Aug 3, 2010

The beauty of gay long-term relationships

In my everlasting search for a suitable man, sometimes, perhaps more frequently than I should for my own sake, I stumble on gay men who are in beautiful long-term relationships. Instead of feeling disappointed or jealous, I feel happy to have chanced upon what I consider as true, rare gems of the world -- well-adjusted relationships.

I have seen such relationships in the diverse colors and varieties that life has to offer -- inter-generational, inter-racial, inter-national, intra-generational, open relationships -- each and every one in a seemingly impossible state of equilibrium and negative entropy.

I usually end up meeting the older partner among the couple in these relationships. On almost all such occasions, I have been able to form a strong bond of friendship with them. They tell me stories about how they met their partner, sometimes decades back, how they have established a niche of a live-in relationship together, and how happy they are in their present state of affairs. Some are open relationships where the sexual drive has often died and yet the emotional component is as strong as ever.

I often wonder what is it that drives such people. If being gay is often considered synonymous to promiscuity, and ergo frivolous and incapable of relationship sustenance or emotional depth, how can such beautiful relationships exist? To answer this question, we must ask another question. Maybe I'm not digging deep enough or I'm over-generalizing -- but why are such relationships so rare in the straight world?

The reason probably lies in the disassociation of sex from being anchored to a deep-rooted emotional or procreative component, thereby freeing it to be an activity of pleasure and happiness. Remember, the institution of straight marriage has generally castigated non-procreative sex between two consenting adults. Marriage -- I must re-iterate, straight marriage -- has been promoted as a necessity for a successful social life.

Had love between any two individuals (above legal age) been encouraged instead of marriage, and had sex just been left to the discretion of two individuals who express love toward each other in a variety of durations -- some being transient like a one-night stand and some being transcendent, lasting many decades -- there would have been more instances of such harmonious relationships, don't you think?

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