Brilliante Weblog Award - winner

My conscious, conscience-forsaking bragging paid off. I have received the Brilliant Weblog award. Thank you ladies, gentlemen and the sexually-challenged. I know that my design is nothing to write homo about, but at least somebody identified with my misplaced sense of humor. Unsungpsalm, I'm truly honored!

I have to thank Chandni - for giving the award to UnsungPsalm in the first place, and UnsungPasalm - for co-conspirating with Chandni for giving me the award. I'm not going to give it back to those guys who have already got it so as to keep this chain moving on.

Ze Award

I'm no wiz on any design, but I too would like this stamp to be made better. More importantly though, the purpose of the prize is to promote as many blogs as possible in the blogosphere. Here are the rules to follow:
  1. When you recieve the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back.
  2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.
  3. Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘Brilliant Weblog’
  4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize (optional).
  5. And then we pass it on!
I choose to pass it on (in the order of appearance in Kris' blogging world)

Rat-a-hatee

You know that you aren't doing well if...
  • You spend more per day to 'feed' your rats (rat-kill) than to feed you.
  • Your apartment smells worser than a public urinal.
  • The urine is that of a rat.
  • The faeces of the rat(s) adorn your apartment like pattern on mosaic
  • You have to spend the entire day at home for want of better things to do.
Folks, please forgive me for being a tad depressive. I know I have a lot to post about. The 'Brilliant Blog award', the Queer Azaadi pride parade and the Gig. But I am not in a state of mind affairs to do such creative things. Hence, I'm taking a recess. I'll be back in a day's time (I hope).

The gig - report

The day at the gig didn’t start out very well as I had the problem is setting the mix right on my monitor speakers really. I thought I wanted the basic mix loud (the drums, rhythm guitar and lead vocals) on my monitors, but I wasn’t able to get that. It might have been my fault but I could have gotten off better without accusations that I was not doing my job properly. In my defense, I thought I was doing what I had been doing at previous gigs. It just didn’t work out I guess.

As I came back from the pride march, I wasn’t sure of the reaction that I would get from my fellow band members. Well, as always S. did manage to act homophobic and mean which didn’t help. I wanted the band to wear some of the stuff that I had got from the pride march. I think it was too much of an ask really, but anyway I was disappointed to find that they didn’t think it was important to push the message across. What could be a better stage than the day of the march at a college gig when you are with rainbow hats and masks? Yeah, in a parallel universe perhaps.

I am very glad that Dr. T., and a gay friend of mine (a DJ) came as my guest invitees. The DJ though managed to make me feel weirder by giving this lecture about why we shouldn’t have signed on to a label. He apparently thinks that they label thing restricts our freedom to choose what we want to play, where we want to play and when we want to play. He also thought that we shouldn’t charge as much as we do citing the example that he himself was not getting ¼th of what we normally charge for a gig. Well, whatever.

The bands which opened for us were two ends of the spectrum. The band called ‘Wehem’ were very unprofessional in their mix and performance. Their English was heavily mock-accented and the songs that they chose to cover were a tad on the sillier side. But despite that, the crowd were on their feet cheering and dancing. Fair, you could say. But come on, you have to be demented to appreciate mediocre music.

On the other hand, Prayag, our friends from Mumbai were simply brilliant. Everything about them sounded just right. They played brilliant cover songs and executed them professionally. Their original songs were even better. While being backstage getting ourselves warmed up, I felt good listening to them play. I thought maybe we would also sound good.

When we took stage after a fire-dancing performance, I was all excited and high. But the turn-out was disappointing. We had expected about 500 plus but there were hardly 200. For some reason or the other, our singer took some time to get into stage. I did my best to get the crowd active by cheering them on. But that didn’t really work out.

We started off brilliantly with our first single (hopefully). The band seemed in place and we played well. But from then on, at least my performance, flagged. I made mistakes and was not feeling all that great. I don’t know exactly why. The most prominent reason was the mix that I was getting. But I was also kinda tired with the lack of sleep, good food and the exertion in the morning and afternoon. And hence, I really didn’t give too much of a stage act.

The only thing that did help was the rainbow hat which I chose to wear in the latter half of the show. It apparently looked good and was very well accepted by the crowd. Our singer was a little off-color for the show and he forgot to mention the hat and the reason for me wearing it. We also fumbled and chose not to play one of our best songs. We actually managed to get only half the amount of time that we were promised and hence, we were a little shaken because of that I guess.
The crowd was weird. They were dancing in a weird way to our songs. And they protested against playing our favorite songs. This was one of the points that I was arguing against in our band meetings. But I was proven wrong. I guess we’ll have to resign to the reality that no-body really cares for music and all of the audience would only want to jump up and down to a fast beat.

Post-gig, I was bluesy. Some of our friends stripped down our performance and gave wonderful critiques. I’m very thankful for them. We had to hang out at the college until they managed to arrange transportation for us. That made me feel even worse. All I wanted was to come home and spend time with Vinokur. Instead I had to hang out with friends who were having a great time joking about. No offense to them really, I was not in a mood despite having come out to them during the process.

I learnt a lot from this experience. First of all, I learnt to eat and sleep well before performances. I have learnt the lesson to make sure that I get the mix right at my monitors. I have to get my new bass guitar adjusted so as playing is easier for me. We also have to figure out a way to get the entire band interacting with the crowd. One man show simply doesn’t work.

Anyway, the grim reality haunts me. 3 months into the contract, the record label has not paid us. They seem to be lackadaisical in everything that they seem to be doing. Besides, I’m not really having a great time with the band these days. I’m not so sure about this being the primary career path anymore. I badly want it to be though.

The Queer Azadi pride - a report

The day had begun well despite me not getting enough sleep overnight. I was with Vinokur very late, you know. I had a very long day. First it was the sound-check at the NM College before the gig. I was very thankful about the fact that for the first time in about 6 months, we got help for transportation of our instruments. The festival organizers were gracious enough to send us a couple of cars so that the actual lugging of instruments was reduced to a minimum. The actual sound-check didn’t go all that great. Again, some professional mishaps from my end, as I was convinced by my fellow band members.

Feeling disappointed but hopeful that the parade will cheer me up, I headed home at the strike of noon. I knew I was going to be late. I had to shower, dress and go half the way across Mumbai on a hot and humid afternoon. I tried calling a couple of friends to see if they were passing by my apartment. But everyone was already half-way to the destination. After my shower, I decided on wearing the one of the new tees that I had purchased for the events of the day. That went along with a pair of Levi’s L 531 jeans which reall y are discardable.

Thankfully, I was able to get to the station rather quickly. I carefully surveyed the stations for groups which might be going to the parade. I couldn’t find any although I did see a disparately high proportion of well dressed women on the platform. As always, Mumbai’s suburban trains were brilliant and I managed to reach the destination about 10 minutes before the starting time for assembly. I had to walk from the station to the August Kranti Maidan as I was not able to coaxe cabbies to drop me; I suspected sexual discrimination before I realized that the distance was rather miniscule.

I saw a bunch of media trucks in a row with reporters with cameras and microphones standing anxiously at the gates. Inside the maidan, I was surprised to find a lot of people and most of them seemed to have forgotten to dress. My judgement was proven wrong when I found that more than half of them were assembled there for something else going on in one of the two vacant spaces separated by a walk-way. On our side of the ground, I see a group of transgenders getting ready with make up dresses, facial paints etc.

The one thing which attracted me most was the rainbow-hat that I saw a few wearing. I wanted to get one and as I searched for some familiar faces, I was able to locate its source. I chit-chatted with a group of women who appeared to be straight before buying the hat from one of them. It costed me a mere 100 Rs. The women were pleasantly surprised (or so they seemed) to find a regular straight-looking guy with beard et al was sporty enough to buy a hat.

As soon as I wore the hat, things seemed to change for the better. I found a lot of my GB friends walking in with some of them wearing gorgeous outfits. A few minutes later, I was requested by Nitin and Vikram Doctor to give interviews to the media channels. Apparently, I was a good candidate and I was the only Mallu amongst the group. I wasn’t sure of this really. I was surprised to see myself standing next to Nitin whilst he gave a press interview in Hindi to a group of cameras and reporters of almost all the major Hindi news channels. Thankfully I was not asked to open my mouth. I just kept on smiling into the camera.

There were masks, flags, stickers and t-shirts (the only things which were way too expensive for me). I got all of them and decorated myself. By 2.30 in the afternoon, the group had grown to a sizeable crowd. The spokespersons of the various groups and alliances started giving speeches to the crowd. Lakshmi and Celina Jailed took all the attention of the media as you would expect.

Soon, we all set for the march. The group must have been over 500 by then. I chose a wonderful friend of mine as my date for the march. We held hands almost for the entirety of the march. I was holding a poster of the rainbow-torch almost throughout the march. We chanted slogans, sang rather frivolous parodies of bollywood hits and enjoyed the entire march.

In between though, I gave interviews to a couple of newspapers (TOI, Today group and a gujarati newspaper) and a Malayalam TV channel (Manorama). It was a hard decision to make initially. But I decided that it was time to be brave and to come out to the media. The questions were clichéd and apparently no one seemed to believe that I was gay (strange!). They also worked at the doctor angle and the partnership/marriage angle. The weirdest part of the entire thing was this feeling that my Dad and Mom would call me to ask me ‘Why didn’t you tell us first before announcing it on national television?’

The march ended at the Chowpatty where we hung out for half an hour or so. Some of the group with more limber bodies even danced to drumbeats. At 4.30, the police asked us to disperse. And I had to get back to the college for the gig. Hence, I walked with a few friends of mine to the station.

I got a lot of strange looks from people for my hat and the banners that I was carrying. But it really felt liberating to sit in a crowded Borivili local in the evening with splatter of colors. The public didn’t give me the smirk or the rude comment. Yes, Mumbai is growing up.

To end my little mal-written report, I would like to say that I was not really happy with the entire thing. It looked more like a circus rather than an human-rights march. And the media, well they really want just to sensationalize issues. They probably are not really looking to help us by covering this march.

The aftermath

I don't know why I'm typing this now. My head hangs in disappointment after an average performance at the gig. My arms ache from all the lugging of the equipment for the gig. My fingers are sore with all the excessive plucking of the strings. My heart is proud but wary of the consequences of my 'coming out' on press and television. My stomach feels a tad empty because I'm lazy to make/order/eat anything (substantial). My legs are tired of walking for the pride march.

Tonight would have been ideal for me and Vinokur to be spending a few quiet hours together, in each others arms: him running his fingers through my hair, gently massaging my scalp as I caress him and snuggle my nose into his furry chest. This is the day that I miss him. I love you my Vinokur!

Two polls - the results

I thought it would be a wise idea to record the results of a couple of posts before I take them off the side bar. Here!
Should I indulge in less criticism?
  • No way, you should do more! - 4 (33%)
  • You are perfect, keep it up! - 7 (58%)
  • Maybe, it could hurt you later on! - 0 (0%)
  • Obviously, you are crazy not to have realized it earlier! - 1 (8%)
Well, I am surprised at the result of this poll really, but in a pleasnt way. I will keep the snide in me alive then!
Should I merge my private and public lives/blogs?
  • Yes - 7 (63%)
  • No - 3 (27%)
  • Don't know - 1 (9%)
Again a little surprised. The good thing is that I'm already doing it in phased manner.

Tomorrow's gig

FYI, Noise Market is headlining at NM College's Umang 2008 tomorrow night. The details are given here. The band has been given about 10 - 15 guest invites and there are a few left now. I am in a fix. I can't invite people from the hospital because there are just too many people. I could have invited my gay friends but most of them are busy attending the Queer Azaadi march in the afternoon and after that, the GB party in the night.

I tried inviting a few people from my real life (Parry, Sandy etc.). But no one is free. Dr. T is the only friend of mine who has agreed to come (along with a colleague of hers). Ergo, I could still get a couple of people in. I never imagined that I'd be doing this, but here I am ... Anyone interested?

If anyone happens to be, I would need to know that by tomorrow morning 9 am. So, hurry up.

Dreams from a weirdo mind/brain - part 2

I'll continue (read part 1) my series on dreams on this fine Independence Day morning. I must thank Vinokur for making me do this. He thinks recording dreams is one of the coolest things to do. This one is about about hydrophobia (or maybe aquaphobia as this Wiki article suggests). Not the kind that is associated with rabid dogs (or men for that matter).
The dark, menacing clouds were looming high over my head. It had been raining all throughout yesterday and today. The whole town was flooding. I knew I had to escape this. As I was pacing through the dirt-path, I remembered that I needed to cross the river; the angry, violent force of water. Across it lay the land of peace, happiness and freedom.

Soon, I’m greeted by the haunting sound of water. I knew that it was near, it was the test of my life. And I saw it! The wide, brooding body of water which had turned into a wild monster after all the torrential downfall. I was scared of reaching near enough to take a closer look at it. I ran for a mile or two along its side. It only got more threatening.

Then I saw it. The rope bridge strung across the couple of miles of madness was swaying in the wind. I walked slowly towards my destiny. I had to be strong. I had to prove myself. Soon I found myself walking on the rope bridge clinging to my life. I tried hard to not look down. The river seemed to have widened to the dimension of a lake but retains its ferocity. I wished if things were not so tough in my life.
Wondering what this is all about? Well, during my childhood, a traumatic one at that, my weekends were more painful. Incredible for a kid who goes to school, right? I'm not talking about you brats who enjoyed a memorable growing-up-time with a warm household to spend it in!

My mother had her share of problems with her in-laws to the extent that she had to go over to her folks place and spend the weekend there in order to 'enjoy' it. She used to take me and my sister along without even passing a thought if our lives were getting affected. I had to miss all of my regular friends who listened to music (yes, I used to listen to music when I was a kid!), played cricket and hung out with.

I was stranded at this godforsaken, conservative part of town with kids who liked chanting hymns to reading comics. No friends and extremely boring. My giant, forgettable grandfather and the dysfunctional conversations that my Mom used to have with her folks used to scare me (they still haunt me). I used to try in every way to get away from all this to find something better to do.

Strangely enough, I chose something that I was scared of. Right next to this place was the biggest river in Thiruvananthapuram (Karamana river - Wiki, Map). I would go sit by the river, throw stones at it etc, despite my phobia. The 'good' part of the town lay across the river and I always wished if I could cross over and be with my friends and be happy.


Apart from this, I remember that I was stranded in a boat in the middle of the Thekkady lake during a vacation trip. The light was dimming and there was the risk of not being rescued. I really thought that I would find myself in the obituary section of the newspaper the headline of which would be 'School kids drown in the lake'.


Coming back to life - I still have problems with large bodies of water. And I can't still swim. I have real problem in bathing on streams/waterfalls etc. And I don't even know how I will feel on a cruise ship.

(Image courtesy 1 - SkyScraperCity.com , 2 - Keralamist)

Are you a male or a female

I was about to go hit the sack, when I jittered on to this cool web application through this blog. It tells you the odds of being a male or a female based on your browser cache. Pretty cool, ain't it?

My results were kinda revealing.
Likelihood of Kris being FEMALE is 60%
Likelihood of Kris being MALE is 40%
Okay, okay. It shows that I am a fag!

You can check your probabilities out here. (This works tardily on IE. Better jump to Firefox/Opera)

Interesting blogs and more

I have been doing a lot of blog-hopping and I stumbled on to a few interesting posts I would like my readers to take a look at.
  • Joel Derfner: This blog is what inspired me to start blogging in the first place as is evident here. His latest post is so ironically true.
  • Aamir Khan: I like the way he writes and stuff. The design is also neat. But, can you believe that he wants us to log on to his website with username and password to post in a comment? Do you agree to this shoddy stand?
  • Amitabh Bacchan: This latest post about one of his fans complaining (bitching really) about him and his team of 'stars' not fulfilling 'promises' is very interesting. And you can see how the Big B annoys even his fans by using uppercase for a couple of lines. Curiously enough, my comment criticising this has not been published on the page!
  • Jabberwock: You should read this post about the reaction from the Indian public to Bindra's gold. Remember the TOI comments about the repeal for section 377. This is even worse!
  • Miscellaneous blogs: Very interesting posts about straight relationships
Believe it or not folks, I have got a couple of offers from other sites/blogs to write there. I really don't have a friggin' clue as to why people would want me on SiliconIndia.com or Mutiny.in. Especially in the former as I may find CEOs of tech corportations like Intel reading my posts about why the Greek soccer team should be awarded gold in the Olympics just because of their sex appeal.

So, do all of the 8* readers approve of this significant step for the GayKind?

(*as assessed on the 14th of August. Miss Quested's extensive commenting gave her/him/it a status of 1.78 readers which was rounded up to 2 in the final standings.)

Sweetness from New York

For those of you who don't know me well enough, this might not be boring. And the rest, well, you will just have to act cool and pretend that you enjoyed this.

Since I and Vinokur fell in love a year or so back, we wanted to meet each other badly. Fair, anyone would say. Even animals would want to do that. [But, do animals fall in love?] We made our initial plans to meet up for our common birthday which falls in early November. But that did not work out and the visit was postponed to late February this year. Since I'm a brown, Indian boy with a beard but without savings in the bank (read 'no VISA'), we decided that he would fly down to Mumbai first and live happily ever after with me.

For that we had a masterplan; new apartment with the faintest tinge of luxury etc. But because of his extensive back-ground of health problems, the three week stay in India was far from memorable. It included hospital admissions and resulted in an extensive period of amnesia. These days, during our conversations, I periodically check if he has started getting back those memories. Yesterday, I asked him which was his most memorable moment during this visit.

He said 'The first time we kissed each other at the apartment.'

As you would expect me to, I asked him to elaborate his version.

He said 'I kissed you passionately!'

I was shocked. I wanted more background, more build up and attention of minor details like the lighting, smell etc. I asked if he could be more descriptive, like a writer. What he said in response startled me. And it made me laugh hard.

'My lips met yours. Mine were below my nose and yours were below your nose.'

This is the kind of humor that he has. It's hard to get I know. But still, what can you do to such a guy but love him!

Engayging Life has moved to WordPress

Engayging Life has fully moved to WordPress

Yes, I am alive and I'm still blogging. Regularly. But on WordPress because offers an easier workflow for me. Here is a selection of wh...