Good or Bad

It's been so long since I heard from you
Are you there, alive and well?
Or are you playing with me and my mind
Maybe you are doing something that's holding you back

Does it help to know that I care for you?
That I'm here, waiting in hell
That I'm just hoping that you'll be kind
Maybe I did do something that made you show your back

It's so hard to tell
it's painful enough already
You know very well
At least I think you do
If you weren't lying

There's another side to this, you know
That I like being alone, in pain
Just knowing that I'm meant to be hurt
That I'm doing something that's pleasure in pain

My life was etched that way, in the past
To be ridiculed and laughed at
Just because I was what I am, my bad
That forced me to feel it was good to be bad

It's so hard to tell
If I'm really good or bad
I wish you would have known by now
That I'm a bastard, and I need you(r) bad