I have deep dark insecurities. The only person who has bothered to know them so closely and really understands them, is my dear Mr. Vinokur. The deepest and the darkest is my freakish insecurity of people not trusting me for some monetary issues.
For example, I run out of money. I land up on the streets. I ask money to someone that I have helped or will help. They say, despite knowing my situation, that they can’t help it.
Or, someone lends me money and I use it for something that I need, not something that that person intended to lend money for. Even the slightest hint of me misusing the money sends me off on a weird insecure tangent in which I become so defensive that I can’t believe myself.
Now, the actual picture is that I’m really short of money for anything but just make ends meet. I don’t have a stable future as well where I could see myself earning a lot of money to secure myself.
What the fuck do I do? I mean, is this the end of the road for me?
Searching for Safety
Now that Mr. Vinokur and Mr. Bass have planned to live together in Mumbai, the onus was on me to search for a beautiful little apartment. I have found what I was looking for! And I’m very thankful to my dear friend Sandy’s parents who were very kind to listen to my story and let me and Alan live in a 1 BHK apartment near theirs which they own.
This is a fucking incredibly beautiful apartment is tastefully furnished and located in a quiet locality. But most importantly, I can be secure in an apartment where the landlord understands the situation perfectly.
The actual search for the apartment stretched for a couple of weeks and was a very mixed one with disappointment and surprising revelations. I was so worried after the first week that I had to type in the following message to the Gay Bombay support group seeking help.
The whole scene looks brilliant. It seems like I and Alan will be living together in our wonderful new apartment from mid February.
This is a fucking incredibly beautiful apartment is tastefully furnished and located in a quiet locality. But most importantly, I can be secure in an apartment where the landlord understands the situation perfectly.
The actual search for the apartment stretched for a couple of weeks and was a very mixed one with disappointment and surprising revelations. I was so worried after the first week that I had to type in the following message to the Gay Bombay support group seeking help.
Hello friends,
It's been a long time since I participated in the discussions actively. That can be attributed to my hectic schedule in the past few months of life. That includes finding the love of my life online on a personals website as well!
I would like to introduce myself once more. I'm a 28 year old orthopaedic surgeon living in Mumbai for the last 3 years. I have always been an admirer of older men. So it shouldn't be as shocking as it would have been otherwise when I introduce my 64-year-old lover/boyfriend/partner/spouse/husband who is a linguist/photographer from NYC. We are committed to each other and are planning to settle down in Mumbai.
For that, we are looking for a 1 - 2 BHK apartment in a good locale in Mumbai and I've already seen a few. To my dismay, almost all of the housing societies would pose the question 'Are you married? or ‘Are you a bachelor?' before even getting into the details of the apartment.
On the first exposure to such a derogatory remark (in the terms of marriage defining moral righteousness), I was shocked and outraged. But as always, as we’ve all had to do our entire lives, I took it in my stride and have formulated an answer: 'I'm a bachelor. My friend who is sharing the apartment with me is, too. And we can't afford to have two apartments. We've similar interests which would make it convenient for us to be living together.' That has worked sometimes now. Another thing that has worked is to let these housing societies know that I'm a practicing surgeon/doctor. That somehow salvages a lot of respect in these circumstances.
And then, I had a talk with my sister and an uncle, a father-figure, the only two people in my family whom I've come out to about our plans. Both had their views regarding the 'safety' of settling down in India. Would we face ridicule? Would we be ostracized? Would we be asked to vacate should the reality come to the fore? My boyfriend also suggested that families living in the neighborhood would be curt towards us and be scared of letting the children see us together thinking that they might be 'exposed' to immoral issues. To top it all, would somebody tip us off and would we be legally punished under Sec. 377 IPC? Add to that this hyperbolic age difference between the two of us, the chances of us being discriminated vis-à-vis the 'pedophilia scandal’ which hit the media in a wave of movies like 'Page 3'.
All this has led me to write this letter/request to all of the GB members. I want to ask you for some advice or suggestions regarding a place in Mumbai where we could live. Would anybody know about gay-friendly apartment complexes or dealers/agents who would be gay-friendly? I guess there are at least few gay couples in Mumbai who live together.
I would be grateful to anyone who would like to comment on any aspect of this peculiar problem of ours.
Thanks to all of you for spending your time reading and hopefully, responding to this message.
Regards,
Kris
The whole scene looks brilliant. It seems like I and Alan will be living together in our wonderful new apartment from mid February.
Noise Market
Noise Market is participating in a national competition for Hindi bands called RC Live. The show organized by Radio City FM features us among the top 5 bands of West Zone who will compete in the West Regional finals on the 23rd of February, 2008 for a place in the national finals at Delhi on the 29th of February, 2008.
For more information on our band Noise Market and our songs, visit
The Noise Market blog.
Vote for us and make us win!
For more information on our band Noise Market and our songs, visit
The Noise Market blog.
Vote for us and make us win!
Noise Market
Noise Market is participating in a national competition for Hindi bands called RC Live. The show organized by Radio City FM features us among the top 5 bands of West Zone who will compete in the West Regional finals on the 23rd of February, 2008 for a place in the national finals at Delhi on the 29th of February, 2008.
For more information on our band Noise Market and our songs, visit our blog
Noise Market.
Vote for us and make us win!
For more information on our band Noise Market and our songs, visit our blog
Noise Market.
Vote for us and make us win!
In Shoonyas
I guess it is a proud moment in my life. I have finally become a part of a rock band which is going to perform in venues across the city. It has happened over a period of a few weeks of byzantine communication between me and the fellow band members of the rock band ‘Shoonyas’. But I guess the wait was well worth it.
The leader/singer is a hardcore professional and the guitarist is a great person to jam with and to hang out with. I guess I’m going to have my dream of playing acoustic guitar based songs with this band. As a part of the deal, I might get discounts for my dream acoustic bass guitar. Wow, that’s going to be one instrument that I’ve been dying to play!
The leader/singer is a hardcore professional and the guitarist is a great person to jam with and to hang out with. I guess I’m going to have my dream of playing acoustic guitar based songs with this band. As a part of the deal, I might get discounts for my dream acoustic bass guitar. Wow, that’s going to be one instrument that I’ve been dying to play!
Love about to fly in an aeroplane!
It’s with great pleasure that I post to inform the world that my ‘Handsome Jew Dad’ from abroad is flying over to meet the ‘Cute Hindu God’ in Mumbai! The date of arrival isn’t fixed yet due to a clinical condition called ‘resistance to pressure’ in a case of ‘Attention Deficit Disorder meets Asperger’s syndrome’ somewhere near ADD land. The date would fall between the 16th and the 23rd of February in more humane terms.
To be telling you the absolute truth, days have been growing shorter for me with added responsibilities of time-sharing and the necessity to be in conversation with Vinokur, the name that Alan loves to be known by. And we’re increasingly growing tired of this physical separation of a few trillion gallons of saline water and a 3.6 million sharks which inhabit that.
Apart from everything else, once he comes, I think I’ll get a hold on my feverishly erratic life and redeem it to somewhere more stable. I really can’t take it anymore and want him here with me, by me, in me etc. Uh oh…, did I reveal my sexuality a bit too much?
To be telling you the absolute truth, days have been growing shorter for me with added responsibilities of time-sharing and the necessity to be in conversation with Vinokur, the name that Alan loves to be known by. And we’re increasingly growing tired of this physical separation of a few trillion gallons of saline water and a 3.6 million sharks which inhabit that.
Apart from everything else, once he comes, I think I’ll get a hold on my feverishly erratic life and redeem it to somewhere more stable. I really can’t take it anymore and want him here with me, by me, in me etc. Uh oh…, did I reveal my sexuality a bit too much?
Clash of priorities: the victory of Love
The Aerosmith song ‘Falling in Love is Hard on the Knees’ makes sense to me now. My life has changed so much since July 4th, 2007, the day when I met Mr. Perfect and fell in love. Before that period of life, I never really understood why all the famous musicians should write so many songs about love/break-up/separation et al in relationships.
Pre-love, my life consisted of two things which have been prioritized by the unfortunate social situation to be Career > Music. I, being a little meek and scaredy, never really bothered to do what I really wanted. I never set out for what I wanted. I realized that after falling in love. That’s when you get to know your own heart closer.
Now I realize that what I really want to do in life is music. Not anything else, but music. Let my life lead itself. I don’t want to lose out on the precious time that I have left trying to make a base on which I can indulge in my real needs. Ergo, I can’t really push away any opportunities in the music front that I might get.
Post-love, my priorities are categorized as this. Vinokur >>>> Music > Career.
Do I hear smirks and muffled laughter?
I don’t think that’s skewed! Come on, give me a break!
Pre-love, my life consisted of two things which have been prioritized by the unfortunate social situation to be Career > Music. I, being a little meek and scaredy, never really bothered to do what I really wanted. I never set out for what I wanted. I realized that after falling in love. That’s when you get to know your own heart closer.
Now I realize that what I really want to do in life is music. Not anything else, but music. Let my life lead itself. I don’t want to lose out on the precious time that I have left trying to make a base on which I can indulge in my real needs. Ergo, I can’t really push away any opportunities in the music front that I might get.
Post-love, my priorities are categorized as this. Vinokur >>>> Music > Career.
Do I hear smirks and muffled laughter?
I don’t think that’s skewed! Come on, give me a break!
The saga of love continues
Four months! Such an incredibly long period it seems... rather is.
It would seem impossible for a freak like me to not blabber about my own life. Even having nothing going on, I used to type and post and blog and all that shit!
And now, I am in this fucken incredible relationship with the most amazing person that I have ever met, and yet, no posts!
The reason is simple. Straight forward.
I don't have time for anything but spend time with him - Anchel Vinokur - online!
I love him! I really do!
It would seem impossible for a freak like me to not blabber about my own life. Even having nothing going on, I used to type and post and blog and all that shit!
And now, I am in this fucken incredible relationship with the most amazing person that I have ever met, and yet, no posts!
The reason is simple. Straight forward.
I don't have time for anything but spend time with him - Anchel Vinokur - online!
I love him! I really do!
Noise Market
Well I needed to have some shot in my arm to breathe again after the disappointment fiasco with Xander. And purely coincidentally, that came in the form a Hindi rock band, the most unlikely thing, if you consider my yester-life.
Basically the story started on the day after the aforementioned fall-out. I was invited to check out by my Shoonyas guitarist to jam and to discuss some issues. What I was treated to was pure, innovative, orginal music; something that I was dying to play bass for. I was invited to play bass for this band which calls itself ‘Noise Market’.
I gave them a hint of my limitations. But there was no way that I could refuse to play with talented, committed, professional, sane musicians who didn’t have ego problems. Therefore, I’m part of a second band: ‘Noise Market’. We’re planning to hit the scene with lives shows and a demo CD! See ya guys on the radio and television!
Basically the story started on the day after the aforementioned fall-out. I was invited to check out by my Shoonyas guitarist to jam and to discuss some issues. What I was treated to was pure, innovative, orginal music; something that I was dying to play bass for. I was invited to play bass for this band which calls itself ‘Noise Market’.
I gave them a hint of my limitations. But there was no way that I could refuse to play with talented, committed, professional, sane musicians who didn’t have ego problems. Therefore, I’m part of a second band: ‘Noise Market’. We’re planning to hit the scene with lives shows and a demo CD! See ya guys on the radio and television!
Finality: The Xander chapter ends
It took about 5 years for us to realize that it’s not going to work. Not work at all. We fell apart just as easily as we had been made. The seething times let themselves grow into full-fledged hatred, leaving us with scathed and seething souls which longed for some respite.
The actual incident is dirty. It, as usual, involved a lot of passion and hope from my side, and lot of ego and alcohol from Xander’s. From a silly argument about a song’s rhythm pattern, we resulted in insulting each other so much so that we never want to see each other again. He threatened to physically harm me and was abusive to everyone dear to me including my dear Vinokur. That hurts. That hurt. Badly, it did. The spectator/mediator for the whole ‘event’ was a helpless E-boi.
I realize that, the sequelae are going to be severe. I consider Xander to be the most talented, but wasted singer who would fit in snugly into my dreams to make a band and I’ll miss him sorely. E-boi doesn’t have a different opinion. And Xander, I don’t know what you feel about all this now, but I think you will also agree to this someday. We’ll be the ‘super-band’ that never ever took off!
The actual incident is dirty. It, as usual, involved a lot of passion and hope from my side, and lot of ego and alcohol from Xander’s. From a silly argument about a song’s rhythm pattern, we resulted in insulting each other so much so that we never want to see each other again. He threatened to physically harm me and was abusive to everyone dear to me including my dear Vinokur. That hurts. That hurt. Badly, it did. The spectator/mediator for the whole ‘event’ was a helpless E-boi.
I realize that, the sequelae are going to be severe. I consider Xander to be the most talented, but wasted singer who would fit in snugly into my dreams to make a band and I’ll miss him sorely. E-boi doesn’t have a different opinion. And Xander, I don’t know what you feel about all this now, but I think you will also agree to this someday. We’ll be the ‘super-band’ that never ever took off!
Our birthdays!
Wow, I had a ball! I’m going to have more! It was mine and Vinokur’s birthday on the 6th/7th of November.
I had gifted my little Vinokur using the wonderful powers of the internet a couple of Tantra T-shirts, a couple of Indian classical music CDs, a bouquet of flowers, a chocolate birthday cake. He was so happy as the gifts arrived one by one on the 6th of November!!
His gift to me was obviously pre-dated; my spanky new P1i phone and a brand new Yamaha acoustic guitar! I love you, Al!
I had a wonderful party thrown by my friends at a fantastic restaurant in town. I was gifted by all of my friends; things ranging from wonderful headsets for my mobile phone and my mp3 player and a bottle of champagne.
Thanks Sandy, E-boi, Xander, Parry and the others whose names I wouldn’t want to reveal in this blog.
And I did one of my social rituals-necessities. I came out to a couple of colleagues from my hospital. One of them was dumb-struck!
This was also the last birthday that I'm going to not celebrate without Vinokur!
I had gifted my little Vinokur using the wonderful powers of the internet a couple of Tantra T-shirts, a couple of Indian classical music CDs, a bouquet of flowers, a chocolate birthday cake. He was so happy as the gifts arrived one by one on the 6th of November!!
His gift to me was obviously pre-dated; my spanky new P1i phone and a brand new Yamaha acoustic guitar! I love you, Al!
I had a wonderful party thrown by my friends at a fantastic restaurant in town. I was gifted by all of my friends; things ranging from wonderful headsets for my mobile phone and my mp3 player and a bottle of champagne.
Thanks Sandy, E-boi, Xander, Parry and the others whose names I wouldn’t want to reveal in this blog.
And I did one of my social rituals-necessities. I came out to a couple of colleagues from my hospital. One of them was dumb-struck!
This was also the last birthday that I'm going to not celebrate without Vinokur!
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