It sounded totally weird when my sister informed me that she wanted me to talk to a shrink all the way across from Chennai. Was it a ploy to convert me into straightdom? Or was it a genuine effort from her side to get more comfortable with my sexuality and the choice of partner?
In the conversation that I had with her, it became clear to me that she was trying her best to get comfortable. For that reason, she had gone to this shrink expecting to be told that it was entirely normal for anyone to be gay and that she needed to be supportive of such a person, especially so because it was her brother. Apparently this shrink was a high profile woman who wrote and talked in media about homosexuality and its ‘normalcy’.
But when she revealed to this shrink that I’m actually in a relationship with a geront, she put the hypothesis of ‘unsure’ sexuality on the table. Apparently, people who have been sexually abused in their childhood and who have not had a close relationship with their father could seek love from elderly gents without being sexually or emotionally tied up. And if they get tangled up in sex and emotions with an elderly man, there are ways to get them out of there.
Ahem! They include devious ways such as talking them out of it, putting them in a steamy room with voluptuous naked women etc. Or so, it seemed!
From my POV, I wanted to help my sister. I also wanted to help the shrink help my sister. This could eventually ease out my coming out experience to my parents.
I said ‘yes’.
And further down in the conversation, I detailed how I and Vinokur had carefully thought about premature separation and weighed in the options before committing ourselves. In her queries as to whether the lack of ‘straight’ experiences were the reason why I was actually gay, I told her that Vinokur has had many a lay with many a lass in his teenage and still he turned out to be as gay as he is.
Whew, after all this, I’m warily looking forward to this e-appointment or phone appointment with the shrink.
4 comments:
Kris,
It looks like it's your shrink who needs some talking to! Let me know her details once she's done with you and i'll get friends in Chennai to sensitise her.
Cheers,
Nitin
Haha! I'll take care of her Nitin!
I don't know if the shrink is entirely wrong.
Many guys become homosexual because of abuse in childhood by older men. Sexuality is (at least to some people) a little flexible in the early year. One goes one way or the other. Events may determine which way one goes.
I can understand your sister's concern. This can be hard... not that you're gay, exclusively, but that you're in a relationship with someone so senior. That's something quite absent in the Heterosexual world, isn't it? It could be misinterpreted!
But of course, I disagree with the therapist that such people could be converted back. I doubt it, at least. I don't have enough knowledge to have a definite opinion on that matter. You, on the contrary, would have the final and binding word.
Hey unsung: Well, it's not 'becoming'. It's being the trigger. I hope you understand the difference. It also happens in the straight world. Young women marrying older men! There is no 'conversion'!
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