Last weekend was a disaster. It was a double-day weekend, which occurs every fortnight and I was looking forward to enjoying it doing stuff that I'd normally withdraw myself from. Like going out on movie dates and other dates etc.
The weekend started out with a mood swing triggered my a flood of memories from the past when I visited CST after a long time. That was on Friday evening. I had reached Not Just Jazz By The Bay much earlier than my bandmates from Cirkles - we had a gig there, of course - and I had decided to take a stroll up to CST and see if I could pick up a book or two from my favorite pirated-book vendor. On the way, I passed Sterling and New Empire, which used to be my regular hangout destinations during my residency at the hospital.
To just relive the Sterling experience, I even picked up a Sub from the Subway there. I went to the book vendor and checked out the new books that he had. Not one aroused my interest. Besides, the guilt of not having read a book for a long time played its part. I was disappointed with myself when I walked back to Marine Drive having asked Babloo (the vendor) to get me a copy of Satanic Verses, something that I have been longing to read.
The disappointment prevailed until the gig started. Music triggered happiness and joy as always - especially while doing a rendition of 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' to a packed house at Jazz. It was our (Cirkles') 2nd anniversary bash. I came back home with hope of living a dream weekend that started with a friggin' early movie date with a good friend and fellow blogger. Then came the real disaster.
I woke up late and stood my friend up. He was mad at me and I was angry at myself. My apologies seemed to anger him even further and that hurt. And that triggered my bad mood for the rest of the weekend. I cancelled out three other dates - out of which two were potential 'getting laid' dates.
I didn't go to the gym for both Saturday and Sunday. I skipped meals, stuck to the apartment, and brooded in misery. I said no to all sorts of possible help. That's how crazy I am when I'm depressive. The only way out was to get to work and start interacting with people who care about me. I waited for that and that happened. By Monday evening, I was almost back to normal!
My friends say that I should prevent myself from being alone during these long weekends. Maybe they have a point!