Jan 31, 2005

Purchasing a new camera for Chuck

Now that I’m back from the wedding which presented me with a lot of problems, I want to present Chuck with a good digital camera. I want to buy him something which is much better than the one I lost for him. I guess my intention was to get him to appreciate my generosity and thoughtfulness.



I had a two major options. One was to purchase a decent quality camera from the white market. That would be easy and safe. The other option was to buy one from the grey market. It was riskier, but I could go for much better cameras in the same budget.



I don’t know if by luck or not, I happened to get in touch with a friend of mine who knew someone who knew a lot about making great purchases at the grey market. I decided to go for it. I bought a cool looking Nikon Coolpix 3200.



The feature list impressive. The shopowner had high opinions. I had high hopes.



But during the first two hours with the camera itself, I had a lot of trouble taking photographs in dark light situations. I feared the worst. I fear that my judgment was bad. Mainly because of the fact that A.’s camera, a Canon Powershot A400 was taking great photos in the same situation and that the same camera was available in slightly higher price range in the white market.



I think I’ve messed up again. And I wanted to so badly impress Chuck.

Jan 30, 2005

Straight version of the gay story

During the bus trip, I did something really devilish; something moronic at the same time. I was totally getting bored as the conversations intended to be pleasant were turning into hurtful arguments and critical reviews. That included Tsunami relief pros and cons.



I happened to mention something about the press conference. As the conversation progressed, I explained about some of the points raised by journalists and also some statements issued from our side. Some of those were about the inefficiency of the Government in bringing relief, grossly unethical medical practices in our neighboring state and the corruption in the government framework.



A couple of argumentative friends in our group started a thread, something very broad including everything that was happening in the world; bashing everyone – the Government, Tsunami Relief NGOs, hospitals, patients, relatives, politicians, journalists the rest of the people in the wedding party – except themselves. Of course, I got totally pissed.



At the same time as this was happening in the last row of seats in the bus, Ray and A., who are the best guys to hang out with in the group, were secluded three rows ahead. I wanted to badly run away from this all and talk with Ray. I couldn’t do that as there were no seats vacant near them.



I spotted a couple of my colleagues/friends were in the row just in front and were not involved in the discussion. Quietly I moved beside them and started conversing about how to be successful in sex life.



And as our discussion proceeded, I presented the straight version of my gay story. That included my voyeurism, involvement in extramarital relationships, planned promiscuity, mailing groups etc. I exaggerated a little bit. But they fell for it.



I don’t know if I should have done that. Why? Because if they come to know that I’m gay, that might make them realize that my intentions to work in the hospital are mainly attributed to fact that I have a crush on my chief.

On Chuck's wedding day

I am glad that I got to share a room with Ray for Chuck’s wedding. I was feeling very down and it had been a long time since I opened out to Ray. I did just that taking about 2 hours while watching Scary Movie part 3. The movie was hilarious. That is why I didn’t feel quite as a bad at the time I was explaining about the problems with Chuck that I was having.



I was so relieved after. As anytime, Ray had plenty of sound suggestions. One of them was to decrease my interactions with Chuck for sometime until things cool down. I thought I’ll try that.



During the wedding, I tried to keep a low profile. Somehow, keeping a low profile and showing resentment towards the deal that Chuck was giving me means keeping out of group photographs. I did that my making myself busy by taking photos of everyone.



I’m wickedly insane.

Jan 29, 2005

Problems with Chuck

You know something that’s really pissing me off? Chuck has this habit of pulling my legs. He continually alleges that I’m a careless guy. It started off somewhere around the time when I discontinued going for jogging with him. Now, there have been a few instances where I mess up things. And those times, he just pulls my leg. About a week back, I purchased a couple of Hindustani instrumental CDs intended to be played during his wedding reception via my sister who was visiting me.



On that topic, I should clarify a lot of things.


  • I consider that all Hindustani musicians are tremendously hot. They are old, they are distinguished and they are sexy in appearance.
  • I consider the Santoor and Flute as the sexiest instruments.
  • I could give head to Pandit Hariprasad Chaurasia any time of the day.


Actually, it was Chuck’s idea to get a Hindustani classical instrumental CD for the purpose. Someone had suggested Jal Tarang as the best option. I, being the audiophile that I claim to be, suggested the Santoor because of the fact that I think it is more sexy and apt for the occasion. My sister one CD each of Jal Tarang and Santoor when she came.



Being a good friend, I thought I will play them and check if they are good. One of them, a Santoor recital in Fm was skipping on my Sony Hi-Fi. Two bad things to note here. One, an easy one for the music connoisseur, is that the key (Fm) is not exactly suitable for pleasant occasion such as a marriage reception. Despite that fact, the CD, when it was playing properly, was so sexy sounding. Therefore, I had to make it play somehow.



Immediately, I decided to inform Chuck. I explained that the CD might very well play on his CD player and on some more advanced CD players. I also promised him that I would try to burn it on my computer so that some recording error that might have been there might be resolved. To do just that, I put the CD on the CD tray on my puter and tried playing it. No problems there. I was relieved.



Later on that evening, I had to go out with my sister. I happened to go via Chuck’s place. I took the CDs along with me. Or so I thought. I had forgotten the CD on my puter and just took the case instead. When I visited his home, Chuck had gone out. I gave the CD cases to his folks. In the night, when Chuck realized this, he called me up and ridiculed me for my stupid deed that day. I felt bad.



Of course, someone can just put aside this matter as if it was insignificant. But I can’t. I couldn’t rather. And since I’m the one getting affected, it was significant.



Similarly, he doesn’t trust me for turning up on time for stuff. I, in general, am good at keeping times. Last year, we had gone for a tour. We had to catch a bus for that. To make sure that I arrived, he informed me that the bus’ starting time was half an hour before the actual starting time. I reached 10 minutes before the time he told me. I waited for 25 minutes at the waiting area and called him. When I asked him where he was, he said he had just started from his home. I was shocked. When he turned up, I asked him if he had intended to lie to me. He said yes but simply shrugged it off.



Cut to today afternoon. Due to the big mess that I was in (with the press conference and all), I was not at home when he had called to confirm plans. He told my mother that he would start by 12.30 pm from his home and asked our group to wait for the bus by 12.45 on the main road. When I came back from the conference, it was 12.10 pm. I asked my Mom and she informed me about Chuck’s phone call.



Since I wanted to badly not mess up things, I made everyone hurry to get ready by 12.30. I thought that since Chuck had called an hour back, he wouldn’t vary his plans. I decided to not call him up because I thought that it is not necessary to unnecessarily bother him.



Take a look at what happened. We waited for about 30 minutes in sweltering heat of the mid afternoon sun before I decided to call Chuck to see if everything is alright. He coolly said that he was about to start from home soon. I know most people would have just bursted out at Chuck had they been in my place. But I couldn’t. I had lost his camera. I wanted his appreciation. I want to get accepted by him. I want to remain chums with him so badly, I have a bias towards him.



Cut to a tea break during our trip – we were enjoying some snacks at a really shitty restaurant. I went up to Chuck and asked him if everything was alright. The same Chuck who was smiling and joking with everyone seemed to turn serious. He said everything was okay. During that conversation somewhere, he said this – ‘Now that you have lost the camera, you don’t have any defense against my claim of your stupidity.’



Of course I felt bad. I don’t know why. Sometimes I feel that I deserve this. Sometimes I feel that I don’t.

Travel in the bus

Two days of total horror pass and we are about to travel to the place where Chuck’s wedding is about to take place. And guess what, I have too many things to do on that very day.



I get up late. I engage in some older men photo viewing sessions. I almost forget about a press conference that I was supposed to attend – a ‘Meet the Press’ programme called by the local press club for interacting with the team which went for Tsunami relief.



After all the trouble I put to impress Chuck once again, this was pointless. Ever since the camera-loss event, Chuck seem to not trust me at all. That denies me chances to impress him. I want him to ask me to do something.



When he finally does that (he wanted me to collect the flowers for his wedding), I have this press conference on my schedule. I wanted to badly attend the conference when Chuck asked me this. But since then, the charm has sort of disappeared. Maybe because Chuck asked me to not mess up organizing the group of people who were also attending the wedding. He had entrusted me with that. The group included 8 friends/colleagues and my Mom and Dad.



The press conference is about two hours before the planned departure. Therefore, I think twice about attending the conference. Why? I don’t want to create a bad impression on Chuck.



I call my friend to tell him that I’m not coming to the conference. Instead of him, his friend answers my call. Before I start explaining, he starts to talk.



’Reach there in 30 minutes. Wait for us there. We are a little busy with something. There has to be someone at the club early. We’ll meet you there. Bye.’



I say ‘Okay.’



That was how easy it was. I had to shave, shower, dress in 30 minutes and reached the venue in the 41st minute since the conversation. There was no one there. I waited till about 20 more minutes until my friend came. It took further 30 minutes for the conference to start.



The conference was interesting. My first experience of this sort was revealing; as to how one should present points of view to journalists. I enjoyed it. Lots of debatable points. But not worth discussing here.



I rushed back home just in time to have lunch and hurry everyone to the pre-defined place by the local bus stop where the bus which will carry us till the place where Chuck’s wedding is to be held. I hope that the trip won’t be torturing.


How not to break bad news

I can’t figure out how I should have broken the news better. Already, Chuck has indicated twice in a manner that hurt me that I’m weird and I don’t care about such big losses. He thinks that I’m was too cold-hearted to just say this –



‘Hello Chuck. I’m afraid I’ve some bad news for you.’



‘What is it?’



‘I have lost your camera today. It was in the hospital. Someone took it from my bag.’



‘You must be kidding…’



‘No, I’m not. I lost it. I know it is my fault to have not taken it with you to the tables. I’m sorry.’



‘Why did you HAVE to take it to the hospital on your theatre day?’



‘I was just trying to complete the collection of photographs. I’m really sorry Chuck. Anyway, the present problem is that your wedding is around the corner and we need to get a digital camera to take snaps. Can you think of any options?’



And the phone conversation which transpired on that fateful day yesterday carried on for about another minute or so. But the line which irritated him most, the one which I was most proud of having delivered, is the one with ‘… the present problem’.



And I thought I was awesome in handling the situation. I’m deranged.

Jan 28, 2005

Lament

I’m depressed. Chuck is not talking to me. I want to apologize to him in person. But he doesn’t seem to have the time. He appears to be pleasant with everyone else except me. I think that he hates me now.



Maybe I’m envious of his former best-friend; someone who was in his gang of friends from childhood. Chuck hangs out with this guy who I will call ‘Appey’. Appey is working in the UK and has taken leave to attend Chuck’s wedding.



He goes with Chuck for shopping, for running errands, hanging out etc. Chuck seems to have time for all that. But when I ask him if he has time to talk with me, he says no. I feel bad. I feel bad about the fact that I’m being a trouble for someone who I really want to impress instead.



Chuck, who entertains everyone eternally, is like a brick wall to me over the phone. What did I do wrong? More importantly, how to set it back to right.



I’m sure I’m about to over-exert myself to insane levels and in that process feel further bad.


Losing a camera

I’m a big bitch. A big clumsy pig-head. I try to help too much. And in that process I dig a huge enough hole to sink my head in and rot in peace. That is how things get screwed up in my life.



I was supposedly trying to build an archive of photographs in our department at the hospital. Whom for? For the benefit of humanity perhaps. For that I needed Chuck’s digital camera. Well, he trusted me with it.



Today morning, I wanted to make sure that all of the photos in my archive are excellent; a few of them were a little blurry. I took the camera from home. I carried it to the OT and kept in my bag in the dressing room. I forgot to take it with to the tables. And I assisted the last case.



That is all what is needed. Someone stole the camera. When I finally found it out, I tried to be super-cool; searched all the places methodically. Even acted like I didn’t care a bit.



But it is lost. ‘Stolen’ is the better word. But because I didn’t take the maximum precautions, ‘lost’ is what is most appropriate for the situation. Some worthless individual who might even be a medical student, has stolen the camera and made me suffer.



This is three days before his wedding. I am screwed.



I call up Chuck and break this news. I think I do such things without much of emotion. He is shocked. I fear the worst in our relationship is yet to come.

Jan 27, 2005

Professor + Dr. S.!

Another usual day at the hospital. I have another wedding to attend; this time my friend’s sister is getting married. I’m not close to this friend even. Why should I bother? You will understand why?



After the grand rounds, during which I’m constantly eyeing my professor, he asks if anyone is accompanying him to a wedding. No one volunteers. Suddenly, I work out the possibilities. I ask him




’Where is the wedding?’




’At the X Club Hall!’




‘What a coincidence, I’m too invited for the same wedding. I’ll come with you.’ Needless to say, everyone is surprised including me and my professor. I explain to everyone that my friend’s sister is getting married. My friend’s mother is the classmate of my professor.



So, we two walk towards the parking lot where hop on to Prof’s car and ride into the city. I have a couple of huge barrels of hope in my chest. First thing I notice is that he has the local FM station on. Now that is what you call hot! I have not seen anyone, and I mean anyone, doing what I consider a must for car travel.



I start a conversation on that. I learn that he loves listening to music through radio. I explain that I’m a radiophile myself. We talk about satellite radio and I learn that he is interested in buying a receiver himself. Doubly hot!



We talk about a lot of things. I carefully highlight his plus points. He is happy. I’m happy that he’s happy. I learn that he is very diplomatic. Very intelligent. Very hot.



Then the conversation stumbles on to my family. I explain that my father is a musician (classical eastern) and an semi-pro astrologer. He is very interested in Astrology; for his daughter’s wedding or so. He asks me if he can consult my father. I say YES! YES! YES! OF COURSE! YES! Okay, that was a bit exaggerative. I actually said ‘Yes, it is fine.’



When we reach the place, I’m awfully impressed with him and I have new hopes of him visiting my place. But there is a big problem. How can I hang out with him without feeling out of place.



We enter the hall and someone greets my professor. I don’t actually see his face but hear an authoritative, commanding, charming voice which turns to me and says




’Do you attend all marriages in the city?’



It was Dr. S! I couldn’t believe my luck when I realized that my professor was a batchmate of Dr. S. Prof was confused as to how we, me and Dr. S., were so familiar with each other. We explained it out. Then we involved in a conversation in which Prof held high opinion about my work ethic and general personality. I and Dr. S. kept pulling each others legs and I must confess that I felt that Prof was a little shaken at the way our conversation was progressing.



Later, I explained to my Prof how I and Dr. S. have gotten this ‘close’. I don’t leave the fact that Dr. S. always insults me in a myriad of ways.



In the process of waiting for the lunch feast, Professor introduces me to many other eminent members of the medical fraternity in the city. A few other hot men are there. But none were hotter than the two I was familiar with.



During this I noticed a flaw in my professor’s general setup. He kept to himself while Dr. S. was spraying charm all over. I guess my Prof was an introvert in the past and now is trying to shake up that attitude.



Just before the lunch, another bombshell was dropped. Dr. S. and his wife were planning to visit my mother after this. (I don’t know if I wrote about the fact that my mother was in a state of mild Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after her chain was snatched while she was enjoying an evening stroll). I was impressed with Dr. S. I felt proud of having a friend whose parents were so kind as to pay a visit to my mother. This is a first time experience for me. Never before did I have such a friend and parents set.



We three had a good lunch. I tried a lot of untried zones in the hitting on process on my professor utilizing my freedom with Dr. S. My professor carefully avoided comments. Something tells me that he is very intelligent.



I tried to pry further during the ride back. The closest I got to was to get my professor to agree to visit my home to consult with my father on astrology. He might have dropped in right then had Dr. S. and wife been not there. Anyway, now that it leaves a thread open, I’m happy.



What a day!

Jan 26, 2005

Dr. S works his charm

Today, I went to attend my friend’s wedding reception. She’s not at all close to me. Yet, I went because I thought I could meet some of my batchmates. I met my friend and namesake (the one who I go with to the zoo, indulge in discussions about tigers, jaguar, leopards etc.) and was talking with him by the side of the stage on which the couple were standing.



I felt someone poking at my thigh. Ignoring it at first, I continued talking with my friend. The poking didn’t stop. I turned back and guess who I saw? Dr. S.! My friend’s dad who has this authoritative persona and who continually stimulates me erotically with insults! Contradictory, oxymoronic even. I know. But it is true.



He and his wife were invited too for the wedding. I spent a precious 10 minutes with him. Enough to stimulate me for a day.



Then I met some other friends of mine. I was euphoric by that time. We were waiting for an opportunity to greet the couple in between a hundred others. I saw my friend (and bride) waving at me and walked forwards beckoning the rest of my gang with me. As I walked in front of the cameras, one of the camera men shouted this at me (this is the translated verision of course)




‘Hey little boy, move aside. Can’t you see the others waiting?’



It must have been the stereotyped dark trousers + light shirt which I was wearing. Maybe my thin frame. Evidence also points to the fact that I’m de-mustachioed.



But the truth is that insults like this are a common reality in my life. I take this in my stride. In fact, I converted it into a joke on myself and made everyone else in my group laugh.



Totally dumbfounded? Blame it on Dr. S. and his charm. May he live long!

Jan 25, 2005

Plans for the coming few weeks

It is about a week after which I will officially discontinue working at the hospital. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do in the 10 odd weeks before I leave to join my course in April end. I guess I’ll give my songwriting instincts one more full blooded go. Along with that I should read a few good books as well. Maybe I’ll keep on attending the academic sessions at the hospital and read some theory along with it. In between this, I have to plan transporting my guitar gear. Don’t forget shopping for the rest of my gear – an mp3 player, a mobile phone and a digital camera.

Jan 24, 2005

Advances with my chief

I guess I’m gaining ground on my chief. Or else how could anyone explained why something like this?



Our team (or unit as we refer to here) was planning to go somewhere for a tour to enjoy a day. It was meant to be a bonding experience; something that should smoothen the working environment. You bet I was looking forward to it. I would get ample try out my ‘charm’ on my chief.



When the finally drew up the plan, which was on a day that I had taken off from work, my chief suggested that I should receive a special send-off part along with the tour. Apparently, I had impressed everyone so much, they thought I deserved it. See how charm works. But I did some hard work as well. Well whatever.



Thanks to my bewilderingly annoying coincidental life, the date would clash with my best-friend’s (Chuck’s) wedding. I was very late to realize this. I felt like I was spitting straight up lying on my back. The real problem was to break this news to my chief and explain that I wouldn’t be able to come for the tour/party.



I managed to do that today after grand rounds when our unit was having a snack-break. Like how Ray suggested, I was careful enough to grab a private moment with my chief. I started out rather apologetically.



‘Sir, I’ve to tell you something. I’m very sorry… sorry to inform you that I won’t be able to make it for the tour…’



Almost shrieking, my chief said ‘What are you talking about Kris? We had been planning that party just for you! And now you are pulling out at the last moment. That can’t be possible. You can’t do that!’



‘Sir, it is my friend’s wedding… in fact, my best-friend’s wedding. And I cannot possibly miss it. If it had been anything else…’



With a big frown, my chief continued ‘What best-friend? Aren’t we best-friends too? Marriages will come and go. But you have to come with us.’



‘Sir, I can’t. You should understand that as it is my best-friend’s wedding.’



‘Well, we can’t help it then. I’ll tell the others.’ Visibly disappointed, he walked away without looking at me.



This is what I make out: My chief is interested in me. Maybe not sexually, but he is still interested.


Jan 23, 2005

I hate parasitic kids

I was chilling today evening. Chilling as in 'Writing songs and recording them.' My friend S with whom I indulge in such chilling sessions had to take a break to go somewhere. And to I went downstairs with him to see him off.



There was this little cousin of mine. He is around 11 years of age. He looks dumb. He acts dumb. He IS dumb. But still, I try to engage in some conversation with him. Things don't work out. He is trying to hit me with a folder hand kerchief while I'm trying to talk to him. I get so pissed, I start walking to and fro.



As if to piss me off further, he starts to follow me. I try walking in all directions. He is there behind me. Like a shadow. Like a tape worm. I get really pissed. I'm very desparate. He starts talking to me. Same old parasitic-sickening-kid-pesky-questions.



I totally lose it. Well, almost. But a flash of brilliance saves me. I dial my neighbor/friend's number. I offer to type him a few questions for a test he is preparing for students.



I say to the kid that I'm going to my friend's place. He asked me where it is as I start to walk away. I say that it is at the other end of the city and continue walking away. 'Why aren't you taking your scooter then?' I just walk faster.



I spent a lovely two hours at my friend's place watching some Dish TV (VH1 to be exact) while typing some pages of matter.

Jan 22, 2005

New men

It's been a long time since I met Mr. Lion. I'm missing him badly. But that doesn't make me feel like arranging for a date because I feel he is more interested in sex than anything else. Arranging a meeting by itself is an arduous task because it is a clandestine affair. If such a meeting doesn't culminate in sex, it is not worth it. And because I don't want to go to cheap hotels for sex, and want to get it done at home (my parents are always home), things aren't working out.



But still I get stimulated by countless other men. Umm, well the exaggeration bit works out if you count the number from pictures I get from th mail groups I subscribe to.



But still, in real life there are two or three men.



One is the ever-present neighbor-gardener who lives behind my house. He is not hot by default. But there is something about the gardening bit he does with just the 'lungie' which gets me excited. Oh by the way, I'm very much a voyeur in this context; he sort of exposes himself while weeding etc. To understand how this could occur, you need to know how a 'lungie' is worn casually in Kerala.




Fishermen in lungies


Why a lungie is a treat for a voyeur



The other guy is a lot more hot. He is one of the guys who I have always had wet dreams because of. He is the husband of a middle aged woman who used to live next door. He has a friendly, cheerful attitude, a full beard which is manicured to perfection and a great body shape. I'll call him Mr. Sun. Ever since I was a kid, we had a healthy relationship; of-the-sort-of-a-frienship.



Today when I was working out at home (mind you, I'm think and almost scrawny. I try to put on some muscle by working out. As in life, things don't always work out the way you wish to) wearing a tiny little shorts. In between, I felt thirsty and went downstairs to get some water. On my way back, I noticed that Mr. Sun was out there wearing a shirt and a 'lungie'. The shirt was worn in a careless attitude and a lot of his chest hair was poking its way through.



He had heard me talking to my mother. And called out my name.


'Kris, how is life?'


'Everything is fine. I'm sorry I can't make my way out as I'm practically wearing nothing'.


And he said to my amazement 'That is exactly what I want... you to wear nothing. After all, that is what you guys make people like me do. We are helpless.'


I couldn't quite believe what I was hearing. I walked out to the porch and met him. 'Wow, that is some comment. I have never thought of it that way.'



'What else do you think should be the correct way. We don't have an option at the clinic/hospital, do we? So we should be able to see doctors like that when we wish.'



Somehow I managed to control the drool that was flowing out of my mouth and I defended my stand 'But we ask for your permssion before that. That is why you come to see us docs. It is an understanding.'



He said 'Whatever, it is just not right. We should have an equal chance.'



Had it not been for my father standing beside him listening to this whole conversation, I would have fellated him on the spot. I wanted to continue the conversation, but later... when I was better dressed, when I could hid my skinny self. I said 'I'll talk to you later. Right now, I need to get clean and get dressed. Bye'.

Jan 21, 2005

Developments with my Professor

Well, things didn't work out to plans with my professor. The other day, when I was complementing on his outfit, he said 'Kris, you shouldn't be commenting about me like this. It is not right.' Just like that. Direct. In your face.



I suspected that he had somehow managed to detect my fascination towards older men. Not by picking up my mannerisms. I think he might have overheard a couple of friends of mine making fun of my liking for senior males.



At least that is what I thought. But since then I've taken advice from Ray. He asked me not to comment in public. He thinks that my prof might still fall for my comments if it is delivered to him directly, privately.



I waited. And finally I tried again. This time in private. He accepted it, and thanked me again. Now that he is back 'within target range', my desire for him has just quadrupled.

Jan 19, 2005

Rottenness of braces

Some of you might remember that I'm on braces. It’s been almost six months since I am on these. And the different is plain and obvious. My smile has just gotten much better. To keep things in proper perspective let me clarify that one of the good things about me was my ‘smile’. So you can imagine how captivating my smile is right now. Those who fantasize me, keep on drooling away!



These days, the orthodontist tightens the brace every month or so. Eating is a rotten experience in the first 3 days after such a tightening. After that, the other end of the metal wire becomes loose and starts to poke out. Sometimes, the occasional tongue or finger gets stuck and is wounded. That is a rotten experience as well.




But the really rotten aspect of wearing braces is that it the one reason why I can't hope to engage in safe oral sex.


Jan 18, 2005

Parker craze

I've been a lame bitch for some time now. It's been what... 2 weeks since I blogged last? But I can substantiate that with this.



I've been doing a lot of sorting/cleaning stuff so that things will be easier for me when I shift to my new hostel/hospital. That took about 3 days solid. I found a lot of missing things. That included a couple of Parker pens. Since then, I've been using my original Parker fountain pen regularly at the hospital. Apart from the fact that it is a nuisance to everyone; because a little drop of water can destroy what you wrote, I still keep doing it. And I love writing with it. My extreme indulgence has made me buy a couple of other Parkers - a regular ball pen and a roller ball pen. Am I not crazy?



This is just one example of eccentricity that kept me from blogging... being the People of the Year as per ABC Networks, USA.

Jan 13, 2005

The Tsunami relief jinx

Something that happened while I was on the relief trip to the Tsunami affected areas is still bugging me. While we were listening to the stories from the victims about their losses, I was not particularly moved. The others who were with me seemed to related more to their sufferings. More like sympathizing. I seemed to be more interested in visulalizing the physical force of such a destructive wave. I would like to think that I was empathizing than sympathizing. After all, that is what they teach you in med school - You should never sympathize with a patient. Instead, empathize.

Jan 12, 2005

Hitting on my professor

Over the past month, I've been messing around with one of my prime fantasies of all time; to seduce a professor. First of all, I've building this plan up from the time I started working. That was about five months. Since joining, I realized that most of the qualities that he seemed to stress on where parts of my persona. My brilliant self thought 'Why not take the chance?'



From my point of view, he's hot. He is 56 and is has a moustache which even though thin, is good looking. He has clean teeth and a little bit of hair in the ears. He is dark and bald. But I don't really stress too much on those qualities. He is just a little overweight, has delicious looking forearms. Hands are always clean and he has four super-large rings in total on both of his hands. His legs are muscular and his feet are as sexy as his hands. He wears a great selection of well fitting shirts and always wears flat front pants. Sometimes he wears them a little too high but that is when I get to see his package. I've seen it a couple of times. Adequate I figure.



He is well mannered, has an impressive vocabulary and is scholarly. He has a great sense of humor and is very interested in pulling legs of everyone around him. He has impressive managerial qualities which are appreciated by almost everyone at the hospital. He is a totally bitchy to those students who don't fit into his scheme of things. This is the reason why he's not popular among students. I can assure you that if you are clever, you can get on with him. I really am amazed by the unawareness of students on skills of hitting on hot sexy older professors.



Now, the one thing really particular about him is his way of leaning against someone when he gets bluesy. He almost hugs and holds on for a lengthy 10 seconds or so when he does this. This is totally weird when you picture it during grand rounds. But hell, if I see an olderman hugging anyone, I get stimulated!



Since I vibe with him in most of our professional and personality aspects, I am a favorite student of his. And I utilize each and every bloody opportunity that comes my way to further this. In the last three months or so, I have been having the freedom to express my thoughts whenever and wherever I wished. Therefore, I have a lot of talking time with him through the daily work routine.



I hope you have a good picture of our relationship before I lead you to our recent encounters.



Two weeks back, he was off from work for a few days as he was touring with his family. On the day he returned, I was the only one accompanying with him in rounds. He was wearing a very hip cotton shirt with bold blue stripes and wearing his trousers riding high revealing his package. I was aroused to say the least.



I was almost lost in my thoughts about him as we walked down a corridor between wards when out of plain nowhere he asked me 'Kris, what do you think about this shirt?' For a brief second I was like a decerebrate animal. Then I responded 'Wonderful! In fact, I was thinking about commenting about that'. 'Oh really!' he said 'My son forced me to buy this. When we went shopping during the tour, they just barged into a shop and ordered shirts for me without even asking my opinion. They made me buy a lot of branded shirts and hip shirts, those which might good look good on people like you. Certainly not on me.' 'You must be kidding', I was almost drenched in my own saliva when I blurted out 'Come on sir, such shirts look great on you.' How I wished I could add '... and sexy oldermen like you' along with that sentence.



The conversation carried on like that for a few minutes. I was harbouring thoughts on trying to bring his high riding trousers into the light. Finally I got my opportunity. In another corridor I started by saying 'Sir, I would like to comment on something else. I think that you wear your pants a little too high. I suggest you lower that and you would look even better'. He was totally surprised. But I could sense the happiness. He replied 'Yeah, my kids too say that I wear it high. But am I not too old to wear good looking clothes? Besides, I can't wear them any lower.' I said 'No sir, they can be a bit lower. Look at me, I'm wearing them low enough.' I felt that my luck was running bloody high when he poked at my tummy with his finger and palpated my umbilicus over my shirt and said 'Yes, you are wearing it properly. But I think my umbilicus is higher. He then made out his own umbilicus and realized that it was not as high as he thought it was. He admitted that he is wearing it high. I suggested that he should make that slight modification in his dressing to improve his looks.



Since that day, every day I would say something good about his shirts etc. He will be almost beaming when I do this.



Today, he was wearing an impeccable light blue Crocodile shirt and a black trousers which fit him so well that he looked like heaven. The pants were worn nice and low. I really couldn't wait to tell him how good I looked. I got my first opportunity when we were having our tea break. I said that his shirt was awesome! He was grinning so wide, I could see his whole set of teeth. He said 'From now on, I've decided that I'm only going to wear branded shirts like these. I'm going to be fashionable'. I couldn't further this thread at that point as there were others in our room.



I was disappointed when I came to know that he had gone to rounds. I was busy with something else and therefore he had taken someone else for the rounds. I felt like kicking myself for not commenting like how I wanted to.



But luck changes drastically! He came back from rounds and started looking at some patients in the Outpatient clinic. I hung around talking about the cases. Actually, I was unable to take my eyes of him. After he disposed of the last patient, he walked into a side room to prescribe something to a lady who's working in the hospital. I waited till he was about to leave.




He turned around and asked me 'Kris, everything is done I guess. I am going home now.'



I said 'Sir, can I share a moment with you. It is something personal.' He didn't understand me at first. But realizing what I said, he walked towards me and took grabbed at my forearm.


I stuttered 'Sir, I just wanted to comment about your dressing once again. I think your pants are wonderfully low today. This is almost perfect. You look excellent!'


He was surprised to find that I had called him to say this. 'You were waiting for me to get free to say this. Oh, thank you!'


With that, he dragged me into a side room and asked me 'Do I look really good?'


'Of course yes. You look wonderful!'


He continued 'I still can't believe that you were waiting for this. That is quite unexpected'


I said 'Sir, I just wanted to complement you because I thought it would make you feel good. I hope you take it that way' '... and have sex with me later on in the evening' I said in my mind.


He took my hand gave me a firm handshake and said 'Thank you. Thanks a lot. Now am I permitted to leave?'


I said, 'Yes sir. Goodbye.'


He went out of the clinic and and I heard him say to another student 'Hey you, you are not good enough.You guys should be like Kris.'


I really don't know if that last comment had a homoerotic element to it. I hope it had. I've promised to myself that I'll carry on with this fantastic lead that I have.

Something keeps me busy

I can't quite put my finger on what's keeping me from blogging. My life is so full of stuff to do these days. So fucken full.



First of all, I must admit that I'm proud to say that I've finally done something worthy enough in the post-Tsunami situation to make me glow so bright that the places I visit can do without interior lighting. Yes. I went for a relief/rescue activity with a team of professionals and others. This happened last week and I spent about 6 days travelling and visiting affected places. Even though it seems too late for such a trip, we managed to help a few hundreds of people.



The photos taken from the places are shocking. You will find a couple at the bottom of this post.



Apart from that, there is are a lot of other stuff like playing a stenographer to almost each and every colleague, writing a new song, going through the enormous volume of mail that I receive, creating a website for the NGO group which sponsored the trip etc.



This is not the whole picture I can assure you. I feel like writing a thousand posts right now. But that will have to wait. Meanwhile, just go through the photos from my trip.




A house which was totally destroyed by the tsunami.



This boat which was docked at the shore was washed about 2 km into land and finally ended up in a paddy field!




Another household shattered.

Dilbert at its best

Jan 2, 2005

Big day

If I didn't tell you guys yet, I bought 4 beauties in the past 2 weeks.




  • An Electric Guitar
  • A Guitar Processor
  • A Guitar amp
  • A Bass amp


Of these, the latter two were sent over courier to my home. The courier company screwed up so much it took about 11 days for it to reach me from another part of the nation which is about 2 hours by flight, 36 hours by train and 48 hours by road from my place.



But it arrived anyway. That was yesterday! I was so damn inspired that I changed an entire living room on the first floor of my home to a mini studio. I was so excited that I made a decent guitar stand (which can hold 4 guitars) from materials found around the house. That is SO unlike me. I mean, I have never been able to 'make' anything like those (made using the teleshopping appliances that you would use in a home workshop) in TV.



Today, I finally got my bass guitar back from my friend S. who had taken it away for a gig. He is still as unreliable as he ever was; the actual date for the supposed return was 21st of December - a good 11 days off!



Eventually, we managed to jam. And everything sounded cool! I'm very happy. And inspired - to write songs that is.



As a start, I've written a very angst-ridden poem. Review it for me, would you? I want to know if it is really shitty or not.




A world full of lies

I could look at your face and
Tell how long I have hated you
And leave you feeling dazed
But that would be too easy on you

I could wipe the dust of the pane and
Show you what what lies inside the
Deceptive shell of trust
But that would be too hard on me

But I can't do anything
To wash out the dirt that's inside
And I can't do anything
I am burning, burning from inside

I could list all of the lies you said
And still be short of breath
But why are we wasting time
On something that was so easy for you

I could have seen through the veil of deception
That you were wearing all through out
But is there a point in all this
if I can't help me cure myself

As I can't do anything
To wash out the dirt that's inside
And I can't do anything
I'm still burning, burning from inside

Jan 1, 2005

The leaning tower of Krissa


This is weird because I look as if I'm about to fall. but still, the guitar looks awesome in this. And therefore, this has to be the best snap that Ray has taken. Let me remind you folks that this photo session was to just remind you that I have recently bought an electric guitar and I'm enjoying playing it a lot! I'll try to get a few more snaps when I get my whole studio back in shape.  Posted by Hello

Covering the bare truth with a shirt


Probably my coolest photo yet. If you are wondering why my face is all blacked up, let me reassure you that it is not that dark by default. It is actually a little digital image editing trick that I used to get this natural effect for blocking from viewing something that is so breathtaking, it can distract you from the rest of the photograph. And the trick is called a shaded rectangle. Now, do you realize what I meant about my arms. Just look at me with the shirt on and don't I look like I have just burst out of a rock magazine? Posted by Hello

I descended from Kingdom Insecta


Now this is me and my skinny self playing the guitar. I'm almost laughing to death while Ray was shooting this. Why? Check my arms out! Whoa, paint a few coconuts on the T-shirt sleeve and kazzzoooom, you have got a genuine looking coconut tree which is bent to about 90 degrees in the middle. Just to get rid of this ridiculously disturbing distraction, Ray suggested I wear a shirt. You will see me wearing a shirt in the next couple of snaps. But seriously, doesn't the T-shirt look cool? I got it free with the guitar. And for those guitar fanatics, I'm playing a cool A7 on the fifth fret. Posted by Hello

It is Ray on the guitar


This is a picture of Ray posing with the guitar. When I typed in 'posing', I really meant that because I wanted you to know that he doesn't know how to 'play' the guitar; at least, that is the case as of now. I'm trying to teach him little bits and pieces and I must say that he has impressed me with his grasping power. Check out his hand and forearm - don't they look sexy? And by the way, doesn't the guitar look sexy as well? Posted by Hello

A lot of stuff

In my two weeks on non-posting on the blog, there has been such a huge amount of stuff that was happening in my life, I can't just stop myself from writing about it all. Therefore, however self-centred, however thoughtless it might be in the wake of the Tsunami aftermath, I'm going to chronicle those two weeks. I hope you won't mind it.

The new year

Finally the new year has arrived; here in India at least. It promises quite a lot for me in a variety of ways.



Firstly, it is the year when I finally put my foot on the accelerator pedal of my professional career. Yes, I start residency at an institution reputed as one of the best in India. At the same time, the 3 years or so at the institution would be the most demanding; something which will really test the stuff that I'm made of.



This means that I would finally move out of home and stay alone. I've never done this in my life. This should give me a proper way to assess myself and my skills in managing my own life. Add to it the fact that I won't be restricted in pursuing my sexual ambitions.



Then comes the astounding range of possibilities in the field of music. This past two weeks have been so wonderful in this aspect. With the new electric guitar and other equipment that I recently bought, I could expand my horizons in the foray of music.



But as with each and every *new* year, I find that the year hardly lives upto its promised potential. But I attribute that fact squarely on myself for not doing enough to let expectations turn into reality.



What about this year? I will try my best to make it one of the best I've had.