Jun 10, 2010

Weekend disaster

Last weekend was a disaster. It was a double-day weekend, which occurs every fortnight and I was looking forward to enjoying it doing stuff that I'd normally withdraw myself from. Like going out on movie dates and other dates etc.

The weekend started out with a mood swing triggered my a flood of memories from the past when I visited CST after a long time. That was on Friday evening. I had reached Not Just Jazz By The Bay much earlier than my bandmates from Cirkles - we had a gig there, of course - and I had decided to take a stroll up to CST and see if I could pick up a book or two from my favorite pirated-book vendor. On the way, I passed Sterling and New Empire, which used to be my regular hangout destinations during my residency at the hospital.

To just relive the Sterling experience, I even picked up a Sub from the Subway there. I went to the book vendor and checked out the new books that he had. Not one aroused my interest. Besides, the guilt of not having read a book for a long time played its part. I was disappointed with myself when I walked back to Marine Drive having asked Babloo (the vendor) to get me a copy of Satanic Verses, something that I have been longing to read.

The disappointment prevailed until the gig started. Music triggered happiness and joy as always - especially while doing a rendition of 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' to a packed house at Jazz. It was our (Cirkles') 2nd anniversary bash. I came back home with hope of living a dream weekend that started with a friggin' early movie date with a good friend and fellow blogger. Then came the real disaster.

I woke up late and stood my friend up. He was mad at me and I was angry at myself. My apologies seemed to anger him even further and that hurt. And that triggered my bad mood for the rest of the weekend. I cancelled out three other dates - out of which two were potential 'getting laid' dates.

I didn't go to the gym for both Saturday and Sunday. I skipped meals, stuck to the apartment, and brooded in misery. I said no to all sorts of possible help. That's how crazy I am when I'm depressive. The only way out was to get to work and start interacting with people who care about me. I waited for that and that happened. By Monday evening, I was almost back to normal!

My friends say that I should prevent myself from being alone during these long weekends. Maybe they have a point!

1 comment:

manu said...

Your friends are right. Try not to be alone.Since the topic of books has come up, I have been thinking of telling you to read " The Japanese wife" if you have not read it yet.
It is a short story, not gay, but very very relevant for you and for me. It shows a long distance relationship being kept alive even though the lovers have never seen each other. Maybe in today's world, such madness may not be possible. But what is true love other than a madness. please be very regular with your gym, especially when you are upset. the endorphins can make you feel better you knoe.
take care
love
manoj