Vinokur wrote this poem way back in 1968 when he was in Mexico. It's about getting stone drunk (or other states in which you have practically lost your self control and conscience) and could have done something potentially disastrous. This is a kind of an apologetic plea.
The reason why I am posting it on my blog is because this is the first poem/lyric that I have worked on - to put melody/arrangement/record etc. - in about a year's time. Besides, I think I'm working on mothering our first child - the first among a few brown/white children that would beat the living hell out of the Brangelina progeny.
I think we need a name for such kids - how about Vinokris children?
The Prayer Inside This Song (Vinokur/Bass)
Please, friend, please -
I think I did no wrong.
But if I did, forgive me -
That's the prayer inside this song.
I'm trying to remember
Just what went down before.
Yesterday was madness
And this morning's bringing more.
Someone, tell me please,
What did I do or say,
That - in this phase of after-craze,
Makes worries for today?
Who was that I talked to?
What was that I said?
It seems some kind of miracle
That I'm alive, not dead.
They say I talk to much -
They say I've lost control -
But, if I can't be honest,
I'd rather fill a hole.
If I can't talk my mind, friend,
Why should I talk at all?
And if the truth is what they mean
By having "lost control",
Well - if I can't be honest, friend,
I'd rather fill a hole.
If I can't be honest,
I'd rather fill a hole.
Please, friend, please -
I think I did no wrong.
But if I did, forgive me -
That's the prayer inside this song.
The prayer inside this song....
The prayer inside this song....
Is - if I did, forgive me, friend....
That's the prayer inside this song.
Good or Bad
It's been so long since I heard from you
Are you there, alive and well?
Or are you playing with me and my mind
Maybe you are doing something that's holding you back
Does it help to know that I care for you?
That I'm here, waiting in hell
That I'm just hoping that you'll be kind
Maybe I did do something that made you show your back
It's so hard to tell
it's painful enough already
You know very well
At least I think you do
If you weren't lying
There's another side to this, you know
That I like being alone, in pain
Just knowing that I'm meant to be hurt
That I'm doing something that's pleasure in pain
My life was etched that way, in the past
To be ridiculed and laughed at
Just because I was what I am, my bad
That forced me to feel it was good to be bad
It's so hard to tell
If I'm really good or bad
I wish you would have known by now
That I'm a bastard, and I need you(r) bad
Are you there, alive and well?
Or are you playing with me and my mind
Maybe you are doing something that's holding you back
Does it help to know that I care for you?
That I'm here, waiting in hell
That I'm just hoping that you'll be kind
Maybe I did do something that made you show your back
It's so hard to tell
it's painful enough already
You know very well
At least I think you do
If you weren't lying
There's another side to this, you know
That I like being alone, in pain
Just knowing that I'm meant to be hurt
That I'm doing something that's pleasure in pain
My life was etched that way, in the past
To be ridiculed and laughed at
Just because I was what I am, my bad
That forced me to feel it was good to be bad
It's so hard to tell
If I'm really good or bad
I wish you would have known by now
That I'm a bastard, and I need you(r) bad
The End
My life has been transcribed by Eddie Vedder in the latest Pearl Jam album.
The End (Eddie Vedder)
What were all those dreams we shared
Those many years ago?
What were all those plans we made
Now left beside the road?
Behind us in the road
More than friends I always pledged
Cause friends they come and go
People change as does everything
I wanted to grow old
Just want to grow old
Slide on next to me
I’m just a human being
I will take the blame
Bust just the same
This is not me
You see
Believe
I’m better than this
Don’t leave me so cold
Or buried beneath the stones
I just want to hold on
And know I’m worth your love
Enough
I don’t think
There’s such a thing
It’s my fault, Now I been caught
A sickness in my bones
How it pains to leave you here
With the kids on your own
Just don’t let me go
Help me see myself
Cause I can no longer tell
Looking out from the inside of
The bottom of a well
I yell
It’s hell
But no one hears
Before I disappear
Whisper in my ear
Give me something to echo
In my unknown futures ear
My dear
The End
Comes near
I’m here
But not much longer
The End (Eddie Vedder)
What were all those dreams we shared
Those many years ago?
What were all those plans we made
Now left beside the road?
Behind us in the road
More than friends I always pledged
Cause friends they come and go
People change as does everything
I wanted to grow old
Just want to grow old
Slide on next to me
I’m just a human being
I will take the blame
Bust just the same
This is not me
You see
Believe
I’m better than this
Don’t leave me so cold
Or buried beneath the stones
I just want to hold on
And know I’m worth your love
Enough
I don’t think
There’s such a thing
It’s my fault, Now I been caught
A sickness in my bones
How it pains to leave you here
With the kids on your own
Just don’t let me go
Help me see myself
Cause I can no longer tell
Looking out from the inside of
The bottom of a well
I yell
It’s hell
But no one hears
Before I disappear
Whisper in my ear
Give me something to echo
In my unknown futures ear
My dear
The End
Comes near
I’m here
But not much longer
Pearl Jam - Just Breathe (Backspacer)
Yesterday, for a brief period of a couple of hours - I got out of my blues enough to download the new albums by my favorite bands. Listening to Backspacer now. Beautiful. "Just Breathe" has almost brought me down to tears.
Just Breathe (Eddie Vedder)
Yes I understand that every life must end, aw huh,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw huh,..
I’m a lucky man to count on both hands
The ones I love,..
Some folks just have one,
Others they got none, aw huh,..
Stay with me,..
Let’s just breathe.
Practiced are my sins,
Never gonna let me win, aw huh,..
Under everything, just another human being, aw huh,..
Yeh, I don’t wanna hurt, there’s so much in this world
To make me bleed.
Stay with me,..
You’re all I see.
Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean.
I wonder everyday
as I look upon your face, aw huh,..
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take, aw huh,..
Nothing you would take,..
Everything you gave.
Did I say that I need you?
Oh, Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see,..
No one know this more than me.
As I come clean.
Nothing you would take,..
everything you gave.
Hold me till I die,..
Meet you on the other side.
The Right to Not be Polite on the Phone
I have had a history of being rude on the phone. I know that I have been - according to social standards. But don't I have the right to be pissed about somebody intruding your privacy forcing you to react and comment to questions and thoughts?
Think of it this way. You are tired, have just slipped out of your clothes, and are trying to sleep. Would you want to be disturbed - even when its your mother/lover/child is calling you? Wouldn't you want this person to understand and fuck off?
The privacy that you have is the time when you let your conscious social mind sleep. Where you can sleep naked throwing away all the societal clothes that you are forced to wear. How would you like it if you were woken up every now and then? Now, imagine the person who's doing it. Let this be someone that you really don't care shit about. Hold on, it's not because that person is lowly - just that we fucking don't have the time.
Don't we have the right to sleep - the right to be alone, not needing to speak with someone and react righteously? If yes, why am I labelled as being rude? Why don't people let me sleep? I don't want to dress up for a person that I don't really have the time to care about. And its fair.
Think of it this way. You are tired, have just slipped out of your clothes, and are trying to sleep. Would you want to be disturbed - even when its your mother/lover/child is calling you? Wouldn't you want this person to understand and fuck off?
The privacy that you have is the time when you let your conscious social mind sleep. Where you can sleep naked throwing away all the societal clothes that you are forced to wear. How would you like it if you were woken up every now and then? Now, imagine the person who's doing it. Let this be someone that you really don't care shit about. Hold on, it's not because that person is lowly - just that we fucking don't have the time.
Don't we have the right to sleep - the right to be alone, not needing to speak with someone and react righteously? If yes, why am I labelled as being rude? Why don't people let me sleep? I don't want to dress up for a person that I don't really have the time to care about. And its fair.
27 to 30
27 to 30 - about the phase of life between 27 years and 30 years, when I'm 27 days to becoming 30 years old.
27 to 30
Stop, rewind. Slow it down.
Play. Pause. There, do you see?
What? I can't believe it.
Is that me, are you sure?
Hope, happiness, and a life ahead
Pride, loneliness, not a fear of what's ahead
Unpause. Play. Slow it down.
Hey. Pause. There, do you see?
Where am I? What's happened to me?
Why do I look sad and lost?
Fear, pain, and truckload of demons
Scars, sadness, and life to forget.
Play. Fast forward. Don't stop. Ever. Off.
27 to 30
Stop, rewind. Slow it down.
Play. Pause. There, do you see?
What? I can't believe it.
Is that me, are you sure?
Hope, happiness, and a life ahead
Pride, loneliness, not a fear of what's ahead
Unpause. Play. Slow it down.
Hey. Pause. There, do you see?
Where am I? What's happened to me?
Why do I look sad and lost?
Fear, pain, and truckload of demons
Scars, sadness, and life to forget.
Play. Fast forward. Don't stop. Ever. Off.
Lessons of life
Life's really your first and only school, and it is quite an average public school - albeit, with with audio-visual lessons. You really can't graduate out of it. There is no structure, a vast majority of the tests are unexpected, and the peer pressure is tremendous because of the 6.5 billion competition. And honestly, there is hardly anyone who understands the syllabus well enough to guide you when you repeatedly flunk a test.
There are good parts too. The lack of structure means that you are never really late for anything. Text books aren't really defined - you can pick up any random topic anytime - and there our minds double up as note books, thus eliminating those weighty backpacks. Furthermore, you can't really cram for tests, and the preparation (and a few of the elective tests themselves) can sometimes be well thought out and planned. The possibilities for study groups and their members is enormous.
The irony, however, is that these good parts shows on the screens of only who masticate, swallow, and digest the bad parts. For them, life can be the most wonderful amalgamation comprising parts of romantic comedies, sit-coms, tragedies, drama, action-thrillers, avant garde films,documentaries etc. You might need to choose your popcorn flavor and find a nice cozy mental recliner couch to view from. Yes, life's playing at your own personal screens and you need to find ways to enjoy it.
I think I'm one of these lucky ones who have an alimentary system analogous to the cow-folk. Yes I have frequent regurgitation and I belch a lot. Just one wish though - I wish my screen played a little bit more of happier parts. Rom-com parts too. Who has the remote?
There are good parts too. The lack of structure means that you are never really late for anything. Text books aren't really defined - you can pick up any random topic anytime - and there our minds double up as note books, thus eliminating those weighty backpacks. Furthermore, you can't really cram for tests, and the preparation (and a few of the elective tests themselves) can sometimes be well thought out and planned. The possibilities for study groups and their members is enormous.
The irony, however, is that these good parts shows on the screens of only who masticate, swallow, and digest the bad parts. For them, life can be the most wonderful amalgamation comprising parts of romantic comedies, sit-coms, tragedies, drama, action-thrillers, avant garde films,documentaries etc. You might need to choose your popcorn flavor and find a nice cozy mental recliner couch to view from. Yes, life's playing at your own personal screens and you need to find ways to enjoy it.
I think I'm one of these lucky ones who have an alimentary system analogous to the cow-folk. Yes I have frequent regurgitation and I belch a lot. Just one wish though - I wish my screen played a little bit more of happier parts. Rom-com parts too. Who has the remote?
Weed out your garden
Everyone's life is in the process of being lost due to a lack of direction, motivation, and a tendency to stagnate. You may say that I'm a cynic, but I'm not the only one. If you indulge in some sort of art, like I do (music), the onus is on you to prevent this from happening. Keeping company with an intelligent group of people you selectively retain after careful weeding helps in your life.
I find it increasingly suffocating to be hanging around with people having musical egos, who don't have a structured approach to dealing with music, and those who don't have a musical goal or are failing in any attempts (mostly none) to reach it. For example, I would much rather be alone in a busy train listening to inspiring music by geniuses (like Alanis Morissette, in my life right now) than stay in a cab full of feigned, pointless conversation about how good/bad a gig/band was.
You might also say that I'm a bitch, but I'm probably one of the few with balls enough to realize, accept and execute this ideal. This, I believe, is universal - to avoid bad people/things in your life. But just keep this in mind: 'bad' is relative and there is every chance that I'm 'bad' for your life. So avoid me, if you must - for your life is your garden, after all, and it's better to start picking and weeding it in springtime.
I find it increasingly suffocating to be hanging around with people having musical egos, who don't have a structured approach to dealing with music, and those who don't have a musical goal or are failing in any attempts (mostly none) to reach it. For example, I would much rather be alone in a busy train listening to inspiring music by geniuses (like Alanis Morissette, in my life right now) than stay in a cab full of feigned, pointless conversation about how good/bad a gig/band was.
You might also say that I'm a bitch, but I'm probably one of the few with balls enough to realize, accept and execute this ideal. This, I believe, is universal - to avoid bad people/things in your life. But just keep this in mind: 'bad' is relative and there is every chance that I'm 'bad' for your life. So avoid me, if you must - for your life is your garden, after all, and it's better to start picking and weeding it in springtime.
Forgotten facets
I seem to have forgotten what it's like not to think about anything at all - like staring out of the bus watching faces, buildings, and landscapes fly by. I seem to have forgotten what it's like to come bach home and not have an agenda to follow - like find something interesting on television and watching it. I seem to have forgotten that the time that you spend for eating is not something that should be avoided to fit in for variables - like late buses and traffic jams.
I also seem to have forgotten how what it is to live with happiness. Coincidence?
I also seem to have forgotten how what it is to live with happiness. Coincidence?
The case of Artists vs. Audience
So you are an artist - a musician, a photographer, a painter. You have fun doing your thing and the product, or in the other words the 'final' product, is supposed to showcase to the world the thought that went inside your synapses when your were making it. This final product apparently has the charm to win over a million hearts, thereby catapulting you to the fame and acknowledgement that you richly deserve. Sounds good. Sounds fair too. But what about the world?
The world's turning around in a frenzy, almost chasing it's own tail. And its inhabitants are busier that a humming bird's wings trying to make ends meet. Most of the world really cannot stop and stare at a painting, a photo, a song, or a poem and figure out the brilliant neuronal foreplay which climaxed in the final product. Apart from time being at a premium, majority of the world isn't wired like the artist - not even like AN artist. The world too is right!
So the artist complains to the world 'You are not being kind to me. You don't even find time to appreciate my final product and and pass on some comments. Unfair!' The world says 'Honestly, it's not that I don't care. First, I don't find time. Besides, I don't even get your art. I can't understand it. So why are you complaining?'
The court decides that artists and the world come to a truce under under the following reason: artists should go back and enjoy the process of making art! Let the product be a by-product.
On a similar note - why is it a given that art has to be appreciated equally by everyone? What if the masterpieces are just hyped up? Who decides what is good, and hence should be appreciated and emulated?
The world's turning around in a frenzy, almost chasing it's own tail. And its inhabitants are busier that a humming bird's wings trying to make ends meet. Most of the world really cannot stop and stare at a painting, a photo, a song, or a poem and figure out the brilliant neuronal foreplay which climaxed in the final product. Apart from time being at a premium, majority of the world isn't wired like the artist - not even like AN artist. The world too is right!
So the artist complains to the world 'You are not being kind to me. You don't even find time to appreciate my final product and and pass on some comments. Unfair!' The world says 'Honestly, it's not that I don't care. First, I don't find time. Besides, I don't even get your art. I can't understand it. So why are you complaining?'
The court decides that artists and the world come to a truce under under the following reason: artists should go back and enjoy the process of making art! Let the product be a by-product.
On a similar note - why is it a given that art has to be appreciated equally by everyone? What if the masterpieces are just hyped up? Who decides what is good, and hence should be appreciated and emulated?
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