Cousins now know - Part 2
My sister is not stopping anytime soon, I guess. Coming out on my behalf seems likes an ulterior motive on her mission to deliver the baby. She came out about me to the fifth cousin - one who's doing his masters in engineering in the States. She forwarded me a reply from this cousin to the mail that she had sent.
It started off something like this - 'It is neither a shock or a pleasant surprise to me.' Good, I thought! He went on to say that irrespective of my orientation I would remain to be his inspiration - I have always been an inspiration when it came to academics, and I guess he meant that. Despite being this positive, my cousin, who's in South Carolina, warned my sister of negative implications if she let other cousins know about my gayness. That, to me, is a little confusing. Why shouldn't my cousin, who has seen the world more than many others, have a positive attitude about others accepting me as I am?
Apart from my sexual orientation, my cousin went on in great depth about plans to help me come out of my familial hibernation. He seemed to even have sympathy at my apparently 'lost' path, and wanted my sister to take step my step approaches to winning my confidence back. Now, I'm not sure if I need this sympathy. I can see the intent underlying this feeling, but what comes out is probably unacceptable.
Since all of my cousins read my blog, I would like to let them know that I have always been family-phobic. Let me remain that way now. I appreciate their steps to get back in touch with me but I'm not sure that's what I need now. I need support in terms of understanding my neuroses and lack of efforts to restart communication via phone or in person. I don't mind e-mails or SMSes.
If you want to help me, please let me be me.