"It was comforting to see that my family finally accepted my personality. They were happy about what I had chosen and were willing to be supportive. I waved to my Mom and my sister and starting along with my companion who also was my guide.Coming to think of it, this is so serious that it doesn’t go with the usual posts on my blog. Anyway, I’d explain a little more about it.
He led me through mountains and valleys and across passages that only he knew of. I remember walking on something that resembled the Great Wall of China. I distinctly remember an instance when I was about to cross the gate which would admit one person at a time and I had to wait because the person going the other way, a very handsome looking gentleman in his forties, was coming across. As we passed I caught him nodding at my companion and passing a hint of smile at me.
Things were going well, I thought. In a couple of days, we were nearing our destination. Finally we reached a big lake which overlooked the wonderful city, my final destination. As I walked to the shore, I saw no boat. I turned back to look at my companion and surprised that it had been my father. I asked him why there weren’t any boats or ferries.
He said ‘Look, I can only lead you to here. You’ll have to take care of yourself.’ As I watched him turn and walk back across the path we had walked, I felt disappointed at the fact that my father had chosen this path despite knowing that I didn’t know how to swim."
My mental picture of my father and the indifference is clearly illustrated in the fact that I don’t even expect him to be around helping me. In the end, he does act as if he’s not interested in helping which is exactly what I used to get from him in my childhood. I presume the water-body that I’m facing in the last part could either be a metaphorical ‘hurdle’ of coming out or a much more realistic Atlantic ocean between me and Vinokur. The city could very well be New York.
If this got you all bored and stiff, I get much cozier dreams as well. I woke up having pleasant dreams about waking up next to Vinokur (who was sleeping) in his bed. In the dream, I was wondering what to tell him and how he would react when I woke him up and told him that I was there with him.
Another dream that I had a couple of days was a rather hopefully idealistic one in which I had a wonderful time with Noise Market – without any arguments. Just good ol’ fashioned compliments, jokes and jamming for fun!
14 comments:
Your father is trying to fix what is wrong with his own life in you. that's all it is. you're complicating it with all your own new set of problems. you were his second chance.
Who's pam?
(and Adela scored a cute latin accountant. He's super cute and really knows who to work a calculator. He also laughs at even the lamest jokes, that's the best part.) dh
( i meant "how" to work a calculator, sorry bout the sp. but I got that bean-counter on the brain) dh
( i meant "how" to work a calculator, sorry bout the sp. but I got that bean-counter on the brain) dh
My Grandmother was a great one for interpreting dreams & taught me a little about some of the symbolism. She would say, A big lake or rushing river or wide chasm is always about some hurdle in your life. A building you are in is esp. if it's a house has to do with how you feel about the state of your soul or psyche at the moment. It is your inner house so to speak. She always said Dreams are more about feelings then symbols, though. She would always ask you to reflect on how you felt in the dream. That is the most telling. She said it's your feelings that make the pictures. Even though the dream images can be as random as for instance a "red bus" you saw earlier in the day. Another thing I remember she said was, it is precisely the things you remember when you wake up that is telling about a dream. I mean something that stands out vividly is important. But of course much emotion is attached to it.
My grandmother also told me that that no one hardly ever told her their pleasant dreams, only the frightening ones.
I could tell you much more but then I'd bore you, so I'll stop.
@ Duncan Hines: Could you explaina little more? It was getting interesting when you got to the Pam part.
Pam, by the way, is Pamela Anderson.
And how hot is the Latin accountant?
@ Handmaiden: I wasn't getting bored actually. If you could explain further it would be wonderful. I have pleasant dreams but not so vivid.
Like i said, it's the emotion attached to the dreams that makes them important.
Pleasant dreams can be memorable. Once I dreamed about having sex with Jimmy Carter it was one of the most vivid dreams I ever had.
If I ever met Jimmy Carter, I would say, "Remember the time we had sex?" Maybe dream sex with Jimmy Carter is why I'm in politics now?
@ Handmaiden: I see. Jimmy Carter... hmmm... that's interesting. None of the elderly politicians escape my imagination usually. But he did.
You are a politician - I hope I don't sound cliched - but are you at the conventions? I just heard 'McCain' call himself a 'maverick' and told America 'change' is coming.
the stuff you write about you and your father is pretty typical, so don't fret, this is not something you can't survive or can't conquer with time. it smacks of a father's need to have that second chance, he's re-living his youth through you and wants you to be an improvement on him. he doesn't realize that you have your own set of problems, all he can see is how much you are like him. maybe he wants to save you from something he suffered through? his weirdness smacks of trying to just keep you from suffering, in affect causing you pain.
the accountant is pretty cute, my friend anu ( who is a fag magnet) hooked it up. she's a beacon for the homo's, --typical loud mouth brassy girl but lots of fun. this accountant is an improvement over the last dude she hooked me up with, this French guy named Remi, who was way too short, 5 feet
(yikes). Once, before she got her head around my type, she hooked me up with this super greasy indain dude, who was 7 feet tall, with yellow contacts, three phones, and a business where he made dressess for drag queens. He looked like an Indian big bird. I just ran out of there- dh
What about those wet dreams ? hahahaha....
I have many dreams come true...no really...My mom always told me that I had that "intuitions" and I could be a saint. Maybe I should try to do voodoo stuff for living instead of working at the French consulate.
@ Duncan: (About the father) I don't see the relevance of the comment with respect to the post. I have had a rough relationship with him with indifference. So, I don't see the point.
Good luck with the new accountant! LOLz at your past b/f's heights!
@ Prash: Wet dreams? Well not too much. I'm not a wet dream kinda person. Voodo and intuitions seem exciting!
the reason i mentioned your dad is that you said he was indifferent in the post, and you have mentioned his as being kind of a jerk in other posts, so i was just adding it up in my head-dh
Handmaiden here
This is my other web site involving my run for public office & my human rights/human dignity group. I'm running for a local city council post. It is a non partisan position.
As far as the Presidential race in the US, I am not a McCain supporter. I am a member of the Green Party. As for our principles, what we call the four pillars of the Green Party are:
Ecological wisdom, Social justice, Grassroots democracy, & Nonviolence.
My internet is down tonite. Will reply to these comments to'row.
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