You know how lazy depression makes you? To deprive you of all the buzz in your life. Everything looks and feels sordid. You make plans and try your very best to break them. If your friends insist on doing stuff with you, you find a myriad of ways to get out of them. Excuses are splurted by the hundreds and trust me -- each and every one of them feels as if it came from the bottom of your heart and you meant it as if your life depended on it.
The funniest thing however is that the therapy that you are prescribed to cure it also takes most of the zing out of your life too. It makes you feel lazy and tired. It makes you feel sleepier than ever, and you would end up wanting to spend every solitary moment you have on your bed or couch dozing away. Every day still feels like a chore -- funny that work doesn't -- but everything else still feels like a chore and you have to fight your way out to find some energy and motivation to achieve goals.
This makes me wonder -- is the therapy effective enough? Or is it simply something that just takes away the edge from your depression -- makes you feels less anhedonic, less suicidal, and overall blunts all your negativity. But it does the same to your positive energy -- at least, if you were to go by my experience. The ironic thing is that I feel shy to approach R who started the present course on me. Depression itself and the side effects of therapy had widened the already created divide and I don't feel like talking to her any more. I don't feel likie I can afford another shrink either.
I don't fucking know what I should do.
3 comments:
Onashamsagal.
Do not give up, do not dpend on those pills, try to appreciate the finer things of life, stay positive.
Remember..." I complained I had no shoes until I saw someone who had no feet"....You have got it all, do not loose them one by one to the cruel hands of depression.
Please.
Well, thanks for the wishes!
And thanks for the kind words!
:)
Kris
hi Kris,
stumbled on your post and just wanted to tell you to hang in there and fight it out.
depression has the ability to demotivate you, sap your energy and hit your self-destruct button every time you want to do something. Like every other illness,it takes a bit of time to recover from. And recover you will, but you have it to give yourself the time to get over it, no getting annoyed or frustrated with yourself.
You owe it to yourself to not let the d-devil win.
if your current therapy is not working, you need to change your therapist. its just like with a physical ailment. if its doesn't get better, try another doctor or another treatment.
i should know as i'm fighting the good fight myself. i've been diagnosed with unspecified depression. what is helping me is good & balanced psychotherapy, as i opted to not take medication.
i also learned something. Psychologists studying for their PhD require candidates for their hazaar surveys and participating in them in one way for free therapy sessions.This is something i opted for from NIMHANS , even though i do not have financial issues currently. the way i see it, its a win-win both for the patient and the therapist.
Since you are on a tight budget and at the same time need to put the D-devil at rest, i thought this could help you. I don't know which hospitals/ institutes in Bombay provide these, but maybe you can find out. Or if you want I can check with my therapist.
stay strong. Kris Bass has to win, not his depression :)
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