It is hard for be to confess that my dream of living with Vinokur is going to at least be postponed for a year or so. In a recent interaction with his sister who is his caretaker, she has clearly stated that if Vinokur visits me in India, she is going to withdraw all support for him. She thinks that Vinokur is not fit for travel and that I should make a move if we want to be together.
It is true in a way. Vinokur is still shaky and is most probably still addicted to sedatives that he is taking. But I feel that the only way that he can get out of this if he's with me. Since I can't leave my life in India to the US and because we both can't support both of together at the present momment in India, it's not possible to live together.
I feel sad and angry at myself. It jsut adds agony to an already depressing situation at my end. I feel like being questioned if I have made my decisions right or not. I feel like if Vinokur's sister's trust in me is minimal. She must still think of me as just one of dudes that her brother chats with online.
Already Vinokur has proposed the restarting our open relationship. For him it is not going to change either way. But for me, sooner or later, I'm going to succumb to the desire of being close to someone physically.