Yesterday, I was glad to get out of my apartment to go for the Rock On for humanity concerty. How could I, you might ponder, with my money situation. Well, Shoonyas' band member Tim got me and E-boi passes. I was almost depressed without having an avenue to go out and enjoy myself until I got a very late call from Tim informing me about the passes. And I am glad that I went.
It was a fabulous night. I mean, the stage and the setting was international class. The sound quality might not have been up with the best that you could get, but the rest was superb. Who's who of Bollywood was there. But I wasn't for that. I wanted to watch just three bands. Them Clones, Avial and Parikrama. I missed the first hour and hence, I didn't get to see Them Clones play. But Avial and Parikrama were very good. The Raghu Dixit project was also good with Raghu playing a wonderful sounding acoustic guitar.
I got tired of all the bull-shit going on stage with Zayed Khan, Shaan and the rest of the bollywood superstars and I didn't stick long enough to watch Shankar Ehsaan Lloy play. Besides, I missed Farhan and the gang do the Rock On version. Apart from Zayed Khan, Saif looked dumb. Shabana Azmi has uncharacteristically outperformed by Javed Akhtar because she chose to over-talk.
The point was that I had fun. I had fun at shouting 'We want Yuvraj Singh' when Preity got on stage and 'I DON'T miss you so much, because it hurts' when Saif started playing the guitar! Jodi was there with his fiance and so was his overspoken loudmouthed friend. We all had good fun!
I got back home and spent some time being happy with Vinokur. Just for one day, my miserable life had given way to something to cheer about. Next up is the gig on the 5th!
I cried in the middle of the night
Yesterday night, I woke up after a bad dream. I was still sleepy and I cried for a few seconds and went back to sleep. The dream deserves a mention as it's only one amongst the many nightmares that I have been having. Most are related to my life, poverty, failure in exams and generalized 'loserhood'.
I had just woken up and I saw my cousin standing next to my bed. Like how I used to do back in Mumbai in my apartment, I had gone to sleep wearing nothing. I got up and and started talking to him. Although he was not acting weird at my nudity, I was getting uncomfortable. As I was in a new room in the new house that my parents had moved into, I was not aware as to where my clothes were. I tried to cut the conversation but my cousin was not interested.I woke up to realize that my nightmare almost parallelled the ones that Vinokur had. The nudity, the helplessness - it was as if we had merged into one mind which was churning up the same dream in different versions of the same movie. I cried for a few seconds hoping to fall back to sleep again. I slept only to have more of such dreams.
Soon, another cousin came in. And then an aunt came in. All were more or less interested in a gently probing as to why I was not earning and why I had not passed my exams yet. I wished to not be talking to them anymore but I had no escape routes. My sister came into my room and I asked her to give me something to wear so that I could be more comfortable. She nodded and went out.
In a few more minutes, the room was almost full of most of my aunts and uncles and cousins who tried to not leave any possible stone unturned in my miserable life path. Then, my father came shoving the other around him and was surprised to see me naked. He started acting weird and asking me why I was naked. I said I didn't know where my clothes were and that I had asked for help. He started shouting at me saying that I was as useless as I always has been...
Shoonyas - the lifeline
These days, I dream about a lot of stuff. In the nightmares, I mostly end up with me on the 'loser' side technically. In the other pleasant dreams, either gigs or cricket is involved and I have a happy time in there. Coincidentally, I have a better time in the evenings and night thanks to the easing down of the relentless heat. Perhaps, the noisy kids in the building with the 'phatakas' are a reason as well.
These days, the worst days are when something or the other reminds me that I'm in the financial dipshit-situation of my life. And the most recent ones are between Noise Market Vs. the music instrument shop from where we bought some gear for the recording and live performances. We were supposed to pay on EMIs after the money from the record label would come. Since the record-fucking-label is not showing any intent of this, the shop is asking us to pay up. I get the calls and SMSes from the shop personnnel. These things freak me up!
What we plan to do is that since 3 us in Noise Market are members of 'Shoonyas', the money that comes from Shoonyas gigs will be used up for this. Shoonyas has suddenly become the lifeline for us. Coincidentally, I have a gig on the 5th of November at 'Not Just Jazz by the Bay' at Marine Drive. That will give us the money for the next month's payments. Despite this gig being on the day of the exam (the exams start on the 3rd of November) I'm happy.
These days, the worst days are when something or the other reminds me that I'm in the financial dipshit-situation of my life. And the most recent ones are between Noise Market Vs. the music instrument shop from where we bought some gear for the recording and live performances. We were supposed to pay on EMIs after the money from the record label would come. Since the record-fucking-label is not showing any intent of this, the shop is asking us to pay up. I get the calls and SMSes from the shop personnnel. These things freak me up!
What we plan to do is that since 3 us in Noise Market are members of 'Shoonyas', the money that comes from Shoonyas gigs will be used up for this. Shoonyas has suddenly become the lifeline for us. Coincidentally, I have a gig on the 5th of November at 'Not Just Jazz by the Bay' at Marine Drive. That will give us the money for the next month's payments. Despite this gig being on the day of the exam (the exams start on the 3rd of November) I'm happy.
In the past few days
- I have been keeping my mobile phone switched off for long periods so that there will be fewer distractions to me while I'm studying. That really is helpful as I won't get any disturbing calls from anyone and I don't have to explain to whomever I would have had to talk to why I'm not doing better.
- That, in turn, led me to feeling even better. Hermit-hood works for depression. Technically, it shouldn't. But I suppose I don't trust anyone to be gentle with me and leave me feeling good/okay after a conversation. Vinokur is the only one really. Only one.
- I've been cooking more stuff. I made more vegetable dishes using cabbage, beans, carrot, onions and tomato over the past 5 days or so. I usually have them with rice and curd. Along with that I have had great tuna sandwiches, oat meals, french toasts and various varieties of eggs. This also has meant that I have not been having instant noodles for about 6 days now.
- Mentally, I'm in a much better state for the exams after starting to eat well. Feeling a lot better and rising in confidence. My study sessions somehow have become more pleasant and there seems to be a distinct purpose with which I'm covering my portions.
- Whenever I feel rather weird (this happens especially in the afternoons and sometimes in late nights), I resort to watching some movies on the tube. I watched 'The Birds' and 'Psycho' and 'War of the Worlds' during such periods. They rate 4.5, 4.5 and 3.5 in my ratings.
- There was an internet outtage in the last couple of days and that's the reason that I haven't been blogging.
Amidst the chaos
The title was meant to be related to what's happening to our dear Raj Thackeray sahaab and the violence and the tension his arrests have caused to our bustling metropolis by the side of the Arabian sea. Ironically, it also reflects what's happening inside me. I mean despite realizing as to what's going wrong, it's getting hard to fight off the demons you know.
There are a few things that make me feel good. One of those is that wonderful dish of scrambled eggs that I made for lunch yesterday. You know when you have troubled sleep the duo of Paul Newmann and Robert Redford could do a good job of entertaining you in the dead of the morning with their movie 'The Sting'. But the really powerful thing is some time spent with Vinokur. Especially when he just had his haircut/beard trim. It coincided with mine too. I don't have evidence of what happened in Mumbai but I do to what happened at the Big Apple. Here it is, in a pictorial demonstration.
Ah, how coy and cute can someone get! I'd advise you all to stop looking at the pictures and to work out a way out of the envy/jealousy that's creeping in. I have my Vinokur!
There are a few things that make me feel good. One of those is that wonderful dish of scrambled eggs that I made for lunch yesterday. You know when you have troubled sleep the duo of Paul Newmann and Robert Redford could do a good job of entertaining you in the dead of the morning with their movie 'The Sting'. But the really powerful thing is some time spent with Vinokur. Especially when he just had his haircut/beard trim. It coincided with mine too. I don't have evidence of what happened in Mumbai but I do to what happened at the Big Apple. Here it is, in a pictorial demonstration.
Ah, how coy and cute can someone get! I'd advise you all to stop looking at the pictures and to work out a way out of the envy/jealousy that's creeping in. I have my Vinokur!
What I did yesterday
After getting out of the rut, I did the following.
(What really got me out of the rut was 'Body of Lies', the movie. I saw that over the weekend. I loved the movie. 3.5/5. Really fast and a crafty plot and stuff. I was a little dismayed at the physical appearance of Crowe - someone who should have matured into something much more handsome. Leo, gee... is good!)
- I went out and shopped for some vegetables and I cooked some dish with beans, onions and tomato. I felt really good to get back to cooking something to eat.
- I got a couriered package from one of the readers of the blog (who I think will prefer not to be mentioned here) which had four cans of tuna and one package of oat meal. Thank you! Really, I mean it.
- I watched 'Shoot On Sight' on a cheap early morning show at a multiplex nearby. I thought that the movie was good (3/5 on my rating) with a couple of very hot older men to ogle at - Naseeruddin Shah and Brian Cox. The plot was just okay and the story was kinda overdone I felt. I was impressed with the Mr. Shah's accent though.
- I had a 'regular' conversation with Vinokur after about a couple of weeks. By 'regular' I mean one where I felt I needn't hang-up immediately to not make him feel bad about how I felt.
(What really got me out of the rut was 'Body of Lies', the movie. I saw that over the weekend. I loved the movie. 3.5/5. Really fast and a crafty plot and stuff. I was a little dismayed at the physical appearance of Crowe - someone who should have matured into something much more handsome. Leo, gee... is good!)
The mistakes that I made
First of all, I finally feel a little better and am happy. A lot of self-loathing happened, a lot of loss of self-esteem grew in. I think I have found the reason why I felt so bad. A month back, I got a lot of negativity on this very blog which did me in. Whatever the intent that was, I got a lot of 'You are a jerk, an ass! You don't know what to do in your life. And you simply are a coward an shy away from responsibilities' crap.
I fell for it. I was already weak with all that was happening with me. Poverty, exams, lack of progress with my music and the lack of a 'definitive' physical future in the relationship with Vinokur etc. Weirdly enough, I fell even lower. I started searching and letting out demons within me. I denied myself of all entertainment and fun and tried to study.
That led to another abyss. For some reason or the other, I decided to break out of it and watched a couple of movies in the theater. That along with some other movies that I watched on the tube made me realize what it was like to be free of my anhedonic state.
I realize now that I am the best person to decide what is right and what's wrong. I have been stupid enough to ride on other people's points of view to supercede mine. That was stupid. That was weak. That was insanely inane. But now that I realized all this, I'm feeling better. I'm going to do the things that make me happy from now on. Enough of planning! You will fuck your future if you don't even let yourself be in a state to think straight.
I fell for it. I was already weak with all that was happening with me. Poverty, exams, lack of progress with my music and the lack of a 'definitive' physical future in the relationship with Vinokur etc. Weirdly enough, I fell even lower. I started searching and letting out demons within me. I denied myself of all entertainment and fun and tried to study.
That led to another abyss. For some reason or the other, I decided to break out of it and watched a couple of movies in the theater. That along with some other movies that I watched on the tube made me realize what it was like to be free of my anhedonic state.
I realize now that I am the best person to decide what is right and what's wrong. I have been stupid enough to ride on other people's points of view to supercede mine. That was stupid. That was weak. That was insanely inane. But now that I realized all this, I'm feeling better. I'm going to do the things that make me happy from now on. Enough of planning! You will fuck your future if you don't even let yourself be in a state to think straight.
What...
What do you do when you realize that you had suddenly dissolved into the earth and need to resurrect yourself without anybody's help... when all you wanted was to be with someone at a place and there suddenly is no place... what do you do when you dream about being there and wake up thinking that you gotta book tickets to this place... what do you do when you don't feel like not talking to anyone... not even on this blog?
Another video
This is the second part of the video of the gig with Shoonyas two months back. A little more of the wiggling me is seen.
Driven under
There is a song from Seether that sort of sums up the way I'm feeling now. My efforts to isolate me from entertainment and fun sort of have driven me under the weather. Studies going on, slowly. Hoping the temperature to cool down to make the long hours in the morning easier.
Back home in B'bay
Despite it being a whirlwind trip to Delhi, I felt really tired and jet-lagged. That's why I took this long to post and update.
The gig itself, a weird private performance for A. R. Rahman and a select press audience went okay. The news is that this talent-hunt/travelogue show to be telecasted on Doordarshan will be on air by the end of this year. We are expected to be a part of it. But that doesn't mean that we are competing in it. Our music, apparently, will be showcased along with the other artists on our record label.
Nobody is really sure about the money yet. We will have a meeting with the record label chief tomorrow and hope to get some more info.
The gig itself, a weird private performance for A. R. Rahman and a select press audience went okay. The news is that this talent-hunt/travelogue show to be telecasted on Doordarshan will be on air by the end of this year. We are expected to be a part of it. But that doesn't mean that we are competing in it. Our music, apparently, will be showcased along with the other artists on our record label.
Nobody is really sure about the money yet. We will have a meeting with the record label chief tomorrow and hope to get some more info.
The facts revealed
After a day full of suspense and no information, we are at the venue - Taj Man Singh hotel in Delhi. It's a big function! It's the launch of A. R. Rehman's talent hunt show called The Big Band. Our record label is teaming up with the maestro for this. We are here with three other bands to perform. Check the link out at http://www.bigbandindia.com. Hoping to have a good performance.
Leaving to the capital
We are leaving today afternoon to Delhi without much awareness of what's in store. We'll be there until tomorrow evening. I'll try to catch up what's up in the blogosphere when I'm in Delhi. Cheers!
Update
It's totally weird, really. We still don't have much information about the gig at Delhi. The record label guys have informed that it's going to be a small private event which will be attended by corporate people. Something to do with their artist promotion and investors and stuff, I presume.
Hence, I presume no guests can be allowed. So, Chandni... you will have to wait longer.
The band as such is planning to have a deadline on deciding what to do about the future if this crazy no-mony, no-gigs, no-releast situation with the record label goes on. We'll probably arrive at a conclusion at Delhi after we have a word with them.
Hence, I presume no guests can be allowed. So, Chandni... you will have to wait longer.
The band as such is planning to have a deadline on deciding what to do about the future if this crazy no-mony, no-gigs, no-releast situation with the record label goes on. We'll probably arrive at a conclusion at Delhi after we have a word with them.
The Tehelka special
Incredible it is, really. I knew that Tehelka had something coming up when Professor X asked me to watch out for his article on it. But I didn't expect this much. Seven articles? Cover page of a couple of bears in embrace? Whoa!
Here's the list of articles
(All the articles and the picture are from Tehelka.com)
Here's the list of articles
- Happy Together
- Indian traditions of love - This is what Professor X co-wrote.
- 377 - Matunga Racket
- Flying Arrows, Stable Bows - This by the way, is Nitin Karani the author of QueerIndia.
- Homosexuality does not exclude paternity - This article is very close to my heart as I hope to become a father soon!
- I believe in falling in love with people, not body parts - I'm gender oblivious
- We shouldn't make ourselves a parade of overt freaks - This story has the same ideology as the Shobhaa De blog one about me had.
(All the articles and the picture are from Tehelka.com)
Shoonyas live - video
Live at Delhi!
News just in! Our record label has just confirmed that Noise Market will be playing live at a yet undisclosed location in Delhi on the 14th of October alongside a couple of other bands from the roster. No further details available. I just wanted to post this for Chandni who has been acting kinda vehement at us not touring Delhi! I'll update you further as and when the fog clears up. Back to my studies 'Fractures of the Wrist'!
(PS: Ramby, UnsungPsalm etc - this goes to you guys too!)
(PS: Ramby, UnsungPsalm etc - this goes to you guys too!)
Gay friendliness in the media
If you guys are expecting rather detailed, personal posts from me, I'm afraid it's going to take a while to do that. I'm not finding time with my studies taking most of my awake time. Hence, until my exams are over sometime in late November, I'll post in short bursts.
Today morning, while watching the cute Allan Border on Neo Sports sharing his opinion on why Australian team is kicking the Indian ass, I stumbled on two more stories in the newspaper relating to the gay-decriminalisation issue. I'm gonig to present them here along with a song that I heard on the radio. My gay friend Firebolt is probably going to love it!
Here's is the video that you people can check out. It's a song by the American artist Kate Perry who is alleged to be a bisexual. Check out the lyrics!
Today morning, while watching the cute Allan Border on Neo Sports sharing his opinion on why Australian team is kicking the Indian ass, I stumbled on two more stories in the newspaper relating to the gay-decriminalisation issue. I'm gonig to present them here along with a song that I heard on the radio. My gay friend Firebolt is probably going to love it!
- Do you think gay people should be imprisoned? (from TOI Mumbai edition page 11)
Reema Kagti, director of the film ‘Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd’, says that it’s time we asked the right questions about homosexuality
The debate on de-criminalizing homosexuality gains momentum in the wake of the ongoing public litigation challenging article 377 in the Delhi High Court. The question “Do you think homosexuality should be legalized in India?’’ is increasingly being thrown around in the media. An opinion poll by NDTVDoctor had 69 per cent of those polled saying “NO’’.
Vivek Divan, a friend and lawyer, pointed out that it is not enough to just ask questions, it is important that we ask the right questions. The right question in this case is: Regardless of your personal views on homosexuality, do you think that if you or your child or sister or brother or
friend is caught in the privacy of the bedroom performing a sexual act with a consenting adult of the same sex, he or she should be imprisoned with a life sentence?
It is this question that does justice to the issues that the debate on Section 377 throws up. An average Indian has been brought up to believe homosexuality is an aberration and saying that it yes should be legalised is synonymous to saying yes to deviant behavior. This debate is not about the Indian people’s personal prejudice against homosexuality or the lack of. This debate is whether India is a democratic nation or not. A truly democratic country upholds the rights of minorities.
There are anywhere between 20 to 40 million people with alternative sexuality in India today. Article 377 of the IPC violates every constitutional provision to uphold their right to equality and non-discrimination. It encourages persecution on the basis of sexual orientation, flouting the constitution of India and United Nations and Human Rights Watch norms.
On this pertinent human rights issue, India is out of step with nations like South Africa, USA, UK, the whole of Europe and South America, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, Cambodia, Thailand, Japan, Indonesia, Korea. India’s discriminatory stand clubs her with unprogressive countries like Sudan, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Nigeria, and Pakistan. Cases of homophobic police officers using Article 377 to create obstacles for legitimate HIV prevention has been so rampant that the UN and Human Rights Watch have sent directives to the government regarding this. The union health minister of India, Mr Ramadoss, has openly supported repealing Section 377 because it is stunting India’s fight against AIDS. The home ministry opposes decriminalisation saying it will lead to a decline in morality. I do believe none of the people responsible for the Home Ministry’s report really know a single gay person. My advice to them is to make friends with a few because it will help them do their jobs better.
I, unlike them, know people of alternative sexuality from different walks of life. There are gay film-makers, lawyers, doctors, journalists, industrialists, artists, teachers, activists, curators, students, rickshaw drivers, migrant laborers, tailors, dancers, critics, writers, shop-keepers, politicians...the list is endless. Each of them is somebody’s child, somebody’s sibling, somebody’s
friend. They are not two-headed monsters who live underground emerging only to wreck perversion and debauchery. They are completely normal, productive and sometimes even tax-paying people who are a valid and an integral part of our society. Their daily pre-occupations are no different from their heterosexual counterparts: Are prices ever going to stop rising? Am I safe standing here next to this dustbin or is it going to blow up in my face? How best can I provide for my family and loved ones in this world of chaos?
The government and judiciary of India will in no way be doing any harm or demeaning to themselves by restoring and upholding basic fundamental rights and freedoms of 20 to 40 million Indian citizens promised to them by their constitution. Instead, repealing this 148-year-old law will prove to citizens and the international community alike that India is truly committed to upholding the ideals of freedom and equality.
To judge whether the people of India are a truly democratic people you will have to put yourself through the litmus test. So here goes...Regardless of your stand on homosexuality, do you think that if you or your child or sister or brother or friend is caught in the privacy of the bedroom performing a sexual act with a consenting adult of the same sex should he or she be imprisoned with a life sentence?
If your answer is yes, then before we go announcing to the world that we are the largest democracy, it will serve us well to examine whether we are a democracy at all.
RULE OF LAW: Article 377 violates every constitutional provision to uphold a homosexual’s right to equality and non-discrimination - Wedded bliss for Bengal’s same-sex couple - From TOI Mumbai edition 19th page
Howrah Families Accept Marriage Of Daughters Who Fell In Love & Eloped To R’than
Pinaki Das | TNN
Howrah: Union health minister Anbumani Ramadoss’ concern for gay rights in India seems to have paid off. Two families in remote parts of Howrah district have agreed to accept their daughters’ decision to live together as man and wife. The parents of one of the girls have also decided to adopt a child later to make the marriage complete.
Rinku Mondal, 20, daughter of a motor mechanic in Nayachak village, and Tanusree Manna, 21, of Shibtala in the Panchla police station area, had eloped on September 22. A letter recovered from Tanusree’s house said they were in love and wanted to marry. “We know our relatives and society won’t accept this alliance. We’ve decided to leave our families and live elsewhere as man and wife,” they wrote.
Both families then lodged missing diaries with police. In addition, Rinku’s parents filed complaints against Tanusree’s sister Mithu, her husband Badal Das and friend Rupali Hyt. The police arrested Badal and started looking for Mithu.
Rinku and Tanusree had met during Mithu and Badal’s wedding a couple of years ago and fallen in love. The two started working at a zari factory to keep in touch. Rupali apparently knew of the affair.
After leaving their homes, the two girls set off for Rajasthan. On the way the two got married, and Rinku started sporting sindoor and conchshell bangles like married Bengali women. While in Rajasthan, the two learnt of Badal’s arrest and decided to return.
The two turned up at Panchla police station on Tuesday and declared they were adults and had left on their own accord. On Wednesday, they gave their statements before a magistrate. Both Rinku and Tanusree’s parents were present in court. After their statements were recorded, the two families decided to accept the marriage.
“The two are inseparable and we don’t want them to come to any harm. We’ve decided to accept Rinku as our daughter-in-law. The only problem is they will not have children. At a later date, we may adopt a child to make the marriage complete,” said Tanusree’s mother Moya. Rinku’s father Arun Mondal also said he had no problems so long as his daughter was happy.
Here's is the video that you people can check out. It's a song by the American artist Kate Perry who is alleged to be a bisexual. Check out the lyrics!
The world finally accepts the truth
For all those people including people who enjoy repeatedly taking a dig at my fondness of elderly men - grow up! Grow up before the the rest of the people start making fun of you! The proof lies in Times of India story here! Grey hair (scalp, moustache, beard, chest...) is sexy!
This reminds me that I really have to update to the 'With Him, I'd Like To Have Sex' (WHILTHS) list. I have a lot of contestants in the last few days. I'll do that very soon.
This reminds me that I really have to update to the 'With Him, I'd Like To Have Sex' (WHILTHS) list. I have a lot of contestants in the last few days. I'll do that very soon.
The Big heist
Everyone who's anyone must have seen and been intrigued by the 'See you at home soon' ads that have been going on in TV channels and newspapers. Well, okay. It was not the coolest of teasers. But still, it created enough curiosity inside me to wonder what's gonna be seen at home soon.
Yesterday, I realized that 'Big TV' was going to be seen at home soon. The ad sort of seemed to be a little hastily done (underdone) and reminded me of the rest of the Reliance stuff that I get to see.
Ysterday, as I was browsing through the Times of India when I casually stumbled on this news article. I have to say, I finally have a newfound respect for Reliance group. They have the spunk to go hunt down a competitor like the Mountain Dew Vs. Sprite fight!
Yesterday, I realized that 'Big TV' was going to be seen at home soon. The ad sort of seemed to be a little hastily done (underdone) and reminded me of the rest of the Reliance stuff that I get to see.
Ysterday, as I was browsing through the Times of India when I casually stumbled on this news article. I have to say, I finally have a newfound respect for Reliance group. They have the spunk to go hunt down a competitor like the Mountain Dew Vs. Sprite fight!
Confuscious
I did something weird. I submitted in an entry for Ideat Savant at the IIT Kanpur festival 'Anthrakshani '08'' for taking part in a band competition called Synchronicity. It was an online entry which you can find here. I just wanted to see if people would find my music interesting.
Yesterday, I received an e-mail confirming that I was short-listed for the competition. I need to reply within a week to confirm my participation with the details of band members and stuff.
Now, as you all know, I don't have the actual band lined up yet. Jay from Noise Market offered to play for me. But what about the drummer and the second guitarist? If I find them all, what about practice and stuff? Crazy, it is. I feel I should just forfeit this and hope to make it next year. What d'yall say?
Yesterday, I received an e-mail confirming that I was short-listed for the competition. I need to reply within a week to confirm my participation with the details of band members and stuff.
Now, as you all know, I don't have the actual band lined up yet. Jay from Noise Market offered to play for me. But what about the drummer and the second guitarist? If I find them all, what about practice and stuff? Crazy, it is. I feel I should just forfeit this and hope to make it next year. What d'yall say?
A song for literacy
Yesterday, after much resistance from my side, I sat down to work on a song that we were asked to write for the national literacy campaign. It is actually something arranged by our record label to promote us - something that is probably making them a little less guilty of goofing up with money.
The lyrics are written in Bhojpuri and is going to be sung by a famous playback singer whose website is accessible here. The secrecy is because I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to make this public. We get to write the song, arrange it and then record it at a professional studio. A video will be made for the song and it will receive good promotions.
Today, we got around to re-writing the song thrice. We were happy with the first one's demo but our clients were not. We made a second one which was unanimously voted out of contention. The third one is taking it's final shape at Rob's home. We will get the nod on the demo version and will probably hit the studios again next week.
From my side, I'm happy with what we made despite the song being rather unlike our usual stuff. The weird thing is that this project is probably going to turn out to be our first single/video - the first dose of Noise Market that you guys are going to see/hear on television and radio. We hope to not convey the wrong first impression!
The lyrics are written in Bhojpuri and is going to be sung by a famous playback singer whose website is accessible here. The secrecy is because I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to make this public. We get to write the song, arrange it and then record it at a professional studio. A video will be made for the song and it will receive good promotions.
Today, we got around to re-writing the song thrice. We were happy with the first one's demo but our clients were not. We made a second one which was unanimously voted out of contention. The third one is taking it's final shape at Rob's home. We will get the nod on the demo version and will probably hit the studios again next week.
From my side, I'm happy with what we made despite the song being rather unlike our usual stuff. The weird thing is that this project is probably going to turn out to be our first single/video - the first dose of Noise Market that you guys are going to see/hear on television and radio. We hope to not convey the wrong first impression!
Sweetness from Chennai - part 1
Today I received an SMS from my sister. That was probably the sweetest thing that I have heard from her. Ever. You judge the rest.
Good to hear that you are doing well in studies. And I want you to know that I love you in spite of the increasing lack of understanding between us. You'd remain my dear brother even if we don't talk, meet and irrespective of what you become in your life.'Vinokur needs to get his act together. Finally, he faces stiff competition from India!
Change of fortunes
I think I have succesfully battled the trough of my depressing wave. Yes, thanks to Vinokur, Professor X, my sister and all of you, I am finally feeling better. Happier, to be precise. I had a really wonderful day of studies today when I finally found the groove. I hope it isn't too late. Now with a little bit of money in my bank account, it's a good time to go back to the hospital to see some cases. I have talked to my friends and I will start that probably starting this Monday.
Vinokur, on the other hand, is not as improved after the the consequences of reality sunk in. Despite having a great time at the museum with his ex-boyfriend, he felt sad that he won't be enjoying such times with me. It's probably harder for him with his age and frail health. I realize that I should be the stronger one supporting him and should take care of him through this phase. I hope to be strong enough to do that.
He underwent the first of MRIs for his neck and shoulders 2 days back. For a claustrophobic person like him, such a simple test is burdensome. And in his own michievous way of finding a way out, he consumed extra sedative pills to make him groggy. Yesterday, when we were talking to each other, I didn't know what to do. I am and will be unhappy that he is still not taking responsibility of the situation. There are times when I feel that I am the reason why he is getting addicted because I am unable to prevent him from doing so.
The only questions remaining are - how long can I hope to take responsibility? How practical is to hope to take guard of someone health from across the oceans?
Vinokur, on the other hand, is not as improved after the the consequences of reality sunk in. Despite having a great time at the museum with his ex-boyfriend, he felt sad that he won't be enjoying such times with me. It's probably harder for him with his age and frail health. I realize that I should be the stronger one supporting him and should take care of him through this phase. I hope to be strong enough to do that.
He underwent the first of MRIs for his neck and shoulders 2 days back. For a claustrophobic person like him, such a simple test is burdensome. And in his own michievous way of finding a way out, he consumed extra sedative pills to make him groggy. Yesterday, when we were talking to each other, I didn't know what to do. I am and will be unhappy that he is still not taking responsibility of the situation. There are times when I feel that I am the reason why he is getting addicted because I am unable to prevent him from doing so.
The only questions remaining are - how long can I hope to take responsibility? How practical is to hope to take guard of someone health from across the oceans?
Another one for us!
The positive wave continues. It was Mumbai mirror's turn this time. It featured a huge article on the statements made by the National Human Rights Commission chief. I can't get you a link for the same and hence, I need to post the article here itself. Check it out!
Legalise prostitution, homosexualityAll this inspires me to compile a nice post about such articles and post it on Mutiny. I'll try to work on that tomorrow.
NHRC chief says that if two adults want to be together, then why should anyone have a problem
NEW DELHI: Health Minister Anbumani Ramadoss may not have found support in the government for decriminalising homosexuality, but India's National Human Rights Commission (NHRC) chief S Rajendra Babu is on his side. He says the NHRC not only supports gay rights, but is also in favour of legalising prostitution.
"If two adults want to be together, then why should anyone have a problem? The commission, in this regard, has a broad outlook," said Babu, who is the former chief justice of India.
"The commission inquires into violations of human rights. The right to liberty of expression is one of them," Babu said, while charting out the various responsibilities of the commission.
The government told the Delhi High Court last week that gay sex was "against the order of nature", and that Western values could not be blindly aped in India. "We cannot compel our society to follow the trend of Western society," additional solicitor general PP Malhotra told the court while countering the submission of the gay activists' counsel, who cited laws in various countries including Canada, South Africa and Cyprus. The counsel was making a plea to decriminalise gay sex in private among consenting adults.
Ramadoss is facing stiff resistance from the home ministry for his efforts to do away with Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code, which terms homosexual acts an offence and provides for punishment up to life imprisonment.
Strongly supporting the legalisation of prostitution, Babu said such an initiative will protect women instead of exploiting them. "Sex workers should be given licences to practise their trade, because with that, they will also get a health licence and other benefits which will protect and benefit them. The Immoral Traffic (Prevention) Act has failed to abolish prostitution and, more often than not, makes the victim look like the accused," he added.
Minister for women and child development, Renuka Chowdhry, had on an earlier occasion said that India will not consider legalising commercial sex or giving licences to brothels. However, civil society groups like the Bhartiya Patita Uddhar Sabha have been demanding the legalisation of commercial sex workers since 1984, in an attempt to ensure better health and education to the 54 lakh children of sex workers.
Khairati Lal Bhola, president of the Sabha, while pressing for legalisation of prostitution, said: "Not only will the government earn a tax on their income, it will help in chucking out agents, middlemen, goons and corrupt police officials who take hafta (protection money) from them. Sex workers can earn more to provide education to their children, who can be prevented from inheriting their mother's profession."
Bhola said a survey conducted during 1990-96 revealed that there were more than 75 lakh call girls, 23.8 lakh prostitutes, 1,100 red light areas and three lakh brothels across the country. Now, more than a decade later, the number has gone up manifold and the condition of sex workers is still vulnerable, especially due to the threat of diseases like AIDS.
IANS
S Rajendra Babu, chief of National Human Rights Commission
Gay friendliness on the rise
This Sunday was a great day for gay rights activism in India. NDTV 24X7 aired three back to back gay-friendly programs in prime time. I did not catch any of these programs. In fact, I got to know about this on the GB mailing list where there were a lot of e-mails about this event. It's really heartening to see this. And it's relieving to note that it's not sporadic. Even Priyanka Chopra, one of the very few women in Bollywood that I like, claimed that she's more comfortable with dancing with gay people than straight ones!
More seriously though, the media attention that the movement is more tangible than ever. Here are instances that I found yesterday.
More seriously though, the media attention that the movement is more tangible than ever. Here are instances that I found yesterday.
- Today TOI had an editorial article One for Ramadoss which strongly supported Health Minister Ramadoss's statements to decriminalize homosexuality.
- Today's Mid-Day also had an article 'One night at a gay gala' about how gay friendly the party scene is becoming citing the Salvation Star parties as events which the straight community were dying to participate in.
- Mid-Day's internet portal had a poll about legalizing gay marriage. I was totally surprised to see that the voting results (at the time that I voted) were in favor for it!
- Mutiny.in, a popular community blog went to print for the first time earlier this month. In the first edition itself, there were a couple of very good gay friendly articles written by my internet-acquaintance Sanjukta. Here is the link to the entire magazine. The two articles are titled 'Stand Up For Yourself' and 'Coming Out'.
Homo-eroticism
Today was a better day for my studies despite a dull, hot afternoon which went to waste thanks to another episode of sleepiness. I'm beginning to wonder if this exaggerated tiredness is due to depression or some nutritional deficiency. It could very well be and I guess I'll have to deal with it until I get the record label money comes in. What made an otherwise drab day were a couple of incidences of homo-eroticism.
I had gone out to buy my Rs. 20 dinner and on my way back I saw a middle aged man wanking his member by a pavement on a busy road in the heart of Andheri. Being a naturally trained voyeur, I was captivated by this 'show'. Initially I thought it was just another act of micturition but I'm sure it was more than that as this probably continued for about 3 minutes or so. I don't want to go into a vivid description but there was visible evidences of pleasure in what he was doing.
Don't drop your jaws. I'm sure everyone has a voyeur hidden inside. It's just that I'm honest enough to admit that I have fun doing this. My interest in it stems from the numerous exposures to the male genital organs in various settings during my childhood. In Kerala, this seems to be a norm; something the society happily accepts without protest. Not just men, but women too. But then, I never had a thing for women.
When I was having my dinner, I was browsing through the TV channels and I stumbled on to a Professional Wrestling show on Star Sports. Yes, I do enjoy Professional wrestling. Again, don't drop your jaws. I know it is all scripted and stuff. But, it has hot men. It's a treat to the gay eyes. Big muscular men with athleticism, power and grace.
Then I dropped my jaw. I saw a wrestler of Indian origin called 'Sonjay Dutt - The Guru'! I'm sure the media in India haven't caught up with the developments of the wrestling world. Judging by the hype that the Great Khali gets - full interviews and features of serious channels like NDTV - such a name should have got some attention.
I had gone out to buy my Rs. 20 dinner and on my way back I saw a middle aged man wanking his member by a pavement on a busy road in the heart of Andheri. Being a naturally trained voyeur, I was captivated by this 'show'. Initially I thought it was just another act of micturition but I'm sure it was more than that as this probably continued for about 3 minutes or so. I don't want to go into a vivid description but there was visible evidences of pleasure in what he was doing.
Don't drop your jaws. I'm sure everyone has a voyeur hidden inside. It's just that I'm honest enough to admit that I have fun doing this. My interest in it stems from the numerous exposures to the male genital organs in various settings during my childhood. In Kerala, this seems to be a norm; something the society happily accepts without protest. Not just men, but women too. But then, I never had a thing for women.
When I was having my dinner, I was browsing through the TV channels and I stumbled on to a Professional Wrestling show on Star Sports. Yes, I do enjoy Professional wrestling. Again, don't drop your jaws. I know it is all scripted and stuff. But, it has hot men. It's a treat to the gay eyes. Big muscular men with athleticism, power and grace.
Then I dropped my jaw. I saw a wrestler of Indian origin called 'Sonjay Dutt - The Guru'! I'm sure the media in India haven't caught up with the developments of the wrestling world. Judging by the hype that the Great Khali gets - full interviews and features of serious channels like NDTV - such a name should have got some attention.
2 becomes 3
Yesterday, I hope, would be marked as a day in my life where something changed it forever. Amongst the two major events that were scheduled to take place, only one did. And it went well. Confused? Cut to a couple of weeks back...
I had just made the Ideat Savant page for showcasing my own music. I had invited a bunch of people and bands that I know to become my friends on MySpace. Amongst them was a big band, somebody who I respected. After adding me as a friend, their front man gave me a message if I was interested in auditioning for them as a bassist. I had only awe for them as a band (they cover Alice In Chains) and I clarified that I am willing to give it a shot but I already had other projects. He said it was okay and asked me to turn up for an audition.
That audition was yesterday. And I'm happy to say that I passed the 'audition' and am part of the As Of Yet Untitled band. But don't get all excited! I'm not playing for the original band. They have decided to disband (this happened 3 days back) and start a new band. This band, as the front man (who also happens to be a Mallu) says is something experimental. We will jam over the period of 6 months or so to come up with a few tracks which we will record as an album and play live. I'm very happy and hopeful that this band can provide that hard edge that I'm missing in Noise Market and Shoonyas.
The major event that didn't take place was the re-union of the ex-Shade members. Well, don't drop your jaws yet. I and Xander have not yet reconciled in a way to accept each other as friends. E-boi's dream of him, Xander and me playing together in a band still shines bright inside him and he has talked to Xander and Vik (at whose place we used to jam at earlier) about a cover band. They had agreed and I had also agreed (despite the fact I vowed to not get involved with Xander again in music) because I think this might be a monetarily viable project. But as it always has been, the reunion never took place. I don't know for what reason, but just like the older days when everyone was so unprofessional and lazy, it didn't happen. I don't know what's coming up next in this front.
So, instead of 2 becoming 4 (if you consider Ideat Savant as well, it's 3 becoming 5), it just became 3 (or 4). I'm happy deep within.
I had just made the Ideat Savant page for showcasing my own music. I had invited a bunch of people and bands that I know to become my friends on MySpace. Amongst them was a big band, somebody who I respected. After adding me as a friend, their front man gave me a message if I was interested in auditioning for them as a bassist. I had only awe for them as a band (they cover Alice In Chains) and I clarified that I am willing to give it a shot but I already had other projects. He said it was okay and asked me to turn up for an audition.
That audition was yesterday. And I'm happy to say that I passed the 'audition' and am part of the As Of Yet Untitled band. But don't get all excited! I'm not playing for the original band. They have decided to disband (this happened 3 days back) and start a new band. This band, as the front man (who also happens to be a Mallu) says is something experimental. We will jam over the period of 6 months or so to come up with a few tracks which we will record as an album and play live. I'm very happy and hopeful that this band can provide that hard edge that I'm missing in Noise Market and Shoonyas.
The major event that didn't take place was the re-union of the ex-Shade members. Well, don't drop your jaws yet. I and Xander have not yet reconciled in a way to accept each other as friends. E-boi's dream of him, Xander and me playing together in a band still shines bright inside him and he has talked to Xander and Vik (at whose place we used to jam at earlier) about a cover band. They had agreed and I had also agreed (despite the fact I vowed to not get involved with Xander again in music) because I think this might be a monetarily viable project. But as it always has been, the reunion never took place. I don't know for what reason, but just like the older days when everyone was so unprofessional and lazy, it didn't happen. I don't know what's coming up next in this front.
So, instead of 2 becoming 4 (if you consider Ideat Savant as well, it's 3 becoming 5), it just became 3 (or 4). I'm happy deep within.
The wrath of the Professor
I had a long lecture on the phone with Professor X yesterday night. He virtually scolded me and asked me to get back to my senses. He drove home the point that I was living in a dream inside my head and I needed to wake up; wake up to realize that Vinokur will probably be never coming to India and that I needed to get to NYC.
For that, I needed to get my act together in India and pass my exams and earn some money. He also pointed out that I have been struggling to live with the tougher decisions that I had made. He suggests that if I can't execute them, maybe I shouldn't be taking them. Medicine Vs. Music, Love Vs. Everything else etc.
Interestingly enough, that helped me. It helped me to realize that I am the one who needed make things happen. To pass exams, to earn some money and to make my endeavors succesful. Today, I could only spend a few hours of studying because of the practice sessions that I had lined up. But I felt I was able to concentrate well. I was able to feel so much more at ease after the scolding from Professor X. I thank him for that. I'm grateful to have such good friends.
Among other interesting things in my life, my article on the movie Rock On got published at Mutiny.in. It took a long time, a couple of weeks actually, for that to happen. But it did. I was feeling rather bad to not have written anything new which is interesting enough to be posted on Mutiny.
For that, I needed to get my act together in India and pass my exams and earn some money. He also pointed out that I have been struggling to live with the tougher decisions that I had made. He suggests that if I can't execute them, maybe I shouldn't be taking them. Medicine Vs. Music, Love Vs. Everything else etc.
Interestingly enough, that helped me. It helped me to realize that I am the one who needed make things happen. To pass exams, to earn some money and to make my endeavors succesful. Today, I could only spend a few hours of studying because of the practice sessions that I had lined up. But I felt I was able to concentrate well. I was able to feel so much more at ease after the scolding from Professor X. I thank him for that. I'm grateful to have such good friends.
Among other interesting things in my life, my article on the movie Rock On got published at Mutiny.in. It took a long time, a couple of weeks actually, for that to happen. But it did. I was feeling rather bad to not have written anything new which is interesting enough to be posted on Mutiny.
As the dream crashes
It is hard for be to confess that my dream of living with Vinokur is going to at least be postponed for a year or so. In a recent interaction with his sister who is his caretaker, she has clearly stated that if Vinokur visits me in India, she is going to withdraw all support for him. She thinks that Vinokur is not fit for travel and that I should make a move if we want to be together.
It is true in a way. Vinokur is still shaky and is most probably still addicted to sedatives that he is taking. But I feel that the only way that he can get out of this if he's with me. Since I can't leave my life in India to the US and because we both can't support both of together at the present momment in India, it's not possible to live together.
I feel sad and angry at myself. It jsut adds agony to an already depressing situation at my end. I feel like being questioned if I have made my decisions right or not. I feel like if Vinokur's sister's trust in me is minimal. She must still think of me as just one of dudes that her brother chats with online.
Already Vinokur has proposed the restarting our open relationship. For him it is not going to change either way. But for me, sooner or later, I'm going to succumb to the desire of being close to someone physically.
It is true in a way. Vinokur is still shaky and is most probably still addicted to sedatives that he is taking. But I feel that the only way that he can get out of this if he's with me. Since I can't leave my life in India to the US and because we both can't support both of together at the present momment in India, it's not possible to live together.
I feel sad and angry at myself. It jsut adds agony to an already depressing situation at my end. I feel like being questioned if I have made my decisions right or not. I feel like if Vinokur's sister's trust in me is minimal. She must still think of me as just one of dudes that her brother chats with online.
Already Vinokur has proposed the restarting our open relationship. For him it is not going to change either way. But for me, sooner or later, I'm going to succumb to the desire of being close to someone physically.
To just take a break
Today was a good day for my studies. I got up really early and did put in a lot of hours with my books. But there were many a moments during the entire day when I felt like going out and having some fun. Watch a movie. Hang out at a party or something - two parties were happening; one GB party and another house-party that my friend had invited me for.
I wanted to watch HellBoy 2 desperately and I took up the paper and decided on a show at least twice today before deciding against it. I procrastinated the decision for going to the parties until it was too late to. The reason is simple - even though I have some money with me I feel that I don't have the rights to have fun with borrowed money. I feel guilty of being luxurious. Similarly, I can't think of buying myself anything better than a Rs. 20 meal.
The only way out of this is to 'earn' my own money. And that seems like a long way off!
I wanted to watch HellBoy 2 desperately and I took up the paper and decided on a show at least twice today before deciding against it. I procrastinated the decision for going to the parties until it was too late to. The reason is simple - even though I have some money with me I feel that I don't have the rights to have fun with borrowed money. I feel guilty of being luxurious. Similarly, I can't think of buying myself anything better than a Rs. 20 meal.
The only way out of this is to 'earn' my own money. And that seems like a long way off!
Simpson for Obama
I read about this on the Times today morning. Decided to check it out. It's really hilarious. Makes me wanna watch Simpsons again!
Frame in a frame
This was one of the photos taken by the Rolling Stone magazine photographer Hashim Badani. I found this on his photostream on Flickr.
I thought it was an interesting photo to share with you all. Clockwise from 12 O' Clock are Rob, E-boi, Jay, me and Jodi.
Entry submitted
I have finally submitted the entries for Toto Funds the Arts competition. I went over to the Only Much Louder record label's office and submitted it. This means that I am going to stop making edits and fine tunings to the recordings. I'm kinda relieved that it is over with.
I'll post the first of the three songs that you guys haven't heard yet. This one's 'A World Full of Lies'. I'll post the other two in the coming days.
I'll post the first of the three songs that you guys haven't heard yet. This one's 'A World Full of Lies'. I'll post the other two in the coming days.
A World Full of Lies(PS: I'm feeling a little better and haven't consulted my shrink yet.)
I could look at your face and
Tell how long I have hated you
And leave you feeling dazed
But that would be too easy on you
I could wipe the dust of the pane and
Show you what lies inside
But is there a point in all of this
If you are blind to what you have done
But I can't do anything
To wash out the dirt that's inside
And I can't do anything
I am burning, burning from inside
I could list all of the lies you said
And still be short of breath
But why are we wasting time
On something that was so easy for you
I could have seen through the veil
That you were wearing all through out
But is there a point in all of this
If I can't wipe this scar away
As I can't do anything
To wash out the dirt that's inside
And I can't do anything
I'm still burning, burning from inside
Buring inside, Burning inside
If you are wondering...
- Why I'm not blogging as much as I used to
- Not responding to the half a dozen tags and stuff that I have received over the last two weeks
- Not doing anything for the Avant Garde awards
- Not spell checking and stuff (my little post last time around had three major typos including 'Avant Grade')
- Not chatting with my friends
- I'm getting pissed with everything.
- I'm getting pissed with Vinokur for things like not remembering what I talked to him about and the fact that he is sleepy.
- I'm getting pissed with myself for getting pissed at Vinokur and not being able to concentrate as hard in studies. I'm also pissed at the fact that I'm not able to study in the afternoons. I feel terribly sleepy.
- I'm getting pissed with Noise Market because the song-writing process for the second album is getting tardy and boring. I honestly believe that instead of 'wasting' time sitting together and 'screwing around' with a tune without any structure, we should work on a scaffolding.
I currently feel like I'm a 'bad person'. And although I'm sure that I'm not, I need some reaffirmation. Excepting Vinokur, nobody would ever be kind enough to do that to me. But I can just reaffirm one thing - I love my Vinokur!
Avant Garde Blogger Awards
Nikhil forwarded me this link. I thought it was worth posting. I was just wondering if I'm the only person who has a problem in reading a few of the lines. For all those people who think that their blog deserves an Bloscar, go apply!
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