I turned up. I had the most satisfying meal of my entire year. WOW. But still S.' and me feel bad about the ever-frequent quarrels between me and Xander.

Coming of age?

I guess this is not as significant as it seems to me. Today, is the first day when my professor washed up for a surgery with me and my junior without anybody else. There was no Associate Professor, Lecturer, Senior Registrar and so forth. This shows that he has learned to trust me.

Another thing was that I sort of out-thought everyone else in the hospital regarding the diagnosis of the case that I was assisiting my professor. It was a case of a 11 year old girl developing acute flaccid paraplegia with the MRI reports suggesting tuberculosis of the spine causing compression of spinal cord as the cause.

Well, from day 1, I didn't think it was Tuberculosis. I thought it could a tumor. Nothing seemed to fit in. And today, everything fell in place. It finally turned out to be a tumor after all. Bad for the child I guess. But I finally felt siginficantly more important. Something like growing in the hierarchial strata.

The loss is confirmed

Yesterday, Chuck's father expired. Officially. I guess there was no point in continuing the mental agony of the someone on ventilator. I was on emergency duty. Besides, I didn't know what to talk about to Chuck. So I delayed ringing him up till today evening. He talk calmly on the phone.

My Mom thankfully had gone to the functions at Chuck's home. That is glad.

Four days since

It's been four days since Chuck's father was admitted. There is no improvement in the condition. I managed to talk to him somewhat more two days back. Yet, I wasn't able to empathize with his condition. Bereavement is difficult to deal with.

Besides that, we've been trying to make a new song. It is untitled yet. We made it with a riff that I had made on Friday. Now, as of today, I've made most of the song on guitar. This sound radio friendly and totally grungy.

Let's hope this turns out to be good.

What do I do?

Early afternoon, when I was jamming with Xander and Parry, I recieved a message and a missed call. It was from Chuck. His father was admitted in the Neurosurgery ICU with an intracranial bleed. Comatose. Very bad prognosis.

I tried calling him up. I wasn't sure what to say but thankfully, I couldn't get through. I finally got in touch with him in the night. I didn't have a lot to say. I said that I know what had happened and asked him how the situation was. He said that it hadn't changed.

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do.

How do I react to such a traumatic incident in one of my best friend's life?

Such a bad week

This week was perhaps my worst ever in KEM. One junior had left for his sister's wedding. And other one was acting up strange. He already received a memo for abusing a relative of a patient. I think that was the most foolish thing anyone could do.

Twice in the week, I received scoldings from my senior serious enough to make me feel that I should quit my residency and do something else. This is despite working my ass off to compensate for the lack of one junior.

But I can't just leave and go now. Still I need to face my problems. I want to work and I'm working as hard as ever. But I hate the way things work out in this hospital and I hate my seniors who constantly irritate me.

On the other side, Xander is having issues with his relationship. It's been about 3 weeks since we jammed properly. S. is coming back tomorrow from Kerala. So that might just liven things up. Ray is touring North India and giving a couple of exams.

My father is doing okay. That is also relieving.

And to top all that, for the first time in about 3 years I played with a cat (my cat) in the hospital campus (on a lawn) earlier this evening. So much fun it is!

Bad days yet again

My junior is on a week's vacation. I have to do everything like in the First year. Wait, even when he was around I had to do that. So what difference does it make? I slept at 3 AM yestedray and now it is 4 AM.

What's worse is that I am getting scolding from everyone even after working properly.

On top of that, tonite I had some of the worst moments that I have ever had in my life. My Dad fell down from is chair at home and sustained about 5 seconds of unconsciousness. I tried to convince them that a visit to hospital +/- a CTScan is required.

They stated stupid excuses and refused to go initially. I was so hurt and dejected that my family themselves were not listening to me in such things. I went into instant depression and didn't answer calls from my family from Kerala.

Instead, I arranged for Chuck to take care of it. Finally, everything is normal. But still I'm hurt. Why is it like this?

Here's my cat to cheer up the mood...

Weekend bash in Pune

This weekend, we had some free time in the hospital. It was a conference weekend and therefore, we were off duty from the major OT on Saturday. This Wednesday night, when I was jamming with Xander, his friend Shri had called from Pune. This weekend was Shri's future fiance's birthday and there was a big party. Xander and I were invited as well.

On the pretext of attending my father's birthday function back in Kerala, I and Xander left on Friday evening in a cab. It was a nice ride. Had lots of fun. We reached Pune in the early hours of Saturday. In Shri's apartment, we spent some time jamming and then slept by 6 AM.

On Saturday, we got up in the afternoon. After having food and things, I was sleepy again and I dozed off. Meanwhile, Xander and Shri bought decoration material. By evening, we were decorating the apartment.

The party started at around 8.30 PM. About 20 people. The strangest thing was that I was missing my gang (Xander, S., Parry, Sandy etc.). The people there had strange tastes. They preferred 'Bigg Boss' (a reality show on Indian TV) to anything else on TV. They like Bryan Adams more than Alice in Chains and they only knew of the Hell Freezes Version of 'Hotel California'.

In the night, we had a ball with jamming (me, Xander and Shri alternating on guitars and some percussion with the rest of the crowd chipping in with vocals. At the end of the night, I was tired again. Xander got drunk and went into one of this bad mood phases.

On Sunday, I got up mid afternoon and watched most of the 5th ODI between India and SA. Then I went to sight-see Pune with Shri. We went to a mall and I was again feeling the pinch of Pune sort of. The crowd seemed to be self-conscious and seemed to be older and less enthusiastic.

In the night, we went to the perennial hangout of the Puneites in Xander's older gang - Apache the lounge/pub. Listening to some awesome music, I got drunk on beer.

Here's one snap in which I look like Stevie Wonder while I was wearing Xander's shades.


I should have known not to laugh too much On the way back, I threw up. My first throw up ever after getting drunk.

Then Xander's friends drove us two back home to Mumbai. In the night there was some serious scare as we found our apartment's lock changed. Only in the morning, we found out that the neighbors had found our door not locked properly and the water was leaking from inside. So they cleaned our place and locked it with their lock.

That was scary!

The day I did better than co-registrar

I know that I shouldn't be comparing myself to my peers and feeling better about myself because they are doing worser than me. That is what had happened yesterday. I was able to complete a surgery quite quickly after my co-registrar was unable to. This was my first time something like this was happening. I felt good. I have to admit that I did.

I know it is wrong. But I can't help it. My life has been so miserable that I think I have to find happiness in things like this.

Bass is back

 Yeah, and it sounds awesome.  Just  like how it sounded when it bought it. I'm so happy. But at the same time, my old bass guitar has problems. One of the tuning head has gone bad apparently.

My bass guitar has got a bend

It is scary to even think about it. Under less than a month since I bought a half-lakh guitar, it started acting up. The fretboard had bent. I was finding it increasingly difficult to slap and play bass. Finally, I gave it for repair from the shop I had taken it. Somebody who has been authorised by the Ibanez company is taking care of it. I hope to have it soon back to normalcy.

Casino Royale

WOW.



Simply awesome. Xander and Parry had gone for a back-to-back movie evening. They watched 'The Departed' first. During the interval they called me and asked me to join for Casino Royale. I finished up my work on time and zipped to the theater on my scooty.

After that, it was just Daniel Craig and the brainy plot. I loved the movie. So loved the body of Craig. WOW.

I can't write further on this.

Hell's back

If I thought that my life would become better when I become a senior, I am wrong. Totally. The betterness is directly related to the quality of the juniors that someone has. In my case, there is no quality.

For the last three days, I have done most of the stuff that I have been doing in the last year (my housemanship). In return, I got sleep deprivation, hunger and more scoldings from my seniors. Why? Because my seniors think that I'm inefficient because my juniors don't work.

That does make sense. NOT TO ME! TO THEM!

I was so depressed three days back after one of my surgeries turned out to be a lot below par. The Xrays showed a badly reduced fracture with a offset plate. Added to that, my miserable, restless life - I felt like quitting it all.

T. helped me pep up myself a little. But still, I can't reason why I should lead such a miserable life.

How I wish I had some support where I could pursue my music after leaving everything else in life!

How do I look?

 

This is a photograph that Xander took when I was grooving with him last weekend. It took 6 days for me to finally to download it. I worked on it with Picasa and voila, I look supercool! 

Newspaper stories

Today was another bad day for me. I have just returned to my room after spending most of the night doing chores for my professor. I'm disappointed with the fact that I was not able to jam with Xander or hang out with Sandy. Actually, Sandy had invited me for 'Casino Royale' which released yesterday here. Yet, there were sufficient stuff in the newspaper which keeps my life interesting.

The first one is a story in yesterday's Times of India saying that robbers respect/fear the mosutache of a cop more than his gun <click here >. Whoa! Finally, at least, I found a certain set of men, although antisocial, who think like me!

  

This story was the 2nd page of the Times and it featured a photograph of a 50 something cop with a splendidly elaborate moustache. Cops get upto 50 Rs. per month for 'moustache maintenance' and there is a yearly competition for the best moustache award. Wow! How sexily gay is the Police Department!

The other two were on today's paper. One was a lousy article about Angelina Jolie getting amused by a baby during her movie shoot. The article read that the infant must be the luckiest male alive because he's the youngest to be held close to the bosom of one of the hottest women ever to live. That is cheap! Lowly cheap.

In another article about a starfish like robot which could recognise and adjust itself to bodily injury, there was a definition of self-consciousness in a robot - A robot thinking about the fact that it's thinking - that's pretty interesting. It's been long since I heard of such a line. Yeah, Asimovs and Clarkes are almost 10 years old in my life.

Yesterday meets today

The new unit is taking its toll and after effects on my life. Now it's been two weeks since I went to the gym. Yesterday was my emergency and it was such a busy day. I didn't find time to shut my eyes for one minute during the night. That was mainly due to the extremely ill-mannered and unprofessional attitude of one of my juniors. After leaving the emergency at 7, we had rounds till 9. Then I took a nap till 12 pm in the wards.

The new professor that I work under spoilt the rest of the day. At around 12.30 we started dissecting three cadavers for a Spin Surgery Workshop. The spine dissection part was okay. But when it came to removing all the viscra from the abdomen, I hated it. I hate the abdominal viscera.

After that, I had to operate on a patient in the emergency. Immediately after that, I complete by ward round. And during the middle of the round, my professor calls us to the office! At around 10 pm. There we sit making presentations on MS Powerpoint until 3 AM. Except for my dinner at around 2 AM, no big food!

Now, I have bathed and am fresh. But my senior is sleeping in my room. I can't masturbate or C2C on with one of those hot daddies that I 'make out online' with. My newly strung 4-string bass is lying wanting to be played but I can't play it.

Why? Why the hell is life so curel to me?

Mondayne thoughts

Monday came and went, and with that, the last of my back-to-back emergencies. Nothing other than the oncoming trouble in my next unit occupied my mind really. Only in such situations, when trouble is around the corner, do we ever feel that we are well off in the current situation. Ironic. That is life.

Sunday emergency went well

Another Sunday emergency goes by. This time it is the last in my present unit and also probably the last double emergency in consecutive days. For a Sunday, it was nice. I managed to assist two surgeries and I am glad that both went excellently well. Without a problem. Not often does that happen to me. In the morning, me and my future-co-registrar took over of my new unit (from November 1st). It promises be one hell of a busy post with lots of unncessary and stupid chore-work in the offing.

Party and then Razz

It was the post-ending party. I wanted to badly get to Razz where there was a fantastic concert going on. S. and I were supposed to go there together. But because of the predicament, I couldn't help it. I tried my very best to get out of this party that our professor was throwing. But finally decided that I won't disappoint my colleagues.

The party was at a upmarket club in one of the poshest areas of the city. It had a brilliant gym, spa, swimming pool and what not. The dinner was really disappointing. But I didn't really want it to be good. I wanted to run away as fast as I could and I did just that. Just after our professor left, I caught an auto and went to Razz. An amazing show by the TAAQ was going on. The moment I had stepped in I knew I had missed a lot.

TAAQ is simply amazing. Everything is different and quality. Loved their songs. After the show, I bought two of their CDs. And then I got some tips from their bassist who had an Ibanez 4 - string bass. I met the band manager who I had run into at the Hard Rock a week back.

Wow, another fantastic night at Razz

The chat with T.

It's high time I paid some attention to my academics. It is really hard to keep up with an alter-career. Even without one, it is hard to manage life in such a hospital. This is the fact that I discussed with T. in the night. It was very odd; the time of the conversation that is. At around 1.30 AM. Our hospital community is very conservative. Generally, guys and girls, unless married, are not supposed to hang out in rooms at that time of the night. So when T. comes in, I can't close the door. I have to leave it open to prove to the world that we don't have fling at it. Come on guys. Open your eyes. I'm gay. She's straight. And yet?

Anyway, we talked a lot about the conflicts that I have had. My basic question about myself was whether I wanted to invest my time and money in my alternative career when things are really not going so smoothly with my band members. She made me convince that if I felt so, I should go for it. But without ditching my medicine altogether. The point that she stressed is that she can't take decisions for me. That has to be solely my responsibility.

Besides, I think I'm more peaceful when I'm writing on my blog. My feelings kinda open out and that keeps me charged. That's why I'm trying to put in entries for all these days.

Snow Patrol

All these years, I've noticed that there have been bands and songs that impress you so much for a short period (at least) that you think that nobody else can make such music. You think so highly of them that they seem to have reached the heights scaled by anyone. Almost become gods of music. But only for a couple of days or perhaps even for a week. This month it has been Snow Patrol, with their single 'Chasing Cars' (which has been on BOB for quite some time). I watched it on VH1 one of these days when I had been at the apartment.

Today, I had gone to Hard Rock to watch a band the 'The Other People'. They didn't sound as good as the last band which played there. But again, the bassist was impressive. I had already seen him play with another band called the 'King Keys'. I met the bassist and got some advice for buying bass guitars. I had gone with PK and another buddy from the hospital after paying back the money that they had borrowed me about a year back.

The night seemed so unrealistically rich when they played 'Snow Patrol' as we were about to leave!

Amazing firecrackers

Not two days since I complained about them firecrackers. Today, I was going to my apartment in the evening and I had to stop at a hotel on the way to grab my dinner. On the road in front of the hotel, kids were lighting up those firecrackers which shoot up like a rocket and explode in the air. Wow, they looked fantastic. So many colours. Brilliant! Those are the only kind of crackers which should be allowed to be made or used.

The walk-through

It's been about 1 and half years since I moved in to Mumbai and my folks haven't had the faintest of idea about how things looked like here - in my life. I had a brilliant plan to get them 'see' what's happening here. Today was Diwali day holiday. I had some free time in the morning. What do I do? I took snaps on my phone - I went from my room to the apartment to feed the fishes. And then went to Phoenix mills to have coffee at Barista. From there I went back to my hospital to my wards. Then back to room. I got them posted on my Yahoo photos. And then while I was chatting with my folks, I walked-them through my life. They were really surprised in the bad way when they saw the chawl (practically yes) where we have the apartment. Of course, I took brilliant snaps of hospital campus to make them proud. I'll post some of them snaps in here later.

Webcams, bass and the cube

When I had gone home, I had purchased headsets for me and my parents for voice chatting. They had a webcam already. Today, I had a lot of free time in the afternoon and my sister was at home. I decided to get myself a cheap webcam. So I did. I bought a 'made in china' JVC webcam which looks space-age stuff. The quality of pictures is good I should say. I rigged it all up and we started chatting with webcam. Wow, it was fun. Even better than real phone.

Besides, I've bought my bass guitar from the apartment to my hostel room. I'm using the small shitty Stranger Cube20 for playing. Although I expected the results to be little worse than disastrous, I was pleasantly surprised by the tone I got. It was nice and full and I could practice; in my small room that is. I can practice the way I want to practice - with Tabs, video lessons and songs etc. Whooooooo Hooo!

In the night, me and S. had gone to Marine Drive to watch the firecracker show. It was brilliant. It seemed like the whole of Mumbai was exploding like a brilliant firecracker - do I sound like a Al Quaida trainee?

From there, we went to an expensive Chinese restaurant nearby. The fun thing was that I was the only person in the restaurant who was eating with chopsticks. Even though, it was a long time since I used chopsticks, I was doing okay with it. Everybody was looking at me eating. I even inspired one kid to try them!

Joining the gym

As a part of an ongoing effort to change my looks, I have joined a gym as well. After taking advices from a couple of colleagues, I joined a gym nearby the hospital where professional trainers give advice. The fee is rock-bottom and so the gym is small and sweaty. Lotsa people work out there and most of them are lower-middle class Marathis. I have started okay. Let's see how it goes. This was really inspired by Sandy who started going to a gym recently to trim herself. Thanks Sandy!

The wet look

I've been tired of my looks for quite some time time. That's why I tried on the goatee. Similarly, I want to change my hairstyle. Most people I know seem to admire the way my hair combed as it is now. But I want to change it. I want to look like I came out of the shower. That wet look. The saloon which I go to has a barber who seems to be an expert in imported gels and stuff like that. I bought a very expensive gel from him and it is like a charm. I get that wet look for a long time now.

The night at Hard Rock

Despite the whole confusion regarding flying back, I had an eventful night at the Hard Rock Cafe. It was the first 'Live Band Nite' on thursday. The queerest thing (queer in its purest sense) was that GS called me up and informed about this. Now, that's quite strange. And quite nice of her. But I don't think she knows that I indirectly hate her for stealing most of Xander from me and the band.

A band called Something Relevant were playing. They are an 8 or nine piece band with a Sax, bongos and keyboards. The best part was that they covered the three most popular songs of Dave Matthews Band - Ant's Marching, What Would You Say and Everyday. I thoroughly enjoyed the session while sipping beer on an empty stomach.

During the event I met three important persons in the Mumbai Rock scene. Megh, the guitarist from probably India's biggest alternative rock band, seemed like a very very nice guy. I had a prolonged chat with the manager of 13 rock bands in India. When I told him about our band, he seemed to very interested and gave me his visiting card. The coolest thing was that he used to front a band which covered Alice in Chains and Stone Temple Pilots. I also met the bassist of India's biggerst metal band and asked him for tips on advice.

Altogether, the evening was eventful. At the end of it all, I was sad to realize that I'll be missing all the fun of live bands on Thursday as my emergency on Thursdays.

Flooding at home

I was attending the morning grand rounds at the hospital when my sister called. I cut the call on the third ring and sent a message back saying that I'll call her later. Within a few seconds she called back. I answered the call and whispered

'I'm on rounds... will call you later.. bye.'

About to hang up, I heard my sister saying with urgency

'No, there is a big problem at home'.

Surprised, I asked her what the problem was.

'The compound wall behind our home fell apart yesterday night in heavy rain. Along with came all the plants and plantain trees in our neighbor's home. Our house is still flooded with about a foot deep of mud and water. Mom and Dad haven't told anybody. Instead they are trying to clear it up by themselves.'

Suddenly I was very worried. Despite my colleagues gesturing me to hang up and attend round, I listened intently to the details of the matter.

<-- Here ends the 'Reader's Digest-ish' part of this post -->

Hahaha... I like that a lot. Maybe I should write to the Reader's Digest with one of my real-life stories.

But don't get mistaken. This actually happened. Yes, my house is flooded. And my folks wanted me to fly down to help them clean up. Just under three days after I came back from my vacation, I had to go back home. I didn't know what to do. I informed my colleagues that I had a problem back at home. I was relieved from the rounds.

I started making phone calls to my friends, relatives and airline agencies. After about an hour and half I was assured by my cousins that they will personally go and assess the situation and reply regarding whether I should come or not. By that time, I and my sister had decided that we both needed to fly down urgently to help my Mom and Dad.

The funniest part of the whole issue was that I couldn't really assess the situation at home; how serious it was, was my presence required or not. That is the biggest problem with staying away from home. You can't really assess the situation back at home. What my parents say, I can't generally trust.

Anyway, by afternoon, the news was in that I didn't need to fly back home after all. My cousins will urgently attend to the matter and my sister will fly down soon to settle things further.

Crazy morning!

My first ever 'straight' date

This is going to be one post worth cherishing all of my life. A totally gay guy who has only gone on dates/one-night-stands with men goes to a straight date. Don't fall of your seat! I am not turning straight. I'll explain the situation. Calm down!

I was offered by one of my seniors a couple (straight couple of course) passes to a disco at a plush 5 star hotel in an up-market part of the city. He was offered this from a dealer of Smirnoff Vodka on the occassion of the release of it's 'Green Apple Twist' flavour. I immediately called Sandy, Xander's colleague, and my good friend now.

After finishing my work quickly, I travel in a crowded suburban train. In the train, it dawns on me that my undersized, though well-fitting tee and the jeans that I wear might not be the clothes that you are supposed to wear to a disco for a date. When I meet Sandy in front of the enormous gate of the hotel, I am glad that she's wearing a sweater that's not so tight as to make her breast look humungous. I was very relieved to find that she also seemed under-dressed for the occassion.

We holded hands for a brief period of 2.3 seconds until I realized that I was extremely uncomfortable. After that, through out the date, we didn't even touch each other. The disco was not as cool as I thought it would be; it too seemed under-dressed for the occassion! We ordered for a couple of vodkas and started talking about a lot of different things. I was constantly looking at the crowd and checking out the page-3 crowd and their dressing styles. There were a couple of extremely hot looking power-daddies 'chilling' out with women about 30 years younger.

Apart from the various things we discussed, a couple of topics are worth mentioning. I was almost shocked to hear that Sandy was going to a gym regularly for a few weeks now. That sort of hit me a like a slap on my face. Why wasn't a skinny gay guy going to a gym when his straight girl-friend was? I discovered over my fourth, and her second vodka, that Sandy was a voracious reader. That also inspired me. At around 12 midnite, we decided to call of our unheralded first date.

On my way, I realize that suddenly Sandy had become on of my closest friends and inspirer. Thanks Sandy!

The day out with E-boy

The day after I touched down in Mumbai, I was on leave. That day was actually my emergency. I wanted to have adequate rest before I joined back. Had I joined back on Monday itself, I would have been drained after my long night out with Xander and E-boy That wouldn't be an ideal re-start to my work at the hospital.

Now, I and E-boy. had to go back to his home because Xander had so uncaringly planned a night in bed with his girl-friend GS. On that note, I don't know if I have ever mentioned about her on this. She's been around for about 6 months right now and I think the problems with me and Xander have increased after she came into the scene. I'll post about that relationship, which I think is creating significant problem in my life with the band.

So, after sleeping at E-boy's uncomfortably warm apartment, we get ready to hang-out in the city. We leave his apartment with the idea of searching a 5-string bass for me. We catch a Rick which takes us through an amazing piece of property; a totally virgin green island in the middle of the city with trekking tracks etc.

We find the guitar shops late in the evening but weren't fortunate enough to see any five string bass of our liking. After doing that, we hang out at an absolutely shitty mall near the station which, for its size, is provided with 2 way escalator for the four floors.

In the night, the band finally meet at Xander's place and jam. We do a recording with loads of variety and I end up recording about 2 hours of unedited vintage live recordings; the sort that I love to listen to after a couple of months.

At the end of it all, I pack by bag and head back to my room in the hostel. I would be joining work a few hours later.

Back to Mumbai

Yes. I'm back to the city of dreams. After a day with my band mates and another jam session, little seems to have changed since the time left; when I had hopes, I guss too far-fetched even by my standards, of rejuvenating the whole idea of working out a succcesful band. Yes, I realize that I'm being negative and pessimistic about this. But I too have some expectations. I want to live my dream. And I want that badly.

I did a lot of different stuff during my vacation. Stuff like hanging out with my friends, reading books, watching movies, cruising, sex, travelling, listening to music etc. But the most memorable moments during this trip are worth blabbering about.

• Ray's affair - I have not mentioned this anywhere on this blog yet. But it is true. Ray has a deeply rooted crush on a 50 something married farmer with drinking and smoking issues. They had met about 3 months back. They spent a couple of days together (without having sex; the man doesn't yet know that he's being hit on by Ray) including getting drunk once. Since then, Ray has been keeping in touch through the mobile phone with this guy. The present status is that Ray has tried to open out to him about the 'crush' element to this guy who is bent on ignoring that angle to the relationship. They still get in touch via the phone. But still sort of evading the obvious.
  
  If you ask me why this is interesting.. well, um... yeah.. This is the first time Ray and I collectively had such a problem. This is deeply rooted emotionally. At least, from Ray's point of view. Not just sex. The daily see-saws in the relationship are very very interesting.



• X-men + Sci-Fi - I watched 'X-men: The Last Stand', '2001-A space Odyssey', and 'Solaris' and read (partially) a couple of books by Isaac Asimov and Arthur C. Clarke. The X-men movie was really interesting with the concept of mutants, supermutants and Homo superior hitting me hard! Wow! Really interesting! It ignited my interest in Sci-Fi again and thats why I ended up with reading those books. Sci-Fi is big time back in my life baby! Now, I want to watch X-men 1 and 2 desperately.



• Then was the couple of days where I hung out with my friends over dinner and drinks. I had Gin and Brandy for the first time in my life. I liked the feel of it. Now, I can see the this as the turning point in my life where I succumb to drunkenness!



• I read a lot about bands which inspired me a lot over the past few months. The story of 'Seether', the South African band inspires me a lot! After reading up their story and listening to their music, I really feel like we can be the next Seether.



• Significantly (from my POV), I mastered an skill (or art as I wish to refer it to as) in sex during the time I was with Mr. Lion!
  
  

Yet, with all this good things happening. I'm unhappy with the fact that my dream is still left unattended to in terms of realization. I hope, and really really wish, that things would better of in that front.

Back at God's Own Country for Sex

Yes. I'm back home. For a brief vacation. I flew in on Friday evening. I've caught up with the most important persons in my life in Kerala. Ray. Chuck. Dr. R. Mr. Lion. My parents. Yeah, they are important too.

Since the time I was in the airport for boarding the flight, I distinctly felt the 'sex' in the air when Keralaites, or 'Mallus' as they are fondly referred to as in North India, are around. I saw about 5 haute Dads on the aeroplane whom I could have had sex.

Then, after I reached home, I exchanged pleasantries with folks. They expressed their happiness after seeing the stuff that I had bought them. By the way, I had bought my Mom sarees. An electronic 'shruthi box' was what my Dad got.

From the first morning of my vacation, the only thing that was on my mind was sex. I went out for cruising in a movie. I went on bus rides hoping for sex. I even went out for strolls to see hot Mallu Dads. I'm so preoccupied with sex these days. But the place seems like it itself is preoccupied with sex.

How else can you explain this!

Shayd, first song and the goatee

Another two weeks have zipped past. So many developments. Yet so little on the blog.

Why?

I don't fucking now.

We have christened our band Shayd. We wanted the name Shade but it was already taken up. Then Shayd's first ever song was made. It is not yet titled. It is meant as a background track for a docu-drama produced by one of Xander's friends.

We have a prospective band member. He's a bassist and a guitarist and is of my age and has influences to 80's Pop Rock. But he was a great jam when he and his former band members visited us.

I book my tickets to fly home in early October. Xander is going to Dubai in mid October for his niece's first birthday. Both these meant that our pub gig deal goes down the drain.

I go to watch the practice session of the hottest metal act in India. WOW, it was awesome. The guitarist of the band works in the same company that the E-boy (or S.; our drummer) works in.

Then, I grow a goatee. It is strange but it fits in. I think I look good with that on. Good for me. Great for me in fact.

Bye bye the world. I need to catch up sleep as tomorrow's a busy day at the OT.

Three weeks underground

I can't exactly explain the disappearance of myself on my blog for the last three weeks. Yeah, I had posted a video of the acoustic performance that has inspired me the most. But still, that doesn't reason why I should not write about a very eventful three weeks.

My hospital life went from bad to worse in the first two weeks of my 'break'. Misunderstanding, mistakes and coincidences led my professional life into total misery. I've gotten over that now. The situation was so grave that I was in tears one day when my registrar shouted at me for asking an apparently 'stupid' question. But I think my life as a resident in this hospital is never going to really be good in the wholesome sense.

Forget that! My personal life, especially that with my bandmates couldn't have been any better. In the first two weekends, we hung out, watched movies, went music gear shopping. It really was eventful; the way bonding develops. The best moment with my band came when we jammed 'Plush' (refer to the video that I have posted earlier) in the guitar shop with me on Ibanez bass and Xander on Yamaha acoustic guitar! Wooo! Goosebumps! It is so exciting!

Jamming at home was good but not great. Especially last weekend when we really screwed up. But things are not looking bad. Especially with the fact that we might sign a deal to make the background music for a docu-drama that Xander's friend is making. That might fetch us some money.

Today we were hit by another big development. We might get to perform live shows in pubs in October - November. If we bag that, we are going to be definitely rich enough to get better gear!

I'm so thrilled!

Stone Temple Pilots - Plush - Acoustic

This is the coolest acoustic song that has ever been recorded... ever!

Massacre

Thousands (literally) lay dead on the battleground. Finally the battle was won. The bloodshed had to be seen to be believed.

The battle, though lasting over a year now, had exacerbated since last night. I was almost captivated by a dozen bed bugs. I got so pissed that I couldn't sleep. Today morning, I extracted vengeance. I got the hospital maintenance staff to spray insecticidal spray.

In the afternoon, after the OT, I had come and seen the scene of a life time. I could count about 400 bedbugs around my bed! Staggering! Yes, it is true. Most of them would still spill blood if squeezed.

I cleaned up my room just now. I discarded the mattress which housed most of them. Now, I can sleep in peace.

Rockstar Supernova

Over the past few weeks, when I go to the apartment to practice, we wind up by watching a couple of shows on Star World. 'The Simpsons' comes first at the 1 AM slot. There is nothing to be described about it. Everyone who's cool thinks that Simpsons are cool. So I'm not going to brag about it.

The show that succeeds is 'Rockstar Supernova'. Tommy Lee (Motley Crue), Jason Newstedt (Metallica) and Gilby Clarke (G 'N R - they three decide to form a band and are searching for a lead singer. And they chose the succesful TV show 'RockStar'. I've watched about 6 episodes and my opinion has been made.

• I don't understand the need for female contestants. Without any intentions to insult the fairer sex; come on, Supernova needs some vocalist like Scott Weiland. If at all Tommy Lee and Gilby are only interested in the boob/cleavage part of the women, why do they not have sidekicks like they have in wrestling shows?
  
• The house band is cool. Sometimes, I feel Supernova won't be that good.
  
• Almost all the contestants are hugely talented. But only a minority can even fit into Supernova with the rock-singer voice.
  
• The comments of the members of Supernova can be disregarded without second thought as they sound very artificial.
  

Whatever it is, Rockstar Supernova inspires me every day to learn new songs and to perform like in a rock band.

My parents

A week before, my sister rang me up and said that my Dad was running fever and was confined to bed. I didn't really bother too much as usual. Yesterday, my father gave me a call and informed me that while he was recovering, though slowly, my Mom had also fallen asleep. My father sounded very depressing. I was finally shaken from my slumber. I didn't know exactly how serious the condition was.

I sent my uncle and Chuck on separate trails to track what the exact situation was like. I got positive reports from both. Both weren't as grave as they sounded over the phone. Just the depressivenes of old age kicking in.

Finally, I rang my folks up yesterday to ask them how they were doing. For about 1 minute and 30 seconds I listened to what they had to say. They attributed their sluggishness in geting back to normal activity to rain, cold weather, old age and what not. Finally I had enough. I asked them to get a sweater and go for a walk when it was dry.

That did it. My father got so pissed that he said. 'Yeah, we'll try. So long. Bye.' And then he hung up of course. The phone conversation ended at 1 minute 41 seconds.

So busy that

I'm very disappointed with myself not updating the blog. I don't find time. All the time, I sit in front of the computer is spent in checking mail and porn. I can't neglect either. Otherwise, jamming sessions going great this week. Especially today. Reading is lagging behind. I can't find time for it as well. Hospital work is going extremely well.

So long.

:(

Wasting our time

This week was relatively uneventful and disappointing. Despite the high that I started the week in, nothing worked well. I didn't get much chance to jam this weekend. Only on Saturday night actually. On that day, Xander was drunk and we had that usual argument on how to practice; whether to learn our parts before jamming or not. Today evening, I experienced another rocking live rock show featuring Vayu and Zero. For the second week in running, I feel that we (the band) are wasting our time by not going out there and playing live. That's so evident from the stuff that some bands out there come up with.

On my professional side, I did a major surgery without anybody else's guidance. That's also positive.

I hope to turn things around at the jam sessions in the coming week.

Conviction confirmed

Today I reaffirmed my conviction, something that has been growing inside me for a long time. I went to a underground rock show at Razzberry Rhinoceros in Juhu with S. My first ever live underground show. Interestingly, in the first half an hour I went and played bass on stage! [I'll give you time to get back from the fall that you sustained after that hit you hard in your face].

Ahem, yes... I did that. That is actually not even worth mentioning. I played bass for 'Alive' for half the song. That too on a de-tuned bass guitar. It was not really enjoyable but I still enjoyed that little 2 minutes of fame. Anyways, back to the reaffirmation of my conviction!

Then the Helga's Fun Castle came, they played and they conquered... the audience first and ME for sure. They were so amazing sounding especially with the mesmerizing mastery behind the drums by Dino Banks. Johann was sounding as good as ever. Sidd was singing great and the guitarist was also doing well. S. was also virtually blown away by the performane.

After the show, we had a little talk at the McDonald's eatery. S. was saying that we should be performing like all the bands do. He also said that he was setting aside his personal life for 3 years or so for music; no girlfriends, movies etc. Suddenly I thought what was happening with my life and Victor.

In the night after I came back, I had a chat session with Victor. I explained to him that time is not letting our relationship to go further ahead. He was understanding and has agreed to be just a 'friend' and not a 'date'/'lover'. That was surprising really. He is so understanding. That made me a lot relieved.

While I was chatting with him, I discovered my original songs (recordings) of which from an old CD from Xander's place. I'm now listening to them. Maybe one or two of them might end up in the docu-drama.

Strange day

It was the strangest of days. The day started out peacefully. I finished up my hospital work by mid afternoon and called Xander and S. Xander was free and eagerly expecting us to join. S. was at home and was apparently making some midi tracks for us to practice on. As I was starting, it suddenly started pouring. I was delayed by an hour and by the time I had reached there it was around 4.

Xander showed me the printout of the e-mail that he had received regarding the soundtrack of the docu-drama that he had been offered earlier in the week. If I hadn't mentioned about it before, Xander was offered an opportunity to make three original tracks for a docu-drama by one of his friends who's making the movie. It was about a company which employed a slightly higher proportion of disabled employers (who were referred to as 'differently abled'; which I thought was cool).

They wanted us to come with slow, mellow rock songs which could relate to emotions like triumph/strength, happiness, love, sadness, confusion in communication etc. The task itself looked interesting and challenging. Then we tried analyzing some songs in our collection which we thought could fit into this. We had a little bit of an argument about the emotions of the songs; me judging with the music/melody and Xander judging by the lyric. After an hour of that, we finally turned to a few of our own songs which could be modified and put in.

That was going nicely until Xander's girlfriend G. came in. She and Xander started kissing and making out. I tried to pretend to ignore them and the stuff they were doing. But the rest of the time I spent there trying to learn some songs was meaningless. I had plans to meet Victor later on in the evening and I needed to go back to the hospital for the round. I left confirming with Xander that we were not jamming in the night.

After I finished my round, I tried calling Victor. He didn't pick up the phone. I was confused. I gave him an SMS and then I lay down in the bed thinking what had happened. I must have dozed off and I got up at around 2 AM with a headache. I had forgotten to eat. I went down to eat an absolutely pathetic meal. Then I came back up to sleep.

I don't know what to make of this day. Two important things happened - both regarding personal relationships. One is that I'm not able to manage mine. Second is that Xander's personal life is interfering with the band's progress.

Stagnancy

It is official now. The readership in my blog has plummeted. I know the reason for it but I can't do anything about it. My life in the hospital keeps me busy still to prevent me from posting on the blog. Whatever time I steal from the hospital, is currently being used for just one purpose; music. The rest of my life seems to have stagnated. Of course, I still get my dose of porn/cyber sex with the computer. But that's about it.

The last time I was whining about it all was last week when I had taken a resolution to do everything what I wanted to. Since then, I've been very busy. Just the one night I got free time, I went to Xander's and had an unproductive jam session. What else did I do in my free time. Apart from browsing on the computer and chatting with my date a couple of times, I helped my senior in his thesis. Bull shit. My life is so stagnant!

I'll need to do something about this.

Back to WorldSpace

Today was the third day in consecution during which WorldSpace Satellite radio was on round the clock in my room. What I have done is to connect my computer speakers to the radio. And I have been listening to the music continuously. I have been switching between three channels; BOB - the alternative rock channel, Voyager - adult contemporary, BBC World Service. It has been a wonderful time. Reminiscent of the time I had at home with my radio. Songs like 'High & Dry' by the Radiohead get played in between 'World Wide Suicide' and 'Danny California'.

Besides, I had a chat session with my date Victor. He wants to meet me on the weekend. I have still not confirmed the timing. Lets hope I don't disappoint him yet again. It has been too long and I've been taking too much of liberty to almost neglect him.

A bad session

Tonight, I went to Xander's place after a tiring routine. I was very tired after the heaviness of the work at the hospital. Why I decided to go was because Xander had called me earlier in the evening informing about a probable visit by one of our common friend/ movie director who had an offer for us. He was making a movie/documentary and wanted us to make the background music for it. It is very challenging and probably will earn us some money.

We could really do well with some money. I could, for example, buy a bass guitar/bass processor etc. By the time I had started, I knew that the friend was not coming over. But still I thought we could jam something. But the jam session was bad. He was almost drunk and was in a mood play a couple of songs which I was not prepared for. I felt disappointed in the night. The only respite being able to watch one episode of the Simpsons and Rockstar Supervnova.

The Supernova show is mindblowing. The cockiness and the arrogance of the judges is so irritating. But there are some amazingly talented guys in there.

After a gap

Today, finally I got some time to type something on my blog. If you are asking me why I haven't yet found time, I don't know why? I don't have a clue as to why I've not been finding time to even see Victor once after our two dates. That has been bugging me so much that I don't know what to do. Thankfully, I just had a chat conversation with him and he's being very kind to me. We are planning to meet this weekend. Lets hope things work out well.

Otherwise, amazing stuff at music. We've been jamming regularly. But not without issues. Conflict of ideas as usual always is there when creativity flows. But still, we are doing well. Xander is dating G. regularly these days. S., who has the nick 'EBoy' (for enormous boy; 6 foot 3 inches and the boyish looks), amazes us every day with his amazing sleep routine - about 16 hours in a day - like a cat!

And I've not yet started on my academics. That will start now. Everything has to happen together in my life now - Music, dating and studies. Or else, I would have to think of myself as a loser!

Portugese minister

Isn't he awesome? Why are all these latino dads so hot?

From a yahoo story Colombia's ambassador to U.S.resigns

The Blasts

Yesterday, I had hit the sack for a nap by around 5.45 pm. Most of the work for the OT had been done. I got up at 7.50,again going through the same scary feeling that I always have when oversleeping. Hastily I brush, pour some water over my head. As I head back to my room from the bathroom, I see my senior sitting at the mess downstairs sipping a cup of tea. Shit! He's going to shout at me again.

I dress up as fast as I can and I rush to ward using the stairs on the other end of the building so as to not go through the mess. As I went pass the door to the mess, I notice that my senior had already left. I run through the corridor. It felt strangely discordant and chaotic. Lots of extra people, security and police. I don't have a clue as to what had happened.

I meet my senior at the bottom of the building where my wards are. I expect an amazing doze of firing. Instead he asks me, do you know about the blasts? I shook my head partly in surprise, partly anxious. He tells me that there have been a series of blasts in the suburban railway network and the victims are being rushed to hospitals, our hospital being the prime centre for it.

Then we went and took a quick round. During the round I realize that we are all called to attend the emergency in the rescue activities. After the round, which went almost uneventful, I go back to the mess to have some food, something which I didn't have since yesterday night. While chewing on the half-cooked rice of the Veg. Pulav, I watch the TV channels showing the pictures of the blast sites and victims.

After my meal, I went to the emergency. I helped them out in the way I could seeing new patients, giving first aid treatment etc. I hear stories of shattered faces, torn eyeballs and prised chests. I was late by about 2 hours. But still I managed to help out. That's more important I feel. I retired from active assisting at 3 AM as I had to stay awake OT today.

Italians are hot

I admit that I have a liking for Italians. Italians, be it football, mafia or life, have an air of charm and self-assuredness. Italian ministers (power daddies et al) are amazingly hot therefore. This video just confirms that!

Red-hotness reaffirmed

This photo is an afterlude to the photo which generated a comment. And this photo has my face in it. I kmow it is risky to offer this in my yet 'identity-closted' blog. But still, I had to do it. I think that the hotness levels of this is comparable to that in the previous. The redness, though, increase in multitudes. That is why, I'm changing my profile picture to this.

Red-hotness reaffirmed

This photo is an afterlude to the photo which generated a comment. And this photo has my face in it. I kmow it is risky to offer this in my yet 'identity-closted' blog. But still, I had to do it. I think that the hotness levels of this is comparable to that in the previous. The redness, though, increase in multitudes. That is why, I'm changing my profile picture to this.

The deluge

Yesterday's jamming session left a lot to be desired. Xander went under one of those blues deluges that hits him (and us) often. Maybe it was partly due to the fact that S. had inadvertently broken one of the memorabilia that Xander so loved. Something called as the 'Sands of Dubai'. I still don't remember exactly how it looked like or what it was. When I went there, purposefully late, Xander, S. and Xander's friend J. were finishing up cleaning up the place of all the dust that the electrician generated.

I was in a heavenly mood to jam and with S. around, the prospect seemed further inviting. It took some time for Xander to come to some normality. When the jokes started flowing I thought everything was going to be great. With the comfort of a ceiling fan things should have been. But then, Xander was not singing. But I and S. were getting along, in terms of jamming that is, very well. It was evident from my face showing all my teeth and the yellow coloured braces that I was enjoying it very much despite Xander not jamming.

I thought he realized that himself. Maybe that aggravated the problem further. We just jammed one beautiful song 'So Far Away' from Staind. The rest of the jam session was mediocre. We also had a little argument between ourselves about how to prepare for a jam session. I am on the firm belief that the members should be prepared beforehand, something like doing homework, for such jamming sessions. But both Xander and S. are lazy and won't do serious preparation. Therefore it is pretty obvious that such problem will persist.

It's upto me to come to terms with it and not get bogged down. Whatever, I rode back to the hostel at 2.30 AM after watching Germany thrash the Portugese listening to Live's classic songs from 'Throwing Copper', so wanting to jam the with my band.

I think look red-hot

Duh... I think I do look hot in this picture. This is off a video which we recorded at the apartment with Xander's new N91. Don't I look awesome with the bass in this angle? If you aren't sure, yeah... I do!

Xander did confirm my suspicion. He said I looked like Flea.. the bassist of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. No! I swear he said that. But he sure did add something else. He said I looked like Flea... had flea been in starvation for a couple of years!



 

Frequency increases

 

This last couple of days, I've been visiting Xander almost like every day. We practice songs even in the late night time. I'm enjoying it thoroughly and so is he. He has some problems with his GF right now but he finds jamming a very productive experience. As my recent trend with photo blogging continues, here I present to you one snap of us jamming. I'm standing (and I thought I looked hot) with the bass, Xander is sitting with the guitar and S (in the background) is sitting on the floor!

 

The cat at the hostel

  

I always had a thing for cats. It is only natural that I feel homesick without a cat close by. Fortunately, we have a 7 month old kitten/cat in the hostel (inside the mess) which is extremely friendly. It curls up in anybody's lap with little invitation. This is the picture of it lying on my lap during last week's Germany Vs. Argentina match!

Great emergency

After three weeks or so, I go into an emergency feeling great. The rains are here again and therefore an otherwise exciting day is just a little dampened. But it did feel cozy and I did feel horny in between. It is really amazing how your mental status can affect your performance. The music that I played in the weekend did help me in improving my work. This is the example for it. This is the X ray of a patient who came to the emergency. I reduced the fracture and gave him a bandage! Voila, the fracture is not seen on the next X ray! WOW!

Third day of jamming

For the third day in consecution, we jammed and jammed till be got bored. We also set up the basic studio at the apartment. It is so wonderful. Our recordings on camera are worth listening to. I have an emergency tomorrow. Therefore, good night!

The cupboard

Like yesterday, I got too much of free time Today. In fact I got the evening off and therefore, I joined Xander and Sumit. Despite the fact that England were playing, we (me and salesboy). Half of the time and effort went for shifting a wooden cupboard. But once it arrived, it gave us time to think and arrange properly. Again, we stayed up late till the Brazil got beaten by the better team (france . Then we jammed! Amazing!

Xander at guitar

 

Yeah, I love photoblogging. That's why I'm starting a series of posts with snaps from my mobile phone. This one was taken about 3 weeks back when we guys were jamming at Xander's place. S took the shot and as you can make out, S' legs are the hemiframe of the photograph. 

The turn around

When things turn around, they do so at such a pace that the spin makes me dizzy. Two or three days before I was showing tendencies regarding my unsolved problems in the hospital with seniors etc. Today, after a good day at the operation theatre, I came to my room early. I got some time to clean my room up. I got myself free at around 9 pm. The Germany - Argentina match was going on then. S and Xander were already jamming in the apartment and wanted me to come and join them.

Because of the rain, I had to delay myself. That's actually the official reason which I would state. The game was going on strong and besides I was pissed at Xander and S. asking me to bring them food. Pissed because I hardly got time to go jam with them. Now they want me to miss the action on the football field and buy them food in the strong rain.

I did all that though. I didn't want to disapoint them. After jamming till late night after both the matches (Argentina lost; that scares me - who's gonna stop Brazil from retaining the championship? But Italy won! Congrats!) I came back to room so as to avoid the risk of getting late/ drenching in rain in the morning time.

Depression encore

Another hopeless day passed by. After being insulted again and again through out the day, I'm feeling very bad about everything. Again the whole 'decision making' thing is up for analysis. But I can't understand why such bad things are happening to me and only me.

Imagine, 2 years ago, the same time of the year. I was being considered as the most sincere and impressive junior in my hospital. Now, I'm just considered like a useless servant.

Why should it happen so? What have I done so drastically different from that time and now to make my life such a misery?

The only thing that is happy today is that Xander came to the hospital for some tests. He's having another bout of Malaria. Today he came with his girl friend G. I was so happy to see him and hear his jokes.

Isn't it really sad to realize that you are feeling happy in seeing a friend who is sick. That shows how bad your general state of affairs is.

Hopeless

I think that my residency would always remain a sad story. After two days of work with little rest, during which I was insulted many a time for the way I work and the way I talk, you would think that the thing can't worsen. Well, they did.

First my registrar asked my colleague to take a round of my ward before he came. That's to show that I'm not worth being trusted. To add fuel to my registrar's fire, I got up late and came late for his round.

Now I'm being relegated to almost servanthood and am denied of operative opportunities. Just have to do menial jobs again.

Why does this happen like that? Why do I always piss of my registrars?

The pleasure of becoming a senior

This is the first time that I'm writing my diary since the addition of juniors into the hospital. I've been honestly trying to help them get to terms with the bloody mess that the hospital runs like. Today, was also the first time that I had some time in the evening to do something like cleaning my own room. I did that and also read some theory about the surgery that I was supposed to perform tomorrow. Such a welcome change this is.

Besides, I copied a train-load of music from S' portable HD. That should whet my growing appetite for listening to music.

Comedy at the OT

There are at times when everyone screams at the junior residents for not keeping the doors of the OT closed or when a couple of relatives of the patients spend that extra minute by the side of the patient when he or she comes out of the operating room after surgery. Of course, this is meant in the best intention of keeping the OT clean. Today, things were so bafflingly contradictory to such practices. Our matron, former head sister of the OT which I am talking about, held a retirement bash/party at the OT. I don't need to detail how many 'outsiders' in plain clothes and shoes mingled and had lunch in the recovery room. Nobody cared. The patient who just had a hip replacement surgery seemed to be in utter dismay.

Busy week

What can I write about a week where so many things have happened. My juniors have arrived. My date is back and I haven't even talked to or met him. My life in the hospital as a surgeon is going horrible. I have come to know that I'm one of the most ill reputed guys in the department. My surgical skills really suck. All this and I don't find time to write about it.

The threesome

Finally it happened. Me, Xander and S met and we jammed. It was wonderful. The recordings prove it. This surely provides so much more of options on the musical front. There was another piece of good news 'The Great' thing also presented it. Apparently, Xander had gotten an offer from a friend in Belgium about reording of an album, music vidoes etc. Whatever it is, the jamming session was incredible. It was provent that the depression at the hospital only be cured by my musical explotis.

Another bad day

Another bad day at the hospital. It seems that such days are getting commoner as the weeks go by. Today, it all started with an avoidable conversation about the lack of sincerity/responsibility of the whole system in the hospital. My registrar who disagreed with me on this point finally turns out to be egotistic. He has must have been hurt by me saying such things. He also complained about the fact that I make tonnes of excuses.

A bit of laxity in my work provided the spark for the firing that I got. I felt bad. I was told to not complain/criticize about others if I don't do my work properly. Lots of hurtful words were used. He also accused me of being talented only in hobbies and not i being intersted in medicine.

At the end of it all, I felt horrible. Because of my registrar himself I had to miss jamming with Xander in the evening. Similarly I couldn't watch the Football match between England an Paraguay. I ended up watching Argentina's match while doing dirty paper work of the ward.

What does 'great' mean?

Today was a cool day at the hospital. But in the evening I felt shitty. Due to envy really. Many a reason to feel shitty. Firstly, I got the info that Chuck had passed his final exam. Ray had sent me a message. I called up Chuck. He picked it up on the third time and said he'll call back. Then I tried Ray. He was in a movie and sounded like he was having sex ie. Cruising. He too hung up.

Then I called S up. He was watching World Cup's opening match and having dinner. He had free time during the weekend and wanted to jam/record. But I was unsure if I could find time. I talked to him for about five minutes explaining the option of going to Xander's apartment and jamming tomorrow if both don't mind each other. He okayed. In between he had told me about the wonderful studio that he was studying at. I couldn't believe my ears when he said that the final project that he's getting is to record his own album with his band in that state of the art studio! Slurp!

Then I rang up Xander. He was watching the Germany match in a packed Cafe in the city. It was so noisy that he was finding it difficult to hear me. I asked him if he minded S. dropping by tomorrow. After shouting on the phone to him thrice, he finally heard me. He said no. And finally when I was about to hang up, he said he had something big to tell me. I asked him if it is good or bad. He didn't listen to the question initially. I was so pissed at my own miserable state and envious of my two bandmates having a jolly good time that I was angry when I asked him the question again. He said 'It's great Doc!'.

I don't know what to feel now. I feel bad about my state. But I want to know if this turn of events on the musical front is going to be significant in my life. I sure hope so.

Electrifying!

Don't get excited yet. My life hasn't just turned around. And I'm still loathing about it. Today morning, everything went to plan in the major OT day. But in the middle the first surgery, things went haywire because of electri shock! The patient who was being first operated felt it first. She screamed a couple of times when she felt it. Then, one of the surgeons who accidentally slipped off his slippers felt it. Soon we all realized that the floor was dissipating electric shock. The reason must have been a water leak which had occurred on the floor above.

This does seem pathetic doesn't it. In one of the biggest hospitals in town, the patients get electrocuted.

Whatever, it meant that the rest of the surgeries got cancelled. That meant more free time in the afternoon. I grabbed a wonderful three hours of sleep while my mobile kept on buzzing in silent mode. I got fired for the same reason later.

But still, the rest gave me a good reason to feel good at the end of the day.

S arrives

Yesterday, my friend S (with whom I had many a relationship swing) finally made his way to Mumbai. He's joining a Audio Engineering course for a year. That means that finally we (me and Xander) have a drummer option. I hope this works out fine. I and Xander have been going through rough times and the relationship between S. and him is also not very good. It can create problems. But it broadens our scope so much more! It sure is exciting.

At the same time, I got a message from May saying that she also has started feeling miserable like me after having started her residency in North India. I don't know what to feel at this moment about this. My misery should end soon. But my best friend's has just started.

Massage again

Judging from what had happened yesterday, today should have been worse. But it wasn't. In fact, despite the business, I got lots of free time. I was able to play guitar and browse in between. Then I went for my routine shave/massage to the barber. I had a nice nap when he was doing it. That indeed is the best thing in terms of pleasure these days. I finished work early as well. And in fact, I was able to come back to room for my night's sleep. That felt good. Wonderful really!

Horrible emergency

This time the emergency was like hell. Everything backfired. Every little thing I was doing was scrutinized and the coincidences, as usual, worked against me. I was shoved out of the surgeon's shoes for the day and was asked to run around for patient's reports and blood. During all this, I was scared about the fact that the seniors would decide against giving me juniors to work under me when they would come. This, if you don't understand, would relieve me of all the stupid clerical and manual work that I have to do these days. If I don't get a junior, then my life will still be fucked for another 5 months odd.

Great day at the apartment

I finished my work early today mainly because there was no senior round in the morning. That meant that I could work in peace.

I also met Dr. T (my shrink + friend) in the morning while she was checking up two of my crazy patients. We had so much to tell each other as we hadn't met in the last 10 days or so. I had to tell her in short about my depressive phase. She had to tell me about her crush and the latest encounter with the hot man. Nothing good happened in the meeting. Whatever 'crushings' she had on him disappeared due to his cold behavior.

She also told me about the rampant rumors about a relationship between us. I couldn't believe it! That is in the good way. Not for her though. Such rumors would ruin her chances. Even though I didn't even think about that fact at first, when she told me about this, I felt sorry for her.

In the afternoon, I went to Xanders and we recorded songs again. Again we sounded really good. The bass was sounding just out of this world from the small sideroom where the bass cube was kept. I feel that the apartment is just perfect because of this basic fact - the recordings sound amazing. Even through the hopeless microphone of my mp3 player.

We covered the Interstate Love Song. We recorded a new song which we are making. Yes, we wrote a song after about 3 months. This feels so good..

Something to smile at

After the depressing post last time around, it's definitely time for something refreshing. I had a great night out yesterday. Even though the never ending work at the hospital delayed our jam session at the apartment till 12 midnight, it was fun! We played 'Talk Shows on Mute' like a charm the first time we jammed it. We feel that are gelling like a band.

At around 3 AM we had stale Mallu food just like every jam session recently. It still tasted wonderful.

Stupid picture 1

How can the Government be so right in describing something about itself? I appreciate the amazing self assessment of the Government about one of its department. Mind boggling. Really.

The sexy sounding apartment

A bad day has elapsed. I got firing again from everyone for turning up late for the round. In the night as I type this, I'm listening to the recordings from our last jam sessions. They sound so good that I'm so happy about our choice for the apartment. I'm attaching a snap to this so that you can get the hang of my apartment

Fired by the boss

Today, I got firing from my boss for not taking photos of his surgery. The reason why I didn't take photos was because I was not getting the space for focussing the camera on the operating field. Besides, the camera was out of space on the memory card and the battery was running low. All this made me go to the side room which was cooler than the operating theatre. I was also talking to a servant at that time.

Anyways, I got myself fired. And screwed really. Partly my fault. Partly the situation. Otherwise, things went well for the day.

Post-emerg goes light

It was another nice and cool day thanks to the fact that the big boss hadn't arrived. It is definitely the calm before the storm as my professor is coming tomorrow. I went for the custom like shave and head+face massage again. I buy a helmet as well. During the shave + massage I think about what all things excite me most. I think is it is the combing or stroking of scalp towards the head which is so intense. I finish work early but I try learning a song

The emergency day

The emergency went light today. Significantly though, I had a good day with my co houseman. No cribbing and therefore a nice day. Excepting of course the fact that both of my seniors think that I'm not good.

Mixed bag

Yesterday's after-effect was hovering like a dark cloud in the morning. I had my Mallu breakfast and started work early for a Sunday. My senior took a round in the morning and it didn't turn out to be good. I was determined to prove him and his accusations wrong by putting in long hours. In that process I skip lunch and a teaching lecture (which was boring anyways).

I finished lmost everything by 7. I wanted to go to Xander's to at least play some bass if not jam. But I can't go until my senior's round is not over. In between, I found a listening ear in my room partner. He patiently listens to all my troubles. He's understanding and I'm very relieved immediately. All he has to give me as advice was that if you think that you are not good at work, then nobody can help you.

In the night, at around 11.30, I reach the apartment with Mallu food hoping to learn two songs - 'Big Empty' by the STP and 'Talk Shows on Mute' by the Incubus. I managed most of both very fast. I was so happy!

He also confided in me that there might be a small gig for us at a show on the 4th of July. I'm thrilled. WOW!

Seen a lot less worse days

This has to be a really important day in my life. The day when I was made to realize that I was doing something that I should not be doing, something that I was not good at. Or so it seemed. I am really depressed and down when I'm typing this. I really needed to talk to someone close to relieve myself. Unfortunately, I couldln't find neither the time or person suited.

What happened was the usual routine plus a little more. I had a repeat OT today as well. This meant that the only 'free' day we had from the weekly drag of a routine was also stolen away. Instead, we had to post cases for surgery and do it. This meant that stressful hours in the OT as well. Yesterday's treat had made sure that I didn't get any solid sleep, neither was I able to finish the work.

Therefore, in the theatre, I was reluctant to wash up. I was feeling tired and sleepy and had so much of work to finish up. The Murphy's law applied itself in its glory on me. The work took too much long to finish and before I was able to finish up, I was asked to wash up for the case. Naturally, I was shamefully tardy on the table. I got blamed. I felt very bad. I was told again that I was not fit for the career option that I had taken.

This put me off quite badly. I suddenly became quiet. That fear which is always lurking in the dark caverns of my mind suddenly grew up. If I was doing something that I didn't really want to, and when that thing was causing problems in my personal life including somewhere where I had some future in, then what crazy shit am I doing?

Anyway, that was over. Those really unhealthy comments still hurt after the case was over. Immediately after the case, I could have gone back to ward or to room. But at neither place was I ensured some private time where I could catch some sleep undisturbed. I opted for an ill ventilated room in the side room of the theatre. As I was dozing off, I got calls from three different persons. One was my co-houseman, another was a patient who was discharged about 2 months back.

The third was much more significant. And it had some grave news. My relative had expired some time back in the ward. It was my cousin calling and he said that they are taking the body away. I had to decide to lie to him that I was busy in the OT. That was my state at that time. And then I switched my phone off. About half an hour later, I was woken up by a servant for some silly reason. I was almost crying while explaining my situation and asking him to not disturb me henceforth.

After that, I dozed off again. A good 2 hours of sleep. I was feeling sort of okay after the nap. I went back to the ward. Got myself freshened up and took a round of the male ward while my senior came. The round went well till we reached upstairs. My senior was enraged to see a bed sore in a patient our professor had a personal interest in. Then he saw something else which blew the lid totally off. He fired me. Raw firing. He even told one relative that I was the sole reason why her money was going and patient was not improving.

Anyway, bad bad round. After the round, I'm almost in shambles. Life seemed to cave in. Then I realized that we were supposed to go for a treat today as well. I was not in a mood. Almost everything in ward was pending. I was hoping that my senior would not allow me to come. First he ordered me to finish up work and come if possible. Later, he realized that such an instruction would ensure that I wouldn't come which would probably dent his image at the treat (he would become a cruel dictator).

I was dragged into the treat. I tried to tell my senior that I was unwell. But he wouldn't listen to me. I went for the treat. Only physically. I was so far depressed that I isolated myself. I longed for a long conversation with one of my friends. I couldn't find anyone appropriate for the second day. I feel like shit. People realize that at the table. But nothing is spoken about. Everybody must have understood.

I had wine during the dinner. As I was coming back, I wanted to visit Xander's to give the remaining money. But, Xander was calling it a day early and I couldn't. I went back to the ward and tried starting work. But the sedative effect of depression, tiredness and wine were too much to control. I slept.

After an hour, I was woken up by a call which gave me a message to report me to the seniors room.

At 2 AM I go to my senior's room and hear about half an hour of shit. A lot of seriously depressing things about myself which further push me down the hole. After all, I go back to my room.

As I drift into my sleep I am fearful of the future I have here. I have a feeling that all my decisions in life have suddenly gone wrong and I'm doing the wrong thing at the wrong place. I don't know how to get out of this shit.

Thing going not good

After a long time, I had to was up in a Spine Surgery today. But due to sleep deprivation and my tiredness, I was not able to put in my 100%. Even otherwise, I'm not technically that gifted in surgery and things. Because of my predisposition, I got myself blamed for being 'tardy', 'lazy' and 'uninterested' a few times. I felt bad in that situation.

In the night, as I was taking my round, one of the elderly women in my ward with a fracture suddenly deteriorated. I couldn't explain why. There seemed to a million relatives with that patient (as the patient was a part of the accident case the other day). I explained at the outset that the patient was very serious and we cannot say what would happen. But my instructions, as is the usual case these days, seemed to go to deaf ears. One reason is the alleged 'communication problem' that I had. Besides, they were natives of this state and understood marathi better than Hindi.

Either way, she expired soon and coincidentally, my registrar was the only one present when she died. I was in the male ward doing some procedure which was not that urgent. After all that, my registrar was visibly irritated with my total effort.

But still, went for a treat for the surgery that my registrar had done earlier in the day. The restaurant called 'Jishan' in Bandra had a 'Starter Festival'. We had plenty or okay quality starters. But, the treat took away precious time from my evening work time and I could not finish my work after that. I had to sleep in the ward and get up early. Still, a lot of work was pending.

The 'free' day

Today was a free day. Because it's the vacation time at the hospital, all of our 'qualifieds' were on leave and therefore no round was there. This means that there is absolutely no meaningless bullshit that we tend to do everyday before the round. That gave me time to finish up the work early. Yes, we had our OPD where I again felt awfully sleepy. But that's a different story.

In the night, after almost finishing up everything, I had to go visit my relative as my cousin from hometown was visiting him then. When I went to the ward, I was ashamed to see my relative in such a pitiful condition. Almost no quality care, two bedsores, the blood sugar level of 14 mg/dL (when anything below 45 is considered intolerable to life).

In my efforts to squirm from the situation, I managed to make it sound like the relative is still being 'worked up' for the final therapy. That way I was able to get away. Escaped, really.

First major forearm surgery

The morning at the OT saw me performing my major forearm surgery ever. I think I do okay. But my senior complains about my attitude, skill and aptitude for surgery. I feel obviously bad. But then, seniors are always meant to be mean.

Victor had indicated that he wanted to see me once more. But I had to cancel the treat due to unavoidable circumstances at the hospital. Xander had also called me up and asked me to pay for thre resto f the charges we're supposed tosplitl.

But I managed to still do something so exciting. I got a facial + head massage from my barber. Oh, it was so stimulating and relieving at the same time. I can't explain it. Massages by anyone is so haute. Imagining being massaged by a hot Dad! Before the massage, I did trim my beard but decide to have big sideburns. Now, it really looks weird.

Tuesday worries

I actually set out to the ward from the emergency quite early. On my way, I catch a nice breakfast with a copy of the DNA. As I'm heading to the ward, I get called from my seniors asking me to report back to the emergency. There was some mass casualty in the hospital.

There were about 6 patients from two different accidents lying in the casualty. After the initial confusion, things get sorted out. Then we head to the ward. I don't catch even a bit of sleep for the third emergency in running. I managed to run on my bath till evening. I had food with the servants in the male ward. Fantastic it was! Actually it was well made. Given the state of tiredness and hunger that often prevails in the life of a junior resident, it tasted like heaven really.

Finish the work early enough to return back to room. That's the biggest mistake that I do.

On such a tiring day, the room becomes a heaven as well as I forget the heat-sink like feel of it in the sweltering summer. Therefore, I sleep more and get up late. Too late. But still adjust and reach the OT in time.

The emregency went cool

Yeah! Like a pig I again wasted a pre-emergency day by staying up late to type in blog entries like this. I actually got up very late 9 AM. My OPD is supposed to be starting at 8.30 AM. But immediately I make up excuse citing the reason that my relative's bad in the ward. So I take my time to get to the OPD. Nobody fires. I'm gladly relieved.

From then on, the day went smoothly. The emergency went on cool. Nothing worth commenting on really. For the third emergency in running I was able to take a bath in the early hours of the morning. Nobody suspected that I did. But I felt so refreshed. It is a sad pity that the sytem here in the hospital (for junior residents) is so pathetic as to deny the basic need of getting freshened after a sleepless night.

Reunion with Xander

Yes, I got up late. Anyone would get up late if they hit bed after 5 AM. But I gather myself quickly and go the ward and start work. By afternoon, I finish most of it. My earlier messages and calls to Xander weren't met with replies. I was almost decided on going out with Victor when Xander calls. He asks me if I can make it for lunch. Well, I'm surprised because I don't expect a friendly vibe from him after what had happened.

I call Victor who's so understanding and he is okay with me going to the apartment. Xander wanted me to get my own lunch as they (he and his 'friend' Jonty) had already ordered. I go to my Mallu hotel and have my lunch. I buy a parcel of beef and paratha for Xander.

When I reach Jon's apartment, I am not sure what to expect. It is so perceptible in my initial few jerky responses to the greetings etc. from both Xander and Jon. But in a few minutes the ice is thawed thanks again, to Xander's sense of humor. The spirit of a little dampened when Xander says that we won't head to our new apartment one block across until the mercury dips. I don't understand they way to put across my craving to play and learn something on my bass like 'Talk Shows on Mute' by the incubus.

After a bit of coaxing, we finally head to our new apartment. There, we first set up the equipment. Xander's guitars were not still there. We were going to jam with my Classical Guitar. After sometime, Xander says that he wants to learn 'Lighting Crashes' by the 'Live'. We learn that well. We even record the song. I sill find myself not on the bass. I grab the bass and we finally jam like how we used to. We have proof of our combination being good in the recordings that came after that.

In between, there are other things we talk about. The most important things is that Xander got a huge pay raise. I am so happy for him. Now the financial shithole seemed a little less deep. I also gave him a measure of my personal life with Victor. Again, like the first time, he is neutral. Not too surrpised. Not disinterested.

After a little time, both of Xander's erswthile 'friends-bastards' come into the picture. The recordings go uncomfortable after that. Mainly because I can't figure out what they are still doing in Xander's life after what had happened a year back. The final recordings are sttilll awesome. Therefore, it is great result of a meeting which I had expected to go bad.

Later in the night, my pending work forces me to cancel the date with Victor. Again, he's so understanding. I'm moved by his gestures like this. He's so considerate.

Then, I finish my work in the wards and head back to room. I have plenty of blog entries to make. Just like any other pre-emergency day, I act like a fool and end up waking till late night typing all this.

Ha ha. So addicted to this!