Is this getting to be boring?

It has been a month since I started working at the hospital. In the meantime, the comments on the blog have been steadily decreasing. I think it is due to the fact that most of my mails are centered around the time I spend at work. What can I do change this?

Anyway, I noticed some changes in my life in the last few weeks.

• I'm spending more and more time at the hospital


• I'm spending less and less time at home


• I'm not getting enough sleep on most days


• I'm not going for jogging on most days


• I'm not returning e-mails promptly


• I'm not spending any time with my dog


• I'm listening to songs written and recorded by myself only


• I'm not working out on most days

I think I should get rid of the latter 7 points very soon, but at the same time keep up the first one.

Checking out

I'm typing this in the one hour break I got to change and go back to the hospital after a tiring 24 hours of duty.

Yesterday, while I was having lunch at a restaurant nearby, a hot middle aged man with the 'overhanging moustache' came and sat in a table in front of mine facing me. I was checking him out initially. I got about 30 seconds of head start as he was busy ordering and chatting with his companions.

Then, he saw me looking at him and he made big time eye contact. I tried to not look into his eyes. But he kept checking me out in little stretches.

Of course, there might have been other reasons than my 'hotness' to make people stare at me; I was smeared bits of plaster of paris. But I felt happy of getting someone who I thought was hot to check me out. I even had an urge of going up and meeting this guy in person.

But I decided against it in the end. And it was one of the wisest thing to do. When I went back to the theatre, in a visit to the OT, I saw this guy standing with a patient whose surgery was being done.

Therefore, I kept the principle of not getting involved with patient or bystanders. At leat, I'm morally correct.

Dry Onam

It is the time of Onam in this part of the world. It is the biggest fesitval each year. Lots of history and mythology associated with it. I'm not going to go into depths of it and get myself bored.

I went out with a couple of my friends to check out the festivities. It was very disappointing. Even though there were a lot of people, and therefore, a number of hot silverfoxes, the whole thing was a drag. Illumination was sparse and unimaginative. The few stalls for exhibition and sale were already closed. There was not even a good food festival.

Talking about food; it's customary that you have a feast at home during Onam. But for me, I still had my feast at a hotel despite the fact that my Mom and Dad were home and were free. This again highlights the kind of difference that I have with my friends when it comes to family ties.

Carrying on about food; today is the second day I had Tandoori Chicken for dinner. I enjoy Tandoori a lot. Especially with good company. Yesterday it was Ray. Today with was S. M. P. and another neighbor. Both dinners were highly enjoyable.

Another couple of days off.

Castle without a rock

I've made another song. No, this isn't what I wrote when I was at the hospital. This is another one. The one which I promised you a week back was discarded as my friend, with whom I co-wrote 'Castle without a rock', thought that it was ridiculous.

So much for my initial rating for the poem. I thought that it was definitely better than living your dream. But apparently, it was way too sad and directly pointed to my life at the hospital that my friend suggested me to start working on a new song.

By the way, this friend (who I will refer to as S. M. P.) was the first person I jammed with. Ever. He is a drummer. This is the first song which we are writing together.

Personally, I feel the lyrics are okay good. But I felt that it was sort of rushed up. The music, which I have recorded didn't turn out to be too good; basically because the recording wasn't good. Anyway, you get to check out the poem at the bottom and the rough draft right here. Hope to hear comments about it soon.

(PS: If you have problems in downloading the mp3, try pasting this to your browser address bar directly: http://mctvm96_1.tripod.com/untitled/castle_without_a_rock.mp3)

Castle Without A Rock


It was the turn of the year

We were trying to find our feet

Without the slightest sign of fear

Thinking hey, we can't be beat



Beneath the lights glowing bright

Our eyes must have shone like stars

(This was) the way it would be

Yes, we were so sure, but we were wrong



The ray of joy, got us blinking in it's glare, straining our eyes

Thought we were happy, lost we might've been, we realize



In the long strides

full of pride (Would we wake up?)

Now we try

try to fly (Would we wake up?)



A few years have passed by but

Our dreams are not all lost

The little flame still dances to the

wind of mellowed hopes



It's a day, it's oh so bright

And we are trying to get it right

Not afraid, but aware

of ourselves and of what we can



Trying in vain to build a castle, without a rock

Lost in the grey of a weeping dusk, hope we are not



In the long strides

full of pride (Would we wake up?)

Now we try

try to fly (Would we wake up?)

A mistake?

Yesterday, when I was on duty at the ER, the weirdest thing happened. I came out to one of the residents in my hospital. The circumstances were forcing enough, in my opinion at least, to do such a thing which might taint my image in the hospital.

In the last three weeks, there have been a lot of conversations between residents and Medical Officers in my hospital about how bad my residency could be at the metropolitan city which starts next year. It seems that, apart from break-back work, a junior resident was subjected to physical trauma (beating up, punching) and sodomy. The last bit doesn't really sound that frightening to me. In fact, I am sort of looking forward to it. At least, from a person who is gentle and affectionate. Because of this, I made myself appear to not be disturbed at the prospects of such 'ragging' system.

Besides, I had overheard one of the residents (Res. R), who by the way is very charming, entertaining and educated, talk to his gay friend over the phone. I could easily make out that he was sort of open about homosexuality.

Coming back to yesterday; there was this conversation about ‘falling in love’ and living together before marrying. One of the residents expressed his views in which he objected the idea of falling in love and living together. Res. R, who is very forward in his thoughts, said that he believed in falling in love, living and sleeping with your lover, not marrying and maybe even adopting a child.

Since, I agreed to almost all of this, I said I also thought like him. Obviously, I was very happy to hear such views and I made it visible in my face. Picking my emotions up, Res. R directly suggested that finally he found a guy who he could live with andhave sex. Again, I said I had no objections.

A medical officer and another couple of residents were listening to this. Then, Res. R said that he knew a member of a gay organization based in my city and said he would get me in touch with him. He asked me if I was interested. I was perplexed. I couldn’t just say yes and commit to everyone that I was gay. I tried to ignore this question, but Res. R kept on repeating.

Thankfully, another patient came to the ER at that point, and I scurried off to examine this patient. I knew that at the next possible opportunity, Res. R would be back with the same suggestion. So I decided to privately come out to him on the next opportunity when we had a little privacy. I thought that was the best option. For one thing, it wouldn’t be very ‘public’ because I thought Res. R was sort of cultured enough not to spread the news around. Secondly, I thought that he was one person in my hospital who deserved to know that I’m gay. Don’t judge my judgement here. I was sort of helpless.

The opportunity came very quickly. I just went near him and said that I’m gay. I asked him to not tell this to anyone because I thought that would create problems in the hospital. He said okay. He also said that he would get me the number of his gay friend.

Then I asked him if he was gay. He said no. I asked him if he was bi. He said ‘Maybe.’

I was relieved and happy initially. It was my first professional coming out experience. I thought I did it well

Ray was surprised and glad that I came out without problems. But Chuck thinks that I shouldn’t have admitted this fact.

Now I’m in a dilema. Did I overdo it? Should I have just kept quiet?

The overhanging moustache

I saw the Plastic Surgeon professor for the last time in a few months time today. He is being transferred to another medical college. I was thinking about why I should be so attracted to his smile. Of course, I couldn't find the exact reason why then. Later on, in the evening, I saw another man who I have had a crush on for a long time now. He is my neighbor's son in law. At that moment, I realized that the two persons had a thing in common; their moustache was thick, black and overhanging the upper lip totally. And when they smiled, only very little of their teeth showed.

This is strange. Why should I be concerned about such minute physical features in men? Am I that superficial?

Another couple of days of break.

500 kilometres of fun

The place I live in a is certainly wonderful to travel around in. Today, along with four college mates of mine, I went to attend the wedding reception of another college mate. Even though we travelled in a Maruti 800 and despite its stimulation of our claustrophobic tendencies, we enjoyed it to the full.

Normally, I don't enjoy such trips too much. Probably this was enjoyable because there was lots of entertainment floating around in conversations; jokes, eccentric personalities, goof-ups etc. Even though Ray was around, we couldn't flaunt the kind of freedom, which we are so used to now, to discuss older men and gay issues because we weren't out to this group of friends.

I even felt attracted to my college mate who is one year older than myself. Attracted in the gay sense perhaps. No sexual feelings. Just plain attraction to his personality. Very interesting indeed. Last of my crushes was on a 40 year old man. Is my infatuation for men of a particular age on the way out?

Envy

I am noticing a tinge of sadness, envy and jealousy within myself whenever I see one of my friends interact with their parents. I think about how blissful it would have been if I were in their place only to suddenly remember the kind of relationship I have with mine. In the end, I feel like a big loser.

Mom, the mood destructor

I notice some perceptible changes within me after restarting working in the hospital after 2 years. I don't feel as tired as I used to. I'm eating better. And I'm able to handle sleep-deprivation even better. Especially when being at the hospital. Yesterday, I slept for hardly for 2 hours and got up immediately without feeling groggy when a fresh patient arrived at the ER. This is good. Somehow I feel that I've become stronger. I hope this is not a delusion.

I came home feeling happy about this. But my Mom, as ever, destroyed me by saying mean things about me. I hope this vicious cycle of arguments between me and her would stop some day. But each and every time my mother says something as mean as 'You are not worth the effort spent in bringing up.' OR 'You are not mature for a 25 year old.' OR 'You are the worst son a mother could have.', I feel like separating myself from her forever. That is one reason why I think I'm not going to come back home after going to start doing residency next year.

But, even with such a disappointment of being smitten courtesy my own mother, I'm doing something positive. I'm going to work with my friend S (the drummer) on some new songs. I hope things go well.

A great weekend coming up

I maintain a website for my batchmates from college. The last three days, I spent a few hours with a paranoid friend of mine updating the site. It was a big drag. But I had to do it because most of my college mates seem to remember me for this website that I made. I don't know why it is like this to me. Very rarely do I get to be remembered for who I am instead of what I did.

I'm going to my friend's wedding this weekend. I'll be away from home for two days. It is the first time that I'm going to travel with Ray who is also coming along. I hope we have a nice time drooling over hot Muslim Dads at the wedding.

More dads

It is very disappointing; the situation with the residents in my hospital. The funny thing is that it is not just me who is having this realization. The residents themselves are aware. So are the professors. But they are not going to do anything about it. That is even more disappointinng.

My friend S, a drummer and the person who I first started jamming with, is back home for a year or so. We have plans to try make some music in the period that we two are in our city.

His Dad is one of the persons who I have had a crush on. The other day, I was at his place and was talking to his Dad. He seems to have lost the 'thing' now. Not appealing to me these days. That is good.

On the other hand, Chuck's father is getting hotter by the day. Chuck bought him a fresh spectacles and he looks cute with them on.

Today, I went with Ray for a movie. It was a hindi flick titled 'Mujse Shaadi Karoogi'. The first half was disappointing. The second part was even worse. And this is probably the best movie running in theatres in my city as of now. I hope something better (like Troy and I Robot) comes soon.

Another couple of days break

I'm in a big hurry. Yesterday was a busy day. I went out with a friend of mine to buy something. Then I spent a lot of time with Ray at Chuck's place. Then we went out to eat. I was so tired at the end of it all, I slept

Today, I'm already late in getting up. I have to rush to the hospital. I'll see you after a couple of days.

By the way, I'm getting reviews about 'Living Your Dream'. They are okay. Now I have to do something better with my next poem which hasn't been completed yet.

Dousing fires with ink

Yesterday was an easier night in the hospital. When I reached the hospital, I didn't find anybody to relieve. I was angered by the fact that the rest of the unit were plotting on 'making use' of me in whichever dirty way they could think of. Therefore, I was slightly upset. Thankfully, I had a book to read in between taking care of the patient. I managed to get some sleep in little stretches. That probably helped me cool down. By dawn, I was feeling much better. And I gave vent to my feelings through the pen; I wrote another poem. I couldn't complete it though because I had to come back and get freshened up before going back to the hospital for morning rounds.

The poem did such wonders that I maintained a pleasant face all through out. I didn't get mad at anyone. Another thing worked for me. I discovered a lot of common interests between myeself and the rest of the senior staff of my unit. The Chief and a Assistant Professor were musically inclined. The chief is taking keyboard lessons and the the other Assistant Professor is a vocalist. The realization came when we were chatting to a very 'famous' (the news about his admission was all over the papers for a weird reason) patient in our wards. He himself was a professional keyboardist. While talking about his profession on the bedside, we realized that we are all musically inclined.

This served me nice and fine. The chief immediately was more interested in me. Probably the fact that I had stayed over two nights to take care of a patient worked in my favour as well. This means a lot to me. Now, I'll probably get more chances at the OT to assist in major surgeries.

I was very happy about the way things worked out on that day; so happy that I was humming my songs throughout. Even though I was feeling sleepy, I stayed back longer making sure everything was okay with our patients. This was highly 'rewarding'; I was able to assist the hot plastic surgeon in changing a patient's dressing. For a whole 20 minutes. It was great. But he is going to another college in a week's time.

Today evening, I might get a chance to assist a big surgery. I've to go to the hospital to check on that. The other patient who needed monitoring has been shifted to the ICU. That means I can sleep well at home today.

I'll complete the new poem, which is still untitled, tomorrow. See you then.

Living Your Dream demo

I have had a nap. It is the Independence day here in India and I haven't seen an Indian flag today yet.

Before, I make my way back to the hospital, I thought I'll just give you a chance to listen to the demo recording of my new song 'Living Your Dream'. I have modified the lyrics since I last posted them. Listen to the low-quality mp3 here. Just tell me if I should proceed to adding the drum and bass tracks to this.

One grave point to note: I'm singing in the demo. Therefore, just neglect the finesse (the absence of) of the vocals and just judge the melody. I'll get my band's vocalist to sing it if reviews are good.

Meeting with J

Yesterday, I realized how lopsided a day can be.

After about 2 years worth of waiting, I met my dear friend J. To put you in track, J had scared me to near death when he wrote a mail with contents as dark as a black hole which suggested that he was in clinical depression and needed help. Since then, he has explained that he just was in a bad mood that day when he wrote the mail. When I met and heard his version of the story, I finally breathed a sigh of relief. He was not going to do anything drastic at least. The two major problems with him are that he doesn't have a good friend who 'connects' with him and he is not sure whether his career is in the right direction.

I was even happier when he patiently listened to what I have been upto in the last 2 years. That includes my 'coming out' bit to my friends and the relationship with Mr. Lion etc. It was special because J was the first person ever that I came out to. I was overjoyingly surprised when I heard from his mouth that he is a bisexual. He has had a lot of experience with men and he enjoys sex with men. Wow! Now I have Ray, J and Mr. Lion who I know in personal life who enjoy sex with men. Nice gang!

We actually discussed over a couple of beers at a pub. Remember that I don't enjoy drinking. But I had to give him company.

To the bad part of the day. It is related to my work at the hospital. Most of the residents working along in my unit are mostly lazy, selfish jerks. Yesterday, when a young patient was shifted to the ICU after a complication, the residents were supposed to take turns monitoring him. And as I expected, no one turned up. I felt so bad about it that I visited the ICU when I got some free time as J was getting freshened up at home. At the ICU, the Anaesthetists in charge of the ICU fired me and said that some resident should be there with the patient always. I said that I can't come until midnight because of personal reasons (meeting with J). He thought that I was lying; making an alibi for not wanting to montior.

Anyway, I went just after midnight and did the monitoring. I couldn't sleep at all and now I'm typing this at 11 AM in the morning, just after returning back from the hospital after a creepy resident relieved me. Even worser was when the rest of the residents put today's turns like this; three residents have 4 hour duties in the morning. And I, the non-working voluntary trainee who doesn't even need to take duties at all, got a no-shut-eye 12 hour night shift. And when I asked back if this was fair, the reply came; 'Fair, what fair? What do you mean?'

Things can't be more depressing. No, you are wrong. They can be. Just to highlight the fact that I get forgotten way too much; I helped an Anaesthetic resident to do a procedure on the same patient yesterday morning. Had to spend about half an hour with him. When I returned in the evening, and asked the same resident, he just shooed me away thinking that that I was a by-stander to the patient and not a member of staff.

Aziz's Blog

Rarities are always worth spedning some time on reflecting on their magnificience. That is why this second post for today exists. An India based blog has been listed on blogger. Check it out as it is quite interesting to read.

Aziz's blog

At the theatre

There are persons to whom you are not supposed to be sexually attracted to. Those include family members, relatives, professional acquaintances etc. For me, the list is still longer. Add to it Dads of friends, patients and their relatives/friends. At some point in my life, I've been sexually attracted to persons from all of these groups. I'm trying my best to get hold on this trend and I think I'm doing well.

But I'm really not sure about professional acquaintances. I think they should be cancelled out of the list. I have seen a lot of persons pairing up after running into each other at work. It sure sounds quite normal. For me, the picture is slightly different. I get attracted to professors. I know I shouldn't be having feelings for them, however attractive they might seem. But it is so hard.

Yesterday, being in the aroused state of hyposomnia, I was called upon to assist a surgery at the hospital on an emergent basis. Our little team of three was led by a 40 odd year old plastic surgeon. He had a cute face and a nice body. He was funny and was easy to get along wtih. Of course he is very skilled and informed. In summary; totally hot!

I was thinking about him all through out the surgery. I was so interested that I forgot the strain of having to elevate a bulky leg for about 40 minutes in a stretch. Even though I was profusely sweating, but didn't feel tired.

The sad part is that I'm almost sure he is married and straight. It was more or less confirmed by his heterosexist joke about physical contact between myself and the nurse. Whew, how I wish that one day, one of these professors would come and ask me out!

A different aphrodisiac

This has got to be weird. Honestly. I have this problem getting erect while trying to stay awake after a period of sleep deprivation. I started having this when I was an intern. When I had to stay awake all night, I would have a raging erection at around 5 AM. I always tuck my shirt in and therefore, it is quite obvious to everyone who is keenly observant. I have to walk in peculiar postures to try and conceal this predicament.

This should be embarassing to anyone. Especially to me because usually there are no hot older men walking around then and my erection would seem like a display of attraction to other categories of human beings.

Till recently, I never told this to anyone. The other day, when I discussed this with Chuck, he was very surprised. Even Ray doesn't have such a problem. This has really raised the question inside myself. I'm really interested to know if someone else has the same problem.

The reason why I am talking about this is because today evening, after I returned home from the library, after a futile attempt at mastering surgical skills for fractures, I had an erection on. I hadn't slept more than 3 hours in the last 36 hours. And I thought I could make use of it by jacking off watching some older men porn.

At the Library

Today, I got into our college library after about 3 years. It felt wonderful to be back inside the place where I used to spend a lot of hours in my undergrad days. But I had to go through a lot of shit to get in. To get inside the library, you needed a college ID card. I was denied of one because I was doing Voluntary training. Without and ID you had to get an external membership after paying extra charges. That is not the actual catch. With external membership, you cannot use the library after 4 pm in the afternoon. Of course, I can't accept that. So I had to meet the Principal and a couple of professors in charge of the library. Hopefully, I can get the confusion sorted out by tomorrow.

Ray and Mr. Lion met again and had sex today. Ray was really ecstatic about this when I met him in the evening. I couldn't get Mr. Lion's reaction to this. I am sure he would have enjoyed this as much as Ray did. The coolest thing is that I am not even feeling bad about missing out. I guess, I can wait even longer for more action.

In the night, after a sudden surge of inspiration, I re-recorded 'Living Your Dream' again. This time, I did it with a capo on the 3rd fret. I was amazed to listen to the result. This really looks like a listenable song. I really wish I had written something better. Maybe I should re-write the song. I don't know if that is technically correct ie. compose a song and then re-write the lyrics.

Two days after, guys.

Busy days

I’m totally enjoying my re-entry to professional life. But, that means that I’m getting very little time to stuff like blogging. I guess that this would mean that my blogs will get more concise and therefore, more readable. Fine.

I have started on a new song called ‘Living your dream’. I thought the lyrics sucked. Try the poem at the bottom of this post. I have the basic melody and the chord progression and I recorded a demo a couple of days back. It sounds okay. I hope I’ll do much more with this song than previously. Usually, I end up making a melody and recording a demo, stop there and start working on another song. That means that very little time gets invested on improving the song. Sort of lazy, isn’t it?

I had a disappointing time watching ‘Van Helsing’. Screenplay was drab, acting was average, animation poor and the movie was very, very predictable. I hope ‘Troy’ gets released here soon.

I read a couple of books by ‘Ben Elton’ in the last month or so. I think I’m getting very interested in fiction of the comedy/satire genre. I’m going to try P. G. Wodehouse again.

‘Living Your Dream’

[modified on 14/08/04]

After what seemed like eternity

I redeemed some dignity

Head held high, beaming face

I saved myself from more disgrace

If you want to know why

A few years back, I recall

On a rainy night in fall

I discovered a hidden charm (which)

Saved myself from more harm

I wanna tell you why

I won't get paid for this

But it's something I can't miss

I want to run and scream

Nothing like living your dream

It was a busy day

I missed a movie today

A routine With my best mate

And more of this I can take

If you want to know Why

Because Now, I have realized

A dream, from the day I cried

And it gives me what I need

Without which I would bleed

I wanna tell you why

I won't get paid for this

But it's something I can't miss

I want to run and scream

Nothing like living your dream

A Yamaha guitar

Yesterday was my first 24 hour duty at the hospital. A good one actually. Not too busy. Got a nice sleep in the night as well. Got time in the morning to come home and clean up and be at the hospital in time for rounds.

Yesterday, when I was eating at a restaurant close to the hospital, I ran into the bystander of a patient. This patient is a 'hot' older man. The bystander was not as 'hot' but was very well behaved. I greeted him and asked him about some lab results. Nothing serious, just small talke kind of stuff. Today, while leaving the patient after checking him, the bystander said a 'Thank you sir.' I felt honored. I felt wanted. It was a great feeling.

I have got a Yamaha acoustic guitar, courtesy my friend. The strings are very old and need to be changed. Other than that it sounds great. I'm looking forward to changing the strings and playing it. Maybe I will try writing something tomorrow.

Back in the hospital

I’m very glad to inform you that I’m very happy about starting to work after more than 2 years out. I’m feeling great about it because everything was great about today. The team with which I will work in the future were warm and friendly. I got over my initial anxiety and nervousness in under an hour and was very comfortable doing those routine things. Talking with patients, discussing clinical problems, listening to little lectures, sharing a joke with a fellow doc; it was all so much fun. Yes, I’m back as a doc.

Why am I feeling so happy? Maybe it is because I have removed the possibility of another perfect stranger asking me what I’m doing nowadays and I having to reply to it with ‘… uh … duh … basically, nothing!’. Maybe it is because I have started on living my dream of becoming a successful Orthopedician. Maybe it is because, every day, I can go from my home where I’m considered an outlaw, to a place where someone would smile at me and give me some respect. Maybe it is because of the fact that I can get to see a lot of cute older men in all ages, sizes and shapes in the hospital. Don’t worry. I saw a couple of ‘woofables’ today (as patients) but was under total control of myself.

I guess, I should put this good mood to use and re-start song-writing!

But, things can never be so perfect for anyone. Not even me. On the downside, I’m having

• a toothache because of one of the extracted teeth


• a lot of silly arguments and fights with my parents in the past two days


• getting used to my altered diet after my braces have come on

The funny thing about the problems with my parents is that, even though I realize what is going wrong, I don’t feel like doing too much about it. I can’t explain it why, but it is so.

Oh, there was this one thing that brought me a wonderful smile in the morning. There was a photo of one of the tiger-cubs in the zoo being bottle fed by the zoo vet; the guy who I was discussing about things the other day when I went to visit the zoo with Mr. Lion. First of all I felt happy. Then I started feeling jealous. I hope I can coaxe Mr. Lion to try getting me closer to tiger-cubs soon.

Happy Friendship day!

First of all, I never meant it to be this bland, a happy friendship day to all of you those who come and spend their precious time reading my blog and commenting on it. You have made my life richer by doing so and I'm very grateful for that.

Now, having that load off my chest, I can write on some grave issues. Grave issues from my personal POV (Point of View for those who don't follow such wicked acronym's). The last few days, I have not been finding enough time to blog! Whoa whoa, stop it right there? What am I saying? Yes, it is true. It is a fact. I'm not getting enough time to blog, to read and reply to e-mails etc. The reason for that is that I am starting work on Monday, August 2nd.

It has been over 2 years since I have been to a hospital. Lots of stuff I had to do to get everything just right as I start work. I had to get my wardrobe back up and running, especially the formals section. I had to get my lab coat, theatre-dress (scrubs) cleaned. Tomorrow, I have to iron a truck load of stuff while watching the Asia Cup final between India and Sri Lanka. My scooter needed service. The list of chores could go on and on...

Besides, I have been spending a lot of time at the dentist's. Oh! I haven't told you yet, have I? I have finally got braces on. It is not as uncomfortable as some of my friends suggested mainly due to the fact that traction using rubber bands has not been applied on mine yet. And because they are ceramic braces, they look great. For that, I have had to subject myself to a couple of tooth extractions. Both were relatively pleasant extractions. But the second one has given me a long, thin, crevice in my mouth which lodges food residues which accumulate, putrefy and impart a nice little toothache/headache.

This has been quite a problem for me over the last couple of days. So much so, that I have had to use analgesics (painkillers) for the purpose. Well the pain is sort of dull, vague, depressing type and handicaps me in almost everything. Besides, I have have horrid time eating because it is hard to chew with braces on. And once you have eaten, you actually feel like a rhinoceros in a stenchy pool of dirt because just about everything you have eaten seems to have stagnated in your mouth.

That is not all. It is better for me to not have tea/coffee or any colored/stainable beverage because they can stain these ceramic braces. You have got to admit, what is the point in having these expensive ceramic braces if they get dicolored?

Having read all this, you might be worndering if I'm feeling bad about putting on braces. It must be obvious, right? But it isn't. I'm feeling okay. One of my friends pointed out a few years back: 'Kris, you have a wonderful face. But you need to get your teeth sorted out to let the beauty through!' I guess, all this trouble is worth taking if I'm going to get a wonderful smile in under 2 years time. After all, I'm going to be on the hunt to seduce the hottest men on the planet. And for that I need to be physically endowed.