Boxing day

I got up very early today; at 3.30 AM. I don't exactly know why. I guess I felt vacant. Soon, I was chatting to my lawyer friend (Mac) from down under. I recorded the couple of pieces of music that I had running in my mind yesterday night. During this process, I and Mac had an interesting discussion about how to make one of the progressions that I had recorded better. It's fun to discuss such issues with someone who is knowledgeable about music.

I had the final interview scheduled in the morning but that was postponed to tomorrow. I dozed for an hour or so after I got this news. In the afternoon, I went out to shop - determined to cook something. Despite the fact that my refrigerator was not working properly, I decided to buy a few essential vegetable items so that I can make simple stuff. I came back home and made some rice and heated up a Dal fry preparation that I picked up from the supermarket. It was a wholesome meal.

The afternoon went with me discussing more legal issues with Mac. We were about to commit one legal blunder. Thanks to Mac, that seems to have been avoided. Right at the time when I was getting to the shower to get fresh before the classical guitar recital that I was planning to attend, I got the information that we had a gig at Not Just Jazz by the Bay tomorrow night! That was a pleasant surprise mainly because the money which was due for playing a Saturday night gig.

Because of the same reason, I was unable to hang out with the sculptor and one of his friends in the night (we were supposed to go out on a date and sleep with each other etc.). Instead, after a quick drink of whisky, I came back home to practice with Shoonyas. The practice went okay. But soon enough, I suddenly started missing Vinokur once again. It's really a pain to know that he's just one click away. But I'm not logging on Skype. I feel it's too early to start talking to each other.

Instead, I'll try to sleep - hoping that tomorrow's gig will keep be occupied until late night.

The 12 days of Christmas

I just watched this Indian version of the 12 days of Christmas on You Tube. It was very funny but, it didn't make me laugh all that much. Nothing would, I guess after what transpired in the last few days in my life. When I fell in and out love and relationships, when I finally broke-up with Vinokur. I'm happy and sad at the same time and have been keeping away from this rather public blog so as to get some more time to get used to the enormity of the changes in my life. I guess I have come far enough to blog about it. So, here's MY 12 days* of Christmas.

1. Sunday, Dec 14: The guitar class went great. I felt confident while imparting the knowledge that I had. So, too did the jam session with Noise Market. We are in the new-song-writing mode. One of the guys that I found out of the personals sites meets up with me at the Humsafar high and we go on to have a wonderful conversation and then sex. Felt wonderful having sex after a long time!
   
2. Monday, Dec 15: The legal consultations and the band managment is taking a lot of time out of my schedule. One of my new-friends is a lawyer from Australia and we are hitting off big time on the interent - he's literary, articulate, funny and an amazing racounteur. Despite the fact that Shoonyas have two live shows coming up this week, we aren't practicing all that much.
   
3. Tuesday, Dec 16: Ever since I have chosen to use the openness of the relationship that I and Vinokur were having, I have been getting a lot of responses from the personals sites. A few of these men seem to be very interesting. One especially so - A Gujju guy with flim-star (older) looks who wants a relationship is trying to get to me. He changed his ring-tone to a romantic one just for me!
   
4. Wednesday, Dec 17: I go for my first ever job interview - as a content editor at KPO which deals with medical research. I gave the test and am sure that they will call me up for an interview soon. Shoonyas has a very lukewarm gig a Not Just Jazz by the Bay. The crowd has been on the downside after the terror attacks. Although I and Rob battled throat infections, we had fun. (For those interested, check out Facebook/Orkut to see pics).
   
5. Thursday, Dec 18: Shoonyas played at the Ruia Colleg for a Peace concert in commemmoration of the victims of the terror attack. We were interviewed on IBN Lokmat TV channel and our shows were broadcast a couple of days later. It was a awe-inspiring experience. 300 odd Ruia-ites lighting candles when the night was still young. They sang in chorus! My best gig ever!
   
6. Friday, Dec 19: Another day passes by managing the legal wrangles for Noise Market. We are getting closer and closer to the finalisation the addendum to the contract. I have fun at the Birthday party of a GB friend (again, pics on Facebook) by playing guitar and jamming with the crowd. It's amazing that the gang of 'straight' friends from my friend's office were more fun than their fag counterparts. I also meet this wonderful lady at the party who sang like a professional! Incredible experience!
   
7. Saturday, Dec 20: My interview with the KPO goes well. They seem to be a little bothered about the fact that my gigs/concerts might call for more leaves/offs. I meet this Gujju guy and have a wondeful time with him. We have lunch at a hotel and then go for shopping for a set of Kurtha Pajama - I have to attend a wedding reception in the evening - the wedding of a family friend's son. After the shopping, we head of to the Gujju guys apartment make passionate love. To my utmost amazement, he offers to be with me for the wedding reception in the evening. We have the most amazing time in bed after that. I feel dizzy when I'm coming home - is this a future prospect for a relationship? Vinokur has already started feeling the discomfort. I know how it must hurt - but I still confide in him and keep the honesty intact.
   
8. Sunday, Dec 21: I have a busy day with Noise Market pratice and my student. Once I got free, my destination - the Gujju guy. I go over to his place and we talk - we talk for hours. We know we are falling in love with each other - but we can't. The gujju guy makes the most wonderful tasting meal for me and feeds me in a most romantic setting. By midnight, I start feeling that maybe I need to take the decision that I have been holding off from taking all this time - breaking up with Vinokur. The gujju guy says goodbye and says that we won't meet until I'm 'free'. I come home and talk it out with Vinokur. I feel that I'm the most wretched person on the surface of the planet but I manage to say what I said. We decide to call our wonderful relationships quits. It was darn hard, but we do it. Vinokur assures me that he'll be there for me if I need him. I feel relieved, I feel anxious.
   
9. Monday, Dec 22: I talk to Gujju guy about this and he freaks out. He says that he has thought it over and we can't be seeing each other any more - he cites some 'incompatibilities' in personalities as the reason. I feel that I am losing out on another relationship because of my 'near-virtual' relationship. He wants me to patch up with Vinokur and forget about him. I talk to Vinokur about it who seems to be happy to have me back but indicates clearly how humiliated he felt when he was 'dumped' for another person in so little time. We think it over, talk it over. It seesm obvious - our relationship can't go on like this. I will be seeing other people, getting attracted to them and maybe falling in love. If we are still 'lovers', then things are bound to be complicated. Hence, we decide to call it quits once an for all. The wonderful 1 and half year relationship - the most wonderful time in my life comes to an end - I and Vinokur aren't lovers anymore. We won't keep in touch at least until we get readjusted to reality. It hurts, more than you can imagine. But I'm glad we took this decision.
   
10. Tuesday, Dec 23: I am feeling odd but music seems to distract me. I try to get back to the Gujju guy who's hurt that I'm trying to force him to reconsider. He pleads with me to stop. But I'm worried about him because he's alone and he's hypertensive etc. He assures me that I'll get to know if something happens to him. Other than that, my friends are there to help me - especially the Professor. In the evening, I get invited to the in-house party at the sculptor's. I meet a few new older men in there. We have alcohol and I get insanely drunk. I was stupid enough to do that on an empty stomach and as a result I threw up later on in the night. But at least, the first night is over with!
    
11. Wednesday, Dec 24: The third leg of my job-interview is over - still positive. I visit the family-friend's place and share my worries regarding my Mom and Dad planning to visit me in Mumbai. He's my Mom's best friend since childhood and he, unlike my relatives, is more realistic about life. He and I bond (he's a very nice guy, I have felt) and agree to meet more often and to help each other in managing my Mom and Dad when they do visit. By evening, it's the birthday party of Dr. R! I was invited to be the surprise for the party and I travel all the way across Mumbai to celebrate the party her fiance's. Wonderful family, they were. Later on, we have dinner at a restaurant - I start missing Vinokur badly. I want to get away and start crying. I don't get to do that and I am relieved by a longish conversation with the Professor.
    
12. Thursday, Dec 25: It's Christmas day and I get up rather late. Noise Market practice session becomes a memorable one as we work on a classical guitar motif that I had composed the other day. That shaped up to be rather different, more mature sounding pop-rock song. Evening time's the worst - I plan to meet a new guy - he was busy. I ring up the sculptor for a dinner-conversation date. It's just wonderful to talk to him - he used to be counsellor at the Humsafar. We have a wonderful mallu meal at restaurant and then walk back home. I am not quite sure if he was looking forward to having sex. I decide that the next time I'll make the move.

For all those who stood by me through the last year or so - especially people like the Well Wisher in NYC - thanks a lot!

And lastly, Vinokur - I know you will be reading this - hold on my dear! Let's just wade it across this time period. Soon, we'll start talking to each other - as friends - and until then, take care of yourself. Okay? We all love you!

(*The real 12 days of Christmas start on the 25th - I know! But this is MY 12 days of Christmas. Please do forgive!)

My first student

Tomorrow morning, I'm going to have my first official guitar student. This time, it's bass guitar student. He is Rob's cousin and is already playing in a band. But he wants to get better.

This is such a big event for me that I'm getting a little worried about it. I spent a lot of time reading up some bass tutorials on the internet to make sure that I knew all the terminologies and explanations to how/why bass guitar is to be played.

I'm friggin' tired too. Today was another brainstorming session for Noise Market. And I had to attend the engagement of one of the nicest persons that I have come to meet during phase of my life in the company of Xander. I'm heading to bed as soon as I hit enter here. So, wish me luck guys!

(PS: Did you know that Gujju faces were the prototypes of emoticons/smileys - they are so frigging rounded!)

My friend's birthday party

Today was so hectic that I don't believe what I ended up doing. I was invited to judge a rock-band competition in a nearby college by Tim. I and him were the judges. After this, Shoonyas were performing. This entire thing took about 6 hours of my day during which I was not able to do the co-ordinator functions of Noise Market properly.

This led to an unfortunate confusion which caused the postponement of a big Noise Market meeting. We finally had to meet later on in the evening to discuss out the ways to approach our situation with the record label. The discussion was very good - it almost re-injected life into the band which will start rehearsing this weekend.

But this denied me the opportunity to be with my college mates 30th birhtday party. He had been very good to me over the last couple of months. Inviting me for parties and taking me to movies etc. Because of the meeting, I couldn't attend his birthday party (for which Shoonyas were stated to play - later got cancelled because of lack of some clearance). I feel bad about this. But I guess, life makes us do weird things.

Busy days

I don't know how fast time flies these days. In the last 4 days or so, I haven't cooked anything (and I haven't eaten all that much as well), haven't watched cricket, haven't read newspapers and haven't even turned on the TV. The job hunt is already keeping me busy. Add to that the responsibilities of being the co-ordinator in two bands, one of which is playing 4 gigs in about 10 days.

It's not Noise Market of course. Noise Market is going through that phase of introspection. We are just going on figuring out if what we are doing with it. The record label still keeps on making deadlines and promises which would be broken again. We have been thinking hard about what to do to put an end to it. And, we are still nowhere near conclusion.

Apart from that, I'm starting to look up profiles on personals sites to see if there are interesting men who I could hang out and have sex with. But this time, it's not for money. Being a 'hustler' was a concept which just managed to last for a day, thanks to everyone in my life (including you bloggers). This hunt is to just help me enjoy the physical apects of being in a relationship which I'm not able to enjoy because of the fact that I and Vinokur are separtated by a few gazillion gallons of saline.

It's not going to be easy. People change. People get attracted to people. And this might be happening to me with some right person. Vinokur is very worried about something changing our relationship the way that we know it now. I know it. I know that I shouldn't hurt him and we both agree that we shouldn't let that be something which imprisons me from enjoying my life when I'm still young.

New horizon

The exams are over and I'm hunting for a job. It's almost like I'm turning over a new leaf in my life. Noise Market met up after Jodi came back from his wedding. It was fun to be back. Though our present circumstances leave us far from the state of happiness, getting back together felt good.

The day before yesterday, we had met for E-boi's birthday party. This was after the meeting with a young and engrgetic manager for the band. We celebrated a rather weird birthday party with the cake being cut in the apartment and all of us including Sumo going out for a dinner at a chinese joint nearby. It was wonderful eating something cultured again.

A new article

I wanted to write something on the way the media has fucked up the coverage on the terror attacks. I procrastinated long and hard, had an online debate with the Professor and decided to finally write something. The efforts (with some typos - I'm sorry) can be seen here.

It's coinicidental that my sister told me today that a job at writing for a magazine or something might be good for me. She thinks that I write well and I might be gifted in it.

The hunt becomes complex

It's really not funny when you think about the situation that I am in. I have spent the best part of my adult life working in hospitals while harboring a passion for something which could be labelled as nothing more than a hobby in our nation. Actually, music was never a hobby in my life and I have come to realize that it has possessed me more than anything else ever has.

When you start thinking about finding a job which will keep you involved with music with a touch of creativity so that your passion for writing and performing music can be sustatined along with it, it becomes far more complex. Especially because all you have been doing in your life has been attending to patients and their complaints in outpatient departments, wards and operation theatres.

Preparing a curriculum vitae, for example, becomes tough. I have been going through a few resumes of my friends to see what has been written in them and I have found that they seem to have had projects and assignments in their multiple jobs which they could elaborate upon; things like leadership, organizational capability, communication skills, team work and all that. Technically, I too have had experiences in this - while managing patients in the hospital. When it comes to sprucing up my resume, its considerably harder.

That exactly is what I along with my friends are doing for the last couple of days. When this rather innovative CV is completed, I'm hoping to apply for jobs which will utilise my skills at creative writing as well. Music and creative writing - the combination sounds good, doesn't it? But where? At a publication like Rolling Stone magazine? At a record label where I could prepare write ups for bands? At a life-style section in a newspaper writing about the up and coming gigs?

The right CV can take you places, I have heard. But am I a little too optimistic?

The first interview

Using a hastily prepared but decent looking resume, I went for my first ever job interview at a distinguished private hospital yesterday. It felt a little weird being in formals and putting on a show like an earnest fresher surgeon especially because my longish hair had been ruffled from it's preset position by the wet look look gel that I use due to the breeze during the transit from the apartment to the hospital.

I must clarify that I did not feel like I was faking the entire thing. A part of me still feels like a surgeon who can start working and perhaps make my way up. I would obviously feel much better if I had a tag of a full-time job working in a hospital. But the downpoint (in this position as well as most that are on offer in the private hospitals) is that I would have to work more than 100 hours a day with 24 hour shifts every alternate day. This would mean that I will have to forfeit my entire other life.

I'm disappointed to realize that I can't probably do 'work' in the field that I have graduated in while continuing my ambitious efforts in music. This has led me to the conclusion that such a heavy round the clock job at a hospital would have to a last resort. Right now, with a E-boi and Jay (from Noise Market) I'm trying to prepare a CV with which I will try to hunt for jobs in the music and creative fields. The next step will be something like a call-center job.

Today I am going to speak to a big music instrument vendor to see if I can get a job in one of their shops. Such a job has the advantage of giving me a lot of time with guitars even during work and probably meet a lot of industry persons. I am planning to start tutoring guitar soon probably at home too. It will be funny to try an explain everything to my parents as to why a surgeon should work in a shop and sell guitars. Ironic, it is.

Why Dostana is a must-miss movie

I don't know if I even qualify to give a critique on Dostana - I couldn't stand it. I walked out of the near deserted theatre yesterday, 5 minutes into the interval. The reason might just be that in the last few months, I've been keeping myself from watching anything but classics from Hollywood apart from those that I watched at the GB film festival and Humsafar highs.

Dostana as a movie is simply bad. I couldn't see anything which was good enough from the movie critic point of view. Bad acting, bad direction, bad screenplay, tepid humor - all ensured that I spent the time that I was in the theatre surfing and checking e-mail. John Abraham's butt was by far the most emotive amongst his body parts and I was reminded of an episode of Will and Grace where Jack plays a butt-double for a famous Hollywood actor during a shower scene.

I actually liked the Boman Irani character - which I thought was a dig at Meryl Streep's role in the Devil Wears Prada. Despite his character being effeminate and rather homo-sexual, he had the guile of an 'actor' to pull it off well. I haven't watched 'Fashion' yet and I presume I would like it better than this.

From the community standpoint, I suppose it was a positive move from Bollywood. In the campy jokes that fly around, I average homo-agnostic or homo-neutral person would become more familiar our presence. The kind of acceptance given by the Ms. Chopra's and her aunt's characters in the movie is refreshing. I was touched personally by the scene in which the character that plays Abhishek's mother has an epiphany about her 'gay' son.

I guess the other half of the movie has maybe another instance of such an instance which could touch an average gay guy who is comfortable with his sexuality and maybe I should have bothered to go through a couple of dozen pages of the Wikipedia at the theatre to pass time until such a scene surfaces.

After reading the positive reviews about the movie from inside the community, I thought this movie could be the one movie which I could coax my Mom and family watch before I come out to them. Now that I have seen at least half of the movie, I would not even dare to let my sister watch it for purposes of homo-acclimatizing - because it simply isn't a good movie.

Job hunt

I've been very busy these days despite the exams being over. I suppose I am rather 'off' the boil with the blogging scene now that I have been away for a long period now. The terrorist attacks sort of kept be busy at home. They sort of prevented me from going downtown to do the things that I most loved doing - watching movies and hanging out.

Now that I have given the exams, I have the liberty to actually search for job hunts. This involves a lot of time at the job portals and creating your own resume etc. I have never done that. Doctors in India usually don't do that I suppose. Anyway, I have started hunting for both medical and non-medical jobs. I really want to go and something related to music which would give me the flexibility to pursue my music career as well.

But tomorrow, I have an interview - my first ever at a hospital. I've prepared a make-shift resume and gotten it printed out. I am sure I don't have decent enough outfit to wear but I guess I'll have to learn to live with what I have. Lets see what the hunt has in store for me as the treasure.