You can't imagine how boring it is to seclude yourself to studying everyday. My seclusion has extended a few notches further with me minimising the conversations that I have with friends and going out as less as I can. Hell, it's been four days since I 'talked' to Vinokur. I don't know why I feel like I would do better by staying off contact. Just 10 more days before I can re-calibrate my life.
Anyway, to convert those boring low-productivity afternoons into something meaningful, I've taken up a little side-business. I am trying to figure out some songs and trying to figure why they sound so beautiful and interesting. For someone who doesn't understand music theory, this might sound weird. But this is actually fun.
To make things a little easier to understand, I'm figuring out the little motifs that are found in popular music and trying to figure out why they sound 'good'. Of course, most of music is not intentionally written to sound this way. But those songs we end up liking usually are weirdly interlinked. What do I get out of this? Some harmless, recreational, educative fun. Weird combination of words I suppose. Finally though, I hope to incorporate some of this knowledge into writing songs.
A cheap wedding gift
Jodi is getting married to Sumo in a little over a week's time. Considering the kind of fiscal situation that the entire band is in, I don't think that they are expecing any gifts. But it is a life-changeing event, something that I would love to experience myself. I'm wondering if I could get something rather special and cheap. If anyone of you has any idea, it would prove to be helpful.
Another deadline
The other day, after plenty of drama from their side, we had a one-on-one meeting with the record label chief. This is after a lot of shit; it took about 20 unanswered/unreturned calls and a few unanswered SMSes and three previous meetings when he didn't turn up before we had the balls to inform his sub-ordinate that we have had enough and we were looking at other options. Our record label makes the Indian sarkari office system look like a state of the art infrastructure streamlined for efficiency and productivity.
A concise report from Rob about this little meeting which was not too dissimilar to that between a husband and wife about infidelity revealed that the little affair between the band and the label will be extended for another week. At the end of the week, if we don't see them some of the 'promised' money, we would officially start looking for newer options.
Honestly, the future of Noise Market looks bleak either way. I don't see them keeping to this deadline. And if they don't, it would mean us walking out into the bizarre world of the music industry which seems to be an even more daunting task.
A concise report from Rob about this little meeting which was not too dissimilar to that between a husband and wife about infidelity revealed that the little affair between the band and the label will be extended for another week. At the end of the week, if we don't see them some of the 'promised' money, we would officially start looking for newer options.
Honestly, the future of Noise Market looks bleak either way. I don't see them keeping to this deadline. And if they don't, it would mean us walking out into the bizarre world of the music industry which seems to be an even more daunting task.
Music & Money
For a change, I'm studying well for my practical exam on the 26th of this month. Somehow, I'm being able to forget the miserable time that I had at the theory part of the exams. Just one more exam and it might be all over; in the good or the bad way.
On the musical front, we have finally talked to our record label and have informed them that we are looking for other options. In the last week, we came to know from different sources about the improbabilities in the future of this record label. We don't know what we will end up with but again, there is not much chance sitting back.
A few months back, we got an opportunity to make some money playing with a Pakistani artist as a back up band. Something like that might be coming up with a new and up-coming singer/songwriter (who also happens to be a model/actress as well) in the next few weeks. I hope I make some money to repay some debts.
On the musical front, we have finally talked to our record label and have informed them that we are looking for other options. In the last week, we came to know from different sources about the improbabilities in the future of this record label. We don't know what we will end up with but again, there is not much chance sitting back.
A few months back, we got an opportunity to make some money playing with a Pakistani artist as a back up band. Something like that might be coming up with a new and up-coming singer/songwriter (who also happens to be a model/actress as well) in the next few weeks. I hope I make some money to repay some debts.
Gays coming out: Is it Criminal? - video from IBN Live
To break this recent spate of self-loathing and sarcasm, I'm posting this video from IBN live.com which features a 30 minute video about Gay life in India. On a personal note, I would just like to say that Professor X looks gorgeous in this (the part which he is in).
(PS: I was sarcastic in my last post for those who didn't get it.)
(PS: I was sarcastic in my last post for those who didn't get it.)
Why I am an asshole
The few readers of my blog take precious moments from their wonderful lives to give me insight on why I'm a loser and an asshole. I think I am depressed enough to post a list of such abomiable qualities in me.
- I am not passionate about most of the things that I do. Especially being a doctor, being a musician and being a lover.
- I never plan for what lies ahead and even if I do I hide behind excuses to not carry out the plan.
- I suck because I don't see the wondrous joy that life provides us with.
- I am ungrateful and graceless in my friendships. I don't really care about what my friends do to make me feel better.
- I don't have the drive to do well in life.
- I don't try hard enough find a job and lead a life.
- I am very selfish and self-centred.
Sweetness at Powai
I admit that I rarely sing laurels about my band mates. Not because they aren't bad, just because they aren't just my type. They are different in various ways and somehow or the other, I feel uncomfortable when I'm hanging out with them especially not while jamming.
I will at least have to change that stance today. My band mate from Noise Market Jodi and his fiance Sumo threw a little house party at their apartment at Powai. It was also supposed to be a meeting about the future of Noise Market. It was a very very nice gesture. There was nice juicy chocolate cake and home made chicken and paani puri along with some alcohol.
But one thing stood the way it was; the way I felt uncomfortable being with the gang having 'fun'. The jokes weren't all that cool. The things they were enjoying (like the movie "Deewaar"), I wasn't really enjoying. Half the time, I wanted to get back h ome and spend some time with Vinokur. I guess it's natural.
Here are some photos.
I will at least have to change that stance today. My band mate from Noise Market Jodi and his fiance Sumo threw a little house party at their apartment at Powai. It was also supposed to be a meeting about the future of Noise Market. It was a very very nice gesture. There was nice juicy chocolate cake and home made chicken and paani puri along with some alcohol.
But one thing stood the way it was; the way I felt uncomfortable being with the gang having 'fun'. The jokes weren't all that cool. The things they were enjoying (like the movie "Deewaar"), I wasn't really enjoying. Half the time, I wanted to get back h ome and spend some time with Vinokur. I guess it's natural.
Here are some photos.
This time, last year
This time last year, I was at a great restaurant in Bandra having a party with almost the who's-who of my life then. Life was great. Vibrant, full of hopes and expectations. My friends Dr. R., Sandy, E-boi, Xander, Parry, his girlfriend - all took turns to wish Vinokur his birthday.
Tonight, I sit at my computer trying to wonder what really went wrong. I feel like run-down by a train - a train of responsibilities and challenges that I was not able to keep up with.
Today's exam was the worst ever in my life. Apart from being reporting about half an hour late for the exam thanks to a slow wrist watch, I couldn't answer even one question out of the 9 ones with any semblance of quality. I think any of you (non-medicos) would have fared equally with me in this test. Needless to admit, but my confidence and self-esteem, upto the barest of minimums, has been deflated. Anyone, any fucking person in this world can defeat me now.
As expected, the only fun of this month has passed. It was the gig at Not Just Jazz by the Bay - Shoonyas gig, that is. These are a few pics.
Tonight, I sit at my computer trying to wonder what really went wrong. I feel like run-down by a train - a train of responsibilities and challenges that I was not able to keep up with.
Today's exam was the worst ever in my life. Apart from being reporting about half an hour late for the exam thanks to a slow wrist watch, I couldn't answer even one question out of the 9 ones with any semblance of quality. I think any of you (non-medicos) would have fared equally with me in this test. Needless to admit, but my confidence and self-esteem, upto the barest of minimums, has been deflated. Anyone, any fucking person in this world can defeat me now.
As expected, the only fun of this month has passed. It was the gig at Not Just Jazz by the Bay - Shoonyas gig, that is. These are a few pics.
Fucked up, more than ever
After two days of exams, I have come to realize that I don't even have the kind of knowledge that is required for an undergraduate to pass the graduation exam. I could not remember anything significant for today's exam. Halfway through the exam, I felt like tearing up the answer sheet and screaming out of the exam hall.
I have lost all the confidence that I had. Now, I'm sure that I will not pass this time. And this means almost an end to my medical career. Looking back, I guess I have only myself to blame. And I guess I'll suffer the consequences.
I have lost all the confidence that I had. Now, I'm sure that I will not pass this time. And this means almost an end to my medical career. Looking back, I guess I have only myself to blame. And I guess I'll suffer the consequences.
Exam dates announced
Finally, a day before the exam started, the university has published the dates. The written exams start on Monday and go on till Thursday. I finally have the hall ticket and a 'renewed' ID card for the exams. During the trip to the hospital, I got hold of some of the prepared notes for the theory exams. These are the crtical stuff for the exams. I had been trying to get a set of notes for myself. But because the Xerox copies amount upto a couple of grand rupees, I couldn't.
I begged one of my juniors to lend me his copy just for the exams. Now, I am hell bent on covering the notes (once more after the last exams). That's all I'm going to read. Not the text books that I have been reading, rather unsuccesfully, all these days.
It's incredible really. I'm practicing and playing a gig right in the middle of the most important exam of my life. But that's what happens when you work and study. And besides, that gig is the only 'fun' thing coming up in the next month!
I begged one of my juniors to lend me his copy just for the exams. Now, I am hell bent on covering the notes (once more after the last exams). That's all I'm going to read. Not the text books that I have been reading, rather unsuccesfully, all these days.
It's incredible really. I'm practicing and playing a gig right in the middle of the most important exam of my life. But that's what happens when you work and study. And besides, that gig is the only 'fun' thing coming up in the next month!
Tremulousness
I had a dream. I had a dream of settling down with the man of my life having a career in music by the time I was 29 years of age. I dreamt of earning enough to live happily with him enjoying the little pleasures of life. I dreamt of learning something new; like a language - Vinokur is an expert in Spanish; a new art like photography - Vinokur is a professional photographer; the history of art - Vinokur is also an expert on this.
As is widely known, that dream has crashed. I'm going to turn 29 in a week's time. And my life couldn't have been more worrying. I guess it's easy to push you down when you are already dead.
Vinokur is showing signs and symptoms of Parkinsonism. He is loosing his expressiveness on his face. He is have akathesia and tremors. His posture and gait are also suggesting the onset. It's probably drug induced as he's on antipsychotic medications which induced such a syndrome. His psychopharmacologist is aware of it and trying to workout a away to at least minimize the damages.
That leaves me with my pipe-dream flushed down the toilet.
(PS: Just to make sure that no one misunderstands me. I love Vinokur!)
As is widely known, that dream has crashed. I'm going to turn 29 in a week's time. And my life couldn't have been more worrying. I guess it's easy to push you down when you are already dead.
Vinokur is showing signs and symptoms of Parkinsonism. He is loosing his expressiveness on his face. He is have akathesia and tremors. His posture and gait are also suggesting the onset. It's probably drug induced as he's on antipsychotic medications which induced such a syndrome. His psychopharmacologist is aware of it and trying to workout a away to at least minimize the damages.
That leaves me with my pipe-dream flushed down the toilet.
(PS: Just to make sure that no one misunderstands me. I love Vinokur!)
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