Jan 29, 2014

Through Love’s Great Power - A Poem by Vikram Seth

Vikram Seth just sent this to the Times of India. It's a poem on the Supreme Court ruling on Section 377, recriminalizing homosexualilty in India.

Through love’s great power to be made whole
In mind and body, heart and soul –
Through freedom to find joy, or be
By dint of joy itself set free
In love and in companionhood:
This is the true and natural good.

To undo justice, and to seek
To quash the rights that guard the weak –
To sneer at love, and wrench apart
The bonds of body, mind and heart
With specious reason and no rhyme:
This is the true unnatural crime.

Vikram Seth

Forward it to those who matter.


Jan 26, 2014

The Relative Insignficance Of Everything

Go to a relatively non-urbanized location. If you are in India and you are reading this, you are likely to be in a city, which would approximately be about 50 km from the ideal location for this. Between 9 pm and 4 am, go to an clearing -- a huge lawn, a playground, a football ground, etc. Go to it's center. Lie down on your back. Stare up. At the sky. Look at the stars, planets, and other celestial objects. Now, imagine this. You are lying on the surface of a miniscule lump of rock, with approximately 30% of the universe in your field of vision.

The sheer vastness of the universe vs. the relative insignicance of the planet, the continent, the country, the state, the region, the locality, and you.

The easiest way to recalibrate your brain. Ever.

Jan 20, 2014

Coping mechanism

Once again, something that I posted on my Tumblr may work well for this blog too.

A good coping mechanism in depression?

When in depression, interact with relative strangers. Here’s why I think it will work. Relative strangers won’t judge you. They also won’t hate you because they don’t know you yet. For the same reason, you usually feel more comfortable with them because you have a chance to make a good impression, hoping that this will temporarily convince them into believing that you are a nice person, which you may or may not be. If you are actually a nice person but you don’t feel like one, or if you aren’t that great to begin with but want to try and become nicer, with the support and the reinforcement that you get from these relative strangers, maybe you can fast track your way to getting out of the hole that you are in. 

Jan 19, 2014


I posted about suicidal depression yesterday on my Tumblr Blog - Neverlast. I think it's apt here as well.

Introspection - in suicidal depression

I suffer from depression. During the worst phases, I feel absolutely worthless being alive. Yes, I have thought about suicide several times, and was on the verge of it twice.
I have been thinking about ways to teach myself not to be stupid and not be unempathic to your loved ones. I irony of this strategy may not work out well when your mind is flooded with negative thoughts, when you won’t feel that your suicidal thoughts are stupid and that what you are about to do will hurt all of the people who you love and love you.
In a recent such suicidal thought spree, I decided to list down the people who I may hurt. All of the ones that sprung immediately into my thoughts had some kind of negative associations linked to them - e.g., family, boyfriend, ex-es, childhood friends, friends. All of them would hurt, but in ways that can be compensated by them realizing that I was a worthless piece of shit after all.
Then one image started floating, soon followed by some others, and all of them were similar to each other in an unexpected, strange way. All of these “people”were different from those who I mentioned earlier in some way that matters to me.
I started wondering what the underlying commonality in them all? Of course, all of them would hurt if I took my life. However, their hurt for what I did would be too unbearable for me - that is, just thinking about these wonderful “people” hurting because of me made me feel guilty about what I was planning on doing.
Although it is somewhat complicated, but still logical in my fucked up brain. And it worked!

Jan 17, 2014

Don't Stress

People often tell me that I should not stress so much. When most of the stress is caused by the uncertainty associated with miscommunication and lack of punctuality, I don't see a frigging way out

The irony is that some of those who tell me to stop involving with people who don't communicate well and aren't punctual aren't punctual/communicative themselves. What the hell am I supposed to do with them, especially if you are dependent on them for something or the other - love, work, music, friendship, etc.

I often times get caught up with stuff - and it's very easy to get stuck with stuff in a chaotic metropole like Mumbai. But, almost always, I make it a point to communicate early, with clarity and without ambiguity as to the fact that I may be late. Darn, I even give them an approximate time that I'd be able to make and revise that time if something changes.

I wish people would strive to be better communicators.

Jan 16, 2014

The Eight Qualities of Cultured People - from Brain Pikcings

If you haven't come across BrainPickings.org, this is a good time for it. I was introduced to it by J, my partner. Every day, on Brain Pickings, I come across such interesting articles of creativity, books, philosophy, better ways to live our lives, etc.

Today, for example, I stumbled on an article: Anton Chekhov on the 8 Qualities of Cultured People. Most of the article resonates with me and my principles. However, the following points need further mention:
They respect human personality, and therefore they are always kind, gentle, polite, and ready to give in to others. They do not make a row because of a hammer or a lost piece of india-rubber; if they live with anyone they do not regard it as a favour and, going away, they do not say “nobody can live with you.” They forgive noise and cold and dried-up meat and witticisms and the presence of strangers in their homes.
My myriad of idiosyncrasies, neuroses, and depression prevent me from being able to follow this advice.
If they have a talent they respect it. They sacrifice to it rest, women, wine, vanity…. They are proud of their talent…. Besides, they are fastidious.
This is very true for me. Even in my relationship, I sacrifice many things to my love for music and learning.

What is needed is constant work, day and night, constant reading, study, will…. Every hour is precious for it…. Come to us, smash the vodka bottle, lie down and read…. Turgenev, if you like, whom you have not read.
This, I'm able to do - not for reading, but for learning and working on my music. My friends, especially J, complains that I drive myself into too much stress with this. I disagree. This is how I do what I do best - try and reform myself and my skills.

Jan 15, 2014

What a disappointment!

On my fifth evening of my visit home for my Mom's minor eye surgery, my father reinforced my mental image about him - as an ill-educated, conservative, uncaring tyrant.

After slyly asking me when I would be returning to Kerala next, he asked me, "I know you have said no previously, but marriage proposals are still coming in. Why don't you get married?"

To this, I said that I'm disappointed at this question and that I thought he had understood what homosexuality is.

He said, "Many people in our family have suffered from this condition?"

I asked him, "What? Homosexuality?"

He said, "Infertility."

I told him, "It's because of people like you that people of alternative sexual orientation commit suicide."

He said, "It will be good for you and solve many of your problems." By problems, he meant depression, which he thinks is caused by loneliness.

I said, "I have my partner now and I'm perfectly satisfied with that."

He had that evil, bull-shitty smile which screamed "You fool!" as a response. What a disappointment of a father!

All throughout this, my Mom was caring and smiling and was agreeing to what I was saying.

She deserves respect. My Dad does not. Period.