Thanks for destroying my peace

Yesterday, S. showed up at my door in the middle of the night. He started shouting out my name. Then he rang me up on the phone, before proceeding to start banging the door. This even woke my neighbors up. I was awakened - I had been asleep for just under half an hour!

I opened the door and without hearing his explanation completely (he wanted a guitar or something - bull shit) asked him to fuck off and banged the door shut. I was in rage and it took me two hours to get back to sleep. I can't believe his nerve! This incident of pure inappropriate behavior shaved off an entire two hours from my today! I don't know why he would do such a thing to me.

Anyway, people who interact with me on a day-to-day basis should know this. I hate the following phenomena. Please avoid doing them if you love me. If you hate me, instead of doing these to me, shoot me in the head.

- Turning up outside my door unannounced
- Calling/banging on my door if I don't answer
- Calling me up after a long period of incommunicado

In all such cases, communication will be facilitated if you send me a message and let me know in advance. The more detailed you are the better. More often than not, I'll respond positively.

The one exception to these rules is Vinokur - forever.

To-Not-Do list #1 - Life at 30

Things you shouldn't be doing when you are 30

- wondering if you should treat yourself to regular meals
- deciding against, after thinking for a second, considering that you don't deserve it.
- taking home 'extra' (read leftover) food from your colleagues
- saving that up in your refrigerator for days taking little portions out when you want to give yourself a treat
- the same refrigerator doesn't work well and provides a snug environment for arthropodes to proliferate
- saying no to snacks offered at work because you don't want to start wanting it when you are alone
- to avoid meeting people at restaurants and cafes because you will be forced to eat expensive food
- to space out your meals just right to avoid prolonged periods of hunger

If you find yourself doing similar stuff, then you are a poor loser.

I'll follow up with more to-not-do lists.

The biggest fuck-up ever

Someone told me a few months back - 'kris, you should not put out sensitive, self-damaging things on your blog.' I followed that advice. The result - i'm more fucked than ever and I don't write honestly on the blog anymore. I think I should just go back to the way I was - whining, bitching, and being an attention whore. At least I feel better that way.

So, here's my first attempt at redemption - confession.

I have fucked my life up. I'm fucked up and I honeslty feel like a fucking fool. I don't have any confidence left in me and I am a wreck. Every fucking day of my life is the biggest pain. My life if full of things to avoid. I don't want to meet people and be happy because I get hurt by others' happiness and joy because I can't have something similar. Yes, I'm jealous. And I'm losing hair. And I am drowning in debt.

That's me. I'm sorry people but I'm the biggest fuck-up ever!