Yesterday was a hopeless day for me thanks to a get-together with my classmates from school. I never liked my days in school. There was a remarkable consistency in the lowliness in every conceivable aspect my school life. Undereducated neurotic fools with mannerisms donned the role of teachers. I was known as the geek who topped exams regularly and because of this status, everyone acted funny with me. Being the youngest in my class, I was pushed around in the playground and was considered immature for naughty jokes and porn. It was a boys-only school which meant that everyone, except me, was fascinated by a particular page on the biology textbook dealing with the female reproductive system. To sum up, it was like hell with the difference that it was hopelessly less exciting.
I started from home thinking that I could pull it off the experiences of self-realization in my adult life. I was SO wrong. The initial exchange of pleasantries was the only enjoyable bit. From then on, things went from good to bad to worse to hopeless—read—discussion about what we’ve been upto TO delusion of grandeur because of being successful in life even after passing out of such a shabby school TO amazingly cheap jokes and deceitful heterosexist remarks TO the apparent lack of purpose in their lives apart from getting it on with a woman, of course.
I was feeling rotten. I was lost. I was gay. In reality, I’m not rotten, nor am I lost and I AM very glad to be gay. But even the thought of coming out to these guys seems more of an impossibility than getting Bush to spell the word ‘possibility’.
Life doesn’t get any easier for me, at least in the next four days. I’m going on a trip to attend a friend’s wedding with a ‘friend’ of mine who pisses me off about 4 times in ten minutes every time we meet. Wish me luck, everyone. The only things that have cheered me up in the last two days – chatting with Mr. Lion who seems to get more attractive by the day and the discovery of a sketch of my perfect older man.
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