It's weird, but I do it again!

Lazy Friday morning. I am woken up again by the pseudo-janitors of the building knocking on my door. I get up in my underwear, the weird checkered cheap trunks that I decided to wear, saunter up to the door, open the door and say with a sheepish smile, as I've been for the past four days, 'Hey, no trash today.' They nod understandingly. I close the door and in a superhuman effort star slumping to the bed at an impossible angle curving across a small dividing wall. In even superer-human effort I catch myself mid-slump and remember that I get the newspaper from the door when I had opened. I open the door again and I catch the janitors smiling endearingly at me. One of them seemed to have been eyeing my crotch. But he ain't hot, so I don't pursue it. I pick up the paper and close the door again. I start to realize that they realize that I'm actually a guy without anything much to do in life.

The perennial coffee mug is filled with coffee and pushed into the microwave oven. I turn on the TV and whilst watching CNN-IBN I start going through the Bombay Times. Now does anybody believe in god and stuff? Check it out, out of no logical reason whatever, I was reading Bombay Times on a Friday morning. God is there and she's smiling broadly on humanity! I took out the cup of coffee start sipping coffee and am caught mid-sip by the inviting combo of movies; Hancock, The Dark Night and Kung Fu Panda. The movie mania kicks right in. I feel the urge to watch a lot of movies and I frantically search for the timings. As in the last time, I decide to go for a cheap show in a nearby multiplex to start the proceedings.

I hurry up, take a shower and rush to Fun Republic, the nearest multiplex. A fat and ugly man behind the glass counter tells me in a fake Indian accent 'Sir, we have cancelled the show. There aren't any people to watch it.' I get irate. I start arguing with the guy reasoning that it was not fair and that they shouldn't advertise timings on the newspaper if they were to cancel shows. It gets pointless when the ugly and fat guy starts bickering and I start pushing the points about how disparately money is distributed in the world. I walk out of the multiplex irritated thinking that maybe I should go to the library instead.

Let's get the facts straight. I had 44 rupees on the wallet excepting change for the bus trips. I had another 101 Rs. in my bank account and a credit card to buy tickets with. I have breakfast a roadside dhabba just at my bus-stop where a ruggedly beautiful Tamil couple served wayfarers with tasty dosas and chutney/sambar combo. I spend 17 rupees there. I get on a bus and head to the railway station where I get into a Churchgate bound slow train.

There I get spunky again. I go through the timings again, this time eyeing the sequence at Sterling multiplex. I find the three movies slotted one after the other and I start loving myself once again. I decide to sleep through the journey listening to wonderful songs by Angels and Airwaves &The Raconteurs. I walk up the beautiful roads in South Mumbai and reach the multiplex. I’m flummoxed for the second time in the day as I find out that the timings given on the newspaper are different from the actual ones. I quickly decide to watch three movies once again. But this was at the risk of watching a corny Hindi movie between the two Hollywood blockbusters.

I pay for the tickets with my credit card. I’m happy once again. I walk into the cafeteria and I need something to drink. I give into a medium serving of Fountain Pepsi which made me lighter by 35 Rs. I start reading wiki articles on the first movie ‘The Dark Knight’. I’m thrilled to note that the plot is complex and that the movie is critically acclaimed. Bravo and I virtually pat by back.

• The Dark Knight – 3 – 3.5 stars (only!): You know, I must admit that I was never as much a fan of Batman as compared to the Marvel group of super humans. I don’t know why but the movie showered me with reasons. So, the movie is fast paced with great screen play and brilliant action sequences. Heath Ledger’s performance is brilliant. The story line is also complex. So why didn’t I like the movie?
  
  
  
  First of all, The Batman character in the movie is dumb; he’s got this unnaturally monotonic mock-husky-baritone voice which deprives it of any emotional variability. He’s got a fucken suit which prevents him to turn his neck around. Now, for those who are really new to fighting and stuff, even in the Kingdom Animalia, one of the primary requirements is neck movement. Why would such a super-intelligent super-hero make a suit which forced him to be having a severe spondylotic cervical spine? Isn’t that dumb or what? The coolest thing about the movie is that they admit that it’s a dumb thing and try and improve the suit during the course of the movie.
  
  Another thing that I noticed; Batman doesn’t have guns with him almost in the entire movie. Yet, he manages to outfight militia and gangs with loads of guns and bullets firing against them. Can’t people get more logical? Does it really take a huge toll on the grey matter?
  
  The legendary Heath Ledger’s role in the movie is an Oscar-worthy performance. That’s one more reason why Batman and the co-characters in the movie look so stupid and inept. I mean it’s almost like mix-mis-match of a five-star movie when ‘the Clown’ is in da house baby and a 2 star action flick when he’s not around.
  
  I bought a coffee and a pair of samosas in the interval. That cost me 55 Rupees.
  
  
• Kismet Konnection - 2 stars: When you start of badly, you don’t really hope that things would get better. So it didn’t. I wanted to watch the movie not just as filler. Vidya Balan, the heroine in the movie, was quoted to be one of JD’s favorite actresses on the radio show that we had. Besides, she was spotted walking in on of the aisles by JD’s side (about 2 meters of air separating them with Balan didn’t acknowledging JD’s presence in her environs) in the studio the other day.
  
  
  
  
  I don’t think I need to substantiate why the movie was bad. Bad characters, bad actors, bad screen play, bad songs … the list is endless. But there is something that I noticed after carefully listening to the audience in the movie.
  
  
  • Vidya Balan had a bigger biceps than Shahid Kapoor. That’s no mean fact. If you walk across any street in Mumbai, you will see Shahid Kapoor holding the brassy muscular hunk pose where he displays his arm muscles.
    
  • Shahid Kapoor had more cleavage that Vidya Balan. That’s also no mean feat thinking that Shahid Kapoor is just an average hunk and Vidya Balan is hot middle aged territory.
    
  • Vidya Balan and Shahid Kapoor were exchanging wardrobes. I mean, you must see the movie to realize this.
  
  I have to admit that Vidya Balan is overweight (I’m going really easy on words here). You know, I thought after seeing her Airtel ads with Madhavan that she had a charming smile and a warm personality on screen. Yes she has these qualities. But only in 57 seconds in the entire 2 hour long movie. You know, I think that she should opt for roles like ‘The average next door middle aged single/married woman who has an affair with an adolescent or two.’
  
  Shahid Kapoor in my mind should stick to ‘Jab We Met’. He could also use a hair cut and gain some height by undergoing some Ilizarov external fixators. It would be even better if he could get role with those. We could easily eliminate the fixators from screens and the pain provided by them would add a trifle of expressions on his placid face.
  
  
• Hancock - 3.5 stars: Will Smith's funny one liners, sarcastic screen play and the concept are interesting in this movie. I think this movie is underrated. The concept of gods/angels/superheroes being amongst us leading a normal life is enthralling. If only they could come up with a better reason why they can't mate! This movie could have done much better if it had left the superwoman tale untold! Not to mention the dreary last 15 minutes of action.
  
  
  
  The most interesting part of the movie wasn't the movie. But I had this huge crush of a handsome older man who was watching the movie along with his ailing wife. He was so fucking charming that I couldn't but think about him through the entire second half of the movie. I need to post about him in a separate post.
  
  I grabbed a burger during the interval of the movie which cost me 35 Rs.

I was just left with one rupee in my account and change for the bus trips after this misadventure. Very, very reassuring!

After this movie mania and a kind a broken heart, I returned home to Vinokur to tell him all about the crush. This is the best part of our relationship. We can be so open with each other about our crushes and emotions!

I love my Vinokur!