People must be wondering what really happened. One day I was happily in love in a long term relationship with Vinokur and the next day, I had broken up with him. I thought I had already given a sufficiently long explanation after a brief period of readjustment in my post titled '12 days of Christmas'. Since then, after a week or so of not being in touch, I have restarted communications with Vinokur.
It is pleasing to announce that, as always, we are being very mature and kind to each other and have slipped into the new role of being good friends of each other. We aren't lovers any more; ex-lovers would be an apt term but you have to factor out the kind of uneasiness that you would expect for such people. After all, we can't hurt each other and we care for each other as we have always done. Just that we will be seeking out new lovers. That's all.
The reason why it has happened is because of probably my need for a physical relationship. After the exams got over, I started exchanging messages with men in various personals sites, of course after informing Vinokur. The motive was to hope to find people who I could have a physical relationship with. Being very needy, I have this tendency to get attracted to people easily. Such attractions have varied from infatuation to the onset of full-fledged love.
Of course, since I have been entirely honest with Vinokur, he got insecure and hurt due to such occurences. This made me realize that I'm seeking something here in Mumbai which would only harm Vinokur even more if I decided to continue the relationship. We had a thorough discussion about the situation and we ended up deciding that the best thing that we could do is to end our relationship and hope that we find people who could sort of fill into each others shoes.
Obviously, to just end 'loving' someone who you have loved so much until the moment you choose to, is impossible. To make it more practicable, we resorted to no-communications for a week or so. We were more worried about the other during this period, as we found out once we restarted communicating. One of my dear blog friends helped us keep in touch vicariously (Thank you!). Once I was sure that we were okay with letting each other back into our lives as friends, we did it.
Now, we still chat for an hour or two each day talking about what happened, re-affirming that it was the best decision to have been made and helping each other to get used to the dangers of seeking 'love'. The world is cruel, especially to older men who have afflictions to contend with. Talking helps, believe me. It helps us to maintain our self-esteem high during a phase which is infamous for the lack of the same.
4 comments:
My bf always said : long distance relationships never work and I always retorted saying : Not really, sometimes it can work too...
@ Prash: It's not totally true!
You should try finding someone who also has a libido like yours and doesnt mind you sleeping outside the relationship. A whore can make such a person I think.
@ Anonymous: Hmm, sting attack. :) But I understand when you think from the point of view of a regular person. I'm a nymphomaniac. And besides, even Vinokur and I were okay with sleeping outside our relationship. It's relatively common in gay circles. In straight circles its as common too - but it's labelled adultery.
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