Nightmares

I’m back in Kerala. I’m surrounded by friends who are puzzled at my decision to write an entrance examination again. I can’t seem to properly answer their questions. The setting is not at my parents’ new home, but in my old home, where we used to stay when I wrote the entrance examination to qualify for my MS Orthopedics in Mumbai’s KEM hospital.

I seem to be intent on giving an examination again and qualifying for another residency course. It seems the logical decision to me as the flow back to a surgical career would be smooth. I also am sure that the new degree/diploma would add to my already acquired MS degree. I even urge some of my friends who have established career paths to do the same.

Yes, such things could happen in dreams—more correctly, nightmares. Almost every night, in the last many months, I have had nightmares related to my fledgling surgical career. These nightmares vary in intensity, but leave a clear vision in the mornings, leaving with a burning desire to break away and get back to the hospital. They give me some faith that the difficulties that I will encounter can be faced as and when they come along.

But how can I throw away what precious little that I have acquired in my career in music and editing? My job in editing provides me with the financial stability that I require. It also allows me to do what I want when I want it—a controlled life that a surgical career would not allow. It also allows me to indulge in my music career, which unfortunately is just going nowhere.

How long can I survive these?