Chuck almost rescued me before Ray did

Thankfully, Chuck came home in the afternoon. He had come to fetch some CDs that I had burned for him and was in a hurry to reach back home after a tiring day at the hospital. But I wanted to talk to him about my problem. Somehow I managed to make him listen to my problems.

I explained that even though I didn't have no physical/sexual feelings for Dr. R. I just had a regular friendship sort of affection. But I was worried that if Dr. R. somehow came to know about my orientation and my liking for older men, he would misunderstand my purposes of hanging out with him. I wouldn't even want to think of the such a possibility which might hurt him and me so badly.

I was surprised to know that he had noticed my 'closeness' to Dr. R. during previous weeks. Apparently, he had a suspicion that I was having a sexual liking for Dr. R.

I convinced him that I hadn't. But he still holds the opinion that a close friendship with a person who fits in your image of a lover/spouse might turn into a physical relationship or the craving for one.

We went out shopping. That really eased my blues a bit. But once I was back at home, the doubt was killing me.

I don't know why but I really wanted to tell Dr. R. about my true nature and I wanted to make him understand that even though I was gay and gerontophilic, I wasn't eyeing him in that fashion. I was so desperate to get in touch with him that I sent him an SMS saying that I was feeling very depressed. He returned the courtesy with a call. I talked with him about his afternoon. He had been reading the text books. After some time talking, he hung up.

I was so depressed after that I couldn't do anything in the evening. I had to talk to someone. I called Ray up and asked him if he was free to lend me an ear. He asked me to come over.

We talked for an hour or so. He cheered me up. I don't know how, but I feel okay now.

But the question still persists. I have to really think. Do I have some sort of a physical thing for Dr. R.?

I thought for about a couple of hours. I have finally decided that I didn't.