Jul 27, 2008

Dreams from a weirdo mind/brain - part 1

It must have been about six months back when Vinokur suggested that I record my dreams. It provides an insight into what’s going on inside the weirdo mind that I seem to have. Well, if not that, it should be interesting reading. I did not end up recording them. What I did though was to try and recreate the entire dream when I was with Vinokur. It was extremely interesting for us to do this. Some excerpts are posted below.
Thirst in the Desert

"I heard a cry. She must have been in extreme pain. I opened my eyes and looked around. My head was aching. Sand dunes were everywhere. I tried to get up but I failed. I remembered the thugs attacking us and taking us under their control. I don’t even remember what happened afterwards. What had happened to my sister and mother? It was hurting all over. Must have been the blows that they had given me. I tried to wriggle around from my position for a better vision. I saw my mother tied to a big metallic post in the middle of the desert. She was bruised, her clothes torn. She seemed to have been raped. ‘Give me some water… please’ cried my mother. I was ashamed of myself. I had failed yet again. I couldn’t save my mother from the enemies. Neither could I quench her thirst when in need. Why am I to live?"

This is probably my oldest dream. I used to have this dream in various versions when I had high fever. Since my mother and my sister were the only two persons who used to take care of me when I was sick, they are the only characters in this. I don’t know about the setting of the desert. I haven’t yet been to one and I don’t think that I have desert-o-phobia. I think the connection is the thirst that accompanies a bout of high fever.

This dream clearly underlines my childhood feeling of ineptitude and worthlessness. As curious as always, my Dad is not there in the dream. My sister is also someone who hardly ever makes it in any of my dreams. But she's here in here.

3 comments:

Harish said...

dreams are a blue print of reality. even i used to get a dreadful dream, about my mother, i used to get an image of me trying to reachout to my mother and when i touch my mother she topples off and disintegrates. she is made of many packs of tea coasters.

this dream i used to get when i was being abused. and i thought that he would harm other members in my family.

Kris Bass said...

Well Vikram, I didn't understand the last part of your comment. Who's 'he'?

And just to remind you, we share 'abusive' childhoods!

Harish said...

yes, i do remember, krishna, i meant that dreams at times are influenced by teh insecurities and fears that we have in reality.



aham