Twisted relationships

This post should have been at a much earlier date. I couldn't get around to typing it in then. So, I'm posting it right here. Enjoy it!

Three weeks back or so, I met this interesting guy on SilverDaddies.com where I had met Vinokur. If you are wondering why I’m looking for men (who are looking for sex/relationship etc), even I don’t know. I guess I’m looking for an acquaintance/friendship of a man so that I could hang out in gay parties and movies with that person. Obviously, the qualities in the person that I was in hunt were that he must be intelligent, funny, pleasant to hangout with and who is not interested in sex/relationship. Handsomeness, class and wealth are bonuses.

Jay, the person who had replied to one of my ‘Are you interested in getting laid with me?’ e-mails sent months back, looked interesting. First of all, he didn’t have a profile photo. Now, you all must have had experiences is judging men (and women for that matter) with one of those mug shots. We fantasize the whole package with that single photo to that extent that we decide if we want to be with that person for our entire life. What? Did I hear a ‘Duuh, that’s YOU, not us Kris?’ I know! I judged Vinokur with that single photograph on his profile which I and he are thankful for.

Anyway, the lack of a picture added mystery to the otherwise bland profile. The profile text was also scanty. I replied to him saying that I would love to see his picture and get to know more about him. He replied back and in a couple of messages we were following the usual way to SilverDaddies.com to Yahoo.com video chat.

Soon as we started chatting, I got a measure of this person. Jay seemed to be intelligent and funny and he seemed to be fast in his retorts and stuff. I was craving for a picture by then and because he wasn’t alone at home (his kids and family were with him), I just got a glance of him. Again, the cheapness of the webcam and the inadequate lighting must have given his torso a certain uplifting effect. I had turned my webcam on for a few more minutes until Vinokur showed up.

The initial ‘Jay, I must stop chatting with you. Vinokur is online. Bye.’ gave me a hint as to how much of ego that I’m dealing with. He didn’t react to that well. In fact I think there was even a sarcastic remark about how I’ll ‘get over this’ in a few months time. Whatever, both of us were interested enough and curious in each other which demanded exchange of phone numbers.

The next day we were talking on the phone. The voice at the other end was powerful, defiant and when added to the speed of wit and actual wit, I was officially interested in Jay.

At that point ‘Noise Market’ was really pissed off searching for some rehearsal rooms for the final touches on our record songs. Since Jay was wan architect, he seemed to be a logical extension to our search for out-of-town places. In a couple of days Jay had come up with this exotic semi-finished cottage on top of a hill in the outskirts of Mumbai; right in the middle of the Sanjay Gandhi National park.

Since we were desperate for a place I had to give in to the very suspicious invitation by Jay. Jay wanted me to come alone so that I could check the place out. I was a little apprehensive. But again, you have got to have guts when you are 18! Hell, I’m a decade older! I said yes after consulting with my band mates and I set out on this lonely trip to this place.

I was supposed to meet Jay in front of the McDonald’s restaurant outside the railway station. It was cloudy and threatening for a downpour then. I gave him a ring on his mobile phone and he said that he’d be there in a few minutes. I spent the time waiting for him men spotting. I almost fainted when I saw this perfection of a bearish middle aged Dad come and stop in front of McDonalds. But as history repeats itself, all such people get hooked on to the subspecies with extra mammary tissue. In this case, he picked up his wife or mistress or somebody and drove away.

Finally Jay arrived. He looked ordinary. Just tall and great skin condition. Otherwise, a regular middle aged man. He was dressed in a half sleeved shirt and pair of cotton trousers and was riding a scooter. Nothing sophisticated. And most importantly, no seductive chemical components were detectable on initial examination by my nares.

It started drizzling and we started talking; literally shouting to each other over traffic and rain etc. Everything was smooth. No artificiality here. Alls well here, I thought. We rode up the curvy path to the top of the hill (a scenic experience). We reached the cottage which was designed by Jay actually. His client had run out of funds in the middle of the phase of construction apparently.

The place seemed incredible. The calm, the isolation, the serenity; everything tailor-made for artists wanting to do some creative work. But the cottage had the problem of rain-water seeping through the damaged plastic covering over the tiles on the roof. I wasn’t really sure about that aspect as we had equipment worth lakhs of rupees. After visiting, we discussed the prices which seemed a fair deal for me.

On the way back, Jay wanted to have a couple of drinks with me. I reluctantly agreed not wanting to upset a friend who had so graciously shown us a place. At the only restaurant bar in the place, we had whisky and soda. It was the first time that I was having alcohol in any form in four months or something.

The conversation got further lubricated to the extent we were discussing each others lives, choices and gay issues. As in the biochemistry experiments that all medical students have to perform during their schooling days where the colored ring slowly forms and becomes starkly clear at the end of the experiment, Jay’s personality stood naked out there; egotistic without the conceit, driven, pushy, defiant and at times having an extremely narrow point of view. Then he started commenting on my life. It is then, that I understood that there was this element of jealousy/envy in the mixture as well. As in the chat conversation he tried to underplay the relationship that I had with Vinokur as a ‘passing phase’ which I would successfully come out and focus on my ‘career’.

I wasn’t really sure as to why a man who is not interested in sex with me (for that matter, he really wasn’t really interested in sex with men), would want to try and manipulate. If the last part got you confusing, the truth is that Jay is a bisexual tending towards straight. His only experiences in homo-sex came in adolescence.

After the conversation, he invited me over to his little office in the town where we sat and discussed issues. I actually made him hear the songs that I had from our band through my phone speaker. Clearly, he wasn’t paying attention. I thought he was getting a little tipsy. I thought of calling it a day and going back. I must have said something like ‘Look Jay, I think I need to go back home.’ He must have asked me why. I must have said ‘I have to talk to my husband, Vinokur’.

That certainly triggered the threshold button of his veiled jealousy. He started acting pushier than ever. To the extent that he started questioning my strength of defiance which he thought was underexercized via a vis the relationship with Vinokur. Obviously, I wasn’t amused. I wasn’t impressed as well. After a few minutes of this edgy nervous conversation, he suddenly jumped up from his reclining chair, shut the front door, went inside the bathroom to rinse his mouth and came back to give me this forced mouth-to-mouth kiss which lasted for a dreary 10 seconds. No tongues involved.

After that he must have felt better as he said ‘At least that will give you the ‘strength’ not to talk to Vinokur tonight. I felt weird and despite being pissed, I acted as if nothing had happened. That guy was half drunk. Soon enough, I managed to maneuver my way out of his office and he dropped me to the bus stop.

As I watched him ride back home to his family, I was wondering at what had happened and why whilst being thankful and grateful for his efforts to show my needy band a prospective place to practice.

The day after, we (as a band) checked out the place. We decided against it. Jay came in late to visit at the cottage. It was clearly perceptible that I and Jay were trying to distance each other.

Since then, I and Jay have had a few brief conversations in Yahoo chat. He always wants me to be on cam with him. I cannot obviously; technically because I’m always on Skype cam with Vinokur. Jay has a lot of trouble getting used to my answers ‘Sorry Jay, I’m already on video with Vinokur’. He in fact even suspects that I’m lying.

I mean, how weird are relationships?