It started out with two conversations yesterday. One with someone I love and another with someone I’m supposed to love. Both tread over my mental minefield seemingly without a care. Whiplashes and big gashes. I was hurt and suddenly had lost faith in everything.
It was plain obvious – no smile, no spark, no positivity. Some I know from far far away tried to pick me up and make me feel better. He succeeded marginally. But what really helped was a a few of hours of sleep, albeit light, in the background of some eclectic music (loud).
I woke up early, almost having forgotten what had happened the previous night. I managed to make a lot of out the precious early morning. Then, went to work. The entire day was exceptionally productive. And on my way back, I tweeted – “ Time to give an extremely productive day an ending that it deserves. Don't you dare to spoil it now!”
No sooner had I reached home, there was an e-mail waiting for me – which broke me down completely. Then there was someone else on Skype who did his bit. And finally, I went to the chat room that I hang out usually, where I received some scathing comments under the pretext of humor. I ran out of the room scared.
I have never felt worse all year. Is this another episode of clinical depression that has been otherwise well managed by my medications? Only time will tell.